Rewrite the Stars

by Julieann Dove

  “If I recall, you had to go and get married at the justice of the peace.” Claire was told by Evie that Mr. Prescott wasn’t going to invite his business partners to a wedding in which Jason was the groom. Nor was he going to pay for it.

  “I liked it. At least I don’t owe him anything. And I didn’t have to pretend for a day to like the colors I wouldn’t be allowed to pick, or the reception hall that I would’ve hated. You and Colin could’ve done the same. So Dad would have to find another place to retire. He’d get over it eventually.”

  Claire tilted her head toward the bright sky. The sun was burning intensely in the late morning hours. She knew it was a futile discussion and something her friend would never grip the concept of. It was what it was.

  “I don’t know, Mallory. Life just isn’t that easy.”

  She thought back on the talk she and Alex had as they drove off that day from the cove. How that vacation changed her relationship with Mallory. Claire would always feel like a cheater in the eyes of her friend. But it gave her confirmation how nothing was going to ever change for her and Colin. It couldn’t. Every time she thought she was unable to bear any more secrecy and would die if she didn’t sleep in his arms every night, she’d remember what Mallory said about living as a sacrifice to the family she’d already made. Even if it killed her, she’d stop thinking of what could have been and lock the thoughts, along with her heart, away from the world. She was going to throw herself into being a good mother to Pearl, like her mother was to her, and a good wife to Alex, as he was a great husband to her. She didn’t deserve him, but she’d try to earn his love for her.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  And Then It Happened

  Claire stared at the computer screen, thinking of what to say. Her report was due the next day to the team leader. If only she could wrap her mind around the correct way to put it into words. She looked again at the data from the tests, sitting on her desk. Nothing was coming to her. She was too tired. She’d been out at a charity event with Alex the night before and she was still fighting somewhat of a hangover.

  Life had gotten better for them as a couple. For the past year since her secret had been discovered by Mallory, Claire had made it her life’s mission to right the wrong she’d done. It wasn’t as if she were locked away in a prison. Only her heart was.

  She was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. She grabbed it from her purse. It must’ve been Alex, she thought. Calling to check whether she was as miserable as he with a headache and dry mouth. He’d petitioned for them to stay longer at the party. Pearl was staying a week with his mom and dad and they’d have no reason to return home early.

  Pulling it from her bag, the illuminated number on the screen made her drop it. Colin’s number flashed before her eyes. Never had she added him to her contact list, but she memorized those seven digits as if they were her own.

  It continued to ring in her quiet office. A few more times and it’d go to voicemail. The suspense killed her. They hadn’t spoken since she left the island and went to the Hamptons with Alex. She remembered packing the car quickly that day, as though they were breaking out of prison. She tried to leave before he returned from the grocery store with Emily. Alexander and Evie had agreed to watch Pearl so they could leave and spend time alone. That was the story, but Claire wanted to put miles between her and Colin for her marriage to survive.

  Her heart hastened as Alex kissed Pearl on her forehead for the tenth time, telling her to be a good girl. “Come on, Alex. We’ll miss the ferry.” Claire turned to her husband, all the while toe tapping on the pebbled driveway.

  She kissed Pearl and got behind the wheel of the rented SUV. “I love you and be good for Grandma and Grandpa.”

  Claire almost backed over a shovel and bucket left by one of the children.

  “Claire, watch where you’re going. Lord, you’d think someone was chasing us.”

  Not for long, she thought. She wasn’t going to allow herself to be chased by Colin and his hold on her any longer. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t living. Still, she rubbed the pendant around her neck, tucked it back under her shirt and sped out of the driveway. Her phone rang that night she left. The same number had flashed on the screen then. She erased the call and hid it in her bag. They hadn’t spoken since that night Mallory caught them.

  Now, she wondered why he was calling. Her finger rubbed over the button to accept it. It beeped one more time before it stopped. Her heart sank. What had she done? She closed her eyes and tried to refrain from calling him back.

  She was about to hit the recall button when it rang again. This time it was Mallory. Now she was perplexed. She picked up on the second ring. “Hello?”

  “Claire—” Her voice sounded grave. “Are you busy?”

  “Mallory? No, what’s wrong?”

  “Did Colin call you?”

  “No. Why would he call me? What’s wrong?” She felt faint, knowing in her heart something was wrong.

  “Mirabel was diagnosed with some type of blood disorder. He told me the name, but I can’t remember it. I’m so devastated I can’t think straight.”

  Claire ran through some of the ones she knew off the top of her head. A lot of them were treatable; some were not. She needed to know the specifics. “Let me call him now. I’ll talk with you soon.”

  Claire clicked off the phone and sat, mummified. She knew what that little girl meant to Colin. She knew what Pearl meant to her. As much as she wanted to speed dial his number, she rose from her desk and went to get a drink. She needed to be calm when she spoke to him. One of them had to have a level head.

  She picked up her phone from the desk and pressed out his number. The rings made her fingers shake. What if he lost his daughter? What kind of blood disorder would attack someone he loved? She felt his anguish, five hundred miles away.

  “Claire?” His voice was shaken.

  “Colin, Mallory just called and told me. What’s going on? What are they telling you? What are Mirabel’s symptoms?”

  “Claire, it’s serious. They say it’s some type of anemia or something. Emily took her in. She hasn’t been feeling well lately. I can’t remember everything they said. My body left after the man began using the words leukemia and transfusions.” There was a bad silence. “I can’t do this without you. I can’t lose my little girl. God is punishing me.”

  “Colin, stop talking nonsense. God is not punishing you. But I need to know the specifics. There are dozens of blood disorders. This one could be completely treatable. You mentioned transfusion. What kind?”

  “I don’t know, Claire. They gave Emily some paperwork. I’ll have to get it and call you back.”

  “Where are you now?”

  “I’m driving aimlessly. I don’t know where to go…what I’m doing anymore. Everything I wanted in life seems to be taken away from me. I can’t lose Mirabel, Claire.”

  “Colin, you’re not going to lose her. You need to calm down and pull over until you get it together. Go home and call me back with the information. I can find out your options once I know what you’re dealing with. Although I’m sure the doctor’s probably gone over it with Emily.”

  “She’s a wreck…worse than me.”

  “It’s going to be okay, Colin. We’ll get the information and deal with it.”

  “God, Claire, I need you so much. I need you to be here for me. To keep telling me this.” He hesitated. “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you in some capacity in my life.”

  She heard him sniff. If her arms could reach through the line, she would gladly hold him and tell him it would all be okay.

  “Colin, I’ll wait for your call. Drive safely.”

  “I love you, Claire.”

  She closed her eyes and felt the pain of his words. As though a thousand lashings came with the sentiment. They lost their comfort when she was no longer allowed to return them for the whole world to see. Locked in this secrecy did nothing more tha
n torture her.

  “I’ve got to go. Call me back.”

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Alex was tossing a salad when Claire walked into the kitchen. His sleeves were rolled up and he had a mischievous smile on his lips. “I hope you don’t mind. I gave Mrs. Potter the night off. I thought I’d cook something for you like I used to before Pearl was born.” He pointed to the bottle of wine on the counter. It was breathing; its cork was lying beside it. “Let me pour you a glass.”

  Claire raised her hand in protest. He noticed she looked pale. Her shoulders were shrugged forward and her eyes were sad. Sad like the time he’d met her for the first time at the beach house. Only one person could make Claire this sad.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She tossed her jacket on the barstool and fell into the chair. “I got a call from Mallory today. She said they diagnosed Mirabel with a type of blood disorder that can cause leukemia.”

  He set the wine bottle down and came around the counter to hold Claire. “Baby, I’m so sorry to hear that. What can be done? Is there a procedure? A treatment? What are the doctors telling them? Will she be okay?”

  Claire talked over his shoulder as he pressed her tight. “I did some research and if she gets a cell transplant, she can survive.”

  He pulled back and looked at her. “That’s good. And I can’t see Colin not turning over every leaf to make sure she gets it. I know if anything like that happened to Pearl, I’d move heaven and earth to get what she needed.”

  Claire bit her lip. “I hoped you’d feel that way.” She looked up at him with her brown eyes. The same brown eyes that he would move heaven and earth to please. Only, ironically, it was an impossibility in his lifetime.

  “What are you talking about?” He took a step back.

  “The chances of her finding a match is rare. Not a lot of people register to be donors. And the longer it takes, the sicker she’ll become and the chances of her getting leukemia are greater.”

  “And?”

  “We could test Pearl.”

  He didn’t flinch. He wished he could. He wished it would be that easy. But it wasn’t. The one thing he had wasn’t really his. Pearl, as much as he wanted, would never be truly his. Just like her mother. As with everything that meant anything to him, they all belonged to Colin. This was his lot in life.

  “Then what? If she’s a match, then what?”

  “Then she donates her bone marrow to save Mirabel’s life.” Her words hung in the quiet room.

  “And what are the ramifications to her own health if she becomes a donor?” He paced back and forth.

  “Nothing. There is no ramification. It’s merely a blood donation. Mirabel is the one who has to go through radiation to prepare for the transfusion. Then she gets the blood infused into her vein under her collarbone. It’s likely she’ll have to remain in ICU for up to three weeks after she receives it. She’ll be highly susceptible to any kind of virus.”

  “Good Lord! She’s only what? Seven or eight years old? What causes this to happen to a child?” He stopped pacing and rubbed his mouth with his hand. The timer on the stove beeped.

  “It’s inherited. And we don’t even know if Pearl is a match. It’s a possibility she’s not.”

  “Then what?” He went and turned off the alarm and opened the door to the oven. The smell of his pot roast wafted through the kitchen.

  “Then they wait for a match. It’s a slim chance they’ll find one.”

  He took a deep breath and stared at the oven mitt he held. “Then test her. We’ll cross that bridge when and if it happens.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Time to Cross That Bridge

  The room consisted of artificial lighting, a sink with a mirror behind it, and a back wall panel where a blood pressure cuff hung in a basket and a sign marked Code Blue was nailed over a red button. Claire shifted in her chair, a blank stare painted on her sullen face. Alex stood next to her, massaging her neck. Their little girl was having a procedure done to donate her stem cells in order to save Mirabel. The doctor said it wouldn’t take long. The last thing Claire was remembering was Pearl’s little hand with an IV stuck in it and her scared eyes as they pushed her in the bed down the hall.

  “So, are we going to be seeing Colin today, do you think?” Alex’s rough voice pierced through Claire’s meditation.

  “I’m not sure. I would think so. Mallory is riding over with him. I’m sure we’ll see all of them.”

  He stopped massaging her neck and walked over to look out the window. The sunscreen on it made it feel later in the day than what it was. Claire watched as he leaned against the pane, with a blank look on his face.

  “I know you’re scared, honey. But she’ll be fine.” Claire’s voice was low, yet confident.

  “I know she’ll be all right.”

  “Well, what’s on your mind, then? You look as though you’re a million miles away.”

  “I’m just wondering how many times in life we’ll be dragged back to Colin and his family. Never before have I hoped and prayed for never having to see someone again in my life.” He turned and stared at her.

  “I’m sure he would like nothing better than to not be here either. Especially under these circumstances.”

  “I just think there’ll always be some type of circumstance that puts him in front of the windshield of you, of us.”

  She took her dangling leg off her knee and sat up straight. “He’s your cousin, Alex. What makes you hate him so much?”

  She knew the instant the question left her mouth, she wanted so dearly to draw it back in. What was she thinking? Still, he hated him before they even met.

  “For starters, he’s the reason why I’ll never have you. Not fully, at least.”

  Claire became erect in the chair. She cleared her throat. Heat soared throughout her body. Not now. Not here. Couldn’t it just stay locked away in a forbidden closet of topics of things never to discuss?

  “I never asked what happened with Colin that first day I met you at the beach house. But I’m asking you now, Claire. What happened? Why did you come back crying to the guesthouse? Why didn’t you ever tell him about Pearl?”

  Claire covered her eyes with her hands and rocked back and forth on her knees. She owed him the truth. “His mother told me I wasn’t good enough for him, and if I didn’t leave, a secret would come out and ruin her and Colin and Mallory.”

  “What possible secret could do that?” He walked over and stood in front of her.

  “I really can’t say. It’s not my secret to tell.”

  He threw one hand on his hip and the other one in the air and puffed out a large gust of air. “Oh, I see. So this secret has kept you away from him and you away from me. And I’m not important enough to be privy to it?” His voice rose. “I haven’t spent the better part of my life loving a girl who’s so wrapped up in someone that she can’t possibly see that I’m just as in love with her? And I don’t have the right to know what’s destroyed my life?”

  Claire looked directly at him, all six-foot-one stature of him, bent over and pointing blame at her. She stood up slowly and came within inches of his face. “Destroyed your life? How have I destroyed your life, Alex?” Her eyes searched his. She was seriously without a clue.

  “You never got over him, Claire. For a while, I thought maybe you had. Then after you came back from Frieda’s funeral, I knew I’d lost you all over again.” His eyes burned with distress. The way his brow bent over them, shadowing the darkness they were destined to live in.

  She touched his face, trying to unwrinkle the sadness. She wished she could take away her feelings for Colin and belong only to Alex, but her heart wouldn’t let her. It wasn’t a voluntary reaction she could just change. It was inborn, since the day Colin took it and refused to return it.

  “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Claire.” He stepped back from her touch.

  “Do what? What can’t you do, Alex?” Her
chest heaved rapidly, her eyes concentrated on his every move.

  “I can’t wait for the next Colin dilemma in your life. I can’t move two steps forward, fooling myself that we have a shot to be happy, only to bump into him during vacation or have our daughter get stabbed in the back with a needle to give his daughter a transfusion. It’s too much. I can’t watch you slip away from me, anymore.” He looked into her eyes. “I love you, Claire, but I realize you’ll never be mine to love.”

  He turned to walk away. Claire grabbed his arm. “Alex, don’t leave me. We have to be here for Pearl when she gets out of recovery. She’ll be devastated if you’re not here.”

  He looked back at her as he took back his arm. “I’ll be here for her, Claire. I’ll always be here for her.”

  Claire ran to the bathroom and shut the door, locking it. She crouched down onto the cold tiled floor and began to weep. Her gasps for air came every half second, like a machine gun firing ammunition. How did life spiral out of control so quickly? Her head throbbed with pain. Thoughts of Alex and Pearl swirled in her head like a topsy-turvy ride. The small porcelain room spun around her. A knock on the door saved her from oblivion.

  She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Yes? I’ll be right out.”

  She stood and grabbed a chunk of toilet paper to blow her nose. After she tugged at her blouse to straighten it, she took a deep breath. She hoped she didn’t look as bad as she felt. The mirror was on the other side of the door from where she stood. Slowly she opened the door.

  Emily stood by the window, looking out toward the parking lot. Claire spied her reflection in the mirror before Emily saw her. She pulled her hair back and straightened her posture.

  “Emily? What are you doing here?”

  Emily walked toward her. “Claire, I wanted to come and tell you that we’re all in the chapel and I’d like for you to join us.”