It had taken three years—until she was seven--to teach herself how to control her empathy, rather than just pretend she could control it. She was nine before she managed to control what she did with the feelings she took from other people. And ten before she could turn off the strange tickling sensation she got behind her left ear whenever someone spoke a lie within her hearing.
She had no idea why it had taken more than five years to control that one ability. Years in which she’d had to carefully monitor her reactions whenever someone lied to her. Years of pretending that the lies never hurt. That some of them didn’t leave wounds on her heart that never healed.
There were no alternatives, though. By the age of five she had a clear and absolute understanding of the price one paid for lack of control. If she ever forgot, all she had to do was look up the hill at the cottage where Vari had to live.
The irony of having to tell lies in order to hide that she could always hear lies hadn’t escaped her, even then. She might not have known the word, but the concept was crystal clear. If people knew she could hear the lies they told, she had no doubts whatsoever that she’d be sent even further away than Vari had been. Whether or not she could control that particular ability wouldn’t have mattered. Which was why she’d never told anyone about it.
Now, as she stood just out of sight of River House, she tried to prepare herself for what was coming. The Dracon-Bats were certain to tell her a few lies for Vari’s sake. For Vari’s sake, she’d find a way to accept them without letting on she knew they were lying through their teeth. She’d managed this when she was five. Surely she could do it now.
She reached up to tap the back of the opal earring she wore in her right ear, then held her breath. A couple of seconds later she heard two soft clicks which, according to the instructions, indicated the device was working.
She hated having to do this, but at the same time, she was profoundly grateful she’d thought of it. Without the earrings she’d never be able to approach her sister and she needed to see Vari before she caught the next VTOL from the Garrison to the spaceport, and left Jasan for good. She couldn’t tell her the truth of course, but that was okay. Just being with her for a little while would be enough. She’d make it be enough.
She repeated the procedure with the earring on her left ear, then waited for the two soft clicks. She just hoped they worked as they were supposed to because aside from the clicks, she had no way of knowing.
“Ria!” Vari called the moment she was within sight of the porch. The open, unrestrained smile on Vari’s face caused a lump to rise in Ria’s throat. Vari rarely smiled and when she did, it usually didn’t reach her eyes. To see her so happy now was more than Ria had ever dreamed possible, and she loved it.
She hurried forward to meet Vari half way, then threw her arms around her, holding on tightly, savoring the simple fact that she could actually touch her sister after so many years. So many miracles had taken place in Vari’s life in such a short time that Ria was compelled to say a silent prayer of thanks to the Creators.
“Ria?” Vari asked after a few moments. “What’s the matter, Txikreba? Why are you so upset?”
Ria smiled despite her nervousness. “It’s been a long time since you called me that.”
“No matter how much time passes, you’ll always be my Txikreba, my beloved little sister, and I’ll always love you,” Vari said, tightening her arms.
Ria closed her eyes to memorize the moment. One of the things she loved best about Vari was that she’d never, ever told her a single lie. When Vari said things like that to her, she truly meant them. It was a balm to Ria’s wounded heart.
After a few moments she released Vari and stepped back. “I need to talk to you, if you have a few minutes.”
“Of course,” Vari agreed as they walked back to the porch. “Shall I ask my men to leave, or would you like to go inside? Up to you.”
“Neither,” Ria said. “What I have to say I need to say to all of you.”
Vari studied Ria for a long moment. “Are you all right?”
I’m better than I was, thanks to you big sister but no, I don’t think I’ll ever be all right again. “I’m fine. Just a little tired is all.”
They climbed the steps to the porch and Vari’s Rami, Declan, Jaydan, and Kaidan Dracon-Bat, rose to their feet as Vari introduced them. The men were unfailingly polite, but cool. When they said it was a pleasure to meet her, the tickling sensation behind her ear was so strong she had a difficult time keeping herself from rubbing it. When, a few moments later, Pandora came out of the house, the atmosphere became downright frigid. Pandora glared at her with purple eyes that matched her short, purple hair before flying over to Declan and landing on his shoulder.
“Pandora, aren’t you going to greet Ria?” Vari asked, surprised by the Sylph’s open animosity.
Pandora shot another glare toward Ria, then crossed her tiny arms over her chest and turned away. Vari frowned, her brows lowered. Ria knew Pandora was about to get the sharp side of her sister’s tongue, which could be very sharp indeed. She jumped in quickly before Vari got started.
“She has good reason to be angry with me, Vari. So do your men, and you, too. You more than any.”
Vari’s frown deepened. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about my refusal to let you transport me off of the Leaper. While the five of you risked your lives to save the passengers, I risked their lives to cater to their emotions. It wasn’t just a bad decision, it was a careless, thoughtless, selfish, and dangerous decision.”
There, that wasn’t as bad as I feared.
Vari reached out to place a light hand on Ria’s shoulder. “You stayed because people needed your help Ria. I don’t think it was the right choice to make under the circumstances, but it was your decision, and you had a good reason for making it.”
“My reason doesn’t matter,” Ria said, unable to meet Vari’s eyes while she said that. “It doesn’t change the fact that it was very poor judgement on my part, or that I risked other people’s lives.”
Ria forced herself to look up at the Dracon-Bats, Vari, and Pandora. “I’m sorry. Very deeply and sincerely sorry. I promise you that I didn’t deliberately disregard the risks you were all taking. I didn't even know that’s what I’d done until Mom and the Dads showed me some of the mission vids this morning. That doesn’t excuse what I did. Not realizing the results of my own actions only makes it worse. But I wanted you to know that it wasn’t deliberate and it wasn’t a dare.” She looked Vari in the eyes, now. “I would not have run from you had you come after me, Vari. I swear it. I would never have done such a thing.”
Vari returned her gaze for a long moment, then smiled. “I’m sorry I thought you would.”
“It’s all right,” Ria said. “I just wanted you to know that I wouldn’t have done that to you.”
Vari nodded, then gave her another hug. “Thank you for telling me that.”
“Your apology is accepted, Ria,” Declan said after Vari released her. Ria was surprised that he wasn’t lying. He actually meant it. “We all make mistakes. Sometimes we make bad mistakes that hurt those we care about most, something my brothers and I are intimately familiar with. None of us can change the past, but discovering where you went wrong, and endeavoring to correct it as you are now doing, is really all that’s necessary.”
“Thank you, Declan,” Ria said. “That’s very kind of you.”
Vari poured a glass of iced tea, held it out to Ria with one hand while gesturing toward an empty chair beside the one she’d been using with the other.
“Um…I really didn’t intend to take up any more of your time,” Ria said hesitantly.
“Sit,” Vari said, arching a brow. Ria had come to apologize, not argue, so she accepted the drink with a quiet thank you, and sat down.
“How are preparations going for your expedition?” she asked, hoping to move the conversation away from herself.
“We’re nearly done
,” Jay answered, surprising Ria. Next to Pandora, he’d been the angriest with her. “Our only holdup now is filling a few holes in the Beacon’s staff, and our own.”
“The Beacon?” Ria asked. Then she blushed. “Sorry. I’m sure these are not matters you want to talk about in the open.”
“The ranch security shield is on high,” Vari said. “The Beacon is the ICARUS ship that’ll be going with us.”
Ria frowned in confusion. “Why do you have to staff an ICARUS ship?”
“How much do you know about what we’re doing?” Declan asked.
“Very little,” Ria said. “I know you’re leaving for an extended period of time, and I know the reason is a secret. Now I know an ICARUS ship will be going with you. That’s it.”
“We’re going in search of Kinah so we can take the Kinahn women home. Without those women, their entire race will die out.”
Something inside of Ria immediately sat up and took notice. “Why is this a secret?” she asked cautiously.
“The biggest reason is that we don’t want the Doftles to know.”
“That’s a good reason,” Ria said with a shiver she couldn’t hide.
Declan leaned forward in his chair and picked up his drink from the small table in front of him. “We need an ICARUS ship to accompany us because ICARUS ships, and ICARUS personnel, are geared toward helping people just like the Kinahns. They have equipment, knowledge, and skills that we lack, and that Kinah needs.”
“I’m probably wrong, but I thought the location of Kinah was unknown,” Ria said.
“You’re not wrong,” Declan said with a little smile. “As I’m sure you know, the area we refer to as the Thousand Worlds is a relatively tiny portion of our galaxy. There’s been some exploration into the unknown, but not much. We know that Kinah is at the far edge of our galaxy, just past the Norma Arm, where the galactic center blocks our view, so that’s where we’re going.
“Taking off into the unknown for an undetermined period of time, in search of a world that no one really knows the exact location of, isn’t something that appeals to very many people. ICARUS is sending one of their biggest and newest ships with us, along with enough ICARUS trained staff to help the people of Kinah once we find it. Unfortunately, they came up short on staffing in a few other areas.
“We’ve had to furnish some engineers and a few crewmen, which wasn’t difficult. It was much harder to find enough kitchen and maintenance staff willing to go on such a long and risky expedition. Another ship, the Hilgaria, will accompany us as escort, so that had to be staffed as well. We’re still short two medical staff personnel, and a handful of unskilled positions. If we don’t fill them within the next few days, we’ll have to settle for what we have.”
“I’m sure you know that every single employee on the Leaper quit and disembarked either last night or this morning,” Ria said. “I’ll bet quite a few of them wouldn’t mind a new job no matter how long they’ll be away, particularly the service personnel. Those I spoke with are afraid to go back to Terien.”
“We’ve already hired the five surviving engineers who helped us on the Leaper,” Kai said. “Good men, each and every one. We’ve had a few men, acting as our representatives, interview a number of the Leaper’s employees during the journey here. We’re waiting on background checks to come in on a number of them.”
“We have to be as careful as we can be to ensure that whoever we take is trustworthy,” Vari said. “Too many people know that we’re about to leave on a long expedition. That can’t be helped considering all of the preparations that are being made. But we haven’t told anyone where we’re going, or why. That includes ICARUS, the captain of the Beacon, and the Admirals of the Hilgaria. We need to keep this secret until after we depart.”
Ria sensed there was a lot more going on than she was being told, but she didn’t ask questions despite her nearly overwhelming curiosity. She was far more interested in something Declan had said a few moments earlier.
“May I ask, what are the medical positions you need to fill?”
Declan started to answer, then exchanged looks with Vari, who looked at Pandora. Ria knew that Vari and Pandora were communicating silently, so she sipped her tea and waited patiently. Pandora’s eyes became unfocused and distant for a few moments. Then she blinked, and nodded to Vari.
Ria looked at her sister, unable to decipher her expression. “Do you object to me taking a position on one of the ships, Vari? If you do, please say so. I’ll understand.”
“It’s not that I object, Ria. My concern is that you’re supposed to leave for med school next week. This is an expedition that could easily take up to two years. Perhaps longer.”
“I’m not going back to med school, Vari. I sent my formal withdrawal to the school a week ago.”
“Why?” Vari asked in surprise.
Ria stared fixedly at the glass in her hands, grateful that the cold of it kept her palms from sweating. There were so many things she could say, many of them close to, but not quite the truth. Never that.
“It just doesn’t feel right to me anymore,” she said finally.
“Ria, like Declan said, everyone makes mistakes. You can’t let one poor decision ruin your future.”
“That’s not it,” Ria said. “I’ve just changed my mind about what I want to do with my life.” She looked up and met Vari’s eyes again. “I can’t explain it, Vari, but this feels like something I’m supposed to do.”
“That’s what Shanti said when I told her about Kinah,” Vari said.
“Shanti’s going too?”
“She is, but since she’s an ICARUS Psy Specialist, and since she’s going anyway, she’s been asked to fill that post on the Beacon.” Ria nodded, hiding her relief. She didn’t know Shanti very well, and what she knew she liked. But there was no way she could stand living in close quarters with her for so long.
“We’re going to be gone a very long time, Ria, and it’ll be dangerous,” Vari said. “There’s no guarantee that we’ll find what we’re looking for, or even that we’ll make it back. You have to be sure about this because once we leave, that’s it. There’ll be no turning back for any reason.”
Ria wanted to give Vari the most honest answer she could. So, even though she was absolutely certain that she wanted to do this, she took the time to turn the matter over in her mind.
For one brief moment she wished she could tell Vari the truth. The tidal wave of shame that threatened to crash over her at the mere thought nearly caused her to shudder. She took a sip of her drink to wet her suddenly dry mouth and throat before saying the only thing she could think of to say.
“Going on this expedition is what I’m supposed to do, Vari,” she said with quiet conviction.
“Do you feel like you’re supposed to go to Kinah? Or do you feel you’re supposed to go on the expedition?”
Ria blinked in surprise at the question, then searched her feelings for an answer. It didn’t take long. “It’s not about Kinah,” she said. “I want to help them, and I’m glad that’s what this expedition is about. But it’s the journey itself that I need to make.
“I’ll do whatever you want, Vari. I’ll even work in the cafeteria if I have to, washing dishes and mopping floors. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. I’ll never complain, and I’ll never change my mind.”
Vari’s gaze shifted to her men for a long moment, then she gave a tiny nod that Ria would have missed if Vari hadn’t been her nearly identical sister. Declan glanced at his brothers who nodded as well, then he turned his gaze to her.
“Dr. Niri Jula is the Bihotza’s Chief Medical Officer. On this expedition she’ll also be heading the small infirmary on the Hilgaria, so we’ve had to hire extra staff. We still have an opening for a junior med-tech on the Bihotza. You can have that position, but only on one condition.”
Ria stilled. “What’s the condition?”
“You have to continue your medical schooling via vid terminal, and you have to keep your grades up.”
Ria hadn’t known what she expected the condition to be, but it sure hadn’t been this. But, as generous and thoughtful as the offer was, she had to be clear. “It’s a deal, but only with the understanding that I’ll be working toward a research degree. I was serious about not wanting to practice medicine.”
“That’s fine, Ria,” Declan agreed. “We just want you to continue your education, not tell you what to do with it.”
“Thank you so much. All of you.” She took another long drink of her tea, this time in an effort to clear the lump in her throat.
“We’ll have to give final approval to Niri,” Vari warned. “I think she’ll approve, provided there are no surprises in your record.”
Ria heard the unspoken question, and quickly hid the hurt she felt. “There aren’t any.”
“Well then,” Vari said, “you only have three days to prepare for two years of travel, so you better get busy.”
“What if Dr. Jula refuses?”
“I’ll let you know within the hour,” Vari said.
Ria nodded. She had confidence in her record so unless Dr. Jula had a different reason for not wanting her, she thought it was fairly safe to assume she’d get the job. “How much storage space will I have?”
“Plenty,” Vari said. “We have five vacant guest rooms for you to choose from, and they all have lots of closet and drawer space. There’s room in the hold for several trunks too.”
“What about the Kinahn women?” Ria asked. “Don’t you need the guest rooms for them?”
“No, we don’t,” Vari said. “Those who opted not to make the expedition in hibernation tanks will travel on the ICARUS ship. The Beacon has more than enough room, as well as people trained to help them deal with the trauma they’ve all endured.”
Ria flinched, then covered it by swirling the ice cubes around in her glass. “So they’ll be pointing the way to Kinah from the Beacon?”
“No, they have no idea where it is,” Vari said, frowning. She hadn’t missed Ria’s flinch, but couldn’t figure out the reason for it. “Only one woman knew the way, and she passed to the next plane a few weeks ago. She’ll be guiding us.”
Ria's Visions (Hearts of ICARUS Book 6) Page 4