We stood there for what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes. Eventually I thought to wipe the embarrassing trace of moisture from my face. Rhys assisted me, brushing across my cheeks with his thumbs. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but instead I just kissed him again.
“Are you coming with, then? Tonight,” he clarified. “To the hotel.”
“I guess so.” I gave him a shrug, all I was capable of just now.
“Give me a moment to grab my stuff, kay?” His voice was still impossibly soft, as though he was afraid I’d break if he talked to me too forcefully. I nodded.
“I need to give this back to Angus.” I indicated the pass around my neck.
“Meet you outside, then.” He smiled, and sent me off with another kiss.
He ended up having to point me in the right direction, but I eventually found my way back to the parking lot. Angus was still standing there, and frowned at me as I came closer.
“That took a long time,” he stated the obvious. “You okay?”
I took a deep breath. The buzzing in my ears was getting worse.
“How does he do that?” I asked. “I go in there trying to avoid him cause I was sure I’d murder him, and now... God damn it. How the fuck does he do that?”
Angus stared at me in a way that was one quarter exasperated and three quarters comical.
“You,” he informed me, “have got it really bad.”
“Yeah,” I agreed and handed him the pass. “For fuck’s sake.”
“What did he say?”
“A lot.” There was little in my head right now but a feeling of utter bliss, and the memory of my head against his chest and his arms around me. I sighed. “Look, I’m… sorry. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”
He gave me a resigned, but honest, smile.
“It’s all good,” he said.
Rhys arrived soon after, and I said goodbye to Angus and walked over to what was apparently now my boyfriend. Maybe. I’d have to actually see this happen for a while before I believed it. He took my hand as a matter of course and led me to the hotel the band was staying in. It was about ten minutes’ walk, and we didn’t talk at all during that time. We just walked, and I enjoyed the feeling of his warm hand holding mine.
He didn’t even kiss me immediately upon entering the room. I had time to hang up my coat and take a good look around before he stepped close, and when he pulled me against him I didn’t exactly protest. He smelled just the way I remembered. Breathing in his scent made my heart beat faster as his tongue played with mine. I couldn’t remember his kisses ever having been so good, so involved, tender, honest. Clinging to him, I found myself wanting more and more, and Rhys apparently feeling just the same. His hands were all over me. Even through his t-shirt I felt the warmth of his body, and remembered how much I’d missed falling asleep next to him.
Soon I was hard up against a wall, with Rhys still forcefully kissing me. Taking a deep breath, he finally drew back.
“Okay, for the record,” he said, “this isn’t just because I want to sleep with you. I'll stop if you need me to, but I just really...”
I made a noise of protest, kissed him again, and dropped my hands to fumble with his jeans.
It was wonderful to feel him beneath my hands again, to touch him the way I’d been longing to touch him for an entire month. There was little awkwardness between us. I still felt a bit nervous, wanting to make this good, wanting to give him a night to remember. It had always been good between us whenever Rhys decided to put a little effort into it instead of fucking just to get off. He appeared to have come to the same conclusion I had, that we needed the make-up sex to be amazing.
I had him naked first this time. Brushing my hand across the tattoos on his arm, then the one on his chest, I used the opportunity to take a good look at him. Skin pale as I knew it, body tall and well-proportioned, skin smooth. I’d touched him so many times now, felt him against me night after night, but I still found joy in exploration. He had a hint of a treasure trail leading from his belly downwards, and I followed the fuzz with my fingers and wrapped them around what lay beneath. Hearing his half-suppressed moan was satisfying.
His hands were busy on me as well, peeling away my shirt, trying to force my jeans down my legs. He struggled with that, because I wore them tighter than he did, and I started laughing at him after his second unsuccessful attempt. He joined in, laughing at himself. Then he leaned forward for another kiss, and I lost track of just about everything until we found ourselves back on the bed. He was a bit heavy on top of me, which I didn’t mind much just then, his cock hard against my thigh, his arms around me. Then he suddenly had lube on his fingers and pushed them inside me, carefully, slowly, taking his time stretching me like he never had before. It was such a turn-on to have him taking care of me like this. I moaned with lust as he pressed a third, then a fourth finger into me, wanting that feeling of being invaded by him to go on forever. I felt so full, so stretched.
I was more than ready when he pushed himself inside me with one long, smooth stroke. He had always felt amazing inside me, but now, with the added emotion and his perfect angle, I nearly came from the first couple of experimental thrusts. A strained cry escaped my throat as I shuddered.
He halted and looked down at me, back to his usual smug self. “Good?” he asked.
I found that the nervousness, the hesitation I’d always had in dealing with him, was there no longer. “Shut up and fuck me,” I gasped in reply, causing him to laugh, and then to try and make me eat my words when he took me, hard and fast, the way we both liked it. His cock rammed into me and set me on fire, and I welcomed his thrusts with all the enthusiasm my body could hold. By the time he came, I was floating somewhere on a cloud of utter ecstasy, clinging to his shoulders, screaming my lungs out.
I felt his lips kissing gently along my jaw and throat as the haze lifted. That was new. He wasn’t generally one for affection, after. I gave him a sigh of approval, but didn’t exactly mind it either when he took his weight off me and came to lay on my left side.
“Hey,” he said.
I took a moment to allow my breathing to calm and my skin to cool down a little. Then I groped for his hand. He smiled as he twined his fingers with mine.
“Well that wasn’t bad,” I stated, making him chuckle.
“Yeah,” he agreed after a moment.
We allowed ourselves to calm down for a bit longer, basking in the afterglow and enjoying each other’s company. Eventually, Rhys flung out his hand, and before I could protest, he’d turned on the TV.
The first time he’d done this I had been far too shy and intimidated to say anything. This time, I wasn’t. Not by a long shot.
“Really?” I asked, causing him to look at me. “Really? That’s all you can think of doing right now?”
“Well, no,” he admitted, his finger tapping the remote. “It was just kinda quiet.”
I rolled onto my side. “You could actually talk to me,” I proposed.
He obediently muted the volume. I thought this was quite an improvement. It was odd to compare this situation to the one so like it, the first night we’d slept together, when I had been so terrified. Now, I was comfortable with him.
“We need to talk anyway,” I appended belatedly.
His eyes traveled downwards. “We do, don't we?”
I sighed and reached for his face, brushing my fingers against his stubble.
“Yeah,” I said gently. “I mean, this is… this is kinda new. If you’re serious about us.”
After the sex was a good time to ask, I figured, with his libido all stripped away. I’d been skeptical, part of me still was. But Rhys simply closed his eyes and nodded.
“I am serious,” he said then. I watched the small smile spread on his face as I said the words.
“Why do you even want me?”
I’d never really pushed the question, and this seemed as good a time as any. I wasn’t as hot or as confident as all of the
guys - and girls - he could have had.
I wasn't prepared for him to chuckle. “God Blue, who wouldn't want you?”
“Cause I'm a good lay?” I asked blandly.
“Because you're the most selfless, caring person I've ever met. I've never felt this good being with anyone, and it scares the shit out of me, okay?” He extended his arm and pulled me closer, rolling me to my side, his chest against my back. “You're fucking beautiful,” he muttered into my hair.
“And what is this going to be like?” I wasn’t finished with the talk yet, so I tried desperately to ignore the intense flutters making me breathless. “I mean, are we exclusive now?”
“Yes, of course,” he said at once. “Yes. I've never...”
“What?” I asked.
“Never been exclusive with anyone before,” he near-whispered.
That surprised me. “I thought you had relationships before.”
His bitter laugh cut right through me. “Yeah, one would assume that's what those were, right? Hell, Blue. Honestly, I think you're the most genuinely good person I've ever met in my life.”
He'd lost me. I wasn't sure where he was going with this, so I remained quiet and waited.
“You've seen the scars,” he said then. His breath tickled my neck.
“Yes,” I confirmed, my voice catching in my throat.
“You know what they're from.”
It was half question, half statement. I nodded in confirmation. He'd given a very candid interview several years ago, in which he had talked about being forced into ice baths when he was still in grade school because he'd said one wrong word, receiving beatings for the smallest infraction, expecting cigarette burns and blows from broken bottles as a matter of course whenever his father had been drinking. He'd talked about finally being put in a foster home after his third hospital stay, about how damn broken the system was.
I supposed I shouldn't have been shocked that those kinds of experiences made for one very fucked up adult.
“There were a few things I never made public,” he said after a long silence. “My second foster family didn't give any more of a damn than the first one. They had me share a bedroom with another foster kid, a seventeen-year-old boy. I'd kissed a few boys before then, but I'd only ever had sex with girls. After a couple of weeks he had me... broken in. It wasn't a pleasant time.”
I shuddered at that, at his detached tone. His arm tightened around me.
“He said I was his,” Rhys continued. “That was my first taste of being in a relationship.”
“That wasn't a relationship,” I protested vehemently.
“Maybe not.” Rhys was silent again. Then he inhaled sharply, and I could feel him shaking. “But that was all I ever expected out of one.”
My mind flashed back to the first few times we'd had sex, his mechanical, distant, passionless approach to it. The way he had just taken, rarely given. The way he'd withdrawn after every time we fucked.
“You've never... cared about anyone enough to want to change that?” I wanted to know.
“Just once.” He swallowed audibly. “And it scared the shit out of me, and I didn't know what to do except push him away by fucking some random girl in the most assholish way possible.”
“You're really good at that part,” I murmured.
“It's my greatest talent.” He sighed and pulled me even closer. The back of my thigh touched the top of his. I could feel him breathing, leaning forward until his chin touched the top of my head. “I want to try, Blue. I don't want my past to keep fucking me over. I want to keep you here with me.”
“Then just try to consider my feelings every once in a while,” I said. “And be honest. Please. I understand there’s things you might not want to talk to me about, and that’s fine. Just don’t lie. Don't shut me out. I need that. Please.”
“Alright,” he said. “If you do the same. If you tell me as soon as I upset you. Don't keep me guessing.”
“Deal,” I whispered. We were quite for some time after that, content to be so close. I had drifted off into a pleasant near-sleep when he spoke once more.
“Are you gonna need to buy clothes again?”
“Fuck,” I muttered when I remembered Jason. “Can I use your phone for a minute?”
He let me go in order to reach for it, handing it to me.
“I wanted to give you yours back,” he said as I reached for my jeans on the floor and dug Jason’s number out of the back pocket. “But I sort of broke it.”
“Broke it?” I repeated, a bit preoccupied as I listened for a dial tone. “How?”
“Well.” He sounded embarrassed. “I was upset when I realized that you’d left.”
“What’d you do, throw it?”
“Yeah,” he said in a rather small voice.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged, as though it was no big deal he’d thrown around an expensive phone. “I’ll see if can get it replaced.”
“You don’t have to, you know,” I felt obliged to say. I had liked his gift, but at the same time, even now, I wasn’t comfortable with him randomly spending so much money on me. It left a bad taste in my mouth.
“I want to,” he said. “Just because I know you liked having it. I want to do that for you.”
Finally, Jason picked up, letting Rhys off the hook. I apologized to him for not calling earlier, and explained the situation in as few words as possible. I seemed to have a talent for making my friends worry, and then getting them to carry my luggage around. Jason didn’t take it as hard as Zach had, luckily.
“Sure, I’ll have it there in the morning,” he agreed, as though he did this all the time.
“Thanks. I owe you one.”
“Yup,” he agreed cheerfully and hung up, probably going back to sleep right away.
“Well, that’s that.” I handed Rhys his phone back, and considered what else I’d have to do. Call Zach to feed my cats again, to be sure. He’d probably yell at me.
“My cats will hate me,” I muttered, shifting closer to Rhys again. I missed his warmth. He had the air conditioning cranked up really high, and I was shivering.
Obligingly, Rhys went back to cuddling. “You have cats?” he asked as we situated ourselves.
“Two, yes.” I yawned.
“I always wanted to have a cat,” he confessed. “Obviously I've never been in a position to take care of one.”
“Hm. Well, if mine were here, I’d share.” I was tired, to the point of nearly talking nonsense. “Good night,” I whispered, closing my eyes.
I felt him kiss the top of my head.
“Good night, baby,” he said, as though we’d been together for months or even years. The thought made me smile.
+++
Jason arrived early the next morning to bring me my things. I rolled out of bed and threw on Rhys’ shorts when he knocked, opening the door for him looking what still couldn’t be described as ‘decently dressed’.
“Hey,” he said, and looked me up and down, bed head and piercings and all. “Fun night?”
“Yeah,” I said and reached for the bag he held out. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He stood still, as though waiting for something. I placed the bag on the floor and tried to figure out whether he wanted gas money, or what his deal was.
“So are you gonna tell me what this is all about?” he asked eventually.
“Um.” I shrugged somewhat sheepishly. “Love?” I offered.
He snorted through his nose. “That's a story I want to hear some day.”
“Some day,” I agreed. He gave me a fond look before he left.
I watched him walk down the hallway for a moment, then closed the door. My bag got to stand by the bathroom, and I planned to fall back into bed, but when I made my way towards it, I realized that Rhys had sat up. He looked disoriented, clutching the blankets.
“You’re still here,” he said blankly when he spotted me.
“Yes,” I sai
d. I wasn’t sure what the statement meant, but crawled onto the bed, in his direction.
“Good,” he muttered. Then he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me, still looking as though he was nearly sleepwalking. Together, we dropped back into bed.
“I won’t leave,” I assured him, and watched him smile serenely, eyes closed, as his arms tightened around me.
The next time I woke, the alarm clock by the bed showed half past eleven. I’d slept longer than… I couldn’t remember the last time I had been in bed until nearly noon. The shower was running, indicating Rhys had already gotten up. A minute or so later, he appeared in the doorway.
“Check-out’s at noon,” he informed me, and vanished again.
Right. Rhys in the morning. I couldn’t exactly expect tenderness and scrambled eggs.
Sighing, I sat up and got my things together. After Rhys was finished in the bathroom, I caught a quick shower, then we left the room together. Since he was still bleary-eyed, I led the way to the lobby, where everyone else was already assembled.
Angus saw me first, and simply started grinning. Oz, seeing this, turned, and looked at me in surprise.
“Hey,” he said. “What are you doing here?”
I decided the explanation was a little too complicated to give it just now.
“Don’t ask,” I muttered therefore.
Then Rhys had appeared beside me and taken my hand, and it all seemed clear enough, really. I couldn’t keep the heat from my face entirely as I imagined their thoughts, the fact that I had returned to him despite what had happened.
I grasped Rhys' hand more tightly. He seemed to guess my thoughts, and brushed his thumb across the back of my hand in a comforting gesture.
“Everyone here?” Big D asked a few minutes later, arriving from the direction of the elevators, raising his eyebrows at me, and then turning away as though he hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary. “Boots, JJ, Wookie?”
Roadies had stupid-ass nicknames, it occurred to me. No wonder they'd never made fun of my name.
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