by Amy Star
She stooped and ran her hand over his head, and he butted her playfully.
“Now you know,” Lily said, putting a hand over her shoulder. “Welcome home, sister.”
CHAPTER THREE
After Sam and Lily’s confession to Emily, the three of them became inseparable together. It was refreshing to Emily, who had always tried to deny the Bear in her, to be able to go with Sam or Lily after work or on the weekends into the forests outside Fairbanks. It was hard for her at first. Transforming always meant having to disrobe and she still had a very human embarrassment about being naked. Around Lily it was okay – she seemed quite at ease being naked, even in the chilly mornings or evenings under the shade of the trees. But then, Emily reminded herself, Lily had grown up embracing the Bear in her.
And she was beautiful.
Although she was a bit more petite than Emily, Lily’s body was a flawless auburn color that ran from the top of her eyebrows all the way down to her feet, and besides that, she had an illimitable grace to her as she stripped and would give instructions on how best to align her focus when transforming or where and where not to go while in Form. Lily always seemed to take a certain joy in her tutelage and Emily routinely couldn’t stop from grinning at the naked nymph.
“What’s so funny?” Lily would ask, hugging her stomach.
“You’re just so comfortable,” Emily would reply.
“Well, let’s get you naked too!”
It was different when she was with Sam. At first, all three of them would go into the woods, a small little grove that hedged the river but was far enough away from the populated areas to give them the privacy to practice their Forms. Lily was unabashed about stripping down in front of Sam and gingerly stepped out of her panties, hanging all her articles of clothing on the down-sloping branches of a cedar. Emily was deeply jealous of Lily’s small pert breasts, which angled upwards and had large brown areolas, unlike hers, which were larger and impossible to hide.
Sam, as well, undressed without much ceremony. The first time she’d seen him naked in the moonlight Emily had felt a twinge of pleasure, something burrowing far down in her loins that she couldn’t explain away. But then, to see him fully in the nude in daylight, it was even harder to avert her eyes. She wanted to be able to analyze all of him, to give each part of him the proper attention it deserved, like he was a masterpiece painting. His biceps, the curve of his buttocks as they swam into the muscles of his legs, even the full broad lips; when they spoke her name, it was almost enough to cause her to swoon.
It was still difficult for her to unclothe in front of him though. The first time she stalled as the other two threw off their clothes. She knew they could sense her awkwardness, but the two of them simply laughed and pretended not to notice. Emily gently undid the button on her jeans and pulled them down over her tan legs. Stepping out of her panties she found herself comparing the round thin veil of pubic hair with Lily’s full and beautiful bush. When she undid her bra her breasts seemed to inhale with the freedom and hung immaculately down her chest. Her pink nipples tightened and hardened in the cold June air, and there was a kind of erotic pleasure in opening herself to the other two. But it was also a source of vulnerability to her. She had always hated her breasts. She knew that other woman would kill to have her endowment, but to her they had always been a source of shame. She was used to existing on the fringes, where no one would notice her, and her heaving breasts made that impossible.
“The first thing to remember is that you and the Bear are one,” Sam said. “Don’t try to fight it. But also remember that the Bear isn’t more important. Some people have lost themselves in the animal and forgotten how to revert back into human form. It’s all about balance.”
Emily’s first try to let out the Bear was painful. Almost like the first time she’d lost her virginity, the sort of raw natural aching and stabbing pain that followed every intimacy. Lily had clapped tremulously beside her, sitting cross-legged on a bed of moss, the small folds of her pubis peeking out against the shade.
In Form, Emily was a long legged brown bear, the color of chestnuts in fall. She loved the feel of the earth under her as she ran with the other two through the forest, the many scents of the wilderness filling her nose. It was exhilarating, almost ecstatic, to frolic so carelessly. The world took on a new sort of perspective; it was more alive, more colorful, more vibrant now that she had accepted the Bear, and in kind, the Bear had imbued her with sharper senses.
Now, when she went to the hospital she was surprised at the clarity of sound and image, almost as if someone had washed the thin veneer of dust off the lens of her life.
The hospital was a source of productivity and accomplishment for her. Most of the doctors and other nurses were just as casual about their jobs as everyone else in Fairbanks seemed to be. It didn’t preclude laziness, they just didn’t seem to get stressed over anything. If a problem arose, they all accepted it as an inevitable and went about their business trying to fix it as quickly and efficiently as possible. Not like the big city hospitals, she thought to herself. There, it was always stressful. Before Fairbanks, she had taken it as a fact of life that one needed to get riled up over the smallest fuss. There was also less gossip in the Denali Center, and that was a relief to Emily, who had usually been at the focus of such talk.
It was the eve of her month in Alaska when she heard a knock on her door and opened it to see Sam smiling at her. Emily only had on a hoodie and her panties, but her attitude about nakedness had changed since arriving. She smiled back and invited him in again as she fished around for a pair of clean pants.
“Are you sure you don’t need a cleaner?” Sam said, motioning to the catastrophe that her living room had become. Since she’d always lived alone, the state of her apartment had always been one of disorientation.
“Nah, it’s always like this,” she said, flinching.
“If you say so, lovely butt,” he said heading for the kitchen, and pinched the bottom of her buttocks as he passed by her.
She blushed and pulled on a pair of older jeans with a hole in the knee, and looked back toward the sink where he filled himself a glass of water and drank it all in one gulp. In the month she’d been here, she’d become very close with Lily and Sam. It was a consequence, she knew, of being able to be herself around them, and everything that came with it. It was the first time. And yet, even though she knew that Sam aroused her, she still found herself adamantly denying she was attracted to him. It was fear, mostly. Fear of what it would actually mean to be that close to another human being. In a way, she longed for the relationship that he had with Lily, something that was fraternal, familial. It seemed simpler that way, less messy. And yet, as she pulled up the zipper on her jeans and watched him she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if they were closer.
She bit her lip. Was he even interested in her that way? Certainly, there was a degree of closeness, but she was uncertain about how far that really went. As far as she knew, he considered her a friend in the same way he thought of Lily as a sister: simply platonic.
“So, what’s the big news?” she chimed. He had mentioned he had something to tell her after her shift at the hospital had finished.
“Well, how do you feel about taking a little trip up to Trapper Creek for the weekend? I wanted to show you my old stomping grounds.”
“Stomping grounds is usually for places you went to school.” She pointed out.
He screwed up his brow again. “Well, when I say stomping I mean more like, bear-stomping.” He laughed.
“Sounds like a plan.” She said excitedly. “I’ll go get Lily.”
“Oh, Lily can’t. I guess she finally had to let go of one of her employees so she’s swamped covering shifts this weekend. It’ll just be us, is that okay?”
The idea of being alone with Sam for the weekend caused her heart to race suddenly and she found herself nodding furiously. “Uhm, yeah, of course.” She said.
“Great! I really wan
ted to take you flying!” he exclaimed.
***
Emily wasn’t prepared for Sam’s invitation. She had assumed they’d drive there, but Sam was adamant about showing her his other business, flying hunters in and out of lodges. At the local airport Sam checked them in at the head office and showed her how to adjust the speakers and heavy army-green headphones so they could communicate over the whine of the engine.
“That’s what I did in the army.” He explained through his headpiece, as he turned on the ignition and got the go-ahead from the tall brick tower, “I figured I should put my skills to use, and here I am. Hold on.”
Emily found herself bracing each arm on the handlebars above her and to her side. It wasn’t that she hated flying; she had just never really had that much experience. It was like a rollercoaster to her, the same sort of thrill and nausea and excitement. No one really liked the rollercoaster itself; they just enjoyed the elation of peril. Risk taker Emily, she thought bemusedly. The plane roared to life and there was a falling sensation in her stomach as it lifted off and the wheels left the tarmac. She was reminded of the first time she had taken a big elevator as a child, and how she had had to cling to the inside handles for fear she was going to lose her sense of gravity forever.
The Cessna whined into the air, and she was amazed at how quickly they climbed. Below them Fairbanks looked insignificant, tiny, like a miniature model of a city. Stretching out against the horizon in every direction she found herself gasping at the vastness. It was like the world just went on and on. Being trapped in the town, she hadn’t had much of an opportunity to explore the outside and as a result she had never really appreciated how big the Alaskan wilderness was.
Sam did several large sweeping passes over a mountain range to the east and she could see the faint outline of the Pacific gleaming in the sunlight, far off. As they made a final pass and headed northeast again, Sam did his best to give a comprehensive history of the region, but Emily was too spellbound by the sights to really listen.
As they passed over Fairbanks again and followed the small tiny grey finger of road, it took less than twenty minutes for them to approach a gap in the valley, and Sam indicated a small newly-cemented runway below them.
“Just put in this summer,” he said through his mouthpiece. “We’re getting more and more tourists each year.”
“You mean hunters.” She clarified.
He could feel her exasperation. “If it’s any consolation, I do have conflicted feelings about it.” He said, referring to the fact he was aiding and abetting hunters who were looking for, among other things, bears to shoot.
“I understand.” She lied.
“No you don’t.” He smiled, “but neither do I. A little cognitive dissonance; the way I see it, by being the one who brings the hunters in and looks after them, I have more control over what they do, where they go, and what they shoot, than if I wasn’t a part of this.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning, if you want to protect something… then the best way to do that is to make friends with the people that are threatening it. That way at least you have some leverage, a strong position, from where to try and make things right.” He explained, pointing them down toward the runway.
Emily shut her mouth. She felt a bit arrogant and stupid for having disagreed with him. Clearly, Sam had his own reasons for flying in hunters, and from his perspective, it made a lot of sense. She just hadn’t thought it through.
“I get it.” She repeated again, quietly, and saw Sam smile and reach out with his free hand to hold hers. His strong fingers wove into hers and he squeezed once before returning to the steering wheel as the landing struts folded down.
Trapper Creek was less than a town. Emily wanted to call it a village, if anything. Sam happily escorted her to a rusted out little Cadillac, his ‘first love’ he called it. It had a bit of a charm, the same sort of loving affection he had shown One-Eyed Pete the 4Runner back in Fairbanks. It also had a faintly musty smell, the slow decay of metal and vinyl, and it brought back memories of Emily’s parent’s car. The memory surprised her, and she told Sam about it, how her parents had taught her as much as they could. She also told him about their death, about growing up alone, and how it forced her to abandon the idea of any real relationship – the risk of having someone discover she was a Bear, or of the Bear suddenly waking up, was too great.
“That sounds really lonely.” Sam said.
“It was what it was.” She said, even though her expression couldn’t hide the anguish she still felt now, bringing it up. “I’m used to it.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.” Sam said suddenly, and there was a strange terseness in his voice, like he really wanted her to believe it and was pleading for her to try. “While you’re here, you don’t have to feel that way, okay?”
She merely nodded, but somehow he had allayed her deepest fear. She took in a deep breath to keep from sobbing and flicked the dial on his busted car radio to a rock station.
They spent several hours while Sam ordered supplies for his next expedition, which was supposed to be in the next couple of days and had an early dinner at the town’s only restaurant. She ordered a heavy potato and leek soup, and he opted for a giant cheeseburger which was actually made of elk. Evening was approaching fast, and it was almost seven by time they got back in his car and he drove them to his old cabin.
It was smaller than the two-story one he had in Fairbanks yet still reeked of his personality: simple, efficient, practical, and at the same time, very cozy. Outside the sound of a creek tumbled in the air, and the sound of trees cricketed as they adjusted to the cold. She shivered and turned on the light and saw that it had a huge stone fireplace.
“Here, you get comfortable while I chop some wood for the fire, alright? I think there’s a bottle of wine in there as well.” He said, motioning to the grocery bag he’d brought in and set on the kitchen table.
Emily nodded and fished through the pine cabinets above the sink, and found two wine glasses. Next she rummaged in the adjoining bedroom, and was surprised to find only a single bed. I guess one of us will be sleeping on the couch, she thought, and bit her lip. During the flight to Skinner Creek she had been looking for any indication, something that would give away Sam’s true intentions bringing her here. Was it a coincidence that Lily had been too busy? She’d made a few off-hand jocular remarks that Sam was the most eligible bachelor in Fairbanks, but Emily had shaken it off as one of Lily’s matter-of-fact quirks, always the matchmaker.
Absently she tugged the pile blanket off the foot of the bed and strolled back to the living room. She could hear the snap and twang of wood splitting and the heavy grunts as Sam lifted the axe and brought it down again and again. She curled up on the couch and wrapped the blanket around her and shivered.
“Whew,” Sam said, stumbling in with an arm-load of wood, “I forgot what a bitch birch is to split. I’m really out of shape.”
“Here,” she said, lifting the other full wine glass to him as he dropped the wood in front of the fireplace. He took it and took in a deep breath. “So, make a toast.”
He scratched the five o’clock shadow growing in on his cheeks. “Me? I suck at making toasts. Honest, I’m the only one who ends up with bread when they’re trying to make toast. Why don’t you?”
“Coward,” she teased, “alright, fine. Um… to Lily, then, who can’t be here.”
He clinked his glass against hers and took a sip. “Next time, for sure.” He said, setting the glass down and lighting the fire. The tinder took to the match immediately and in moments there was a roaring fire.
Emily sighed and made room for Sam beside her, plopping her feet into his lap affectionately while she took another sip of wine. He smiled and tickled her soles, forcing her to kick him gently in the arm. He laughed and held up his hands again in surrender and gently massaged her feet. She sighed again and closed her eyes, enjoying the press of his fingers against her bare feet. She had always assu
med that most of her tension was kept in her neck, but as he pressed harder and wrapped his hands like gloves around her, she almost melted. She kept her eyes closed and tried not to open her mouth, but every so often he would hit a tender spot and her mouth would open slightly, and she’d let out a moan.
How long they stayed like that she couldn’t guess. The fire radiated its heat against her eyelids, and she listened to the steady pulse of his breath, low and bear-like even in his human form. After a time she opened her eyes and saw him gazing into the fire, hypnotized by the movement of his own fingers on her skin.
“Did Lily really have work?” she asked, and suddenly bit back on the words.
He turned toward her and his fingers stopped. “No.” He admitted.
“I didn’t think so.”
“I invited her,” he went on, “but she said it would be better if she… how did she put it? Found something to amuse herself while we amused each other.”