Blake reminded them again of the proper safety steps to take. She and Tucker both answered with unrestrained impatience. Finally Blake checked the screens one last time. Looking into each of their excited eyes, he turned the handle and allowed them to step foot into the corridor to the surface for the first time since entering the bunker.
Kris’s heart raced. She couldn’t wait to breathe in that fresh, crisp air. Holding Tucker’s gloved hand, she felt his excitement in his quivering fingers...or was it her shaking? Blake had motioned them to stay there while he checked the area.
“I can’t believe we’re really going above ground!” Tucker squealed quietly.
“Me either.” She hugged her son to her, hoping that something wouldn’t happen now to keep this moment from happening. Half of her feared that they wouldn’t actually make it up there, that Blake might find something he didn’t like and send them back into the stiff, lifeless air of the bunker.
“The flakes are massive,” Blake said as he lifted the hatched door and smiled down at them. “You’ve got to come see this.”
Kris’s legs shook and wobbled as she walked up the steep steps behind Tucker. The fresh air whooshed through the open hatch, filling her senses with pure delight. Each step she took she feared the dream would end.
Yet, as her boot crunched on snow at the top, she assured herself she was actually above ground, breathing in real fresh air, seeing the cloud-filled sky, and feeling actual cold wetness of snowflakes landing on her upturned face.
“Good present?” Blake’s whispered words warmed her neck, a tantalizing difference from the crisp and frigid air.
“The best,” she whispered, kissing him lightly before closing her eyes and focusing on the sensation of the snowflakes melting on her face.
“I caught one on my tongue!” Tucker giggled and ran around in the snow. “Let’s make a snowman and a snow angel and have a snowball fight!”
“Slow down, Sweetie.” I want to soak this in. A snowball blasted against her side in a poof of fresh powder. “Hey!”
Tucker giggled as he gathered another handful of snow and lobbed it at her again.
“Oh, you think you have skills?” Blake intervened. “I’ll teach you to attack my wife,” he teased as he swooped down to scoop up an armful of snow and chase Tucker.
The delightful, pure joy that bubbled forth from her son filled Kris with even more peace than the fresh air and expanse of nature around her. She clung to that thought, knowing she would need this memory to get her through the next few months.
She wasn’t allowed to get lost in that thought though, for the next moment Blake swept her up and then preceded to run with her through the snow with Tucker chasing after them, squealing in delight.
~*~
They stayed above ground until their growling tummies threatened to eat them alive. Still, no one really wanted to go back. Blake had brought them both into his arms before opening the hatch.
“Thank you. This time out here will help get me through the next couple of months.” Kris reached up and kissed him.
“Yeah, this is the best Christmas ever.” Tucker hugged them both in a family hug.
His statement left Kris blinking back tears. Even with the world falling apart, their lives succumbed to living underground, having no one other children to play with, her son still thought this the best Christmas ever.
Now as she made lunch for them, she wondered if maybe she needed to reframe her way of thinking. Maybe during this period of time, socialization and being around other kids wasn’t as important. She didn’t know, but she was grateful for her optimistic, positive son. He made this trial so much easier to push through.
She grabbed the counter as she wavered and her stomach threatened to rebel. The smell of the food sent her over the edge. She must have waited too long to eat. Yet, how could she not have stayed outside until she absolutely had to crawl back underground?
She served the food to her boys who inhaled it while she picked at her plate. She did her best to make a good show of eating though the food didn’t sit well in her. When they boys were almost finished, she excused herself to the bathroom. Now was the time to pull out the surprises she had stored away after she found out they would be here for months.
In the cramped bathroom, she opened the cupboard where she kept the extra toilet paper and feminine hygiene products. She stood on the toilet to get a better line of sight into the high cupboard. Immediately she found one package—a just add water cookie dough dessert. She sifted around looking for the freeze-dried ice cream she knew was there too.
While trying to balance and sift through the supplies, several boxes fell to the ground. She grunted in frustration until her hand felt the crinkling package she searched for and pulled it out. Setting the packages down, she squatted to pick up the boxes that had fallen. Several unopened boxes of tampons littered the floor. It was when she shoved the sixth box back into the cupboard that she realized it—not one of the boxes had been opened.
Her mind reeled, and she plopped onto the toilet seat. The lightheadedness, the nausea, the feeling off...how had she not realized? It hadn’t been something she had worried about for a year, but still. Two months with no period, all the signs, and she had ignored them all.
Excitement warred with complete terror.
A knock startled her, and she fumbled the box, catching it right before it fell on the floor again.
“Kris, you okay?” Blake’s voice was filled with worry.
Her heart raced, and she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “Ye..yeah. I...I’ll be right out.”
She heard his footsteps shift back and forth a few times before walking away. Kris took in a few deep breaths, trying to come up with a way to tell Blake, or find out for sure, or... She grabbed her head. What in the world were they going to do?
Shoving the unopened box back into the cupboard, she picked up the special treats she had come in to get, looked at her pale face in the mirror, and then walked out with a deep breath.
“Mommy! There you are!” Tucker ran to her like she had been missing for a week. “Wait, what do you have in your hands?”
“Well,” she started, her voice as shaky as she felt, “they aren’t as wonderful as your presents, but I have some special treats for us.” She handed the packages to Tucker.
“What?! Cookie dough and ice cream as survival food!” he screamed before covering his mouth and opening his eyes wide. “Sorry. Can we have some right now?”
“Yes, Sweetie.” Kris got out spoons and filled the cookie dough package with a small amount of water.
Blake and Tucker sat and ate, sounds of pure-delighted moans escaping them. Once again though, the food didn’t sit well with Kris. In fact her stomach tied up in knots. She watched her boys, indecision weighing her down.
“Are you okay, Kris? Do you need to rest?” Blake’s concerned eyes held hers. Her mouth opened and shut before any words came out.
How did she tell him? Did she know for sure? What would they do? Would he flip? Questions challenged her every thought.
“Is this all you have for us, Mommy?”
Kris blinked and turned her attention to Tucker. “I’m sorry, Sweetie. Not much else I could do from down here.”
“What about the other thing? Aren’t you going to tell us your other surprise?” Tucker’s eyes gleamed.
“What other surprise?” Kris’s gut twisted. The poor boy didn’t understand she couldn’t give him all the toys she usually did at Christmas, or his yearly book or pajamas.
Tucker jumped up and ran to where she had put up the picture he had given her this morning. He sat it in front of her and Blake and pointed at the drawing of her.
“This surprise. How long will it take for my sister to be here?”
“What?!” Blake and Kris said at the same time.
Blake turned narrowed eyes toward her. She felt her eyes widen further. Her heart thrummed so loudly she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t think.
<
br /> “Kris?” Blake growled.
“I...I...” she stuttered.
“Tucker you need to go read a book while Mommy and I have an adult talk.”
“Why do you sound angry?” Tucker stood and thrust his chest out. “You’re acting like you don’t want my sister! She’s going to save us and all you are is angry!” Tears filled his eyes before he turned away and strutted to the far end of the bunker.
Kris rose to go after him, her heart breaking for her son.
“No,” Blake said as he stilled her. “You are going to tell me what’s going on.”
Kris narrowed her eyes. “You act like I’ve been unfaithful.”
“Have you?” His voice choked as if he had swallowed a fish with all its bones.
“No! How could you even ask that?” Anger consumed her.
“Then what is Tucker talking about?”
“Maybe if you would have given him a chance to explain, we would understand more.” Then the truth hit her like a ton of bricks and she slumped into the chair.
Blake watched her, his presence overwhelming.
She took a deep breath, but couldn’t meet his eyes, so she stared at her fidgeting hands. “Just a few minutes ago while I was in the bathroom a bunch of unopened tampon boxes fell out while I grabbed the desserts. I haven’t used any since we’ve been in the bunker. It could be stress?”
“And you haven’t been feeling well.” He hung his head. “When was your last one?”
“I had just finished before the night you returned...before the night of the auroras.”
Blake swore under his breath. He slammed his fists down on the table startling Kris so much she sat back and sucked in a breath.
“You’re not on birth control?” The condemnation in his voice sent her over the edge.
“Why would I be on birth control with my husband gone for a year?!” She stood and thrust her hands on her hips. “You act like this is my fault Mr. Casanova. It takes two to tango you know.”
Blake stood just as abruptly. “And you act like this is no big deal. You don’t understand the risks. There are no hospitals. No doctors. No prenatal care. No one to deliver the baby, not to mention if complications happen...”
Kris stood her ground, anger consuming her as she stared down her husband. His temper wasn’t going to make her run any more. It was time that he learned to control it, and she learned to stand up against it.
Blake spun away from her, threw open the bunker door and slammed it behind him. Her body shook, but she listened with every ounce of her attention, yet the hatch to the outside never opened. He must be cooling off in the space between the bunker and above ground. Two minutes later she could finally breathe, but only to have her heart break as she heard the quiet sobs from her son, curled up in the far corner of the bed.
With a deep breath and settling of her own emotions, she made her way to Tucker and drew him up into her arms.
“I’m sorry you heard us fighting, Sweetie.” She kissed his forehead and hugged him close as he clung to her.
“Why is Daddy so angry?”
“He’s scared, Sweetie.” Stating the fact helped quell her own indignant anger.
“Why?” Tucker wiped his eyes and sat up to look at her.
“Well, babies are usually born in the hospital. Life has changed now. There are no doctors and nurses to help with the delivery.” She realized then she talked as if it was an absolute fact she was indeed pregnant. A resounding vibration of affirmation thrummed inside of her and she swallowed audibly.
“You’re scared too.” Tucker watched her with knowing eyes.
“Probably.” She nodded. “But tell me, Tuck. How did you even come up with this idea?”
“I saw it.” He hid his face in her.
“What do you mean saw it? In a dream?”
“No, I was awake, but my mind switched to a different time, and I saw her and just knew things.” He leaned back up and fervently met her gaze. “You don’t have to be scared, Mommy. She will be fine. She’s going to save us.”
He clung to her again. Kris held her son while wrapping her mind around the possibilities: her son having premonitions, her being pregnant, and Blake having fits about it all. She closed her eyes. Right now she would just revel in the feeling of her son in her arms. Everything else would come or not, and she would deal with it then.
~*~
Blake paced the tiny room, which only fed his frustration. He finally leaned against the steep stairs and completed set after set of inclined pushups until he couldn’t do another. Physical exercise was the only thing keeping him sane.
Pregnant.
He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Kris had always wanted more kids, but Blake knew the world would become a dangerous place soon. With danger so close on the horizon, he had asked her to get on birth control to keep pregnancy from happening. Having a young child would be difficult enough. An infant though? He growled.
He loved his son and would never want to change that. Having another child now, with no medical teams, no hospitals, no one but him to deliver the baby...it was too much. It put Kris’s life at risk. A strangled sound emitted from him at the thought. He couldn’t do this without Kris.
Fear pulsed within him, creating a sensation that made him feel feral like a wild animal, except there was no enemy to fight. There was nothing he could do but wait and watch and hope and pray.
His mind calmed enough and he remembered Tucker’s words. First his warning of the people and now this. Was his a kid a psychic? Most people thought it all make believe, but he knew the government, especially the military, used people with clairvoyance skills to locate things like lost subs. It wasn’t something that made it into public reports, but those skills were put into use to benefit the country. The clairvoyants were sought out with possessive force.
He swore quietly. Another thing he would have to hide from others. If people found out his son could see the future, they would kill to get to him.
Blake resisted the urge to bang his head against the steel wall. Instead he took a few deep breaths, trying to remember what Kris had been teaching them of mindfulness. Blake had rolled his eyes when she chose that as the skill she wanted to teach in their routine, yet he couldn’t deny the effects it had on all of them over the last couple months.
Twenty minutes later he could easily count the steady beat of his heart. Guilt had sunk in when he remembered his accusations and his reactions. Why did he always lose his temper and let anger control his words? It shocked him when Kris had stood her ground. It had shocked him enough he realized he needed to put distance between them before he damaged the tentative hold they had on a happy relationship.
He had repair work to do, with his wife and his son. Poor kid. It must be a heavy load to carry, the ability to see the future.
Steeling himself for the onslaught he deserved, he knocked on the bunker door, hoping that she would actually open it.
The door slowly creaked open. Hesitant eyes met his gaze. He could sense no anger or hate or any of the things his actions deserved.
“Thank you for opening the door.” He could have hit himself for being so lame, yet sorry didn’t roll off his tongue easily.
“I wouldn’t let you freeze to death out there.” She walked back into the bunker and poured three cups of hot liquid, hot chocolate by the rich scent of it.
“We’re having hot chocolate, Daddy. Since it’s Christmas and all.” Tucker glanced at him while swinging his leg back and forth at the table. His subdued tone told him everything he needed to know.
“Sounds good, Champ.”
Tucker swung his head up. “You’re not angry anymore?”
“Don’t tell, Mom, but I did some of that breathing and it calmed me down,” he whispered to his son, watching Kris from the corner of his eye.
Her movements had frozen as he spoke, a sure sign she heard his words just like he intended.
“It really does work,” Tucker affirmed seriously.
“And to read the Christmas story. We always read it today. Let’s do that first.” Tuck jumped up and dug through his books. “We don’t have it!” His bottom lip quivered as he ran to Kris.
“I bet we have it memorized anyway.” She wrapped her arms around him. “It will be fun to see how much we can remember.” Kris kissed the top of his head. Blake could see the pain and regret living in her eyes, but she didn’t let it reach her voice.
“Okay, but first we all have to say what we’re most grateful for. We always do that too.” He climbed into her lap. “I’ll start. I’m most grateful for Daddy being back home and Mommy always being here for me. I’m also grateful that I’m getting a sister.”
Blake shot his gaze toward Tucker who met him defiantly. Then he lifted his gaze to look at Kris. Her expression held a look of trepidation.
“Mommy. Your turn.”
Kris swallowed and let her eyes tear away from his to gaze at Tucker. “I’m most grateful that we are safe, all together as a family, and for the time above ground breathing in fresh air today.”
Blake hated the way his throat constricted. He cleared it trying to expel the ball that had grown there.
“Daddy?”
He cleared his throat again. “I am most grateful for being here with the two most important people in my life.”
“Umm, three, Daddy. We are a family of four now.” Tucker met him with an intensity.
Where did his young son acquire such an intimidating look? Then Blake looked at his wife and saw the same expression. He almost laughed, but covered it up with a cough.
“Okay, Tuck.” He kept his voice calm, choosing to just enjoy the moment instead of letting fear overcome.
~11~
Kris bent down to pick up the last of the linens and once again was reminded their family was growing. Though her stomach wasn’t large by many standards, at just about five months she definitely showed. There could be no denying that she was pregnant, that Tucker’s premonition had been spot on—again.
Grant Us Mercy (Book 2): Grant Us Mercy Page 8