by Karin Baine
‘You’re off the clock now, Doctor, but I do appreciate your ongoing concern.’ Jessica reached out and touched his arm as she straightened up again. Coupled with Rob’s wayward thoughts, the unexpected contact practically singed his skin.
‘No problem.’ His eyes met hers and for a second he thought he saw his own desire reflected in those turquoise pools staring back at him. She blinked, breaking the spell and reminding Rob that all she’d offered him was a cuppa.
They managed to make the tea between them without any further inadvertent touching, which was a miracle, considering the cramped space they were working in. The living room they carried their tea and biscuits into wasn’t any more spacious than the kitchen, made smaller by the collection of pictures and knick-knacks crammed in every available corner. Where one might have imagined modern furnishings and contemporary design, Rob saw comfy sofas and pretty floral patterns. It was homely and cosy, everything his house wasn’t. He sipped his tea and perused the record of Jessica’s life in candid photos lining the room.
The redhead with the boyish figure and short hair was a far cry from the curvaceous, glamorous woman standing before him now.
‘Is this your mum and dad?’ He lingered on the image of her sandwiched between a smiling middle-aged couple, taking pride of place on the mantelpiece. They looked so happy together it immediately made Rob pine for the same close relationship he’d once had with his own parents. He’d severed all contact after the accident to start afresh in Belfast, with no ties to his past. Five years on and he was starting to see he’d made a mistake. He’d acted rashly, understandable when he’d suffered such a devastating loss, but it had only served to increase his punishment. That selfish decision to leave without explanation had come back to haunt him. Now he had no family at all to call his own.
‘Yeah. Dad died not long after this was taken. Heart attack.’ Jessica traced a finger over the figure of her father, whose Irish DNA she’d so clearly inherited, before wrapping both hands back around her cup.
‘That must’ve been hard for you.’ Rob knew that losing a parent was different to losing a wife and child but he clearly wasn’t the only one having trouble moving on.
‘It was. Is.’ Jessica kicked off her shoes and folded herself into one of the two-seater settees, suddenly looking very small and weary.
She couldn’t have been any more than eleven or twelve in the picture yet her pain was still there in her eyes. Rob saw the same haunted expression looking back at him every day in the mirror. It had taken him to battle his demons before he recognised it in her too.
He turned his back on the happy memories mocking them and took a seat opposite her. ‘And your mum?’
‘She’s good, apart from her arthritis. Mum had me quite late in life, so we’re dealing with a few health issues relating to her age now.’
‘Does she live close by?’ Rob hadn’t even considered how his parents’ health might’ve deteriorated since he’d seen them last. He was their only child and he’d failed them too because of his own selfish pride. As much as he was thinking about checking in with them again, he had concerns it could cause them more upset if he simply waltzed back into their lives after this length of time.
‘Yeah. She’s only a five-minute walk away. There are only the two of us left, so we’ve got each other’s backs.’ The strength of Jessica’s bond with her mother was obvious in every word. Where death had brought her family closer, it had ripped his apart.
‘You’re an only child too? My parents always thought it would be unfair on me to have another child who needed their attention. I don’t agree. I could have done with someone else to distract them.’ Perhaps if he’d had a brother or sister to talk to, or act as mediator between him and his parents, matters might’ve been resolved sooner.
‘I think Mum planned to have a big family but fate had other ideas.’ Jessica shrugged but she couldn’t fool him by feigning nonchalance when he’d already seen behind those shutters.
‘It has a lot to answer for.’ He gritted his teeth and silently cursed whatever powers had conspired to steal away his family’s future too.
‘What happened to your wife?’ Jessica followed his train of thought and asked the question he’d been dreading. In the comfort of her living room, relaxing in a post-work chat, it had been easy to forget why he didn’t put himself in this position of trading personal stories.
‘Car accident.’ That description could never adequately describe the ensuing carnage of that afternoon but he wasn’t in a place where he was ready to discuss what had happened in any detail.
‘Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry.’ There it was—the sympathetic head tilt and the wide eyes that said Tell me more so I can weep for you. The exact reason he refused to have this conversation any more. It was bad enough that people pitied him for losing his wife but he couldn’t bear the sympathy and tears when he told them about Mollie too. He didn’t deserve it.
He drained his cup and got to his feet before he said anything more. ‘Thanks for the tea but I think it’s time I was on my way.’
He could hear Jessica scrambling off her seat as he made his way to the door but he wasn’t hanging around for her to dissect the story and make him the victim. Worse, she might just discover he wasn’t the man she thought he was.
* * *
Damn it! Jessica had pushed him too far again. She’d only been trying to lend a listening ear, as he’d done for her. It upset her mother when she talked of her father and she wasn’t exactly inundated with friends she could talk to. Some of the burden had lifted from her shoulders simply by having Rob to confide in and she’d wanted the same for him. His grief was evident in his refusal to talk about his late wife, not that Jessica would ever dream of forcing the information from him when she was still nursing her own heartache and secrets. It would be a shame for the evening to end on a bad note when she’d begun to get used to the idea of having a friend.
‘Rob, wait.’ She leaped up to say her goodbyes before he left.
He paused and gave her a chance to catch up. Standing toe to toe with him in the cramped hallway, with only the heavy tick of the wall clock to punctuate the silence, Jessica struggled to find the words she wanted to say. Especially when those liquid blue eyes blinking back at her were shimmering with hurt and loss.
‘I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. You’ve clearly been through a lot and I’m sorry I brought it up. I only wanted to be there for you, the way you were for me today.’
‘It’s okay.’ He gave her a wobbly smile and battled to keep his alpha male stance even though his body language was crying out for a hug.
Tick-tock.
‘Thanks again for everything.’ She stood up on her tiptoes to give him a peck on the cheek.
‘I’ll see you tomor—’ Rob turned to say goodbye at the same moment.
Their mouths met in an accidental kiss—a faux pas which could have been easily rectified if she’d apologised immediately and created some distance. Except his lips were as soft as they looked and she lingered there a little longer than was probably socially acceptable.
‘Sorry.’ She stepped back when common sense kicked in again. Kissing Rob when all he’d done was be nice to her was a stupid, impulsive move which screamed desperation.
Rob shot out his hand to catch her around the waist and pull her back. She was mid-gasp and flush against him when his mouth came crashing back down on hers.
He stole her breath away as he caught her bottom lip between his, and sent her head spinning from the lack of oxygen. She didn’t know where the unexpected display of passion had come from but she wanted more. Who wouldn’t want to be kissed by a hot doctor who tasted of sweet tea and salty unshed tears?
He thrust his tongue into her mouth and Jessica went limp against him, surrendering to the invasion. The sensation of butterfly wings on her skin
tickled her from head to toe until every erogenous zone in her body was on high alert. She really shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as she was. He was grieving. She was a mess. This felt so damn good.
* * *
Rob didn’t often give in to acts of spontaneity but a chain reaction had begun within him once his lips had met hers, shutting off the rational side of his brain to let primitive instinct take over. Nothing else mattered except having another taste and her submission had given him the green light to take anything he wanted. The notion of progressing beyond a make-out session and carrying her off to bed got his blood pumping even more. She was so responsive, meeting every flick of his tongue with hers—he knew they’d be explosive together in the bedroom.
His erection was growing by the second, with Jessica pressed against him moaning her acceptance of the next step. She was trusting him with her body the way she’d trusted him with her emotions. Rob wanted her, needed her so badly it hurt—but not the complications which would come from sleeping with her. She’d shared so much with him already, she would never be simply a casual hook-up now. At some point she’d start to expect more than he could give her. The lusty haze began to clear as painful reality moved in. This was a mistake.
He must have said as much as Jessica quickly broke off the kiss.
‘What?’ Her desire-darkened eyes did nothing to help his current predicament.
He backed away from her. ‘I don’t want to make things weird between us at work. It’s been a long day. We’re clearly not thinking straight.’
‘Right. It’s been an emotional time for both of us.’ She smoothed the front of her dress, creased where she’d been crushed against him, and could barely meet his eye. It was better this way. A kiss would be easier to forget than a passion-fuelled romp.
‘So, we can pretend this never happened and carry on as normal tomorrow?’ He always preferred to get these things straight to avoid any confusion later on. It wouldn’t do either of them any good to be tiptoeing around each other for the rest of the month over a simple misunderstanding. They’d stupidly acted on their attraction instead of ignoring it but it wasn’t too late to fix this.
‘Sure. I mean we’re not kids. One kiss is nothing to lose our heads over.’
‘Right.’
They were both nodding their heads and shuffling their feet in an awkward dance around the truth. If it meant so little, they probably wouldn’t feel the need to explain it away, but it suited Rob fine that they both kept up the pretence.
‘I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Goodnight, Jessica.’ He opened the front door and walked away before he did something he’d really regret.
CHAPTER FOUR
NOT EVEN THE NEWS that someone in the production crew had accidentally smashed a light fitting with a boom mike could dampen Jessica’s spirits this morning. She’d spent all night replaying that Hollywood moment when Rob had pulled her back into his arms for a second kiss. It proved the attraction between them definitely wasn’t one-sided even though they’d agreed to put it behind them.
That warm glow started inside her again at the mere memory. It had been a while since anyone had kissed her so passionately, made her feel so desirable, and she could easily get used to it. He’d treated her as a normal woman, not some pale, inadequate version of one. When the chemotherapy had robbed her of her beautiful hair, she’d thought no one would ever find her attractive again. At a time when friends were discovering make-up and boys, she’d been the pitiful creature tied to her sickbed, crying herself to sleep at night.
Adam had been her first serious adult relationship and since she’d been in remission when they’d met she’d been able to give everything of herself to him. Only for her useless body to let her down again and push him away when she’d needed him most. The menopause had zapped her energy, her libido and everything which had made her the woman she’d grown into.
They hadn’t discussed children even after their engagement, each seemingly happy to focus on their careers. Or so she’d thought. The onset of early menopause had changed everything.
Her cycle had always been irregular but the irony of the situation was she’d thought she’d fallen pregnant when her periods stopped for good. For a short time she’d got used to the idea of being a mother and imagined having that little life growing inside her. It had been a double blow when she’d discovered the truth. After numerous negative pregnancy results and a battery of blood tests, her doctor confirmed his suspicion that she was still suffering the after-effects of her chemotherapy treatment. The high dosage of drugs she’d been exposed to for so long had finally stopped her ovaries from functioning as they should.
Neither of them had been able to handle the news that she would never be able to have a child of her own. The difference was, Adam still had the chance to walk away and start over. She didn’t blame him for taking it.
The only consolation was that he hadn’t been around to watch the humiliation of her going through HRT. Hormone replacement therapy might have reduced her symptoms but it didn’t make a woman in her twenties feel any less of a failure. She’d had four years of dealing with this on her own and coming to terms with what it meant for her. There had been a few dalliances along the way but long-term relationships were no longer an option for her. She wouldn’t let anyone get that close to her again and risk a rejection when things got serious after it had taken this long to learn to love herself again. Although she’d settle for a few more confidence-boosting smooches from Rob if he ever fancied a repeat performance of last night.
Neither of them were in the right frame of mind for anything serious when they were both carrying wounds from their past. That didn’t mean they couldn’t have a little fun for the duration of filming. All she had to do now was see if she could interest him in keeping things casual. More stolen kisses and passionate embraces with no ties or expectations sounded like the ideal set-up to her.
She had hoped to have caught him for another lift this morning so they could discuss what had happened but there’d been no sign of him. As she walked into the Teenage Cancer Unit to join the camera crew, she discovered why.
The unit was a separate ward for the older children, designed to have more of a relaxing vibe than the main hospital. The brightly coloured communal area, complete with comfy sofas and game consoles, resembled more of a youth club than a ward for sick children. There, in the middle of the room, Rob was already halfway through a game of pool with Cal, her lead story today. Apparently the doctor had had an earlier start than usual.
Jessica could have spent all morning watching Rob as he bent over the table, his black trousers taut around his backside, but the camera crew might’ve had something to say on the matter.
She walked over to view proceedings from a more respectable, if less intriguing, angle. ‘Hey, you two.’
‘Hi, Jessica.’ Cal was first to greet her with his big beaming smile. Jessica was sure the handsome sixteen-year-old had broken the hearts of quite a few teenage girls before he’d become ill. Now he’d had the all-clear to go home again there would inevitably be a few more.
‘Hey.’ Rob barely lifted his head to acknowledge her before going on to pot another ball. It wasn’t the scorching reunion she’d anticipated after a night reliving his hot goodbye. Even in the presence of a third party she’d expected him to be a tad friendlier towards her. Whilst she’d paid nothing more than lip service to their agreement to forget the kiss, he’d apparently followed it to the letter.
‘How’re you feeling today?’ She focused her attention back on Cal instead of herself. His recovery was the reason she was here today and that was more important than a romance that apparently only existed in her head.
‘Fine. As soon as I win a game against Dr Campbell, I’ll be packing my bags for home.’ There was no denying his excitement at the prospect as he high-fived his opponent. It was a fa
r cry from the weak youngster she’d met a week ago when he’d been recovering from a virus. The chemotherapy weakened the immune system so much that even an innocuous cold was enough to floor a patient.
Jessica knew that desperation he had to get back to his own bed and belongings. The worst time for her had been when she’d had to spend Christmas on the ward, too sick to eat dinner or open presents. Cancer robbed people of more than their health; it stole childhood memories along with it. She was happy to see at least one of the children going home and getting back to his normal life.
‘In that case you could be waiting awhile.’ Rob showed no mercy as he cleared the table for another victory.
‘You think he’d go easy and let me win one game.’ Cal shook his head and started to rack the balls up again. That stubborn determination would serve him well in the fight against his illness.
‘Hey. You’re the one who said you were fed up with people treating you like an invalid—’ This time Rob gave Jessica a sly wink which said he was merely proving a point to Cal, not trying to hustle him.
She shuddered as her imagination went into overdrive, wishing that look was solely for her. A secret sign he was thinking about last night. It wasn’t fair that this man was able to turn her inside out with one blink of an eye.
‘You would have stood a better chance against me. I haven’t as much as picked up a cue before.’
‘It’s dead easy. Here.’ Cal thrust a cue into her hand and volunteered her as Rob’s next challenger.
‘I’m sure the doctor has better things to do than teach me how to play pool.’ She tried to hand it back but Cal dodged away. Perhaps it was his way of getting out of another thrashing while still saving face. In which case she had no choice but to join in the game.
‘I have a few minutes to spare before my next outpatient clinic.’ Rob checked his watch but he was so hard to read; Jessica wondered if he was simply killing time or he genuinely wanted to hang out with her. Her ego wanted it to be the latter so her idea of a fling wouldn’t come completely out of left field.