by Pat Warren
He must have felt her examining him, for he’d awakened and just lay there, giving her that killer smile. “Didn’t I tell you you’d sleep better with me?” he’d asked. She couldn’t have denied that one. And then he’d said some things that had had her thinking ever since.
“Do you know why I wanted to sleep with you like this, Hannah?” he’d asked. “Besides the obvious reason that I like holding you, of course. Because I wanted you to know you can trust me. I’ve noticed that in most of your legal cases, you represent clients who’ve been abused in one way or another by men. A daily dose of that and you’re bound to be affected. Maybe you have something in your own background, as well, that has caused you to mistrust men. I wanted to show you that not all men are like that. Certainly not this man. You can trust me. I wouldn’t hurt you.”
He’d given her a lot to mull over, Hannah thought as she stepped into her forest green slacks. Trust was an issue that was near and dear to Hannah’s heart. Or the lack thereof.
Slipping on her matching cowl-neck sweater, she had to admit that if there was a man she would consider trusting—other than Will—it would definitely be Joel. He’d fed her again that evening, then left her with a gentle kiss on her forehead. She’d gone back to the office for a few hours the next day and found that he’d run interference for her with a couple of clients, handled several calls and placated a few impatient people rather than disturb her.
That had been a week ago, and the only way she’d figured out how to thank him was by accepting his Thanksgiving invitation. Shaking out her hair, she ran a brush through it, then stepped back to check her mirror image. Joel had said to dress casually and warmly, as they’d probably wind up outdoors with some activity or another. The Merrick compound apparently had a great deal of adjacent snow-covered property ideal for winter sports. Fortunately, she felt well enough to eagerly look forward to being outdoors again.
In the bathroom, she was reaching for her mascara when she remembered that enhancing her appearance to attract a man was the last thing she usually did. Still» after being ill, she needed a little help or she’d resemble a just-released prisoner of war. Ignoring the small voice of reason, she did her eyes, then picked up her blush. Just a little, she told herself.
She’d just finished zipping up her boots when she heard the knock on her door. She opened it to find Joel standing there holding a single long-stemmed red rose.
“The last rose of summer,” he said, walking in.
“Sure it is.” She took it nonetheless, burying her nose in its lovely fragrance. “Thank you.”
What a difference a week made. She was still a little thinner, but beautiful as ever. He took her hand, tugged her close to him. “Green is really your color.” Inhaling her fragrance, he smiled down at her. “And you smell better than freshly brewed coffee.”
Hannah laughed. “I guess that’s a compliment.”
“You bet it is.” He cocked his head. “Tell me, are you one of those women afraid to kiss a man because it might ruin your makeup?”
That was a new one. If she said yes, he’d probably hand her a tissue. “No, should I be?”
“Either way, I’m going to kiss you.” He’d wanted to for weeks now, but he’d given her room to recover, to let the need for him build inside her. Now, he could see it in her eyes, could read it in the tiny trembling of her full lips.
Reversing their positions, he shifted her until her back was to the door before covering her mouth with his. She could taste determination in this kiss, as if he wanted to set the tone before they set out. Wanted to stamp his indelible imprint on her. She would have fought against him if he’d used the slightest bit of force. Instead, he was gentle, and Hannah found herself surrendering to that simple need that so thoroughly matched her own.
Desire. It swam to the surface, making him edgy, making him reckless. He hadn’t intended to devour, but found he had to. Had to. If he would have but this one kiss before leaving, he would make it one she would remember. One she would think back and recall at odd moments each time she looked at him. He drew her closer, then closer still, and heard the soft sound she made deep in her throat.
Passion. She was awash in it, lost in him. Her body throbbed with it, ached with need, clamored for more. This was what she feared when she thought of getting too close to him, this delirium he could take her to so readily, this mindless leap into passion. One touch, one taste, and he ignited feelings in her she’d been running from for most of her adult life.
Hunger. She awoke in him such a hunger that Joel wondered if it would ever be satisfied. Unable to be content with half a loaf, he ran his hands over the soft wool covering her arms, then slipped around back, his fingers tunneling beneath and touching soft flesh. There, he caressed and stroked, feeling her skin grow warmer as his mouth continued to make love to hers.
Her arms went around him as if they’d kissed like this many times before. Caught in the whirlpool, Hannah strained against him, sanity rapidly slipping from her foggy mind. She hadn’t really known, hadn’t truly believed, she could feel this much, want this badly.
Before she lost all reason, she stepped back from him, breaking the kiss. She blinked, staring at him, struggling with an incredible yearning to be one with him. His hands trailed down her arms, and she felt her pulse scramble as his fingers curled around her wrists. Breathing hard, Hannah fought to understand the feelings that awakened such a need.
Even a little distance from him plunged her back into a reality she hated to face. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, give in to the wanting. She’d been down this road before, and it was filled with potholes. Joel might be a better man than any she’d known. But he was still a man and could hurt her badly without intending to.
With a shudder, she turned aside and straightened her sweater. “I guess maybe you did rearrange my makeup a bit,” she said, needing to make light of it. She walked to the hall mirror to make some hasty repairs.
She’d rearranged a few things, too, Joel thought, turning aside and drawing in a deep breath. Like his plans, his dreams. He’d never met anyone who had such complete power over him, who could bring him to his knees with one touch from her small hand, one taste of her lips.
Crazy. It was crazy. He’d never been one to fall apart over a woman. He liked them, sure. In his bed, in his company, in his life. But this one had him tangled in knots. He hoped to hell he could keep her from finding out.
Clearing his throat, he adjusted the knot of his tie. Mom liked everyone to dress for holiday dinners. He zipped up his leather jacket and turned to Hannah. “Ready to go?”
She bent to pick up the forgotten rose she’d dropped. She didn’t know if she was ready, but go they would. With a shaky smile, she walked through the door he held open.
* * *
Hannah stood leaning against a fence surrounding the Merrick compound’s adjacent acreage, up to her ankles in snow, the sun shining on her coppery hair. The compound comprised his parents’ home and several others along the shoreline belonging to the younger Merricks. Lord, but it was intimidating.
The main house was of white clapboard with a wraparound porch that seemed to go on forever. It was three stories high with gables and wings and add-on garages and covered walkways. A sloping lawn, green in summer and cloaked in white now, led to the sea, which looked gray and forbidding on this day, with mammoth chunks of ice visible for what seemed like miles out.
And the Merricks. There was white-haired Jason, the patriarch, puffing on a pipe along with Will on the heated, glassed-in porch, setting up a chess game yet taking the time to greet her. And Lois, looking too young to have given birth to such a brood, her face red cheeked from the oven, stopping nevertheless to give her a big hug. Hannah thought that Joel resembled his father most, yet exuded his mother’s warm personality.
Then there were the brothers, Todd and Sam, and their wives, whose names she likely wouldn’t remember, and their collective children, two boys for Todd and a daughter belonging to Sam.
Or was it the other way around? Regan, his sister, was easy to pick out of the crowd. She looked about ten months’ pregnant, and her husband, Roger, hovered around her as if she might deliver momentarily—an event Hannah was certain the resilient Merricks would have taken in stride.
Maybe this is the way we’d have been, Hannah couldn’t help thinking. If her parents had lived, if she hadn’t been separated from Michael and Katie. Maybe then they’d all be gathering at the farm on holidays, together with their mates and maybe a child or two, cooking and laughing and just being together. She swallowed around a lump in her throat, swallowing down what never could be.
She watched a golden retriever scamper along the shoreline, enjoying the day. She found herself wishing she had a place with a yard so she could get a dog. A big sheepdog like Rex. Nostalgia. She was consumed by it today.
“Duck, Hannah!” one of the Merrick boys called out, and she did, dodging instinctively. Looking up, she saw Joel, who’d been helping build a fort in the snow, scooping up another handful, his grin wide. As she watched, he made his way toward her, carefully packing his snowball, mischief in his eyes.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Hannah said, stepping backward along the fence. “Not in front of your entire family.”
“Oh, no?” He took aim.
She turned her back to him and waited. When nothing happened, she peeked over her shoulder. That’s when she got a faceful of cold, fluffy snow.
“Oh, just you wait!” Sputtering, she rebounded, grabbing a handful, going on the attack.
Joel pretended panic, walking backward. But he misjudged the snow’s depth and went down in a heap.
Hannah launched herself on him, rubbing snow on his face, ears, neck. “Say uncle. Say it now, or be prepared for more.”
“Uncle, uncle!” Joel called out, then grabbed her upper arms and rolled her over onto her back until she was looking up at him, laughter in her dark eyes. “Now who’s got the upper hand, my fair lady?”
“All right, you win. Not fairly, but you win.”
“Not fair? Why not?”
“You outweigh me by a ton. Is that an even match?” Suddenly, a sneeze shook her.
Joel inched back. “I’d better take you in before you get sick again.”
She tugged on his sleeve. “Ease up, Merrick. I’m fine.”
He leaned on his propped elbows. “Then the very least I can do is warm you.” Lowering his head, he kissed her.
There it was again, that instant rush, that familiar heat. Hannah let herself enjoy for a long moment, then pushed at him. “Hey, this is a little public here.”
“Ashamed to be seen kissing me?” he asked.
She saw that he wore a smile, but his eyes were serious. “Of course not. I’m just not used to an audience.”
He glanced over at his nephews, niece and brothers. “No one’s looking,” he told her.
Somehow, this seemed to matter to him. She wouldn’t let him down. “Then, come here, big fella.” And she opened to him, the kiss long and dreamy. When he lifted from her, his smile was genuine. Letting him help her up, Hannah wondered what all that was about.
“Ready to go in?” Joel asked. “Or do you want another ride on the snowmobile?”
He’d taken her when they’d first arrived, flying with the wind while she’d held on to him for dear life. It had been exhilarating, but once was enough. “No. I think I should offer to help your mother.”
“Mom has plenty of help. Let’s go sit by the fire.” Joel took her hand and led her inside.
* * *
“What kind of law do you practice, Hannah?” Jason Merrick asked as he passed her a dish of golden yams.
Seated next to Joel, Hannah felt him tense at the question, and sensed a strained subject being introduced. She turned to Joel’s father, seated on her right at the head of the table, and smiled. “Pretty much general practice at this point.”
Jason helped himself to hot buttered peas. “I see. No specialty like criminal or divorce or personal injury? Or perhaps you’ve considered corporate law? We’re always looking for bright young lawyers in our firm.”
Hannah felt rather than saw Joel set down his fork. Since the man persisted, she wasn’t about to lie. “I’m interested in women’s rights, actually. Child support, battered wives, custody cases, that sort of thing.”
“And she’s very good at what she does,” Will, seated across from Hannah, interjected.
Jason poured gravy lavishly on his turkey. “That’s an interesting field, but it doesn’t pay very well, does it?”
She was his guest; nonetheless, Hannah wasn’t too happy with Mr. Merrick’s line of questioning. “As I mentioned, I’ve only just arrived. Time will tell.” She turned to his wife at the far end of the table. “Your dressing’s wonderful, Mrs. Merrick. Everything is.”
“Thank you, dear.” Lois had apparently heard enough of her husband’s conversation to send him a warning look, but he wouldn’t look up to meet her eyes. Other conversations buzzed about the table, the children chattering, food being passed and exclaimed over.
Jason wasn’t a man easily warned off or diverted. He shook his head as he thoughtfully chewed a bite of salad. “Young people today don’t seem to know where they belong. They don’t want to go along with the tried and true. Their elders have carved a path for them, taken out the kinks, so to speak. Smoothed the way. Yet some just turn their backs on all that and walk off. Doesn’t always work out, would be my guess.”
Again, Will came to the defense, this time of Joel, who’d been the target of his father’s ill-disguised remarks. “Now, Jason, we forged our own path. Young people have the right to do the same. And who’s to say their way won’t work just as well? Maybe better.” He peered over the top of his glasses at Joel and winked.
“Maybe so,” Jason agreed, to a point. “Experimenting to see where you fit in is fine. When you’re young, fresh out of law school, testing the waters. But by the time you move into your thirties, you ought to settle down and find your niche.”
Now she could see why Joel had left home in his teens, why he spoke with hesitancy about his father. Jason Merrick undoubtedly loved his youngest son, but he couldn’t overcome the need to control him. For his own good, of course.
She could be still no longer. “Did you hear that Joel won a very difficult case recently? Amanda Fowler, who’d been accused of hiring the gardener to murder her husband. He uncovered the real killer and got a confession.” Beaming, she turned to Joel. “We’re all very proud of him, aren’t we, Will?”
And Will was proud of Hannah. “Yes, we most certainly are. That case was as tough a one as I’ve seen.”
Suddenly, Jason had nothing more to say, digging into his dinner, eyes downcast.
Not a gracious loser, Hannah thought as she sipped her wine.
* * *
“He’s not a cruel man, ordinarily,” Joel said in the quiet intimacy of the car as they drove back to Boston that evening. “He was a good father when I was young. The trouble is, he can’t handle anyone who doesn’t think like he does.”
“None of your brothers or sister ever rebelled against his wishes for them?”
Hands loosely on the wheel, Joel shook his head. “Not really. Todd and Sam are in the family firm. Even Regan passed the bar but, before she could be sucked in, she got married. And probably got pregnant real quick so she could avoid Dad’s long reach. You noticed, I’m sure, that they all live around Mom and Dad. It’s been Dad’s lifelong dream to have his kids all live nearby and work together in the firm. Trouble is, he never stopped to wonder if it was our dream.”
“Amazing. You’re all in law. You’d think that would be enough for him. And your mother? Does she ever take an opposite stand?” It had surprised Hannah that Lois Merrick hadn’t stood up for her son. Was she afraid of Jason or just too well mannered to jump into the fray?
Joel sighed. “My mother’s a wonderful woman, loving and kind. But she’s never bucked my father on anything h
e says or does. That’s just the way she was raised, I guess.” Her quiet acceptance bothered Joel, but it didn’t stop him from loving her.
Hannah was still thinking about Jason. “Why would your father care what type of law any of you practice?”
“Because he didn’t choose it for us. Because if you don’t want to work in his company, it’s as if you’re turning your back on him. That’s why he barely stays in touch with Bart, his only brother. Because Bart quit the law early on and moved to Montana. Dad takes that as a personal rejection. He doesn’t honestly think he’s trying to control everyone, just doing what he genuinely feels is best for us.”
“I hope you’ll forgive me if I don’t agree.”
“Obviously, I don’t, either, and it’s caused a lot of friction between him and me.”
That was why his father referred to Joel as his maverick son. Will had told her that. What he hadn’t mentioned was the way Jason Merrick put down his own son in front of others.
Hannah continued, “Everyone’s entitled to live his own life, make his own choices, as adults. I should think he’d be proud he raised four fine adults, each able to make their way in the world with a sound occupation and all living nearby. So many families are…are scattered to the wind. Some even lose touch.” Hannah shifted her gaze out the side window into the dark night. The holiday, coupled with the wine, was causing her to be overly sentimental, she decided.
Hannah had told him she’d been orphaned at an early age, Joel remembered. He could scarcely imagine how that would feel. Despite his feelings of frustration with his own family, he cared about them. Still, when he married, he’d not make the mistakes he felt his parents had. At least, he hoped he wouldn’t. “When I have children, I’m going to do things a lot differently. How about you?”
Eyes averted, Hannah blinked. “I don’t intend to have children, so it’s a moot point.”
That surprised him, coming from a woman as caring as Hannah. “Oh, I think someone might come along and persuade you otherwise.” He reached across the console and took her hand in his. “You’re too beautiful to wind up alone.”