He shook his head. “I cannot bear the thought of leaving you. What am I to do, if you will not go with me?”
“You are still stationed at the Outpost. You are still a Guard. Come and see me when you can,” she said feeling her own sense of panic at the idea.
He shook his head again. “That will not be often. We will be apart almost all the time.”
“We are never really apart anymore,” she said, and he gave her a look that made it clear a freakish psychic bond was not enough for him. She tried again, “Maybe that will be the test of our relationship. We will see how we really feel and if we want to be together after we have had some time apart.” She felt lame saying it, but didn’t know what else to say.
He looked directly at her, then, and she flinched at the fury in his eyes. “I know how I really feel and I do not need to test anything. Or perhaps you are still considering another and it would be more convenient…”
“Don’t drag him into this!” she raised her voice, surprising herself. She knew he was still upset after finding out that she had not denied Bleidd out of hand when he’d offered his court too. And she could not explain to him that no matter how much she loved him, she loved Bleidd too and she could not hurt him by pretending otherwise. She had chosen to be with Jess, but that wasn’t enough for him, and now, with her refusal to run off with him, he was obviously looking to blame his rival.
Then, at a lower volume, but still angry she said, “This isn’t about me trying to make time with two people and you know it. I don’t see you promising not to sleep with anyone else.”
She cut herself off, because the truth was that Elven culture didn’t do monogamy outside of marriage, which was a highly contractual affair, and they were both free to sleep with whoever they chose even if they stayed a couple. It was, from an Elven point of view, a stupid thing to argue over. But coming from a human culture and knowing that thanks to her spell, she’d have to be a mental witness to any assignations he engaged in, Allie hated the idea of him with anyone else and didn’t want to think about it.
“I would promise you as much if you would promise the same,” he said.
“Don’t offer a promise you can’t keep,” she felt her hands shaking as she spoke and clenched them into fists.
“I would keep my word, if I give it; it seems that you do not want to even offer such a promise,” his voice was full of accusations and she felt her temper slip. Without thinking she hit him, her fist bouncing off his chest.
“You know damn well I have never slept with him, or anyone else. You think I’m just waiting for you to leave so I can fall into bed with him, as if I couldn’t do that while you were still here if I wanted to? You’re the one who is going to be surrounded by people who think of sex like eating and drinking–no big deal, and not something to refrain from,” she wanted to hit him again, but managed to restrain herself.
“So then come with me,” he said again, grabbing her hands and pulling her into him. She fought the urge to scream.
“I can’t. I can’t just drop everything like some ditzy maiden in an old ballad and run off with you. It would take me months to get things wrapped up so that I could go…” she trailed off as his arms tightened around her.
“Then do what you need to do, and say that you will join me as soon as you can,” he begged shamelessly. She pressed her forehead into his chest wishing that her life could be simple. He seemed to sense that her resolve was wavering and he pressed, choosing a topic he knew still bothered her. “You are still in danger from the Dark Elf who fled during the fight. With me you would be safe.”
“We don’t know that he’s still after me, he could have headed right back to wherever he came from. And even if he didn’t, I can’t live my whole life in fear,” she said, trying to push her own anxiety at the thought away. She was still having nightmares about what she’d been through at the hands of the elf who had escaped and the idea of him coming back for her again was terrifying. Despite the constant concern she refused to let fear run her life, though, and she could not let Jess use her fear now to manipulate her into doing what he wanted either.
“This is impossible,” he whispered, and she wanted to agree with him.
“Jess, please, for now, only for now accept that I cannot go with you,” she said instead.
She felt his hope rising again. “Only for now though?”
“I will consider your offer and think about what it would mean, what I’d need to do. But for right now I can’t go,” she said firmly, trying not to feel like she was actually giving in.
He kissed her deeply, and she felt herself melting into him.
“As long as I have hope that you will join me soon, I can wait.”
“And in the meantime,” she hedged, “we will date like humans date, we’ll see each other when we can, and spend our free time together.”
He kissed her again, and without meaning to she reached out to his mind.
“And I will always be just a thought away.”
Murder Between the Worlds: A Between the Worlds Novel Page 26