Christian began pouring our post show shots then stopped and looked at me. “I quit the drugs, dude. Pour me a damn shot! It's customary. I never said I wouldn't have a few drinks here and there.”
He poured the rest of the shots and passed them around. “Here's to another awesome show and a fucking amazing new song! Cheers!” Elsie said. Our glassed clinked and we all shot the hot liquid down our throats. We all coughed a little before setting our glasses down. “We're in Vegas! What are we going to do tonight?” Christian asked. He had his arm around my sister. Neil and Nathan both had their girlfriends draped across their bodies. “You guys go ahead. I think I'm going to call it a night.”
I looked for her during the show, but couldn't find her. I was hoping she'd already be backstage when the show was over. She wasn't. “You okay, El?” Elsie asked and I saw the concern etched on her face. Concern I'd put there. “Yeah, Elsie, I'm good. Don't worry about me. I'm just going to catch up on some TV and call it a night. Go have fun!” I encouraged before walking away.
Once I was in the privacy of my room I kicked off my shoes and pulled my shirt off. I made myself a weak Whiskey Sour drink and sat down to watch some mind numbing television. My mind kept roaming back to her. I didn't want to think about her. I just wanted to forget I'd ever seen her. The idea of drugs floated through my mind. I knew they'd help me forget. Numb me. I also entertained the idea of a call girl. Fuck Kendra out of my mind. As bad as I wanted to do both of those things I settled on bad TV and a weak drink.
I was focusing on some sitcom I'd never heard of when the phone rang. “I'm fine, Elsie, you don't have to worry about me,” I said, slightly annoyed. “Elijah, it’s Kendra. Is this a bad time?” Her voice punched me in the heart. Words caught in my throat and I think I forgot how to breathe. “Elijah? Are you okay? Hello?” I shook my head, trying to regain my senses.
“Uh, yeah. Hi, Kendra. I'm glad you called. I didn't see you at the show tonight.”
“I didn't realize you played two shows in Vegas. I have tickets for tomorrow night’s show.”
“Oh, great! That's great,” I replied, fumbling my words like an idiot. It was so much easier talking to her when I was under the influence.
“Can I see you tonight?” she asked. I swear she just reached her hand through the phone and stole my soul, again. Get it together, Elijah, you sound like a fool.
“Umm, yeah sure. Of course. Where are you staying?”
“I'm at Venetian.”
“Really, me too. Meet me at the Madame Tussauds entrance in fifteen minutes.”
“Okay. I'll see you soon. Bye.”
“Bye,” I replied and looked at the phone as though I were looking at her. I stood frozen for a few moments before it hit me, I was going to meet her. I hadn't showered after the show. Instead the sweat had dried on me, and I knew I probably smelled ripe. I pulled off my clothes and took the fastest shower of my life. I pulled my clothes onto my still damp body and ran a brush through my hair. I checked myself in the mirror. I hadn't shaved before the show, so I had a serious five o'clock shadow going on. It was too late to worry about it. I quickly rolled some deodorant on and grabbed my room key before rushing out the door.
My stomach was turning and my heart was lodged nicely in my throat. I cussed myself for being so eager. For not acting like a man. I bounced around a little in the elevator, shaking my arms out, trying to get rid of the nerves. I'd only felt this way one other time in my life, when I met Chinda. The nerves were foreign to me. I exited the elevator and jogged to our meeting place. I slowed when I saw the sign and looked around for her.
I spotted her standing by the escalator, looking around for me, I assumed. She was beautiful. Her blond hair was down and loose around her shoulders. She was wearing a flowing skirt and form fitting tank top. Her face was free of makeup and the prettiest face I'd ever seen. She turned toward me and saw me watching her. Her mouth turned up into a smile, showing her ivory teeth. She walked over to me, the smile never leaving her face.
“Hi, thanks for meeting me,” she said in greeting. Once again, I was flustered and mumbled, “Hi, thanks for calling.” We stood there awkwardly for a few minutes before she giggled nervously and pushed her hair behind her ear.
“Want to go for a walk?” I asked her.
“Yeah, that would be nice.” We walked along the outside corridors of the Venetian. There were very few people out which relieved me. We were able to chat casually without a fan recognizing me. We stopped and looked out over the small river where the Gondola boats floated. The city was ablaze with lights and activity but in that moment, it was just her and me.
“So tell me about yourself?” I encouraged.
“Well, I told you most of it in Portland. My parents moved around a lot. I've lived all over the US and some cities abroad. I'm engaged to a wonderful man, who my parents love. He's the one who encouraged me to do this. He knows how much I love Briston. It's sort of like an engagement gift to me. I don't work because I don't have to. I was raised to be a rich man's wife like my mother and honestly, I'm okay with that most of the time.”
“Most of the time? What about the rest of the time?”
“The rest of the time I'm someone else. I like adventure. I crave a little bit of danger sometimes. I want more independence. Sometimes I don't want a man like my fiancé. I want a man like you. Someone who makes butterflies in my belly and makes my heart beat out of sync. Maybe someone who takes me for a ride on his motorcycle or in his fast sports car. Sometimes I just want to live.”
“Does Mr. Wonderful know you dream of this other life?” I challenged.
“Yes. He loves me. He gets me. We have an understanding.” Her voice trailed off a little, and she looked away from me.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked. Her face had fallen. She looked sad.
“Will you tell me about her?” She asked quietly.
“Who?”
“Chinda.”
“What do you want to know?” I asked her. I wanted to tell her everything I could remember about my Chinda. I wanted the memories to break through her block. I wanted her to remember that she's my girl.
“Anything. Everything.”
I sucked in a breath of air and let it out slowly before letting the words fall from my mouth. “Well, she looked identical to you, beautiful. She too came from a wealthy family but she was not like them. She was funny, brave and strong. She and my sister were best friends and while her parents liked Elsie enough, they were not thrilled when she started dating me. We didn't care though. We dated all through high school. We were always together. Always. I loved her deeply. Her parents forbid her to see me at one point but we just hid our relationship. It wasn't hard. They thought she was with Elsie. She even had a fake prom date. He was great. Went to her house, posed for pictures for her parents, and then he brought her to me.” I paused, remembering how gorgeous she looked that night.
I pulled out a smoke and lit it up. I hadn't thought about this night in a long time. I tried not to think about it since it was the night part of me died. “Anyway, we danced a while then we left the prom. We drove out of town a little where we could be alone. We made love for the first time that night. I can still smell her perfume. I can still feel her skin on mine. We were perfect together. We fit perfectly.” I took a drag of the smoke and inhaled it deeply into my lungs, needing to feel the burn.
The memories were bittersweet and fucking hurt like hell. I wasn't sure this girl was my Chinda. I didn't really know who this girl was, but I felt like I needed to tell her. “We were on our way back to the prom so her fake date could take her home when my car was hit by a classmate who'd been drinking. I was in a coma for a few days. When I woke up I asked for her. That's when I was told that she didn't survive the crash. Her parents blamed me and forbade me from attending her funeral. My parents moved me out of Oregon and I tried to start over but I couldn't. I haven't dated since. I got lost in music, drugs and booze. Then I saw you and something insi
de me changed.” I looked at her and saw that she had tears in her eyes. I reached my thumb up and wiped them away.
“I'm sorry, Elijah. I didn't mean to cry. Something about your story touched me. It really is tragic and I'm so sorry you went through that.”
“Yeah, well, I am on a new path now, Kendra. For the first time since I lost her I feel alive. That's thanks to you.” I offered her a smile before crushing my smoke out on my shoe and tossing it in the nearest garbage can.
“I don't want to give you the wrong idea, Elijah. I fully intend on marrying Charlie in three months. I don't know what it is with us. I don't know what I expect from you. I know it's a lot to ask you to spend time with me but I really hope you will,” she said, her face full of hope.
“I'd love to spend time with you, Kendra. Will you have dinner with me tomorrow after the show?”
“Yeah, I'd like that very much. I better get back to my room. Good luck tomorrow, Elijah. I'll be in the front row.”
“Yeah? Front row?” she smiled a huge smile at me before looking down shyly. “Well, then I guess I better do something special tomorrow huh? See you tomorrow night, Kendra,” I said then I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips, kissing it gently. “Have a good night.” I turned and walked away. I had to stop myself from skipping. I actually wanted to skip and click my fucking heals together. I settled on walking away coolly, holding my breath until I reached the elevator.
Once I made it back to the room I allowed myself to breathe again. There were so many flaws in our situation. So many things against us, the main one being her fiancé. Charlie, I said out loud. What a lame fucking name. I imagined him an uptight asshole that drinks tea with his pinky up and wears sweaters around his shoulders, tied at the neck. He probably plays golf at the country club and has a small dick. I didn't know the guy but I knew guys like him, arrogant fuckheads. What kind of man let's his fiancée follow a rock band around the country? Especially one like Kendra. Yep, he's definitely an idiot.
I didn't care about the odds. I only wanted to get to know her, one day at a time. I fell into bed with thoughts of her lulling me to sleep. I woke the next morning refreshed and excited for the show. We were playing an afternoon show at the MGM which would leave the evening free to spend with her. I grabbed my phone and texted Elsie and the guys letting them know I'd meet them at rehearsal. I dressed quickly and headed down to the shops. I perused every shop until I found the perfect gift. I paid for it and headed to rehearsal.
I laughed when I saw the squinted eyes and sour faces of my bandmates. “Vegas hard on you last night?” I teased. “Go to hell, Elijah,” Nate retorted. There was various Gatorade bottles scattered around the stage. “You going to be okay to play today?” I asked. “Fuck you, bro, you know we are.” Elsie shot me a dirty look before grabbing her bass and finding her spot on the stage. The guys slowly took their positions and rehearsal began. Three hours later we were playing to a sold-out crowd.
Kendra was there, front row, as she said she'd be. We made eye contact several times and each time the blood pumped through my veins a little faster. We put on one of the best shows we'd ever played. We had our customary shot afterwards then went our separate ways. The days on the road were taking a toll on everyone. We were down to four shows left then we'd all be able to go home and collapse. I, on the other hand, was far from exhausted. I was pumped up and looking forward to seeing Kendra.
I had a few hours to kill before our date, so I went back to the room and cleaned up. I'd given her my room number and asked her to be there by six. It was 5:30, and I was antsy as all hell. I'd gone through the TV stations before shutting it off and tossing the remote on the couch. I settled on pacing the room while I waited. At 5:45, there was a knock on the door. She was early. Thank God, she was early.
“Hey there,” I said in greeting.
“Hey, I know I'm a bit early. Hope that's okay.”
“Yeah, of course. Would you like to come in for a minute?” I stepped aside, allowing her room to come in if she said yes.
“Sure,” she replied shyly and moved past me. She took in the room and seemed unimpressed. Most women I brought to my rooms were stunned by the lavishness of the hotel suites. Kendra wasn’t.
“Nice room. Mines a little better, but this one is nice too.” She glanced at me and smiled.
“Yours is better huh? How so?” I challenged.
“I'm at the other end so I have a view of the strip from one window and the mountain range from the other. It's also a little bigger but really it's similar.” She spoke as though she were stating a simple fact.
“Well, next time I'll try to do better,” I teased. Her face turned a shade of crimson, and she laughed nervously.
“Oh, I didn't mean to imply that yours is not good enough. Well, I guess that's exactly what I said. I just meant that, well, oh shit I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. It was rude of me. I meant no insult.” She was fumbling her words. She was so damned cute.
“It's okay. I was kidding, Kendra. It's kind of refreshing to have someone not be impressed by all of this. It's just money anyway. I hate every room I stay in if I'm being honest. I prefer the comfort of my own bed in my own house but these suffice while I'm on the road.” I walked over to the bar. “What would you like to drink?” I asked her, wanting to change the subject of money. If Chinda and I ever had a problem it wasn’t because of her money. I didn't care about it and neither did she but her parents did. They never missed an opportunity to remind her of my family’s lack of money, how I would never amount to anything, and that she should be dating one of the nice boys from the country club.
She'd come crying to me numerous times after a fight with her parents, always about me. She'd begged me one day to run away with her. Leave it all behind. As much as I wanted to I knew we couldn't. We were barely eighteen, not out of high school, and she'd be cut out of her family. I couldn't let her do that. As much as I loved her and wanted her with me and as much as I loathed her parents, I knew she loved them. Regardless of the fights, she loved her family. I'd never make her choose between them and me.
Instead, I decided I'd prove myself. I'd make something out of myself and show them that I could take care of their daughter. That's when we decided to hide our relationship from them. It seemed easier for the time being. Talking to this girl about money made me uncomfortable. I'd never cared about being rich. I just wanted to earn my way into Chinda's parent's good graces. Even now, being fucking loaded and an international rock star, I didn't care about it. I'd stay in a Motel 6 if my sister would. She never would.
“I'll have a whiskey and diet Coke please,” she said, her voice pulling me back into the moment. “Are you alright? I think I lost ya for a minute there.” She smiled at me from across the room.
“I'm good. Just got lost in a memory,” I said, embarrassed. “Whiskey huh? My kind of girl. No fruity female drinks. Nice.” I poured her drink and my own weak version of the same drink. I joined her on the couch, handing her the glass. My hand touched hers, and I felt electricity. “Oh, I'm sorry I shocked you,” she said laughing. I thought for a second. Oh, dumbass, she shocked you. It wasn't because of some electric connection, I thought.
“It's okay. I kind of liked it,” I admitted and laughed with her. The sound of her laugh was musical. Like a favorite song that just makes you happy. That was her laugh. That was Chinda's laugh. I was lost in that laugh.
The laughing slowed as she took a sip of her drink. “Tell me what took you away a few minutes ago,” she said seriously. I shifted, suddenly conscious of myself, which was an odd feeling. I was a rock star for Christ's sake. I performed almost nightly. I was always on display for someone, crowd, photographers, paparazzi, fans, someone. All she'd done was ask a simple question, and I was squirming. You're totally losing your man card I told myself.
“You really want to know?”
“Yes, I'd really like to know.”
“I was thinking about Chinda, the girl you remind me
of. See, she came from a family with money and her parents didn't approve of me. When you compared rooms it reminded me how uninterested in money she was and how much I hate it.”
Never Say Goodbye Page 5