by Tom Mohan
He raised his head and saw Katrina staring at him intently. He continued. “It didn’t take long for things to change, though. Nine missing people, six of them kids, would have been a big deal if any of them had been important. But after a while, they were just those ‘religious freaks’ that took off. I fought like crazy to keep the case alive, but no one wanted to hear it.” His voice trailed off.
“Those poor people,” Katrina said. “Good people, from the sound of it. The world has gone crazy. The world has gone crazy.”
Burke didn’t argue.
She put a hand on his shoulder. “After Dave chased those kids off you, he told me some of the story. His department decided you couldn’t accept the fact that your wife ran off with the pastor and took your daughter with her.” Sarcasm rang in her voice at the word ‘’fact.’’
Burke nodded. “Yeah. Even some of the parents of the other missing kids started believing that Laura, the pastor, and that kid’s dad had taken all of the children to some sort of commune or something.”
“You poor man.” Katrina leaned forward and put both hands on his shoulders. “John, you are a child of God.” He stiffened, but after all that this woman had undergone, he couldn’t be rude about her religion. He was surprised to hear her respond with a light laugh. “Oh, I know you don’t believe that right now, but that’s okay. You don’t have to believe in God for him to believe in you. But you can’t blame what happened to your loved ones on him. That isn’t fair at all.”
Burke couldn’t hold his words back. “You people always say things like that. You always say that your god loves us, that he takes care of us, that he never wants any harm to come to us, and things like this happen.” He could feel tears sliding down his face. He looked the small woman straight in her smoky eyes. “My wife loved your God as much as you do. She worshiped him and raised our daughter to worship him. Now she’s dead. Do you understand that? Dead.” He could hear his voice growing louder, but he didn’t care. “Where was your god when my wife was murdered? Why didn’t he stop it?”
“Why didn’t you?”
Burke stopped, stunned. “What did you say?”
Katrina’s voice remained calm. “I asked why you didn’t stop it. You were a husband, a father, protector of your family. Where were you when your wife needed your help? She asked you, didn’t she, to look into the church with her? Why were you so lax about participating in the life of your family?”
Burke blinked, at a complete loss for words. He had trusted this woman, spilled his grief to her. He wanted to tell her what she could do with her god, but he couldn’t even move.
“You think I’m being cruel, don’t you? You think me a horrible person. But I ask you, why do you blame God for not taking care of what he entrusted to you? He did, you know—he trusted you to take care of his daughters. And you let him down, didn’t you?”
“I can’t believe you’re saying this.”
“I speak the truth to you out of love. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you need to hear this. People always blame God when things don’t go the way they expect, when most of the time they should be blaming themselves and begging God to forgive them. How well did you know that church? Did you meet the pastor? Did you check out his background? Better yet, did you go to church with Laura and Sara? You don’t have to answer. I already know. If any of the answers were ‘yes,’ we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, would we?”
Burke’s heart pounded against the inner wall of his chest. He wanted to scream at this arrogant woman that she was wrong, completely wrong. He had done everything he could to protect his family. He would have died for them if necessary. But she was right. He had not been there. He had let them down. He had been so busy being the big-shot lawyer he had failed to be the man in his family. His heart screamed for an end to the pain, an end to the suffering that, for so long, he had blamed on the wrong person. This woman who had suffered so much herself, yet still believed her god loved her, had shown him something deep inside himself that he had known all along.
It was all his fault. Every bit of it.
Burke sensed Katrina move closer to him. “John, I don’t say these things so that you will feel guilt. That’s not the point.” He felt her hands on his shoulders as his body shook uncontrollably. “The point is—God is still God. He gives us free will to do whatever we want, and then we go yellin’ at him when everything goes south on us. All God did was let you make your own decisions, just as you wanted to. Let me ask you another question. I know you’re confused and angry right now, so don’t answer this from your own heart—answer it from Laura’s. Did Laura believe in heaven?”
The question took him by surprise. He lifted his head and stared at the wall of the tent. “She…yeah, of course she did.”
“And did she believe it to be the most wonderful place anyone could ever imagine?”
A tiny smile came to his lips, catching the tears as they hit the corners of his mouth. “She said it would be perfect, so much better than the nicest place on Earth.”
“And it is, John. I believe that with every ounce of my being. That’s the only way I can live in peace with my disease. By knowing that God’s showing me his love by pulling me out of this world and taking me home, as he has already done with Laura. Is that such a bad thing?”
Burke didn’t know what to think. He excused himself from the presence of the woman who had just shattered the hate he had spent years building and slipped out into the darkness of the night.
“THAT’S NOT EXACTLY how I would have done it, but she was quite effective.”
Burke looked up from where he sat, staring out over the dark water of the San Diego River. The trees around him cast a dim reflection on the dirty water, and a cool breeze caused the river grass to whisper as it swayed. He had not even heard anyone approach. Once he realized who it was, he understood why.
“Are you just going to confuse me more, Red?”
She giggled. “I really don’t think your addled brain can take much more.” She paused for a moment. “Katrina was rather tough on you. Like I said, not how I would have done it. It needed to be said, though. You need to get over this hate you have for the only one who can truly help you.”
“Let me guess…God.”
“Of course, God. Who else?” She said this like it was a fact so obvious to her she simply could not fathom anyone not comprehending it. “But,” she continued, “you cannot wallow in self-pity. There isn’t time for that. Admit your faults, learn from them, and move on. There’s still a lot to do.”
Burke turned toward her, startled once again to see the little girl that such profound speech came from. “You keep talking about purposes. What’s my purpose? I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.” He paused, a sudden idea coming to him. “Wait a minute. You took us straight to Laura’s body. You knew she was there. What about Sara? Do you know where she is?”
“I’m sorry, but I do not know where Sara is, or even if she is still alive. I knew that you had to be at the church, but I didn’t know why until you got there.”
Burke’s shoulders sagged. “I was hoping…”
“I wish I knew more,” Red whispered, “but it’s not allowed. I know only what I need to know at any given time.”
“Why that church?” he asked. “What is it about that place, and why was I taken there? Nothing makes any sense.”
“It isn’t the church, so much as the location. Your friend, Dave Martinez, calls me a ghost because he cannot see me. He cannot see me because I am not physically in this world. At that church—under that church to be more precise—lies a thin spot in the veil between your world and that of the spirit. The dark ones wield more power near those places.” Her voice grew soft. “I think they meant to take you through.”
“Take me through? To where? Can that even be done?”
“So many questions, John Burke. You humans think yourselves so smart, but you have very little understanding of the universe around you.”
“My purpose right now is to help you fulfill yours, so you better figure out what your purpose is so we can both get on with our lives. The other may not be far behind. We need to get going.”
“You’ve mentioned this other before. Who is it? How does he keep finding us?”
She sat down on the grass beside him, folding her legs beneath the potato sack dress. “Through you.”
“Huh? What do you mean? What am I doing?” He sat next to her.
“You’re not actually doing anything, that’s the problem. The other side has a link to you, and he’s using that to keep track of you.”
Burke didn’t like the sound of that. “What kind of link?”
“A type of mental link. It usually only works with weak minds. That’s how he was able to make you see vile images of your wife and daughter. He put those images in your mind.”
He bristled. “Are you saying that I have a weak mind?”
Red somehow managed to make her face innocent and annoyingly all-knowing at the same time. “Oh no, John Burke. You have such a strong mind. Face it, most of the last few years you’ve done little more than wallow in self-pity.”
Her accusation stung. He started to argue, but stopped himself. Was there any untruth to her words? As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. He had let himself fall until his mind was practically gone. He’d considered suicide just a few days ago. “Okay, I accept that.”
Red looked smug. “That’s a start. The stronger your mind, the less he is able to manipulate it. But it may be tough to completely break a link he’s already established. We’re going to have to work on that.”
“I still don’t understand. How can he do something like that? This isn’t some science fiction story. People can’t just hop into other people’s minds.”
Red giggled. “You do realize that to everyone around you, you’re having a conversation with yourself”
Burke felt his face turn red as he looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to him. No one seemed to be. “Are you saying he’s like you?”
She shook her head, red curls bobbing back and forth. “He is human, but he is getting help from the other side. I doubt he knows who is giving him his special abilities. Not that he would care. So many of your kind accept the evil this world offers without questioning its intent.”
“Okay, I’ve asked you this before, and you never gave me an answer—who are you?”
“I sent a kid back to my place to get us some cash. He’s back with the money.” Dave Martinez loomed out of the high grass. “Said no one followed him.”
Burke only took his eye off Red for a second, but that was enough. When he looked back, she’d disappeared. “Red! One day you’ll answer me.”
“Talking to your pet ghost again?”
“Oh shut up.” He held out his hand for the big man to help him up. “We ready to go?”
“Pretty much. Want to be out of town before the sun comes up. We’re taking Henry’s car, and he’s keeping the SUV. He’ll switch the plates with one of the other junkers they drive, and no one should notice.”
Burke grunted. “Where we headed, anyway?”
“Out of the city. That’s all I know so far.”
“I may know a place.”
Martinez nodded. “You taking the ghost with us?”
“Why? You like having her along?”
“She’s your ghost. I just like to know who I’m traveling with.”
Burke laughed. It felt good. “Tell you what. I’ll tell you as soon as I know.”
“Fair enough. Make sure she knows I’m driving.”
The Serpent scanned the area in the gray light of dawn. His link to John Burke had been weak in the three days since his encounter with Chemosh in the old church. Something was changing now, adding a new aspect to the game. He felt the link grow stronger and stronger until it glowed as a white-hot beacon. He knew it had something to do with the strength of Burke’s mind and will. Something was happening, and the Serpent knew that it was in his favor.
“You wait here,” he said to the young policeman who had become his new companion. “I think I need to take care of this myself.” The cop gave a short nod as the Serpent slipped out of the police cruiser. He hoped whatever was keeping him from killing Burke would not hinder the cop, but he really wanted to be able to do it himself. He wanted that very much indeed. He was no fool, though. Things were happening that were beyond his comprehension. Like his Becoming. Becoming what? That was the question. Not that he cared. It excited him.
The sky was just beginning to show signs of morning on the eastern horizon. The Serpent and his pet cop had followed Burke and his companions to an abandon retreat in the mountains outside San Diego. As he strolled up the gravel road, he inhaled deeply, savoring the freshness of the air. He smiled to himself. Country living might have some advantages, but it bored him. He simply could not handle boredom. No one could, so no one lived out here anymore.
The Serpent slipped into Burke’s mind and nearly reeled at the dark emotion that flooded him. He had been wondering about the sudden strength of his old friend’s mind. Obviously the enemy’s doing, but it was falling apart now. Burke was a serious mess, and the Serpent detected no sign of that little helper of his.
The Serpent licked his lips. Yes, fortune smiled on him today.
JOHN BURKE OPENED his eyes to a gloomy grayness. He had been dreaming of better days, before his family had vanished. He moaned in the empty room, unable to hold back the loneliness that had plagued him for years. His breathing shuddered as he tried to inhale, but his chest refused to expand. He thought he might be having a heart attack before he realized he was sobbing so hard he couldn’t breathe. The anguish and guilt the strange little girl had healed in his pitch-dark house roared back into his mind with an overwhelming fury, the feelings as raw as if he were reliving the disappearances all over again.
Out of the corner of his eye, Burke glimpsed a movement in the shadowed corner of the room and gasped as he saw his wife and daughter standing there, as beautiful as they had ever been. Their smiles lit up the room. The rotting boards of the abandoned cabin were made new again in the light of his family. His heart cried out as he pulled himself upright on the cot, reaching out toward them. Both Laura and Sara returned the gesture. No blame, no accusation, just blinding visions of love.
Then the room began to darken, and the smiles faded. As Burke watched, Laura evaporated away, and he felt his heart tearing from his chest. In excruciating pain, he wrapped his arms around himself to keep from being torn apart. Sara’s hand continued to reach for him, but her face was terrified. He slid off the cot and fell to his knees. He wanted so much to help his daughter, but his muscles were like cotton. As the vision of Sara faded, failure and guilt flooded his mind. It should have been him rotting away in that tunnel. His mind screamed with self-loathing as his heart continued to tear itself from his worthless body.
“John…John, what’s wrong?”
Burke heard the voice, tried to focus on it, but his despair was all-consuming.
“What’s wrong, hon?”
“He’s sick, Trinny. Real sick.”
Burke recognized the name. Trinny. Katrina. Dave and Katrina. He tried to tell them to let him go, to let him die. He wanted to yell, scream, do anything to relieve even a fraction of the pain that coursed through his mind and body, but he couldn’t. Everything faded into the all-consuming hatred he felt for himself.
MARTINEZ KNELT OVER his shivering friend. Burke’s face was pale and sweaty, his eyes squeezed tight.
“Don’t know what’s wrong. He’s shaking bad.” When a moment passed with no response, Martinez turned to look over his shoulder. Trinny still stood in the doorway, a hand on each side of the opening, her sightless eyes gazing into the gray predawn sky.
“Trinn
y?” She held up one hand. Martinez was familiar enough with his wife’s strange ways to hold his tongue. He turned his attention back to Burke and let his training take over. Clammy skin. Rapid pulse. Burke was going into shock. Martinez stripped off his light jacket and wrapped it around the stricken man.
“It’s the loss,” Katrina finally said. “He’s feeling all of it at once. All the fear, all the guilt, it’s all hitting him now.”
Martinez held Burke as he continued to shake. “The loss of his family? It’s been four years. I mean…this bad? How?”
“I don’t know, hon, but that’s what’s happening.” Her face slackened as she gazed at something only she could see. “It’s gonna be bad. He’s gonna get it all at once, and he’ll need you to be strong with him—strong in body, strong in faith.” Her sightless eyes bore into his. “John Burke is going to hell, and he’s gonna need you to bring him back.”
BURKE’S MIND SCREAMED as he stumbled through an agony beyond anything he had ever imagined. He felt as though he was being torn from his body, each muscle, each tendon, each nerve stripped away with excruciating precision. At some point the world around him faded and left him with nothing but his pain. He knew he was dying, and the idea filled him with terror. For so long he had known he deserved death. Now it had arrived to claim him, and he wasn’t ready. Another searing flash tore through him, and his tortured mind screamed again—silent, yet with an intensity that threatened to shatter his universe.
As Burke thrashed in agony, the swirling darkness around him absorbed his pain, concentrated it, and shot it back at him. He could see it more clearly with each burst of torment. A strand emerged from his chest. It radiated outward, coalescing into a blurry shape just a shade lighter than the surrounding darkness. In the chaos of his consciousness, he saw the guilt seep out of him, only to be gathered up by the blurry path and returned to him in an endless loop of death. Everything he had felt since Laura and Sara disappeared hit him at once. His mind shrieked out his self-hatred, seared his soul with anger toward his uncaring existence, and cursed any god that would tolerate such madness. Hatred spewed from him, only to be flung back with such force that he thought his mind would melt from its impact.