‘Totally,’ Saskia agreed.
‘You lived without him before you met him, didn’t you? You don’t actually need him at all. You’re a young, independent, and, much as I hate to say it, beautiful woman. Saskia tells me your blog is really taking off. You’ve got bigger fish to fry than Ian Chandler.’
‘He told me that he loved me.’
‘I’m sure he meant it at the time.’ Liz was kind.
‘He told me that he had never met anyone like me before.’
‘I’m sure he meant that too.’
‘What has that woman in Totnes got that I haven’t? What is she giving him?’
‘It’s probably what she isn’t giving him,’ said Liz. ‘Right now, in the first flush of romance, she’s not making any demands. She thinks she’s having a nice little fling. As soon as she needs Ian to be there for her in any real way, he’ll be off.’
Liz turned to Saskia. ‘I’m not sure you need to hear all this, sweetheart.’
‘Mum,’ said Saskia, ‘I’m under no illusions about Dad any more. Not after I heard him on the phone. I mean, I love him and I always will, but while he’s all right at being a dad, he’s awful at being a partner. I get that now.’
‘What will I do?’ Brittney asked.
Brittney was like the dormouse at the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, drifting in and out of the conversation and spending a lot of the time with her head on the table.
‘Do what you always tell people to do when they ask for advice on your blog,’ said Liz. ‘Set your intentions. Clear your mind of negative thoughts. Ask for help from the universe to find your true purpose and achieve your dreams. And don’t tell me that your dream is to be married to a short, tubby, balding, unfaithful dental equipment sales rep from Newbay.’
Brittney managed a sort of laugh. ‘When you put it like that …’
Half an hour later, Brittney announced that she was leaving.
‘Are you sure that you’re OK to drive?’ Liz asked.
Brittney admitted that she wasn’t sure at all.
‘Then you’re not going anywhere. Not tonight. There’s a spare room with your name on it right here.’
So Liz did end up changing the linen in the spare bedroom after all.
‘And there’s a glass of Chardonnay too.’
‘Is it organic?’
‘It’s alcoholic. Who cares?’
Brittney didn’t argue with that.
Chapter Fifty-Six
The following morning, Brittney composed a blog post from the spare room at Liz’s house, while she sipped a cup of tea, with normal semi-skimmed milk, delivered to her by Saskia first thing. Liz was sitting at the kitchen table when she got the Google alert to say there was news on Brittneysbites.com.
‘We spend so much of our time asking the universe to give us what we want,’ Brittney wrote. ‘What’s been revealed to me over the past twenty-four hours is that sometimes we don’t really know what we want. Often what we want is not necessarily what’s good for us – like eating a whole packet of Oreos. When that happens, the universe will do what it can to set us on the right path and sometimes that manifests itself as the thwarting of our dreams.
‘Just twenty-four short hours ago, I thought that my dreams were slipping out of my grasp and I was desperate to hold on to them any way I could. They’d been so dear to me for so long. I was prepared to do anything to make sure they happened. But, dear readers, I was pushing on the wrong door. I wanted a life that was never supposed to be mine and the more I wailed that it wasn’t fair, the more the universe resisted me.
‘What I thought were my dreams brought me to a very bad place. I was prepared to ride roughshod over the lives of other people to get what I wanted. Until the universe sent me an angel – three angels, in fact. Two in human form and one furry – to show me exactly where I was going wrong.
‘When we need them, we will find friends in the strangest places. All we have to do is be quiet for long enough to allow them to give us the message they have been sent to bring. If we can be humble and hear harsh truths, they will only make us stronger.
‘Last night, I heard some very harsh truths. I discovered that my Darling BF is not everything I thought him to be. I blamed the other people in his world for the way he was behaving, when, in reality, there is only one person making him act the way he does and that’s him. At the same time, there’s only one person making me react the way I have been and that’s me.
‘From now on, I’m taking ownership of the way I live my life. I’m still going to set my intentions and ask the universe for help to reach my goals but I will no longer ignore the road signs that tell me when I’m heading in the wrong direction.
‘As I’ve said to you on this blog before, every day is a chance to start afresh. What are you going to let go of today, in order to move towards your bliss? I’m starting with my Darling ex-BF.’
Comments:
Joolzlovesquinoa : 3s ago
Oh wow, Brittney. This is powerful stuff. Live your truth, babes!
hunnybunnydrinxgreentea : 30s ago
Luv it hun really pleased 4 you
Yogachick45765860: 2 mins ago
Sounds like you’ve been touched by the goddess.
LizChandler: 4 mins ago
Good for you, Brittney. There are better days ahead for all of us, I’m sure. With love from your angels. Saskia, Ted and Liz.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
So Brittney was going to move on with her life. After breakfast – a meal Liz had never expected to share with her husband’s lover – Brittney told Liz that she was going straight back to Exeter to clear what remained of Ian’s stuff out of her flat. She asked Liz if she might borrow some of the empty cardboard boxes that were stacked in Liz’s spare room.
‘Of course,’ said Liz.
She helped Brittney load the boxes into the car.
However, the events of the previous evening left an uncomfortable question in the air. Now that Brittney was determined to clear Ian and his collection of Top Gear magazines out of her life for good, where would said magazines and errant husband end up? As far as Liz knew, Ian was still expecting to move back into the spare room. Was Saskia expecting the same? Liz was tremendously relieved when she received a text from Ian saying, ‘Supply chain issues in Bristol. Going to have to stay here until they’re sorted out. Might not be back until Sunday night.’
Supply chain issues. That was a new one. Liz still didn’t let Ian know he’d been rumbled. She was grateful for the extra time to think. She responded, ‘That’s fine. Don’t work too hard!’
Had Liz only herself to think about, the decision would have been simple. One of the many things she had been turning over in her mind since Dr Thomas’s visit to the dental surgery, was what he’d said about animals showing you who people really are. She’d pushed it to the back of her mind at the time, but when Ian had come over to eat the beef Wellington, Ted had not been himself. He’d not cozied up to Ian as he might once have done. Had Ted sensed that something about Ian’s proposal was off? Liz realised that like Ian, she’d been pretending that his coming back was a good idea. Doing it for Saskia’s sake really. She’d known all along that it wasn’t what she wanted. Her own animal instincts about Ian’s lack of sincerity had been shouting it loud.
On Friday evening, Saskia had a NEWTS rehearsal. Georgia’s mother was going to bring her back, which meant that Liz had all evening to prepare herself for the conversation they were going to have to have. It also gave her time to make one of Saskia’s favourite meals. From scratch.
Saskia decided that spaghetti Bolognese was her favourite dish long before she could even say it. When she was really little – about four – she would demand ‘spag Bog’, if she was ever given a choice. Specifically, what Saskia was asking for was a little tub of spag Bol from Marks and Spencer’s ready meals for children. Start them young.
Well, there was no need for that any more. Liz knew how to make a tomato sauce now. She knew how to ma
ke sure that pasta didn’t overcook. And she knew what to substitute for meat if your daughter was still a vegan. Liz wasn’t sure whether seeing Brittney drinking tea with semi-skimmed had put an end to that. Whatever, Liz could rustle up a veggie version of the dish Saskia had always asked for.
She laid out the ingredients on the kitchen counter and began, while Ted watched with interest from his basket. He was slowly but surely getting used to the idea that he could no longer expect a biscuit if he climbed up next to Liz on the sofa of an evening. A piece of carrot peel would have to suffice.
Liz chopped her onion as though she had been chopping onions her entire life. She let it brown in the pan, no longer panicking that it would burn before it browned. She read the instructions on the vegan mince substitute and added that to the mix. She took a spoon and tasted the results. It really wasn’t bad. Oh, she hoped Saskia would like it.
The smell of the food she’d made with such love filled the kitchen and Liz’s heart.
At half past eight, she heard the sound of Saskia arriving home. She heard a car door slam and Saskia’s cheery goodbye to her friends. Ted was already at the bottom of the hall, wagging his tail off as he waited to greet his joint first favourite member of the family.
Saskia came in, bringing the cold autumn air and the smell of the sea with her. She threw her bag down onto the chair where everyone tossed everything. She sounded in a good mood as she asked, ‘What’s cooking, Mum?’
‘Spag Bog,’ said Liz.
‘I can’t believe I used to say it like that,’ said Saskia.
‘It was cute.’
‘Is it …’
‘I’ve made a vegan version using a meat substitute that Brittney recommended on her blog as it happens.’
‘Wow. Thanks, Mum.’
Liz waited for the but. There was no but.
‘I even got vegetarian parmesan,’ Liz added.
‘Yummy. It smells really good,’ said Saskia. ‘I’m just going to change into my PJs, if that’s OK.’
‘Nothing like dressing for dinner,’ Liz replied. ‘Of course it’s OK, sweetheart. Wear what you like.’
When Saskia came back down five minutes later, dinner was on the table.
Liz let her eat half before she opened the conversation.
‘Saskia, we need to talk about your father.’
‘I know.’
‘I’m sorry you had to hear me and Brittney both bad-mouthing him last night.’
‘I told you, I understand. And I was the one who let you both know what he’s really up to.’
‘The problem is, he still thinks he’s coming to live here.’
Saskia nodded.
‘And I’m not sure I want that to happen. We all know now that he’s not coming back here to be with me. He just wants somewhere to stash his stuff while he carries on with Miss Totnes.’
Saskia nodded again
‘All I ever wanted was for the three of us to be a happy family,’ said Liz. ‘I want him always to be there for you but I don’t want him to pretend he wants to be there for me too if he really doesn’t.’
‘What are you saying, Mum?’
‘I’m saying that I want to tell your dad that it’s best if he doesn’t move back in.’
Liz watched Saskia’s face closely for signs that she was upset.
‘I want to go ahead with the divorce. I understand that means we’ll probably have to sell the house so your dad’s got money to buy a place of his own but I promise you we’ll find somewhere just as nice.’
‘Mum,’ Saskia laid her cool hand on top of her mother’s. ‘It’s OK. I’m sixteen in a week. In two years’ time I’ll be off to university and after that who knows where I’ll want to be. I mean, I’ll always come back and see you but the chances are I won’t want to live in Newbay any more. I understand that you need to plan for a life without me and without Dad. You have my blessing to do whatever you want.’
‘Do you mean that?’
‘Of course I do. Mum, I could tell from the moment you told me that you weren’t really sure about having Dad back. I suspected you were only considering it because of me. That’s why I turned Sherlock on him, to find out if he was really leaving Brittney because he wanted us to be a proper family again.’
‘I’m sorry you felt you had to do that.’
‘I’m glad I did. I don’t want him to use you, Mum. Especially not now. Not after the year you’ve had without him. He shouldn’t get to swan back in after putting you – and me – through that. You’ve always devoted yourself to us, me, Dad and Ted. It’s your turn to say what you want.’
‘When did you get so wise?’ Liz asked.
‘I’ve always been wise,’ said Saskia.
‘You just don’t always show it.’
‘Ditto,’ said Saskia. ‘Like when you gave Ted the Lunchables.’
‘Least said about that …’ Liz reminded her.
‘Right, I’m going to call your dad and tell him he’ll have to stay somewhere else,’ said Liz.
Saskia nodded.
‘Thank you,’ said Liz. ‘I know you and I don’t always see eye-to-eye but I’m very proud that you’re my daughter.’
‘And I’m proud that you’re my mum. I know I haven’t been a great daughter the past twelve months. I’ve been angry and I blamed you for Dad leaving. Now I know what really happened I’m sorry for taking his side so much of the time. It must have been hard for you too and you hardly ever showed it.’
‘I just wanted you to be happy. You and Ted. Because I love you.’
‘And I love you. You’re the funniest, loveliest, most open-hearted Mum I could ever wish for. And now you know how to cook too. You’re practically perfect.’
Liz squeezed her daughter’s hand.
‘What do you think of it?’ Liz dared to ask. ‘The vegan spag Bol?’
‘It’s great,’ said Saskia. Then she added, ‘But it would be even nicer without the cardboard-flavour meat substitute.’
Chapter Fifty-Eight
On the morning of the day he would see his son David for the first time in eighteen years, John cleaned his car. He knew that Sonia would have insisted on it. This was a special occasion after all. He needed to make a proper effort.
John was there early. He’d been worried that he wouldn’t be able to find the place and he didn’t think he would want to ask anyone for directions. In the end, he had to. The sat nav, which was always Sonia’s domain, kept sending him round and round in circles. He had to clear his throat three times before he could even say the address he was looking for but the woman behind the counter of the garage where he asked didn’t even flinch.
‘You need to keep going up this road for about another mile,’ she said. ‘The parking’s difficult though so you might want to start looking a few streets out. Saturdays are the day when everybody visits.’
‘Oh, I’m not visiting,’ John said. But the woman wasn’t really interested.
David had been such an easy child. At least when he was small. He never got into any trouble at junior school. The reports he brought home were full of glowing praise for the effort he made with his schoolwork and his polite and sunny nature. John and Sonia were tremendously proud of him. He even won a prize one year.
It started to go wrong when he was in secondary school.
John blamed himself. He thought that David felt he had to muck around at school to make up for having a teacher as a parent. But it got worse. Outside school he started hanging around with a really bad gang. Drug users and pushers.
How could John’s perfect son have turned into a drug addict? And how could they turn his life around again? John tried to ban the crowd of reprobates David ran with from the house. Even his girlfriend, who was another addict herself. Sonia was endlessly kind, endlessly understanding, but after David was convicted of being part of a plot to bring drugs into the country from the Netherlands – a huge haul worth tens of thousands, which made all the papers – John didn’t know what else th
ey could do.
Sonia advocated more patience but John disagreed.
‘Tough love,’ he told her. ‘That’s what he needs. We need to make him understand how much he’s hurt everyone involved. It’s only when he sees that he’s got nothing left that he’ll make the effort to stand on his own two feet.’
David’s girlfriend had already washed her hands of him. Her parents paid for her to attend rehab in another city.
Sonia tried to keep everything together. She wrote to her son every day.
‘We’re all he’s got, John. I want to be there for him.’
John refused to drive her to visit him. David was put in a prison near Bristol. Four hours from where they lived. John agreed with Sonia that they should move to be closer to him – that was how they’d ended up in Newbay – but he still would not go near. John and Sonia rowed every time she came back from visiting him.
Eventually, Sonia said she’d stopped going.
John shrivelled inside when he thought of the times she’d said she was visiting an old schoolfriend when really she was travelling across the country to see their son, navigating buses and trains and lonely taxi rides to get to him, when John could have driven her door to door. It was the only lie she ever told him and she told it because he made her feel she had to.
John was glad that David had told him he didn’t need to go into the prison itself that day. Instead, he was to wait outside. David would be released at around noon.
John was parked up by half eleven. The remaining thirty minutes passed so slowly and they were full of memories. Of David as a child. Of Sonia. Of the unhappiness of the past few years.
Then suddenly there he was. Older than when John had last seen him of course, by some eighteen years. The clueless twenty-two-year-old who had gone away was now almost forty-one. He was thinner, too. He had hardly any hair. He took after John in that regard. But he was still recognisably David. Still that bounce in his walk that caused Sonia to nickname him Tigger when he was small.
John had worried over how this reunion would play out. His own father was a strict Edwardian. Though John had never really doubted his father’s love for him, there hadn’t been much in the way of public displays of affection. They were more likely to shake hands than hug. John had tried to be less uptight, but it wasn’t easy. He was still more likely to tell David to pull himself together than scoop him into a cuddle if he fell and hurt his knee.
The Worst Case Scenario Cookery Club Page 27