by Pamela Slim
Executive coach Michele Woodward created the Connector Strategy Tool, which she uses to help clients conducting a job search identify the connectors in their life. One of Michele’s clients who used the tool reported that after having lunch with a connector, he sent eight messages of introduction to hiring managers on her behalf by the time she got back to the office.
Charlie Gilkey and I used the network role model in our Lift Off Retreat, and it was exceptionally eye-opening for the participants, who realized: A) They should celebrate who they really are and ignore advice to change into something they are not. B) By surrounding themselves with other network roles, their businesses will grow to a whole other level.
CONNECTOR, MAVEN, OR SALESMAN
Name your primary network role. Are you a connector, a maven, or a salesman? (If you are unsure where you fit, you can read more in Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point.)
Evaluate your current work model through this lens. Are you setting yourself up for success or failure? Connectors build bridges, mavens dig deep and research, and salesmen influence and sell. Is that what you are doing?
Identify your missing network roles. Which parts of creating and sharing ideas are difficult for you? Who do you need more of in your life?
In your next project, build a small well-rounded council with mavens, connectors, and salesmen. If you are inside a company, you might consider pulling in people from other divisions or departments to share perspectives. If you have your own company, you can organize a peer network to share ideas and information.
Who should you have in your networks?
I recommend that everyone have the following people in their network (in addition to your beloved spouse and kids/pets):
Two people you can text at any time day or night
Two mentors you can call when you have great challenges or opportunities
A smart, challenging friend who will pick apart your ideas without crushing your confidence
A best friend you can whine to, or celebrate with
A strong, clear-thinking analytical friend who can help you solve complex problems
A pocketful of creative thinkers who don’t mind being pinged on the phone or Skype
Of course you can have a lot more people in your circle, but if you have these bases covered, you are in excellent shape.
What can real, live people do that books, videos, or your own brain cannot?
Hold you accountable
My friend Michael Bungay Stanier, author of Do More Great Work, took a keen interest in my own crazy writing process and volunteered to be my accountability partner for writing this book. Our methods included daily e-mail check-ins about the number of words written, as well as scattered Skype chats when I get stuck or overwhelmed. Knowing that Michael is investing his time in my success makes me feel extra motivated to get the book done.
Challenge your thinking
You want people in your life who will help you to think in new, different, and more nuanced ways. My friend Barbara Saunders always has a unique perspective on my work and takes the time to offer detailed comments. (Incidentally, our podcast interview about how we misjudge introverts is one of my most popular.)
Balance your strengths
Chances are, if you have tremendous strengths in one area (strategic thinking, graphic design, quantum physics), you also have noteworthy weaknesses in other areas. Highly detailed tax attorney Kyle Durand has done the unthinkable: made this liberal arts major get excited about legal contracts, partnership agreements, and watertight financial statements.
Remind you of your true path
Best friends, like my Desiree Adaway, remind you that no matter how dark the current moment appears, there is a better day ahead. People who know you very well have a unique perspective about your patterns and your true self.
Motivate you
Andy Pels refuses to let me do anything less than my best work. He immediately sends me an e-mail if I have a typo in a blog post. He actually prescheduled motivating e-mails last August to hit my in-box at the time when I was due to be finishing my book.
I have many more dear friends and trusted colleagues, but these are a few examples of the kind of people who can keep you moving forward, despite your valiant efforts to shrink back from your greatness.
Where can you find a support team?
If you don’t already have strong circle of peers around you, I suggest looking for them:
in organizations: work, college, spiritual, or hobby groups.
in classes: often you can find great peers in online classes or programs.
in your local community: look for Meetup groups, professional associations, coworking spaces, or conferences.
online: fellow blog readers, Facebook buddies, Twitter pals, or LinkedIn connections are excellent sources of peer mentors.
A great circle of peer mentors reminds you that we all need each other.
When each of us operates from our strengths, invests in one another’s successes, and sees the world as a series of creative collaborations, we all win.
You must still create your own success
While learning from the best and most successful in your field, it is very important to make sure you are not asking them to do your work for you. Martha Beck once told me: “Every time I go to a cocktail party, well-meaning authors or experts corner me with a copy of their book, asking in a hushed tone ‘Would you mind giving my book to Oprah when you are in her office?’ What they should be asking is: ‘What were the most powerful steps you took to prepare yourself to be on Oprah?’”
Seth Godin said something very similar in his post “No Knight, No Shining Armor”:
The magic of the tribe is that you can build it incrementally, that day by day you can earn the asset that will allow you to bring your work to people who want it. Or you can skip that and wait to get picked. Picked to be on Oprah or American Idol or at the cash register at Borders.
Getting picked is great. Building a tribe is reliable; it’s hard work and it’s worth doing.
The eight magic questions, not the magic bullet
So what is your brand-new business idea or big goal that you have no idea how to accomplish?
Getting a book deal? Breaking into a new market? Getting a job in a different industry? Creating a successful software product? Getting your own television show? Monetizing your blog?
Answer the following questions:
Who has done this, or something similar to this, and done it well?
Of all the people I find who have done this well, which of them share my values, work ethic, and life goals?
What were the key moves these people made in order to have success?
Who are the deep experts, enthusiasts, and influential people in this area?
Where do they hang out, so I can go meet them?
What criteria do decision makers use to select products or projects? (Most relevant for things like book deals, television shows, getting venture capital, or being chosen for guest posts on popular blogs.)
How can I apply this learning to my own business planning?
What are my key moves in the next month, next quarter, and next year to get me to my goal as quickly as possible?
The more you develop your network, the more ease you will feel when starting new or challenging projects.
How to ask for help when you get stuck
I work with a lot of smart people. Folks who have done amazing things in their careers, raised great children, changed their communities, created fine pieces of art, and solved complex problems.
As they are attempting something new, they often hit a wall if they can’t figure it out. Many get paralyzed and lose confidence and momentum the longer they don’t have an answer.
Some of this is based on assumptions
they make about what people think of those who ask for help.
Common assumptions about asking for help in a competitive environment:
If you ask for help, you are weak.
Smart people are too busy to help.
Asking for help is a nuisance.
If you ask for help, no one will trust you.
If you ask for help, you are not an expert.
Common assumptions about asking for help in the new world of entrepreneurship:
If you ask for help, you want to learn.
People love to share their expertise; it helps them to feel valued and validated.
Asking for help is the quickest way to grow a business, solve a problem, and attain your goals.
When you are in a stuck place and feel overwhelmed, the one thing that will not make you feel better is spending more time alone thinking. You will go from:
“I cannot figure out how to write this proposal!” to “I will never be able to write this proposal!” to “Who was I to ever think that I had any right to be in business?”
It is a very ugly spiral.
To avoid this, you need to get used to asking for help early and often.
The key to getting great help is to make the request clear and brief. Write your questions in a form that will allow someone to give a brief and specific answer.
Good Technique: “Hey, Pam, do you know anyone who specializes in local business marketing strategies?”
As opposed to:
Bad Technique: “Hey, Pam, how should I market my business?”
This kind of broad question makes my head spin and is really hard to answer with a brief e-mail.
Five ways to ask for help
1. Describe what you need help with in clear language.
“I have a great software product, but I have no idea which conference to speak at in the New York area to attract ideal customers.”
“I need to change the header on my WordPress site, but I don’t know how to do it.”
“I need to get my own health insurance, but I don’t know where to get started.”
2. Send a Tweet.
I consider Twitter an interesting alternative to Google because I get answers from people who share a personal connection. If you do not have a big Twitter following yet, ask someone who does. I constantly poll my Twitter circle with questions from friends and clients. Make sure your question is clear, brief, and includes “thanks.”
Example: “Does anyone know a great health insurance broker in the Seattle area? Thanks in advance!”
3. Use LinkedIn Answers.
LinkedIn is full of smart and helpful people who can answer a whole range of professional questions. If someone answers your question, be sure to thank them, extend an invitation to connect, and let them know you are available to answer questions for them as well.
4. Attend free calls and webinars.
I have been hosting a free monthly call for the past three years on my blog. I get a huge range of questions, and there are no strings attached to participating. Look for similar offers in your market—companies often host free training on their products, and other coaches or consultants do the same. Sometimes you will be pitched to buy something at the end, but that is a reasonable price to pay for free information.
5. Ask friends and colleagues from your professional organizations or programs.
You may have a great connection with someone who attends a monthly networking meeting you go to, or is in an educational program that you participate in. Send a direct message to them, and see if they can help you. Some of these early exchanges can lead to more extended learning partnerships, like masterminds. I met Philippa Kennealy, from the Entrepreneurial MD, in a program run by Andrea Lee, and after some brief exchanges, she and I became mastermind partners for the whole first year we started our blogs (way back in 2005!). She is a big reason why I got early momentum and success on my blog.
Asking for help, and giving help on a consistent basis, is the best thing you can do for your body of work. It doesn’t have to be a lonely grind; it can be a rich exchange of ideas, information, and resources.
How to manage a growing network
When you begin to cultivate your network and build your connections, while it provides great diversity and “contextual capacity,” it can quickly get overwhelming. People ask me quite often how I can keep up relationships with so many people as my in-person and virtual network grows.
The short answer is: I can’t.
It would be pretty impossible to keep track of thirty-five thousand people on Twitter and hundreds of students and clients.
I do, however, get great joy from knowing a lot of people. Here are my tips for managing a growing network without burning out.
10 ways to strengthen connections with your network
1. Know your wing span.
As we discussed earlier, you can separate people into connectors, mavens, and salesmen. Connectors, if you remember, love to connect people and often have very large networks. I am a big connector, so every time I meet someone new, I think, “Cool! Someone else who can be a resource to my community!” If you are not a connector, you may need to define the maximum size network that feels comfortable for you. Kevin Kelly’s concept of one thousand true fans may appeal to more introverted people who would rather have depth than breadth in their network.
2. Change your expectations.
If you expect that you will remember to write personal birthday cards to every single person in your network, you will be massively stressed out. The nature of social networks is that they are loose, open, and instantaneous. Instead of thinking, “I must keep tabs on every single thing each person is doing,” you can think, “I will make sure to really pay attention to the people who come across me today.” You do not have to have deep, long conversations with everyone every week in order to consider them a friend and advocate.
3. Choose your inner circle.
I have a very small circle of people who I call on all the time. I make it a priority to stay very connected with their lives and rely on them to help me with my own challenges. Being thoughtful about who is in this very small circle means I have more energy to reach out and connect with a lot more people from a more grounded perspective.
4. Love the one you’re with.
When you have the opportunity to meet someone at a live event, give them your full attention. Plant your feet. Look them in the eyes. Listen to what they are saying. Recently, at the World Domination Summit in Portland, Oregon, I was in a room with more than three thousand people. I wanted to talk to all of them. But since that was not possible, I made sure to really connect with each person I did talk to, even if it was only for two minutes in the hallway.
5. Sprinkle in random check-ins.
I love to jump on a quick video chat and surprise a friend, pop by a new blog, or start up a conversation on Twitter with someone I don’t know well. These are often brief conversations, but they form a strong connection for a few minutes and often bridge into feeling comfortable with that person when you meet him or her in real life. I also love scanning through my phone contact list and doing random “Hello, I miss you” calls when I have a few extra minutes.
6. Set expectations for communication.
I send a note to everyone who joins my newsletter asking for their biggest question about starting a business. I use this technique to gather data about blog posts to write or classes to create. I write, “I may not be able to answer each question individually, but I do host a free call the first Wednesday of the month, which you are welcome to join.” Many sign up for the calls and not only get their questions answered but also hear useful information from others. On my blog, I do not set the expectation that I will respond to every comment, because that would not work with the limited amount of time I dedicate to work each day. I d
o set the expectation that I will read and enjoy every comment or question. Expectations give everyone room to breathe.
7. Prioritize critical people in your network like bosses, clients, close friends, or family members.
A couple of years ago I got an e-mail from a client who felt like I was not checking in enough with what she was up to. Do you know what? She was right. Listening to what she needed from me reminded me that it is a privilege to be a coach, and I should make adjustments in my work flow to make sure I follow the work of my clients more closely than that of my broader network. I am very appreciative of her feedback as it affected the way I structure my client relationships.
8. Use technology.
You can create groups on Twitter (of clients, of friends, of favorite thinkers) so you can have a small and focused window into key segments of your network. If you scan the stream of these special groups, you can respond, retweet, and encourage in an organized manner. You can also set reminders in your calendar at different times of the month to e-mail current clients, or to stop by the blogs of your favorite folks. Knowing that you have a block of time to check up on key networks will stop you from feeling pressured to do so every day.
9. Connect people with each other.
I believe that my main purpose is to create community. I don’t want to create a situation where everyone is lined up trying to talk with me; I want them to talk with each other. So think about the best dinner party host you know—what do they do? They invite great people to the party. They serve great food. They make the environment open and inviting. They introduce people to each other. Then they slip into the kitchen to make more hors d’oeuvres so that everyone can start talking.
10. Get meta.
I love meditations where I visualize sending love to all of the people and creatures on earth. Feeling the pulse of collective humanity reminds me that we are always connected by virtue of sharing the same planet. We do not have to talk with each person on earth to know that—we can feel it.
As Kyle found out, creating a network of the right people with the right skill sets can be the difference between simmering an idea for years without doing anything about it and executing real, live projects that improve the quality of life for people you care about.