“Sure,” Becca said. “Do you see Hannah?”
“Not yet.”
It wasn’t long before they both had a beer and were back to glancing around the room. “Let’s just find a seat and—”
“It’s my favorites!” an excited voice called from behind them. Becca and Jase both turned in time for Hannah to throw up her arms and pull them into a group hug. Becca held her full beer bottle out to the side, hoping to keep it from sloshing. Hannah pulled back and then gave Jase his own personal hug, her arms naturally slipping around his waist—inside his coat. Becca watched as Jase placed his free hand on the side of her face and placed a kiss on the top of her head.
Becca looked away, facing the band that was obviously finishing up their set. Jase and Hannah had always been like that, walking the line between affectionate siblings and needing a room. And after all these years, and even though she was hoping for that engagement ring for Christmas, it still managed to frustrate Becca.
Even worse, the same old raging jealousy was there. She’d liked Jase first. Had made it very clear, and she’d always been afraid that had been the catalyst for Hannah’s obsession—her need for attention. It would have killed her if Jase had shown Becca favor, so she’d made it her mission to have him all for herself. For some idiotic reason, he’d let her get away with that, and all through high school they’d been this weird couple thing. It wasn’t that they dated necessarily, but most guys knew that Hannah was Jase’s. That hadn’t stopped her sister from making out with guys from other schools, and it had always annoyed Jase when she did. To this day, Becca could not understand his weakness for her twin. It wasn’t that Hannah was a bad person; she just liked having all the attention. One would have really hoped she’d grown out of that by now.
“I’m so glad you came,” Hannah said, looping through her arm through Becca’s. She began to lead them through the maze of tables, up closer to where the band on stage was finishing up. When they got to an empty table marked RESERVED, Hannah stopped and turned to Becca. “I can’t wait for you to meet Jonas. His band plays next.”
“I can’t wait, either,” Becca said, taking off her coat. Instead of answering, Hannah’s eyes ran up and down Becca’s dress.
“Holy shit, you look hot. Did you and Brian break up?”
Becca frowned. “No. Why?”
Hannah laughed, glancing at Jase. “That’s a getting-lucky dress. Am I right?”
“I tried to tell her,” he said.
Becca scowled at Jase, who was sitting down beside her. “You also told me not to change!”
He shrugged, a grin sliding across his lips. “I was being selfish.”
Their eyes met, and Becca swore he gave her a little wink as he took a pull of his beer. She glanced back up at Hannah, who was still standing, staring at the two of them. The bar’s speakers had begun playing country music in between bands so the place had a different feel to it now, but at least they could hear one another better.
“Well . . .” Hannah started. “You better beat off the creepers that she attracts in that dress, Jase. Remember, she’s got a boyfriend.” Hannah smiled. “I’ll be back. Going to get a drink before they start.”
Becca let out a breath as her sister walked away. She loved Hannah, she really did. When there was no masculine competition around, they got along great. She had plenty of amazing memories of the two of them during holidays, vacations, weekend trips to visit each other during college. But the Jase thing had always caused a strain, and Becca just couldn’t understand why Hannah needed to have him all to herself. Or why he’d chosen only Hannah to give all his attention to. It wasn’t that Jase had been rude to Becca, but throughout their adolescent years he’d been—indifferent, and that had almost hurt worse than if he’d been an asshole. At least then she’d have had a good reason to hate him.
“Don’t let her get to you,” Jase said to Becca’s left.
She jerked her gaze in his direction. “What do you mean?”
“Just what I said. I can tell you’re irritated. Brush it off.”
Becca’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not irritated,” she said. But he was right. Damn it.
He glared at her—although it was playful. Then he leaned his elbow on to the table, his face turned toward her. “You Walters women wear your emotions all over your face.” He reached up and touched her shoulder. “And right here. No hiding your emotions from me.”
“Whatever,” Becca said. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of looking impressed. He was good, but he wasn’t that good. Because if he she couldn’t hide her emotions from him, then he would have known all along how in love with him she was.
FOUR
Jase was having hard time not staring at Becca’s tits—which, in his defense, were right there begging to be admired. Barely covered at all. He should have kept his mouth shut when she’d mentioned changing, but he was a man, and although he should keep his eyes off her, he wasn’t sorry about it. Besides, it was better than watching Hannah send lovey eyes and blow kisses to Jonas up on stage.
He glanced down to where his thigh was pressed up against Becca’s hip, and had been for the past ten minutes. Was it just his imagination, or had she scooted closer than necessary when Hannah had made room for some of her co-workers?
Jonas strummed at his guitar and crooned into the microphone like some kind of Dave Matthews wannabe and Jase was over it. What was with the trend of singing like your wind pipes were about to give out? It made his head hurt.
When the song ended and Jonas pulled his guitar over his head and set it down, Jase was thankful for a reprieve. But then he grabbed his microphone again and began another song with no instruments. Oh God. It was never going to end. Then the guy—dressed in tight jeans, a ratty low-cut T-shirt, and a fucking scarf—began to make his way down the steps and toward their table. Singing. At Hannah.
Jase stiffened as he watched them, their eyes locked on each other. And then Becca leaned back and whispered in Jase’s direction, “Oh my God. This is happening.”
Her hand sought his thigh and squeezed under the table. And then he knew what she meant as he watched the douchebag, Jonas, kneel on the floor in front of Hannah, who had covered her mouth with her hands.
Everyone in the room hushed, save a few squeals and hollers. And then he held out a small box, which no doubt held a ring. Becca’s hand squeezed tighter on Jase’s thigh. She wasn’t going to hurt him, but instead of her vise grip on his leg, he grabbed her hand with his own as they watched Hannah nod yes to the sudden deafening cheers going off around the room.
Jonas kissed Hannah, and instead of standing up to clap like everyone else, Becca turned in her seat and looked at Jase. He could feel her eyes on him, but he was still watching the happy newly engaged couple lock lips. His Hannah. The woman for whom he’d been willing to do anything. He’d loved and sacrificed for her, no matter how damn insane she could act. How many times had he picked her up when she called, bailed her out in a bind, jimmied her car door open?
His emotions were warring and overwhelming. Was he mad? Hurt? Sad?
“Jase. Are you okay?” he heard Becca ask over the chaos. Finally, he looked at her. Quiet little Becca, always reading or doing homework. She was so beautiful. Always had been. Why had they never been closer friends? He should have let go of that grudge against her about the bed thing a long time ago. Gently, he cupped her cheek and then smiled at her. Her eyes widened in surprise.
“Yeah, I am okay. But I think I’m gonna get some air.”
Her lips parted, but instead of saying anything, she nodded.
Jase stood up and grabbed his coat, pushed his way through the standing crowd, and then pushed the front door open. The minute the cool December air hit his face, he inhaled deep and then blew it out on a puff of steam. Pulling his coat on, he walked down the sidewalk toward a brick half wall that separated the bar’s facade from the rest of the strip of businesses it was connected to. On the other side of the half wall was a bench, which had thankfu
lly been saved from snow by the overhang on the building. He sat down and instantly let his head fall back and rest against the cool brick of the building behind it.
Minutes went by, and he forced himself to think about everything except what had just happened. He wasn’t ready to analyze his feelings on that. He thought about Pitch, and how excited he was to get his bull on that field. Was that weird? He had a feeling any other man in the cattle industry would understand. How long would he try his hand at this line of work before he threw in the towel? Maybe Pitch would be one horny guy and get the job done. His backup plan was to buy semen and artificially inseminate his herd, but that was another cost he was hoping to avoid.
Blowing out a hard breath, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. The distraction of cow mating wasn’t working. All he wanted to do was think about the fact that Hannah was now . . . engaged. What did that mean for him? He’d just been thinking about how he needed to put up some boundaries between himself and Hannah, but he hadn’t expected this. He’d been her third wheel a long time, but he was not going to be one to a married woman. He had more pride than that.
The sound of high heels on asphalt drew his attention. Then he saw her, Becca. She was glancing around the parking lot. Looking for him, based on the way she was heading toward where they’d parked his truck. He should call out to her, but for a moment he just wanted to sit here and watch her. His windows were tinted, and he watched as she put her hands on the glass and pressed her face against it. Jase smiled.
Becca Walters was worried about him. What a bizarre day it had been.
Her shoulders dropped and she looked around the parking lot, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Shit,” he muttered to himself. It was cold as hell, there were patches of ice on the ground, so he couldn’t risk her wandering around in heels. “Becca,” he called out.
Her head jerked in his direction, but it was clear she couldn’t see him in the shadows, so he stood up, walked to the front lip of the half wall where he knew he’d be lit, and leaned against it. She smiled and made her way in his direction.
“You’re hiding,” she said when she’d made her way to him. She walked around him and stood behind the wall where she was blocked from the cold wind.
“Sorry. I wasn’t hiding from you.” He pushed off the brick and stared at her.
“Just from reality, I take it?” she teased.
“Something like that.”
He sighed, reality suddenly crashing back down with her presence. “I guess it was pretty damn rude that I left like that. I should have congratulated them.”
She shrugged. “There’ll be plenty of time for that. I congratulated them both and uh . . . well, introduced myself to my future brother-in-law. That was kind of weird, considering he went right back up on stage.”
With a sigh, Jase turned and leaned his back against the brick. Becca did the same right next to him so they were shoulder-to-shoulder. He stared straight ahead down the sidewalk, but from his periphery he saw her head turn to face him.
“Would you prefer to be alone?” she asked. “I was just checking on you. Making sure you’re okay.”
He let his head roll along the wall and looked at her. “I don’t prefer to be alone. And I’m okay. In fact, you may not believe this, but I feel . . . relieved.”
Even in the shadows he saw the whites of her eyes get bigger. “Relieved?”
Jase shrugged. “This thing between your sister and me, it can finally be over.”
She let out a huff of a laugh and then looked away. “You act like it was controlling you.”
“It almost felt like it was. It’s like we’d become so dependent on each other, we didn’t know anything different. We were just . . . there. Always available for the other person, but in a way, it was holding us back.” He chuckled. “Or shit, clearly that’s not true. Tonight proves that it was only holding me back.”
“You’re sounding kind of soft,” she said, amusement in her voice.
Jase turned and scowled at her. “Watch yourself, Miss Walters, or I’ll show you how not soft I can be.”
“Ha! Yeah right. That’s a completely empty threat, considering you’ve never liked me very much.”
His eyes widened now. Apparently, they were full of enough beer and shock to be a little too honest. “Definitely not an empty threat after spending the entire evening staring at you in that dress. As for your last comment, I think we can both agree that it was your constant disapproval of me that justified my dislike of you.”
They stared at each other. Him feeling rather smug, and her looking shocked.
“Disapproval?” she asked. “What does that mean?”
“Oh, come on, Becca. You could never stand the fact that I spent so much time at your house.”
“That’s not true. Why would you say that?”
“I’m a big boy now. I can take it.” He shrugged. “It used to hurt my feelings, I’ll admit it. But I got over it.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand what would make you feel that way. I never said anything to make you think that.”
“Just forget it.” He shouldn’t have gone down this path. It was pointless and would serve them no purpose. Obviously he remembered something so long ago and inconsequential because it had only mattered to him. He was too damn old for this.
“You can’t tell me to just forget it after saying something like that.” She had pushed off the wall and was now facing him.
“Becca, seriously. I’m being stupid. Just . . . let’s go back inside.”
“Jase.” She reached a hand out and placed it on his chest, pressing him gently back against the brick. “If you ever felt like I didn’t want you around, we need to clear it up right this second.”
He stared back at her, feeling her cool hand through the material on his sternum. He should get her back inside. Instead he covered her hand with his own, stroking his thumb over her fingers. Her eyes darted to their hands, and he swore she stepped closer.
“That night,” he started. He sucked in a breath. Swallowed. “The night your father came over. Brought me back to your house.”
She looked up at him, and this time there was no question, she stepped closer into his body. “Yes. I remember that night. It was horrible.” Her lips parted the slightest bit, a puff of steam escaping them. She furrowed her brow. “Do you think I didn’t want you there that night? That’s ridiculous, Jase.”
“I don’t know. You may not remember, but I do. You didn’t want me staying in your room. In your pink frilly bed.” He huffed out a laugh. “Sounds stupid coming out of my mouth. I’m a grown fucking man. But I just . . .”
“Wait. What are you talking about? I was with you that night, for a long time I sat beside you.”
He nodded, his thumb stroking her again. “You were. I remember that well. You were sad and angry for me, which made it a little easier not to feel humiliated for being there that way. In front of you, and in front of your entire family.”
“Well, that’s ridiculous. It wasn’t your fault. I never judged you for that, Jase. No one did.”
“The next morning, your mother helped me down the steps. Christmas morning, and even though they hadn’t expected me to be there, I had presents under your tree.” He smiled at that memory, and so did Becca.
“Mama was magic like that.”
“Yes. Yes, she was.” Jase let go of Becca’s hand and reached out to pull the edges of her coat together. Mostly to keep her warm, but also as an excuse to pull her the rest of the way to him. Their bodies were a whisper apart, her arm still bent between them, and thankfully she hadn’t taken her hand off his chest.
“It was a good day, Jase. After a horrible night.”
“After lunch, Tim suggested that maybe I should stay on the sofa for the next couple of days, even though someone had made your bedroom up all real nice for me. Brought me some books and magazines about hunting and horses. Cleared all the girlie stuff off your nightsta
nd.”
“I did all that. I wanted you to feel comfortable, since you were in such a girlie room. But I understood why you didn’t want to stay there. I admit, it kind of hurt my feelings when I found out you felt weird in my room, but it made sense. Even more so now that I spend every day surrounded by fourteen-year-old boys.”
His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean I didn’t want to stay? I never said that. No, you complained to your parents about having me in there. Told them it grossed you out.”
Her head jerked back, hand dropping from his chest. “I did not! I would never say such a thing. I wanted you in there.” She balked, obviously shocked and angry. “Who told you that?”
Jase pursed his lips, suddenly feeling very stupid, irritated, and mostly just confused.
Becca’s eyes went wide. “Hannah said that. Didn’t she?”
Jase sighed. “She did.”
Becca’s mouth dropped open, and then she let out a bitter laugh. Then she turned her face to look out toward the parking lot. When she hugged her arms tight around herself, Jase felt the guilt hit in the gut. “Becca, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“There’s certainly no reason for you to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have brought it up. It was stupid. Water under the bridge.”
“Is it? Because it sounds as if you’ve been holding on to that anger at me for a long time. In fact, it’s all making sense right now.” She laughed again, shaking her head. “God, I’m an idiot. I thought you just really disliked me for no reason. I’ve had such issues over how much you disliked me.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me? You?”
“Yes, me. Why is that a surprise? You know it was Hannah that came and told me that she’d overheard you request to sleep on the sofa on Christmas morning. That you’d felt uncomfortable staying in my room.”
“That little—” He stopped himself from finishing the sentence. How could Hannah have done that? But then again, she had been a child.
At the same time, though, Becca was right. He had gotten real hang-ups about himself after that. At least for a while. It had made him self-conscious believing that Becca had said those things. For a while he’d worried that her feelings were shared by the rest of the family, that he was just a trashy kid with trashy parents. But it hadn’t taken him long to realize that Tim and Karen had helped him because they were good people, and they’d wanted to help the abused boy down the road that didn’t have parents who loved him. Because of their kindness and attention, he’d finally found his confidence, but almost in spite of his upbringing. It had been his catalyst to prove to everyone he was not someone that needed to be pitied.
Should've Been You Page 4