Crushed

by Brigid McMahon

  "I was...” I pause. I really don’t want to tell him I’m late because of shopping. My mind searches for an excuse. “Traffic was bad. Really bad.”

  "Oh, shut up!" Manny snaps. "I'm so tired of your excuses, Bishop! You are this close..." He holds up his finger and thumb and puts them in my face. "This close to being canned and I'm not kidding. If it was up to me, you'd be gone. But my old man says we have to keep you."

  I smooth my hair under the hair net, gazing at myself in the mirror so I don't have to look at Manny's angry face. "Well, tell your father I said thank you."

  "I'm not telling him anything. And today, you're cleaning out the cold storage."

  "What?" I follow him out to the front, past the kitchen and into storage area and the big freezers and fridge. "That will take me ages!"

  Manny smiles, opening the door of the walk-in fridge. "I know. And it's a pretty shitty job too. So, enjoy yourself!"

  I really want to slap him right across his smarmy mouth. Is any job really worth this torture?

  "What is your problem?" I hiss. "I'm so sick of you being a jerk to me. I haven't done anything to you. I barely know you outside of work."

  Manny leans against the wall and contemplates me silently. "You know what my problem is? My problem, is having to deal with spoiled rotten little princesses every day, such as yourself. Girls who think they're better than everyone else. It gets really old, you know that?"

  "I'm not spoiled!" I think of my new car, the cruise, and my prom dress and bite my lower lip. "Not really."

  Manny snorts. "Yeah, mommy and daddy don't buy you whatever your heart desires. Like a brand-new car. You know how old my car is? It's a 1999 Cavalier. I haven't ever driven a brand-new car. Or even a decent used one. All I get to drive, after working my ass off – unlike some people – is a piece of shit. My daddy isn't rich. My father is barely getting by because he has to be able to pay the salary of stuck up chicks like you."

  My eyes tear from his venom. "It's not my fault my father has money and yours doesn't. I don't control how the world works, Manny!"

  "Okay, yeah, whatever." He shakes his head in disgust. "Get to work, Bishop."

  I watch him walk away, his shoulders down. He looks not just angry, but defeated. I feel sorry for him.

  ◆◆◆

  "Oh my gosh, you know what I heard?"

  I look up from my chef salad at Pam. We're at our usual table, Kim at the head, me at her right hand, Pam and Linda across from us on Kim's left.

  "That you're lame?" Kim snarks, sipping her mineral water.

  Pam makes a face at her. "Whatever. No. So, Nora Cummings told Maxy Simon that she saw Mr. Hayes at Cone City yesterday! And he was with some really pretty blond girl."

  I feel my heart sink. What?? Mr. Hayes has a girlfriend? Noooooo!

  "Well...that sucks!" I stab some lettuce with my fork.

  Linda nods. "I know, right? Lucky bitch."

  Kim sneers at us. "Of course, he has a girlfriend. Did you honestly think a guy that looks like him would not be attached? Duh!"

  "Well we can still dream about him," I tell them.

  Pam's lips curl into a naughty grin. "Oh, I did last night, with my vibrator!"

  We crack up and Linda nearly shoots water from her nose.

  "Oh my God, Pam!" Linda wipes the water from her chin with a napkin. "That's so not appropriate dining room conversation!"

  "This isn't a dining room," I remind her. "It's a cafeteria and you’re allowed to talk about sex toys in a cafeteria!"

  Rolling her eyes, Kim gets up and grabs her tray. "I'm outta here. I promised Jason we'd hang out for a bit." She waves her fingers at us. "Byeeee!"

  Pam watches Kim stroll away then leans across the table. "She broke up with Ryan, did she tell you?"

  "I knew she was going to," I admit. And speaking of the devil, right at that moment, Ryan comes walking into the cafeteria, his head down and his hands in his pockets.

  "She said he was boring," says Linda.

  "Poor guy." I watch as Ryan sits down at an empty table by himself without getting any food. He takes out his cell and scrolls for a bit, his face sad. "Oh, look at him! Like he's lost his best friend. I should go talk to him."

  Pam grabs my arm. "Taryn, what are you doing?"

  I shake her arm off. "What? I just want to make sure he's okay!"

  Linda laughs and Pam raises an eyebrow at me. "We're not blind, Taryn. Everyone can see you've got a major crush on the boy. Don't do anything stupid."

  "I don't have a crush on Ryan!" I insist, my cheeks burning. "He's just a friend."

  "You know the rules," says Linda. "No fraternizing with the enemy."

  "Oh, come on! Just because Kim broke up with him, I'm not allowed to talk to him anymore?" I stand up and grab my tray. "That's bullshit. I'm not asking him out, I'm just going to see if I can cheer him up a bit."

  "Remember Candy Fisher."

  I pause, looking back at Pam. "That was in sixth grade!"

  Candy Fisher had been one of us in grade school. A cute little girl with dark blonde hair and blue eyes. She was the only girl in our grade that could stand up to Kim, both in looks and personality. Kim put up with her only because she knew that Candy could easily take her place as the leader. Everything went smoothly until Candy made it known that she thought Jason was adorable and she started giving him her juice box every day at lunch. That sealed her fate. Once Kim realized Candy was after her man she made it her goal in sixth grade to ruin her. I'm ashamed to admit I did my own part, eagerly joining in on bullying Candy with the others until the poor girl had to leave school and be taught at home. It was not one of my finer moments.

  But Kim had made it crystal clear to the rest of us. If she had dated them you didn't. Period.

  Pam looks at me, her dark eyes hard. "You don't want to do this, Taryn. You know how Kim is. It's so not worth it."

  "Besides, you have a boyfriend," Linda points out.

  "Just..." I scowl at the two of them. "Mind your own business!" I stomp away and dump my trash in the can on my way over to Ryan.

  "Hey, Ryan."

  He looks up at me but doesn't smile. "Hey, Taryn."

  "Mind if I sit?"

  He shrugs and nods at the chair opposite.

  I sit down and watch him scroll on his phone for a bit. "I heard about you and Kim. I'm so sorry."

  He lays his phone down and runs his fingers through his hair. "Yeah. Kind of sucks. I'm bummed."

  I boldly put my hand over his. "What can I do to cheer you up?"

  Ryan looks at me blankly. "Nothing. I guess after a while it won't hurt so much."

  "Oh Ryan, I can't believe she did this. Why wouldn't someone want to date you? You're so wonderful and sweet."

  "Not wonderful and sweet enough apparently." His tone is bitter.

  "Look, um, if you want to text me just to talk or something, I'd be cool with that. Here, give me your phone and I'll put my number in." I take his phone and quickly add myself to his contacts.

  "Thanks, Taryn." He gives me a half smile and takes his phone back. "That might help. I'll text you tonight, yeah?"

  I give him my best flirty smile. Ohhhh, I want to kiss those sweet lips so badly!!! "Okay, I'll be available. Not doing anything." Just fantasizing about you, sweet Ryan!

  "Great."

  I get up and he gives me a little wave and goes back to his phone. Pam and Linda are looking at me and shaking their heads, but I ignore them and leave the lunch room, a little satisfied smile on my face.

  ◆◆◆

  That night I text with Ryan until 1 a.m. I'd forgotten how fun it was to text a guy you really like. That was how it was when Patrick and I first started going out. I'd get all goofy inside as soon as I saw his name pop up and then run to my room and lay on my bed with a silly smile on my face, texting away. That's me with Ryan now. We didn't even talk about anything important, just little things and jokes. He kept sending me memes and I kept sending him stupid emoji's.


  This morning when I wake up the first thing I do is check my phone. My smile falls when all I see are texts from Patrick. I ignore those and quickly send a good morning to Ryan with a pair of kissing lips.

  Giggling, I run to take a quick shower before getting dressed. As soon as I get out of the shower I check my phone again. Yay!!! Ryan has texted back with his own set of lips and a "Goodmorning to you too!"

  I do a little dance in my towel and shoot another text to him.

  "I'm standing here naked in a towel. What should I wear today?"

  I wait. I hope I haven't scared him off with the naked stuff. But I'm feeling really flirty and he's paying attention to me and I'm about to explode with anticipation. This is why I need a boyfriend. Because of this oogly good feeling it gives me. This feels like more than a crush, this has to be love!

  Finally, Ryan texts back with one word.

  "Adidas!"

  I laugh out loud at that. Ryan has this "thing" for Adidas - shoes, shirts, shorts, whatever. If he could change his name to Adidas he would.

  I run to my closet and dig around for a minute. Yes! I DO have an Adidas hoodie! I haven't it worn it in ages, Kim doesn't like me to wear super casual sporty clothes to school. Well you know what? Screw Kim!

  I grab some torn black skinny jeans and my grey tennis shoes and hurry to get dressed.

  A little bit later I'm dressed in my casual Adidas wear and have done my makeup – just a little bit with some gloss today. No need to overdo it right? I've pulled the sides of my hair up and Mom helps me do a fish tail braid. I look awesome. Even me, the fashion dunce, knows that. I hope Ryan agrees.

  ◆◆◆

  For the first time since I've started school, I don't look for Kim when I arrive. I go straight to my locker, keeping my eyes peeled for Ryan. Several of my friends greet me and I give them distracted waves.

  "And then I got him in a head lock and I shoved his fat face into the mat!"

  Ugh, here comes Patrick with Jason, Kim on his arm. I try to hide behind my open locker door but it's too late, they see me and come over.

  "Babe!" Patrick tries to pull me in for a kiss but I avert my head and he gets my cheek. "What's up? Why didn't you return my texts?"

  "'Cause she thinks you're a dork man." Jason punches Patrick in the stomach. "Did you tell her about the channel?"

  "Oh, hell yeah!" Patrick puts his arm around me. "Babe, we uploaded those scare videos and the prank ones too and they're like going viral! People love you, they're all like, 'who's the babe?'!" He laughs and smirks at Jason.

  Kim is looking at me, frowning but I put her off for a minute to scowl at Patrick.

  "What?! You put those videos of me on the internet?! How dare you?!" I am furious. "Take them down, now!"

  Jason rolls his eyes. "Come on, Taryn. You're fucking famous."

  "Fight, fight, fight!" We hear the chanting from down the hall and Patrick and Jason get a wild look in their eyes.

  "Dude!" Patrick whips out his cell. "It's a fight, we gotta get the footage!"

  "Later, bitches!" Jason waves and takes off after Patrick who's running down the hall to the melee.

  Kim is still staring at me, hard.

  I give her an innocent look, grabbing my English Lit book. "What?"

  "What in God's name are you wearing? A hoodie? Seriously?"

  "So? I like it. It's comfy." I spy Ryan finally; he's talking to some of his friends several lockers down. Now I just need to ditch Kim somehow.

  "All those cool clothes in your closet and you pick that?" She raises an eyebrow at me. "You're like totally deranged. Come on, I need to fix my eyeliner in the bathroom."

  "Um, yeah, I can't. I promised Mr. Hayes I'd come in before class starts to talk about the paper. Editor stuff."

  Kim sighs. "Ugh, whatever. Later." She finally leaves and I hurry over to Ryan.

  "Hi." Without my phone to hide behind I feel a little shy. "I'm happy to see you."

  He gives me his cute crooked smile. "Well, here I am!"

  I laugh and tilt my head and flutter my lashes, in full on flirt mode. "You wanna hang out a bit before the bell rings?"

  "Sure." He offers me a piece of gum and we start walking, in the opposite direction of where I know Kim will be.

  "Hey, I like the hoodie!" He gives me a sideways grin. He's wearing his own Adidas hoodie, so we're twins.

  "Thanks, I like yours too!" Our fingers brush against one another as we walk. Ohhhh, he makes me all tingly inside.

  "Naked in a towel this morning, huh?"

  I blush at his teasing. "Yeah. I had a shower...so..."

  Ryan laughs and the bell rings, ruining the moment.

  "Hey do you wanna...come over tonight, play some X-box?"

  I stare at him. Is this...a date???

  "Yeah, I'd love that. I mean, you know, yeah, that would be fun!" I sound like a dork.

  He grins, showing his sweet little dimples. "Cool. Okay, like after dinner. Text me first so I know you're coming."

  I clutch my textbook to my chest and watch him head to his first class.

  ◆◆◆

  I am now totally and completely in love with Ryan! In the two days since he and Kim broke up, we've spent most of our free time texting and at his house playing X-box and watching Netflix. It seems really fast, but when you take into account the fact that I've been crushing on the boy since Middle School, it's really not fast at all.

  Okay, so maybe Ryan hasn't kissed me or held my hand, or done anything to act like he likes me in that way. But I'm sure it's coming. The point is that we are having fun with each other. And he's so adorably sweet! I love his cute little innocent boy act, he really does get excited playing games and watching his cartoons. I could just stare at him all day long!

  So now all I have to do...is figure out a way to dump Patrick, get Ryan to fall in love with me, and avoid Kim for the rest of my life.

  Which is really hard to do when she keeps texting twelve times a day.

  "Party, Jason's, Saturday at 7. Be there. That's an order."

  I stare at my phone while sitting next to Ryan in his family room. We're sharing a bowl of popcorn and watching some Army movie or war movie or something on Netflix.

  Ryan glances at me when I sigh. "Problem?"

  I bite the inside of my mouth. "It's...a party. Friday."

  "Cool. Where's it at this time?" Ryan throws some popcorn into his mouth.

  "Jason's." I wince as Ryan scowls.

  He crosses his arms over his chest and glares at the tv. "Well, I guess I won't be going to that!"

  "I don't want to go, but you know Kim."

  He snorts. "Yeah, I know Kim. Taryn, why do you do everything she tells you to do? You're like her bitch or something. It's disturbing."

  Ouch! But it's true. I know it. I look down at my lap. "I don't know," I whisper.

  "Well it's weird." Ryan gets up and snaps off the TV. "You should probably go now."

  Damn Kim and her text! Now he's mad and doesn't want me around.

  My crush is kicking me out.

  I say goodbye and tell I'm text him later but he says nothing and I slink back home.

  ◆◆◆

  I'd rather get my wisdom teeth cut out again than go to this party. But Kim comes over and picks out my outfit - a white and peach tie-die tank mini dress, brown belt, and jean jacket – and she drives us to Jason's house.

  Jason’s house is on the other side of town next to the golf course. When we get there Patrick is waiting for me. Kim goes off to find Jason and Patrick takes my hand and leads me downstairs to the massive rec room where the music is blaring and the alcohol flows.

  "You wanna tell me why you're ignoring me?" Patrick glares down at me sullenly. "You're not answering my texts, you're like avoiding me in school. What the fuck, Taryn?"

  I have to end this. And soon. I just don't know how to do it.

  "I've just been busy," I tell him. "I mean, I've got schoolwork, and the paper and cheer-leading..."


  Patrick narrows his eyes at me. "Is there someone else? Are you cheating on me?"

  People are looking our way, sensing an argument. I don't want anyone getting their stupid camera's out so I pull Patrick to a corner and try to calm him down.

  "No, don't be silly." I lay my hand on his chest and gaze up at him. "You know you're the only guy for me, Pat." I want to barf on my words. I hate what I'm doing. What kind of a person would do this, stringing him along this way? An evil person, that's who.

  He smiles down at me, relieved. "God, Taryn. I was going crazy, thinking you might be with someone else." He grabs me and holds me tightly, his face buried in my hair. "Please, tonight, yeah?"

  Ugh, not this again. I pull back slightly and he kisses me hard on the lips before I can answer.

  "It's about time you two started smashing lips again!" Jason walks up, Kim on his arm.

  Kim smiles with satisfaction. "So cute together. Pat, wait till you see Taryn's prom dress. It's almost as pretty as mine."

  I swallow my annoyance and Patrick and Jason leave to film some more stupid shit for their YouTube channel.

  "God, you don't even have any beer yet, Taryn!" Kim pulls me over to the bar and grabs us both a couple cups from the Keg. "Get your party on, girl! You're acting so quiet and demure, it's disturbing!" Kim drinks nearly half her beer and wipes a foamy mustache away.

  I sip my beer and say nothing. Truth is I'm feeling really kind of pissed off at her right now. That crack about my dress not looking as good as hers is just the tip of the iceberg. I can't get past the fact that if I go public with how I feel about Ryan Kim might destroy me. It's ridiculous. We aren't in sixth grade anymore, so why am I still afraid of her?

  "Okay, what is your problem?" Kim snaps. "You're really dragging the party vibe down right now, Taryn."

  I finally face her. "I didn't like what you said about my dress not being as pretty as yours. Mine is just as pretty. Maybe even prettier in fact. What you said was rude and mean." I slowly blow my breath out, proud of my new found bravery.

  Kim looks at me for a moment then cracks up. "Oh my God! Seriously? Oookayyyy. Sorry." She snorts and drains her cup. "Need more beer!"

  I watch her wander away and then Pam appears, throwing her arms around my shoulders.