Crushed

by Brigid McMahon

  I slam my locker shut and stalk towards the door, my gym bag on my shoulder. Kim steps out and blocks my path, her upper lip curled over her teeth.

  "Of course, it's true!" she laughs. "I've seen it. It's all gnarly and gross. She's like Frankenstein!"

  Kim and Kendall laugh loudly and gently shove each other. Over Kim's shoulder I see Pam, smiling and then Linda comes up and adds her stupid little giggle to the mix. Oh my God, I hate them. I used to tell these girls everything. I try to push past them and Kim blocks me again.

  "I have a message from Teri. You're off the cheer team. Turn your pom poms into the office and your uniforms too. Have them cleaned first though, no one wants your gross cooties!"

  Kendall snorts and I hear Linda mutter something under her breath.

  I turn around, staring Linda down. "What did you say?"

  For a second Linda looks a little afraid of me. I know she wasn't expecting me to fight back. But then she raises her chin and regards me coolly.

  "I said 'slut'."

  I take a deep breath. I know I should just shut the fuck up, but I'll be damned if I'll let these girls think they can scare me.

  "I'm the slut?" I look Linda right back in the eye, my gaze hard. "If I recall, you were the one who gave Jason a blow job behind the bleachers right after he broke up with Kim the first time." I glance at Kim, who's gone stiff. "Oops. I guess I wasn't supposed to tell anyone about that, was I? My bad."

  Linda looks like she's going to puke. She turns to Kim, shaking her head. "She's lying, I never-"

  "I know she's lying!" Kim snaps. "She lies all the time. Like going behind my back to try to get Ryan. Pam and Linda told me everything, Taryn."

  I shrug, keeping my gaze calm. I know just how to push Kim's buttons. I've spent a lot of years on the sidelines, observing. "So? You don't own Ryan. I can't help it if he likes me now instead of you."

  Kim snorts. "My sloppy left overs. Well you are a dog, so I guess left overs are what you like!"

  Kendall hoots with laughter. What a freaking moron.

  Suddenly it dawns on me and I smile slowly. "You're afraid," I say to Kim.

  "Afraid of what?" Kim tosses her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Of you? Yeah, right!"

  "You're afraid that the guys you've dumped will like one of us better. That's why you made that stupid rule that we can't date your exes. It has nothing to do with friendship, or making you feel bad. It's because you can't stand the thought that someone might be prettier than you, or that the guys will want us more than they ever wanted you." I glance at Pam and Linda. "And you guys know that's true too. Even if you're too chicken shit to admit it."

  "You don't know what you're talking about!" Kim glares down at me. She can probably kick my ass but I'll gladly take it. "You wouldn't have even had Patrick if it hadn't been for me. I'm the one who talked him into dating you. He thought you were ugly."

  I smile because I know she's grasping at straws now. "Not as ugly as you, Kim. You may be a beauty queen on the outside, but inside? You're a disgusting, slimy, hideous piece of extreme shit." I shove her hard out of my way and she nearly falls into Kendall.

  "You fucking bitch!"

  I feel her hand in my hair and she's yanking me back but then Mrs. Hoyt appears and Kim releases me.

  "What is going on in here?!" Hoyt is pretty pissed and orders us to disperse.

  My head is throbbing and I think I lost quite a few strands of hair, but I smile as I head for my next class.

  ◆◆◆

  It seems kind of weird after school at first, not joining the others in the gym for cheer practice. But then, as I head to my car, I realize how cool it is to have some free time. I can do whatever I want. And what I want to do right now is surprise Michael at his condo.

  He'll be at work for a bit longer and I'm thinking how cool it will be for him to walk in and see me naked on his bed. I love his condo, it's so trendy looking and I like to pretend I'm a grownup when I'm there. That Michael and I are really lovers who live together. Or married even.

  I cruise over to his place, my radio blaring, my body buzzing with anticipation. Michael has unleashed a tiger inside of me. I just can't seem to get enough of him.

  I pull into the driveway and take a quick peek around to make sure no one sees me. Michael is still incredibly paranoid about someone finding out about us. But there's no one in sight, the other condos and the streets surrounding are empty and quiet.

  Smiling, I hop out of my car and run up to the door by the garage. I know Michael keeps the key in a hanging plant next to the door. I'm fishing the key out when I hear a voice.

  "What do you think you're doing?"

  I jump back and turn to see a woman on the front porch, her arms folded over her chest. She's gorgeous, with long blonde hair and dark brows, one of which is arched at me right now.

  "Um.." I stutter, flushing. "I um, I was just..."

  "You were just what?" she snaps. "Trying to break into my house?!"

  My heart plunges to my shoes. Fuck. This must be Ava.

  "Well? Do I need to the cops, or what?" It sucks, how pretty she is. She's tanned, with perfect boobs and long legs. She's wearing a wraparound dress which hugs her figure tightly. And oh, my crap. She has a huge diamond on the fourth finger of her left hand.

  "No." I shake my head, backing away. "I'm sorry, I was just going to drop something off for Mic-I mean, Mr. Hayes. I didn't know anyone would be home."

  Ava's gaze is like stone. She smiles icily. "He's still at work. You're a student of his? Well, I'm his fiancé. Who shall I say stopped by?"

  "It doesn't matter." I can't look at her bitchy face anymore and avert my eyes, staring at the perfectly groomed lawn.

  "You're right, it doesn't." Her eyes follow me as I walk back to my car. "I wish all you silly school girls would realize that already."

  I need to get out of here before Michael arrives. I can't face him right now. I'm not sure I want to face him ever again.

  I slide behind the steering wheel and peel out, my tires spinning as I race away.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I decide to dress cute the next day, hoping that maybe it will catch Michael's attention. Last night I sent him ten texts in all and he ignored every single one of them. I even called him once but it went straight to voice mail and I was afraid to leave him a message.

  I know he's probably mad as hell about me coming to his house yesterday with Ava being there, but I'm pretty pissed too! He could have told me she was still in the picture. And there's no excuse for him ignoring my texts.

  I dig around in my closet and finally find just the right thing. A 3/4 inch sleeved grey and white striped tee shirt dress with a powder pink skirt and my grey flat sandals. I slip on some gold and pink jewelry, earrings, necklace and a bangle and do the full makeup and hair today. I look pretty good, even Kim would approve. Michael has to notice me in this.

  When I get to school Ryan is waiting for me and he kisses my cheek and grabs my hand. Oh boy. I guess he thinks we're a "thing" now. Which is probably my fault since before I slept with Michael, I was all over Ryan like a bad rash.

  "Hey, you look really cute!" He's grinning and I find myself grinning back because you can't help that with Ryan. He really is adorable.

  "Thank you. You look nice too!" I laugh because he has on his usual jeans and sweatshirt.

  I let him walk with me and even put his arm around my shoulders because at least then I'm not alone to face the whispers and laughter that follows us through the halls. Ryan seems totally oblivious to it all and takes me over to his group of friends by his locker. They're kind of nerdy but nice, all of them, like, Ryan, consumed with X-box and various games. I stand among them, the only girl, and just listen politely to their conversation while scoping out the hall for Michael.

  Finally, the bell rings and Ryan gives me a peck on the lips and we go in different directions to our first hours.

  ◆◆◆

  Michael is standing by his door
, just outside the classroom, surrounded by the usual gaggle of girls. I approach slowly, wondering if he'll look up and notice me. He's laughing and talking to Tracy Nemenski. Tracy has a rep for being easy and she never comes to school in anything that doesn't reveal her tanned cleavage. She's pretty, prettier than Kim even, with blond hair that curls down her back and light blue eyes.

  I clutch my English Lit book to my chest tightly as I watch Michael nudge her with his elbow. He's holding his wrist up and she's tying something onto him. Shit, she's made him a new bracelet, corded leather, like his others. This one is red.

  "You are really talented, Tracy, thank you!" Michael holds his wrist up for the others to see. "Check this out, girls. She did an awesome job, didn't she?"

  He has to know I'm standing there. There is no way he doesn't see me. I'm so mad I could slap him but instead I rudely push my way between him and Tracy and go into the classroom.

  I don't turn around to see if he's watching me. Two can play at this game. I take my seat and open my book to last night's homework. I've already written my paper on A Mid-Summer's Night Dream, properly this time, with no sexual innuendos. Pam and Linda come in, talking and laughing and glancing at me. I ignore them, staring at my paper.

  I keep my eyes on my desk as Michael begins the class. I can't look at him, he's being so sunny and happy and flirty with all the girls, and I swear, maybe even some of the boys. Everyone but me.

  "Everyone has their paper done, right?" He's saying, strolling around the class room. I notice he doesn't come near my row though. I try not to think about the last time we were together, the way his lips traveled down my inner thigh and back up again.

  "Well you'll be happy to know I have another paper for you to do tonight!" Groans all around and he hands a stack of papers to his new favorite, Tracy. "You wanna hand these out for me, Trace?"

  'Trace'? Seriously???

  Tracy jumps up and starts delivering the papers around the room.

  "Okay your first paper was about the four lovers and their relationships with each other. Your next paper will answer a series of questions you'll find on this hand out. Who can tell me what I want to see in this paper, and what I do not want to see?"

  Tracy slaps a paper on my desk and moves on. I look around and no one is raising their hand. I'm usually the one with the right answers and this time it's no different. Michael always goes on and on about how he hates it when students just quote a bunch of facts to him instead of writing the answers out in proper essay form.

  When no one else's hand shoots up, I raise my own.

  Michael's strolling around the class and his eyes flit over me briefly. "Come on, guys. I've said this a million times. Am I talking to myself up here?"

  What. A. Jerk. I cannot believe he's being so pissy. I snap my fingers to get his attention and wave my hand harder.

  He glances at me, irritated. "Someone besides Taryn."

  I pull my arm down and sink into my seat. Someone besides me. Wow. I bite the inside of my mouth and clench my hands into fists under my desk.

  "I know, Mr. Hayes!" Tracy turns and gives Michael a dazzling smile. "I know just what you want."

  I'm gonna puke. I break into a cold sweat and the room is literally spinning around me. I have to get out of this fucking room. My hand shoots up again and wavers unsteadily.

  "Taryn, give someone else a chance to shine, yeah?" Michael snaps and the room erupts into titters.

  "I need the pass please," I murmur, standing up unsteadily. "I'm not feeling well."

  Michael goes to his desk and grabs the wooden pass and holds it out to me. Grabbing my things, I stumble forward and take the pass and he doesn't even look at me.

  I run from the room and just make it to garbage can in the hall, retching. I clutch the edge of the can, the plastic trash bag sliding under my palms and gasp for breath. Nothing even comes up because I didn't eat breakfast.

  After a few more dry heaves, I back away from the garbage can, wipe my streaming eyes and run for the bathroom down the hall. I lock myself into a stall and hold my middle as I sob quietly into my hands.

  What happened to my beautiful love affair? Michael acts like he hates me now! I thought he loved me, I thought he wanted a future with me!

  I cry for a little bit longer and then my phone pings. It's a text from Michael and I hitch my breath in when I see his name.

  "See me after class."

  That could mean anything. It could mean he feels bad and wants to make sure I'm okay. Maybe he wants to apologize and will tell me he loves me again! Or maybe he's mad...

  I try to push that thought away because it's too unpleasant to contemplate.

  I leave the stall and go to the sink to freshen up a bit. My eyes are red and my makeup is running in streaks all over my face. I grab a paper towel and wet it, trying to repair the damage.

  The door opens and Pam comes in.

  "Hey, you alright? Mr. Hayes sent me down to check on you."

  "What do you care?" I keep my eyes on the mirror.

  "Well, the teacher told me to, so..."

  "I'm fine!" I snap. I straighten my dress and run my fingers through my hair.

  "Taryn." Pam moves closer to me and leans against the sink. "Look, um, I'm really sorry about all this Kim stuff. It sucks. But we did warn you about how Kim would take you seeing Ryan."

  I grab my bag and dig for my eye liner. "I don't care, Pam, whatever." I line my eyes and then re-apply my mascara. "I just thought you were different." I give her a quick glance. "I mean, you always acted more like me than Kim and Linda. I thought you were actually a real friend. But I guess not."

  "That's not fair!" Pam protests. "If situations were reversed, Taryn, you know you'd be the same way. No one can tell Kim no."

  "Oh my God!" I slam the tube of mascara onto the counter top. "That is such fucking bullshit, Pam! You can tell her no and before all this I was getting ready to do that anyway. I'd had enough of her crap, her ordering us all around and telling us who we can date and what parties to go to and all that shit. I even thought maybe you would follow my example. What a joke. I bet she even tells you when to fuck Kyle and when not to."

  "She does not." Pam looks at her shoes. "Well you're braver than I am, Taryn. I guess that makes you the better person."

  I want to cry again. I look back in the mirror at my sorry reflection. "Trust me, Pam. I am not the better person. Not at all."

  We're both quiet for a long moment. "I wish you trusted me enough to tell me what has you so upset," says Pam. "Is it Ryan? I mean, you can talk to me if you want. I won't tell Kim, I promise."

  "No, it's...nothing." I long for someone to talk to, but no way in hell am I trusting Pam.

  She sighs. "Okay, well text me if you want. We can hang out."

  I nod and roll my eyes. Yeah, right.

  Finally, Pam leaves me alone and I wait for the bell to ring so I can go see Michael.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Michael closes his classroom door and locks it.

  "Come with me," he orders, striding down the hall. "Not close."

  I stay a distance away and trail behind him through the halls. He greets dozens of students along the way with a smile and wave and a pat on the back.

  "Hey, Mr. Hayes!" I keep hearing the salutations, yelled and spoken with admiration as we weave our way through the crowds.

  Michael soaks it all in. He's popular and he likes it. I used to know the feeling.

  I have no idea where he's taking me, he hasn't spoken a word to me other than to order me to follow him. So, I know he's mad. I'm going to get yelled at but the way I'm feeling right now I just might yell back. I don't care if he's a teacher or not.

  Finally, Michael pulls open a door and we are in the mechanical room. The room hums from the various equipment that fills the small space and it smells like peppermint in here. Some kind of industrial solvent apparently.

  Micheal punches the lock in the door knob and then turns to me, his face a livid
mask of stone.

  "Don't you EVER come to my house again, do you hear me?"

  I shrink away from his fury and he comes closer. I can tell he wants to touch me, to grab me and possibly shake the shit out of me. His hand is the air and he's gesturing at me, his hand curling into a tight fist before he finally pulls it away.

  "I'm sorry," I murmur. "I wanted to surprise you."

  "Surprise me?" He laughs. "Well you sure surprised Ava! Do you have any idea the shit I had to go through last night because of you? I was up half the night fighting with her. She's convinced I'm fucking you!"

  I bite my lip and cross my arms over my middle. "Well you are. Or were anyway."

  Michael advances on me again. "Don't you be smart with me, Taryn. This is not a fucking joke!" He's nearly shouting now, and I wonder how sound proof this room is.

  "You should have told me Ava was still around," I tell him, my eyes just as hard as his. "You told me you broke up with her."

  "No, I didn't," he insists. "I never said that, Taryn. Ava and I live together. We're engaged to be married."

  "Yeah, I saw the ring." The truth is hitting me hard, Michael is an ass. Michael used me, he just wanted to have sex with me. He doesn't care about me at all. Oh my God, I'm so stupid!

  "You have to stop texting me too, Taryn. Like all freaking night long you're texting me! You're harassing me! You can't fucking do that! Where is your brain, girl?" He pauses, his mouth thinning, then he grabs me by my upper arms, firmly holding me in place. "Listen, you and me, that was just...you know. Just sex, Taryn. You wanted me to teach you, so I did. That's all it was. I'm getting married next year, to a gorgeous, sexy, smart woman. I have a full time, well-paying job and a mortgage on my condo. I'm not throwing all that away on some teenager. Get real."

  The damn tears are coming again and I swipe them away. "You're horrible." I whisper, gazing at the man I thought I was in love with. I jerk my arms from his grasp.

  Michael laughs again, cruelly. "Okay, yeah. You didn't come begging me for sex, right? But I'm the bad guy, yep. Totally."