She gathered up the papers she wanted to take home with her that evening, slipped them into her briefcase and went to the hospital. She had an hour and fifteen minutes before she had to pick up the children at school, so she could check in with Austin and see what the doctor said when he made his afternoon rounds. Then she could make a dash into the grocery store to buy the rest of what she needed for dinner. There was parmesan cheese in the cabinet and onions and peppers in the refrigerator, but she was out of tomato paste and spaghetti. And she might as well plan supper for the next two or three nights while she was at the store. But first things first.
Tracey drove to the hospital, parked, entered, and took the steps to the third floor two at a time. She eased open the door to Austin's room and peeped inside. She sighed with relief, glad his family was gone. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully enough in the dim light that filtered through the blinds into his room. Suddenly he moaned and fluttered his eyelids, and Tracey moved quickly to his side.
"Austin," she whispered, taking his hand in hers, amazed that it was warm. She had thought, irrationally, that it would be cold. He looked deathly pale.
"Trace," he rasped. "Thirsty."
She picked up an ice chip from a glass on the bedside table and carefully put it in his mouth. He shut his eyes again and an older nurse bustled in from the hallway. "Time for vital signs, Mr. Miller," she said as she pulled the sheet away from the arm with no IV. She carefully moved the stainless steel stand and hanging bottle of intravenous solution to which his other arm was attached. "The doctor says this nasal tube can come out. You're a lucky man." She kept talking as if Austin was wide awake and winking at her, "Usually the tube is in for three or four days. But you can start on a liquid diet by morning, according to these orders." The nurse checked the clipboard at the end of Austin's hospital bed.
"Is that good?" Tracey asked.
"Real good, considering the condition he was in." The nurse nodded, tucking a hairpin into the gray bun at the nape of her neck. "He might even be hungry by then," she said. "Blood pressure is good and temperature is normal, Mr. Miller," she said, and bustled back out of the room.
Tracey sat down in the chair beside his bed and laid her tired head on the rail. She patted his hand.
"Emily?" his eyes fluttered again.
"She's fine, Austin." She patted his hand again. "She's staying with me. Your mother and I agreed it would be the easiest thing for all of us," she explained.
"Crystal? Don't do it. Please don't hurt my baby," he mumbled. "Thirsty?"
She picked up another piece of ice and he opened his mouth when he felt the chill on his lips. "Thank you, Crystal," he muttered before he shut his eyes again.
Tears stung her eyes and she wanted to hit something or throw something through the window or shake him until he awoke. How could he possibly confuse her with that two-bit hussy, even if he was half-conscious, she thought, irate. Tracey realized dimly that she was utterly exhausted, and not exactly thinking straight. But even so . . .
She tried to stifle her resentment. He couldn't help what he was saying. He was drugged and rambling. But the mere thought of Crystal's name on his lips made Tracey see red. She rubbed her eyes, and told herself fiercely to get a grip.
"Thirsty . . ." Austin muttered again, but he didn't open his eyes.
She picked up a piece of ice, laid it on his tongue, and turned to his bed table to set the glass of chips down.
"Crystal, don't leave me," he said softly. The longing in his tone was unmistakable.
Tracey's vision blurred. Her fatigue was getting the better of her, that was certain. She didn't know how much longer she could stand any of this.
"Hello," the doctor said, and she jumped.
"Sorry to startle you." He smiled. "Well, Austin, wake up. We're going to take this tube out and let you have a few sips of liquid. You're his fiancée, right? Will you be taking care of him after he leaves the hospital?"
"I'll take care of him," Tracey answered awkwardly. She wasn't about to answer the first question in the affirmative.
The doctor didn't seem to notice her uneasiness and motioned to his nurse, who stood right behind Tracey. "Austin, open your eyes," he said in an authoritative voice.
Austin's eyelids snapped open and he stared at the ceiling, half hearing the doctor's words.
"I'm taking this tube out and switching you to half as much pain medication. By bedtime, we'll have you walking to the door and by tomorrow, down the hallway. Now. One, two, three," he counted and pulled out the tube with a swift jerk.
Austin coughed slightly when it cleared his throat, then grimaced and grabbed his side where the incision was.
Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he'd had his appendix out. He knew there'd been complications and he remembered hurting. Then a memory of waking up and Tracey being there flitted through his mind but he couldn't grasp it. For some reason, Crystal had come to visit and she put ice in his mouth. The doctor took a tube out of his nose and it felt strange but why in the hell was Crystal here? He didn't want her in the room with him. She didn't want Emily when she was born and this damned sure wasn't the time for her to come around now with Tracey back in his life. Tracey would scratch her eyes out if she caught Crystal in the room. Good Lord. What on earth would happen if Tracey brought both of his children through the door when Crystal was here? The thought made his head throb with pain.
"I'm leaving now," Tracey said, but she didn't bend down to kiss him on the forehead or touch his hand.
"Get out and don't ever come back," he rasped, hoping his voice was clear enough that Crystal knew he really meant it. He shifted his eyes in time to see her red hair disappear down the hall and then the sedatives took him back to unconsciousness. He felt no pain . . . physical or emotional.
Chapter Nine
Emily came running down the sidewalk with Jackson right behind her when school let out. Jackson reached Tracey first, and clung to her for a moment.
"Is my daddy alive?" Jackson asked seriously. "He didn't die, did he?" He searched his mother's face for a smile.
"Of course not," she said tiredly. "The doctor says he'll be fine." She ushered them both to the car and opened the door. "I'm making supper and then I'll take you both to see him. But you'll have to behave. He's not feeling all better yet."
"What's the matter, Mommie?" Jackson buckled himself and Emily into the back seat. "You look grumpy. It must be your naptime."
From the mouths of babes, she thought wrly. "I am tired and grumpy. But never mind that. We all have to put on some big smiles for your daddy, no matter what."
"Did my daddy make you mad?" Emily asked curiously.
"Of course not," Tracey lied.
An array of conflicting emotions ran through her mind, and she was grateful that the children kept each other occupied in the car by commencing to tell riddles. Austin had made her mad. In fact, his talking about Crystal had made her absolutely furious, even though she knew full well that he'd been too out of it after surgery to have any idea of what he was saying.
But his telling the ER nurse and Doc Epperson that Tracey was his fiancée had been deliberate. Now the news was all over town and everybody was offering congratulations right and left. The thought of it made Tracey feel slightly sick. Austin had some nerve.
But perhaps he had only said it so she could stay in the emergency room with him. Logical enough. Tracey told herself that it really didn't matter, and she really shouldn't care so much.
But you do care, said a little voice inside her head. You want him. You let him kiss you over and over again. You go crazy when you hear his ex-wife's name. You're still jealous after all these years. You want him more than ever.
No, I don't, she said to herself, a little too quickly. Emily's sweet voice interrupted her thoughts.
"I heard my teacher say to the helper that you and Daddy were 'gaged. What does 'gaged mean?"
Tracey sighed. "It means you'll have to ask your daddy for an answer
to that question."
She took the children home and fed them supper, willing herself to stay alert and cheerful. Promptly at six o'clock she took them to the hospital. For a minute in the elevator, the urge to run was more than she could bear, and she had to make her rubbery legs carry her down the hallway to Austin's room.
He was propped up in his bed, eyes fully alert and watching the door, waiting for her, when she arrived. She was beautiful even in jeans and a T-shirt, but the children's eyes were round with apprehension at the sterile hospital surroundings and unfamiliar medical equipment. "Well, hello!" He beamed at the bunch of them. "Come on over here, you two and don't be afraid. The doctor says I can come home in a couple more days." He reached his right arm out to touch them both.
"Does it hurt?" Jackson grabbed his hand and kept it in his. "What's that bottle hanging up there? Do you take it home with you? Why are you wearing funny pajamas?"
"Daddy, men don't wear nightgowns," Emily tipped up her nose.
He chuckled, then groaned. "Don't make me laugh. That's when it really hurts," he drawled slowly. "Yes, it does hurt," he said to the anxious children. "But now it can get well, and it won't ever hurt again. That bottle is called an IV and it lets medicine drip into my arm right here." He held up his arm to show them where the tape held a needle. "I don't take it home with me. The nurse will take it out before I go home. Have these kids been good, Tracey?" he looked up, expecting to see the warmth he remembered just before they had wheeled him into surgery the night before. But he sensed a chill that nearly stopped his happy heart.
Good grief, what on earth had he done wrong?
"The children have been wonderful," she said flatly. "We had spaghetti for supper and after we visit a few minutes we're going home and play a game before bedtime. There's nothing to report."
"What's wrong?" The smile left his face.
"Not a thing." She shook her head.
"Okay." He drew out the word as usual and the look on his face let her know they would discuss this later.
"Daddy, guess what? Our teacher said that she knew you and Tracey were 'gaged and that if you got married that would make you Jackson's daddy for real. What does 'gaged mean?" Emily asked.
Suddenly Austin saw what was bugging Tracey. He remembered telling the vampire nurse that Tracey was his fiancée. And the doctor. He'd wanted her there with him and he'd told a lie. But he'd wished it was the truth.
"Engaged means—" he started to answer and Jackson butted in.
"Emily, come here." The little boy peeped through the blinds and down at the cars below. "Look how little the people look." He whispered and motioned to her without looking back.
"Oh, it's so far down," Emily squealed. "Get back, Jackson. What if the window blew away and we fell all the way to the bottom?"
"Don't be silly." Jackson snapped the slat shut, and turned away from the window. "Guess what, Daddy? You've got to get well fast. My birthday is only five days away and we can't have a party in the hospital."
"Damn straight, son." Austin smiled, glad he didn't have to explain what engaged meant to Emily. From the glare he got from Tracey, it looked like she was the one he'd have to explain things to. He ruffled Jackson's hair and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I'm going to get out of here as soon as I can. I hope the two of you haven't been driving your mother—I mean Tracey," he amended his words for Emily's benefit, "plumb crazy."
"No. They've been pretty good," Tracey said briskly. "For your average preschool maniacs." She tapped both kids on the shoulder. "Well, we've probably been here long enough. Time to go. Maybe we'll stop for ice cream on the way home."
The children ran ahead of her to the hall, but she wasn't quite quick enough. Austin reached out and grabbed her arm, although the effort made him wince and draw in a breath.
"Just a minute," he said evenly. "What's the matter? I've never seen you act so cold. Sure is a change from all that nice TLC last night."
Tracey looked at him coolly. "Everyone thinks we're engaged, Austin."
"Who cares what people think?" he said innocently. "I only said that because I wanted you to stay with me in the ER. Thought they might ask you to leave since you're not a relative."
"Even if that's true," she began, exasperated beyond belief, "you still don't get it, do you, Austin?"
"Get what?"
"You told everybody you could that we were getting married. But you never asked me. You came back into Jackson's life. But you didn't stop for one second to see if that was what I wanted."
She paused to take a breath.
"I'll admit, Jackson's in heaven. He has his daddy at last. I hope you'll do right by him. But that doesn't mean that you can go around kissing me until my brain doesn't work, and then take over my life, Austin Miller. I've been on my own for a long time, and I like it that way!"
Tracey didn't look back when she slammed out of the room to join the children in the hall.
Austin fell back against his pillows, grinning.
The kids were almost asleep by the time their tired little heads hit the pillows. Tracey wandered through the apartment, wishing for a best friend to talk to. Memories of the past seemed to swarm around her, clouding her mind and making her more miserable than she'd ever been. She wondered if Austin had ever cared for Crystal. He had to have, by the way he'd been talking in his drugged stupor at the hospital. The thought of him and Crystal together drove her nearly crazy, even though it had all been so long ago.
Somehow, she had to come to terms with the past. It wasn't going to be easy. Tracey leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the window, looking out at Austin's dark apartment, and knew that they lived much too close together for her peace of mind.
Tracey picked up the book she'd been reading, flipped through its pages, and tossed it back onto the couch with a snort of disgust. She was in no mood for romance, fictional or actual. She'd lost interest in the hero, anyway.
The couch cushions needed plumping and she whomped them with a vengeance, arranging them in a neat row along the back. She settled down to do some serious thinking. About Austin, about the women he'd chosen to marry instead of her, and most of all about herself.
The next day was hectic. Tracey got the kids ready in record time, but had to convince Emily not to wear her only dress for the second day in a row. She took time to reassure an anxious Jackson that his father hadn't died during the night, and wasn't going to die, ever. She dropped the kids off at school. She lectured. She graded papers. She had two student conferences before it was time to pick up the kids and start her night shift of fixing supper, supervising homework, and doing laundry. Even though the kids helped fold, she still didn't like doing laundry. She wondered if she ever would.
Tracey put her head down on a toasty-warm pile of Austin's T-shirts, feeling totally overwhelmed. She had to talk to Austin, no matter what.
Morning visiting hours were at 10 A.M. and she planned to be there.
Tracey's high heels clicked down the echoing hospital floor as she walked down the corridor toward Austin's room. She'd skipped the curriculum update she was supposed to attend this morning, and rushed over to get a few things straight with him.
Number one. If he wanted to marry her, he had to ask properly, like a gentleman, so she could turn him down flat. Then she would make him tell everybody in Durant that Tracey wasn't his fiancée and he'd just said that to get her into the emergency room because he was too much of a baby to go it alone.
Number two. He had to understand that any relationship besides being Jackson's parents simply wasn't in the cards. No matter how much they'd loved each other once, she'd realized last night that she could never trust him again after what had happened with Crystal, no matter how long ago it had been. Tracey hadn't had the luxury of getting angry at him then, and she was too grown-up to do it now.
Although the mere mention of the woman's name made her furious.
Since she'd figured that out at last, it just wasn't fair to
Emily or to Jackson to even hint that she and Austin might be together someday, and she intended to make him stop giving the kids that idea.
Number three. No more lovemaking. Austin was just too good at it. She remembered only too well how gently he'd kissed her and loved her up, and sternly told herself to never, ever think of it again. She lost all her intellectual functioning when she let him get that close.
Tracey stopped at the door to Austin's room and looked inside.
"Tracey!" He looked a little better, and was sitting up in a chair beside the bed. "Come in. Sit down."
She pushed a chair from the other side of his bed, and sat down, crossing one leg over the other and revealing a healthy length of thigh.
"How are you feeling today?" Her tone was brisk. She seemed to be all business, except for what she had on.
"Better. Walked several times. Hurts like hell, though," he said, without taking his eyes off her. Lord, she was gorgeous in that denim dress, and he especially liked the slit up the side and the leg it showed. Was she trying to drive him crazy? It was no way to treat a sick man, but he decided not to complain. He knew why she was here.
"Talk to me, Trace. I know you're mad. So I told a few people that you're my fiancée. So what? The more I think about it, the more I like the idea."
"Well, I don't."
"Why? What have you got to lose?"
"Besides my mind, you mean? Let me tell you." Tracey took a deep breath and started to launch into the list of reasons she'd rehearsed on the way over.
Then the door swung open. Tracey sighed. What a time for a nurse to come and take his blood pressure. She hoped it wasn't the vampire with the weird blue eyes again. Tracey looked up to see a young woman she'd never expected to meet.
"Hello, Crystal," Austin said, in a voice that was flatter than the land in west Texas. "What in hell are you doin' here?"
Small Town Romance Collection: Four Complete Romances & A New Novella Page 25