He carried her through the back door, and at Rachel’s questioning look, shook his head. She pulled Lana close and pointed to a page of a picture book in her lap as he took Morgan up the stairs. She needed time before being reunited with their little girl. Her need to be with the child was obvious, but Morgan wouldn’t want Lana to see her like that. She needed to be able to hug her, at the very least.
He took her straight into the bathroom and turned the shower on. She stood frozen, hands clenched in front of her and looking at the grout lines on the tile floor. He was quiet until clouds of steam billowed from behind the blue floral shower curtain. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough, but I’m so sorry. This was never supposed to happen to you. This was never my plan. You have to know that.” He looked at her, begging for understanding, begging for her to just lift her gaze to his and give some some small hint that she didn’t hate him. “I know you have a hard time being around me. I can see it in your face. I love you, and I’ll wait. As long as it takes, I’ll wait for you to be okay with me again.”
He turned and left her to undress. A couple of minutes later, when he was sure she was in the shower, he returned and set her favorite thermal pajama set and the bag of toiletries, along with a clean towel, on the counter and closed the door behind him. Then he leaned against the other side of the wooden barricade.
He was lost. She needed space, but every fiber of his being screamed for him to go back in there and take care of her. Undress, step into the steaming shower with her, wash her skin and hair, rebind her leg and help her slip into night clothes. But what if she rejected him?
Wolf was restless. He’d have to keep busy until she was ready. It was the only way to keep him from ripping the door off of its hinges and joining her.
Chapter 12
Dean spoke to Wade quietly by the fire about his trip to Colorado to escort Alexis to her new pack. Tensed and uncomfortable, hands clenched in front of his mouth, Grey sat at the table, watching the stairs. As Morgan treaded tenderly down them, he jerked to attention. She was dressed in the pajama set he’d brought for her, and long damp hair tumbled down her back. She was beautiful.
“Who’s that on the stairs?” he asked Lana, who lay with crayons and a coloring book on the floor.
“Morgan!” she yelled, and rocketed into her arms.
She sat heavily and gathered Lana up, as silent tears slid down her face. “Oh, I’ve missed you, my baby,” she said, covering her in kisses.
“Morgan, Grey took me to the bank, and to the park, and to get ice cream. And look,” Lana said. Running over, she grabbed the wooden train he’d made. She brought it to Morgan and climbed onto her lap, holding the little engine out proudly.
Morgan’s breath caught as Lana sat heavily on her still aching body, but she kept her features smiling and relaxed. “It sounds like you had so much fun,” she said. “And this train looks amazing. We’ll have to play with it before bed tonight.”
Grey was able to keep his distance from them, but just barely. He hated every minute of it. Being so close to her again, and not being able to touch her or hold her? To soothe the ache her absence left in his soul? It was torture.
She bathed Lana and went to bed with her in Grey’s old room. He leaned against the doorframe of the new and much emptier space and tried to keep Wolf from ripping him apart from the inside. The room held everything and nothing he needed. He turned and sought escape from the confinement of the house.
“She needs time, Grey,” Dean said from the living room as he opened the front door.
Grey turned his head slightly in acknowledgement and left the house. He peeled his shirt off as he jumped off the porch and over the stairs. Being a wolf would be easier. He was more logical as a wolf. Less emotional. Easily distracted.
That night he slept in the woods, with the velvet caress of rustling leaves as his only companion.
* * * *
Lana still slept soundly but Morgan was wide awake. She slid out of bed and headed through the hallway of the silent house. Grey’s room was empty and the bed still made. Where was he? The first light of dawn lit the stairs as she padded quietly down to the kitchen. The aching of her bones said it was bitterly cold outside, but if she stayed trapped between walls much longer, she’d suffocate. No wonder they called it a Change.
She heated up water and poured in a packet of hot cocoa. Coffee had never been her thing but there was nothing quite like the feel of a warm mug in cold hands. The front door creaked and she hesitated, listening for any telltale sign others were awake. Nothing.
She slipped from the sleeping house and scampered across the sprawling front porch’s frozen floor boards in her bare feet. She hadn’t really thought this through.
The blanket over the back of the porch swing meant rescue. Cuddled deep within its folds, she blew on the hot chocolate, and shook the long hair that had lifted in the stiff breeze out of her face. She heard everything. A bird twittered, and ruffled its feathers. Morgan squinted at a bird bath two hundred yards off and spied the fluffy little creature which braved winter. She tried to find a limit to her new vision, but there seemed to be none.
The noise of a bigger animal rustled around the corner of the house. She jerked her head at a memory, blurred and dark. She leaned forward and waited.
An enormous black wolf came around the corner with his head down. The angle hid his glorious eyes. Retreat! her wolf screamed. She gasped as new instincts drew her backward, and as his golden eyes landed on her, she stopped breathing. No sudden moves.
He halted, but the damage had been done. Furious, violent memories held just out of reach flooded back. That horrible night, when the muddy brown wolf she’d thought was Grey hadn’t been him at all. It had been Alexis.
“It’s you,” she said. “You protected me when she tried to kill me. You brought me food when I was in the cage. Grey?”
He whined and skirted the railing, taking a spot on the farthest side of the porch. Every step he took was powerful and sure, and she relaxed. He wouldn’t hurt her.
“My wolf approves of you, you know.” It was somehow easier to talk to Grey in his wolf form than when he was a man. “I’m starting to remember what happened that night. Everything is so mixed up in my head right now. I keep getting flashes, but I want to know all of it. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? I should be glad I forgot the attack, but here I am trying to dig it back up.” She took a long sip of hot chocolate. “When Lana asks me one day how it happened, I should be able to tell her the story. I remember coming out here to wait for you. A wolf came over, in front of the truck, and I waved, thinking it might be you. I didn’t know what you looked like, only that you had dark fur. The wolf was brown with a darker face and legs.”
Grey growled, got up and paced the other side of the porch, returned and lay down again. He sighed heavily.
“Sorry, I guess this must be hard for you too.” She pulled the blanket more tightly around herself. “How am I supposed to live with this, Grey? Am I even safe around my child? I feel like I’m breaking apart. Like if I blink, I don’t know if I’ll be wolf or woman when I open my eyes. What if the next time I Change I take another week to Change back? Or what if I stay a wolf forever and never get to see Lana again? I remember biting at Wade. I was trying to take his hand off. Will I do that to Lana?” She stopped swinging and stared at the forest beyond the yard. “I ate a bunny!” she said, laughing only slightly hysterically at the end.
Grey made a huffing sound deep in his throat. Was he laughing?
She steeled her courage. “You wouldn’t look at me, or touch me last night. Do you not want me now that I’m like this? Do you wish I were still human?”
Those glorious golden eyes churned with emotion, with adoration that gave a glimpse into his soul. He jumped up, startling her, and bolted from the front porch. He disappeared around the corner of the house.
Had she made him angry? Maybe that wolf wasn’t Grey after all. No, he had to be. Wh
y else would he fight off those wolves for her? He would have died trying to save her. That wolf was her Grey.
As he came briskly around the corner, she jumped to her feet, dropping the mug, which hit the floor with a clatter. He had jeans on and not a stitch more. Her jaw clenched until she thought it would crack in half. He was muscular but not bulky. She’d seen him once without his shirt, the day they’d met in the rain. He’d put on weight since then and it had done his body good. A pink slash mark ran up his ribcage, but he didn’t favor the wound. He didn’t seem inclined to put on the black cotton shirt dangling from his hands. Thank goodness for tiny blessings.
He rounded the front porch, ran up the stairs and caught her in a hug so crushing, it lifted her off her feet. “Of course I want you, you crazy woman. I know I scare you now. Your wolf knows me. She can see and feel what I am and it makes you scared of me. I was trying to give you space last night. I don’t care if you’re human or wolf. I love you, Morgan. Not letting myself be near you last night—” He shook his head against her neck. “It’s not the reunion I wanted for us.”
Grabbing her hand, he led her down the steps but she was slowed by a sore body and billowing blanket. He picked her up and carried her down the gravel road to the other side of the barn. No risk of prying eyes there. He set her down, leaned back against the barn and pulled her close. His mischievously smiling lips looked downright delicious.
“I know it’s a different dynamic with us now,” he said. “So all you have to do is tell me if I play too rough. Okay?”
Playing rough didn’t sound so bad when he put it that way, with his deep, sexy voice. Breathily, she said, “Okay.”
“Your eyes...” He touched the side of her face with the barest brush of his fingertips.
“What about them?”
“They’re so damn beautiful, it hurts.”
If she couldn’t hear the truth in his words, she saw it in his steady gaze. Stretching on tiptoes, she kissed him. He held himself perfectly still, as if he didn’t want to frighten her, but it only encouraged the wanting. His mouth softened under hers, and he leaned forward as she pulled away, teasing. The pulse in his neck tripped erratically. Amazed at the reaction her kiss had caused, she placed her fingertip on it, traced his throat to the hollow at the base, and then over his sculpted chest. She drew her gaze up again, and swam in the golden depths of his eyes. The hunger she found there matched hers. Heat filled her until she trembled with longing.
His breath shook as she ran her hands down his long, taut stomach and hooked a finger along the edge of his jeans. Boldly, she unclasped the button there. He leaned forward, lapping the closed seam of her lips with the tip of his tongue, but gentleness wasn’t what she wanted. As she stroked down the hard front seam of his pants, he gasped. His eyebrows drew down as his eyes rolled closed. “Morgan,” he whispered, begged.
As long as she lived, she’d never get used to wielding power over such a potent, capable man with just a touch. It bewildered her, made her press on. Slowly, she unzipped his jeans, and a deep, gravelly hum sounded from deep within his chest as she found the length of him again. Another stroke, and he dropped his head to her shoulder. Gripping the cloth of the blanket between his teeth, he slid his hands up her shirt, warming her flesh as his fingertips brushed her ribcage.
Nibbling and kissing in turn, he brushed his lips from her throat up her chin, and by the time he reached her mouth again, he’d pulled her so close, she’d lost herself to his magnetism. Nothing else mattered in that moment but the fire that engulfed her. She burned for him, wrapped her arms desperately around his waist. Every instinct screamed closer, closer, closer still. As she stretched upward to nip his neck, a soft, inhuman growl escaped her, and she froze, mortified.
He didn’t seem to mind. “Morgan,” he rasped, raking needy hands under the blanket. He gripped her clothes, as if it would bring her closer than she already was. More. She needed so much more of him.
He tugged her clothing out of the way and grazed her collar bone with his teeth. Panting, she dug her nails into the bare skin of his back. His movement blurred and her shoulder blades were thrust against the barn’s splintering wood. She didn’t know how she got there, and didn’t care. Grey was pressed against her so tightly, there was no end to her and no beginning to him. The panel behind her creaked and snapped, threatening to give way as he bucked slowly against her hips, but the pain in her back was only a dull background hum to the pleasure of his waist against hers.
“Tell me to stop,” he rasped against her lips.
She didn’t want to, so she kissed him harder.
He pulled his lips away. “Tell me to stop now, because I won’t be able to if this keeps going.”
“But you’re my mate,” she replied, a tremor in her voice. Every fiber of her said it was so with certainty.
He leaned his forehead against hers. “It’s not a rejection. I’ve never wanted something so badly in my life, but I’m trying to give you an out. You wanted to wait, remember?” He kissed her lightly. Gently.
She didn’t want to make responsible decisions now. Sure, she’d probably thank him later, but at the moment, she only wanted to be with him. Her skin had been made to touch his, and as he slowly pulled away, became chilled with the absence of his. He arched his eyebrows, a questioning smile lingering on his lips.
If she just refused to answer, what would he do? Finding the waist of her pants, he brushed the skin beneath. Her knees locked as his gentle touch went lower.
“No answer means yes, love,” he whispered into her ear.
She sighed miserably. Stupid morals. “Stop,” she said softly.
He didn’t hesitate or give her a look of disappointment, but kissed her hand and led her back to the dirt road. Her unsatisfied stomach clenched and growled audibly. Attractive.
A small smile still on his lips, he said, “You have to eat a lot and at regular intervals now. It’ll make you safer being around Lana. I know you’re worried about that, but I’ll make sure she’s okay until you’re in control.”
“Well, let’s get breakfast then.” She laid the back of her hand dramatically across her forehead. “I’m famished. Also, it wouldn’t suck if you carried me back. It’s a long walk and my body’s screaming for more of those magic muscle relaxers Wade gave me.”
He obliged. How was the man so warm? It was frigid and he was half naked.
By the time they came through the front door, Dean had turned on the stove to start breakfast. One look and a whiff of the sausage links he was about to cook had Morgan’s mouth watering. Wade read a newspaper with a cup of coffee at the kitchen table and offered to change her bandages. After her leg was wrapped in fresh gauze, he handed her some painkillers, and Grey grabbed a glass of orange juice to wash them down with.
Dean set a plate of cooked sausage in front of her and smiled. “I can hear your stomach begging breakfast from here. Looks like you’re about to discover the pre-breakfast breakfast.” The man was basically a saint.
She thanked him, popped a mini sausage link into her mouth and tossed one to Grey across the table, who caught it dexterously between his teeth. She laughed, and his eyes shone blue for the first time since she could remember.
“Does my athletic prowess impress you?” he asked.
“Yes, that’s actually the main reason I’m with you. For your sausage snarfing skills,” she said sarcastically.
“I knew it,” he whispered, snagging another sausage from her plate.
A sleepy looking Marissa came to the top of the stairs and told them she heard Lana stirring. By the time Morgan had her dressed, breakfast was on the table.
Rachel smiled warmly as she exited the office across the living room and Morgan gave her a big hug. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and my family.”
“Of course. We’re just glad you’re back on the human side again. We thought Grey would go crazy before you Changed back. You had us all worried.”
She sat between Lana and Grey. “Sorry for that. It sounds like we all had a rough week. I couldn’t remember who I was, other than a wolf, for a long time. I guess my mind wasn’t ready to deal with all this. And when I did finally remember, it took me a while to figure out how to make myself Change back. I’m still not sure how I did it. I don’t know if I can do it on command. It makes me kind of nervous about the next time I Change. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make myself do it or if I’ll have to wait until it’s forced.”
Dean passed her a plate of French toast. “That control will come the more you do it, and after a while it’ll be a natural thing for you. Like going to the bathroom.”
“Speaking of, you guys should think about putting some kind of Port-a-potty in your cages,” she said as Dean nearly choked on a bite of sausage link. “All I’m saying is, a girl should never have to go in a corner. I’m not a ferret.”
“Okay, fair enough. We’ll have to look into that, won’t we, Wade?”
Wade responded by lifting a glass of orange juice and smiling. “You got it.”
As they finished breakfast, Morgan addressed the table. “Do you think I’m okay to go into town? I was out for a while and have errands to run.”
Grey leaned forward with a worried look. “I don’t know. Your Change lasted longer than they normally do, so we don’t know how much you’ll have to do it yet. It’s safe for you to Change whenever you need to here, but I’m worried about you Changing right away while we’re in town. I think it’s too soon.” He looked to Dean for backup.
“I think Grey’s right. Usually the first Change lasts a few minutes but yours lasted for a week and a half. I don’t know if that means you’ll be able to wait a while before your next one, or if you’ll balance out now and Change daily, as is normal for new wolves.”
She tried to keep her disappointment from showing on her face.
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