“You want Daddy to take you to get some ice cream, buddy? We’ve got to get your shoes and coat on first.” Andrew said with a smile on his face.
“Yay. Ouce ceam,” he screamed as he started running from the kitchen to the door. There was no stopping him when he knew that ice cream was involved.
I couldn’t help but shake my head. The only thing his little mind heard was ice cream. Typical toddler.
Andrew put on Liam’s shoes and coat, then walked back into the kitchen with a fidgeting little boy on his hands. He was trying to escape his father’s grasp so he could run out of the house.
“You want anything babe?” he asked while he continued to try and keep his hold on Liam.
“Just for you to hurry back.”
“I’ll be back as quick as I can. I can’t wait to show you just how much you turned me on earlier when this little guy goes to bed. Love you, Mags. With everything that I am,” he replied.
“Love you, too,” I said back as he walked out the door. He was the sweetest man that I’d ever met.
Our lazy day had been perfect. We’ve played, cuddled, and spent the day as a family. Who could ask for more than that? Certainly not me.
The store was only about ten minutes away, which meant they should be back in half an hour. So I took the time to go and clean up the dishes from dinner, opting to wash them by hand instead of loading the dishwasher to pass the time.
By the time I finished washing, drying, and putting them away, the boys still weren’t back yet which was odd. I’d even wiped the counters and table off before I’d realized they hadn’t returned. I glanced over at the stove and recalculated the time they’d left versus the time that shown on the stove clock. It had been forty minutes. There’s no way they would still be at the store. Even if Liam decided to give Andrew a fit, they should’ve been home by now. I’d given them extra time at the store in case Liam was indecisive about what he wanted. Fear started to creep inside of me, but I pushed it back down. There was no need to panic just yet. Anything could’ve held them up.
Before the panic fully set in, I decided to call Andrew just to see what the holdup was. Liam would need to be in bed soon, and he’d be a bear if he couldn’t have his ice cream first when we’d promised him we could. Hopefully, Andrew just decided to let Liam eat his ice cream at the outside tables at the store. That had to be it.
The phone rang and rang with no answer. Andrew’s all too familiar voice came across the phone when his voicemail picked up, but I hung up the phone without leaving one. There was no way to explain my paranoia to him so I just decided to wait for him to call me back.
Twenty phone calls and five voicemails later, still no Andrew and Liam. They’d been gone for two hours, and I’d officially hit full-blown panic mode. I’m sure there was now wear patterns in my hardwood floors from all of the pacing that I’d began to do.
The panic set in the more I paced the floor, my heart pounded harder and harder with each second that passed. The fear that I’d hidden in the day to day life had now came out full force, threatening to choke me the more I thought of each and every scenario that could’ve happened to them.
With one final pass, I stopped in the middle of the hallway and rested my back against the wall. Tears now filled my eyes. I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head that something had happened to them. That they weren’t coming home. The moment I let the thoughts enter my mind was the second I knew the fear would win out. With each second that passed, I worried more and more. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I let the tears fall. Letting the fear win, my body fell to the floor in a crumpled heap, but my eyes moved to the door. Inwardly, I prayed that they would be okay. That God had had enough and would finally let me live in peace. As the minutes passed, I never let my eyes move from the door.
What could have been seconds or hours later, knocking broke me from the haze that my mind had become. Who in the world could that be? I thought to myself as I reluctantly moved from the floor.
With the backs of my hands, I wiped away the remnants of my tears and walked to the door, my legs shaking with each step. When I pulled the door open, my heart hit the floor. Two men were standing on the porch, both wearing suits. But their attire wasn’t what bothered me. It was the badges that I noticed after I finished taking in their entire appearance. They were both detectives.
No. This wasn’t happening. There’s only one reason they’d be here. One I was all too familiar with. I’d experienced this type of visit before when my parents died. Officers at your door only meant one thing. Andrew and Liam weren’t coming home.
Words failed me as I stared at the sympathetic looking officers, my eyes darting back and forth between the two.
“Mrs. Deluca?” the officer on my right asked.
“Yes,” I somehow managed to choke out, the sob inside of me begging to break free.
“I’m Detective Tisdale and this is Detective Kendrick. Can we come in for a moment?”
As I motioned them inside, my brain screamed at me that this was it. They were about to reveal the worst news I could possibly receive.
After they walked through the door, I shut it behind them and guided them to the living room off to the right of the foyer.
Unable to move any further, I stood in the doorway of the room and waited for them to speak.
“Is your husband’s name Andrew DeLuca?” Tisdale asked.
I could only nod my head in response. I knew where this was going, and I wanted him to get to the part that I didn’t know if I could handle hearing.
“Do you have any children?” he asked.
Instead of responding, I walked over to the mantle on the fireplace and grabbed the family portrait that we’d had taken for the holidays. I caressed the frame in between my fingers as I walked back towards both of the detectives, glancing down at the photo before I handed it over to him.
“That’s my husband and my son. What’s this about?” I asked as I bit down on my lip to rein in the tears that I felt brimming at my eyelids.
I studied their faces as they both looked down at the photograph. When recognition along with sorrow crossed over their features, I just knew the response to my question was what I feared it would be since their arrival. Only a small part of me now held on to the hope that they’d tell me my family was still alive.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but there’s been an accident. We believe your husband and son were killed in the commission of a robbery,” Detective Tisdale revealed.
And just like that my world as I knew it was over. All that kept replaying over and over inside my head were the words, ‘killed in the commission of a robbery’ killed in the commission of a robbery.’ The words kept repeating themselves, almost driving me to the point of madness. When the reality of the words completely registered, I could no longer stand, and my legs buckled from beneath me. One of the detectives, I wasn’t sure which, caught me before I hit the ground. I could hear him speaking, but I couldn’t register the words. I only heard the same seven words that he repeated moments ago.
’Killed in the commission of a robbery.’
My brain was going into shock. I could feel myself slipping further and further away from the situation. I wanted to deny that they were telling me the truth. That they had the wrong house, but I knew the instant that I saw them on my porch that it was real.
“Mrs. DeLuca, are you alright?” one of the detectives asked, momentarily bringing me back from the state I was in. The detective that caught me from hitting the floor was still holding me upright. If he had let me go, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be laying on the floor curled up in a ball, praying that this was all some crazy dream.
“No, I’m never going to be okay again,” I whispered as I brought my hands up to my face and let the tears fall. Mourning. An emotion I knew all too well, only this time I had no idea how I’d get myself out of permanently remaining in a constant state of mourning. Andrew was the one that pulled me bac
k from the brink when my parents’ died. He’s the one that got me to realize that life was worth living. Now my very reason for breathing had been taken from me by an evil person.
“We’re doing everything we can to apprehend the suspect,” Kendrick reassured.
Wait. What?
“Excuse me. What do you mean you’re doing everything you can to apprehend him? You haven’t caught him yet?” This couldn’t be happening. Not only had my husband and son been murdered, but the man or woman that committed the crime still roamed free.
“He had fled the scene by the time the officers arrived. We have officers out searching as we speak. Roadblocks are set up. We’re going to catch him, Mrs. DeLuca. I can assure you that much,” he promised. A promise he better keep.
“When can I see my husband and my son?” I asked. I needed to see them. To make sure that it was actually them.
“We can take you down to the coroner’s office to identify the bodies. We actually need your confirmation on identification,” he stated.
Numbly, I walked over to the closet in the foyer and retrieved a light coat, a sudden chill passed through me and I needed something to wrap around me in an attempt to warm me.
Walking to the car was a blur. One of the detectives opened the door, motioning for me to get in the back seat. I ducked my head and got inside, leaning my head against the glass and shutting my eyes. This couldn’t be happening to me again. I couldn’t lose them, too. I wouldn’t survive it if I had.
As we arrived at the medical examiner’s office, I let out a deep breath and silently prayed for the strength that I knew I’d need to get through this.
“Is there anyone that we can call so you don’t have to do this on your own? I know this must be difficult for you, and no one should have to do it by themselves,” Tisdale asked. He was probably right about me needing the support, but I wanted to get this over with. I needed to make sure it was Andrew and Liam.
We walked down the cold hallway, our feet echoing off of the walls as we approached the morgue. The white walls coupled with the sounds of our footprints made my heartbeat quicken at the reality of what I was about to endure.
We walked up to a window and stopped, both detectives tapping on the glass. Suddenly a light flickered on and a curtain was being moved. A stocky, middle-aged man stood behind the glass with a white lab coat on overtop of a pair of faded blue scrubs. How my brain had even begun to notice those minute details I couldn’t explain, but for some reason they had become significant.
Both Tisdale and Kendrick stood on either side of me which had me feeling like a caged animal waiting to be released. I wanted to run and hide, never face the situation head on, but I couldn’t. I had to see for myself what I had lost.
With a nod of my head, the coroner walked across the room and wheeled over a metal table, a white cloth covering the body that lay on the top. Swallowing hard, I nodded again to confirm that I was ready to see what was beneath the sheet. He slightly pulled back the sheet and I knew the instant his forehead came into view that it was my Andrew. The scar that was at his hairline gave it away, but I waited with bated breath for the sheet to fully reveal his face. When he’d pulled it all the way back, a gasp escaped my throat and my hands went to cover my mouth. My precious, loving husband laid motionless on the cold, hard metal table and I wanted to hold him one last time. I wanted to rewind time and be the one to go to the store. I wanted my husband back, but it would never happen.
My expression gave away my answer, and he covered Andrew back up. When he went to wheel over the other table I shouted for him to stop. There was no way I could handle seeing my son’s lifeless body lying there. I needed a moment to recoup before I could handle seeing that image.
I shut my eyes and took in a few deep breaths, slowly letting each one out through my mouth.
You can do this, Magdalena. The sooner you confirm, the sooner you can go home and grieve.
Over and over I repeated those two sentences until I felt ready enough to do what I was sure would break me. I opened my eyes and nodded for the coroner to continue. He had already wheeled over the other metal table, and I could tell by the shape of the body underneath the cloth that it was a toddler. I balled my fists on either side of my body and dug my nails into my hands until the pain outweighed the hammering of my heart. I could feel the skin beneath my hands being punctured the harder I tightened my fist, but I couldn’t stop adding more pressure. Anything to help me deal with the pain that I was feeling would help.
I shut my eyes for a second to convince myself even further that I could do this and when I opened them, a sleeping angel laid before me. His hair all ruffled just the way he liked it. The scream that escaped me was the only thing that I registered before my body hit the floor. Instantly I curled into a ball and rocked, the screams still escaping me as one of the detectives touched my arm to console me. No words were needed. I’m sure my reaction spoke volumes and confirmed what they needed to know.
My world as I knew it was altered. Forever. I was officially the cursed woman that fortune teller told me I was. Everyone I loved had officially been taken from me. And the only thing I wanted at that moment was to be going with them to wherever they were right now. Not on this earth to live without them.
Someone was heartless enough to take them from me. My heart would forever be with them. Until we could meet again. That’s the only time I would ever be whole again. The moment I could be reunited with them would be a moment that I longed for. The tears that streamed down my face were all that I could feel right now. I didn’t register the detectives picking me up off of the floor and carrying me to the car. The only thing on my mind in the here and now was figuring out how I could join them someday. I’m sure that dying of a broken heart was possible. And that’s most likely what would occur. This curse had officially broken me. Fortune teller-7. Me-dead on the inside.
Chapter 3
Numb.
It was the only way to describe my current state. Even staring down at my son’s peaceful, motionless body wouldn’t break me out of the trance that I’d put myself in to get through the worst day of my life.
No one should have to bury every single person they ever loved. No one should have to experience this much grief in ten lifetimes, let alone one. I had to find a way to get through this excruciatingly, painful moment, but my brain and my body weren’t in sync with each other. My mind was slowly shutting down due to the shock, and my body was glued to the floor in front of the smallest casket I’d ever seen. No parent should ever have to bury their child. No parent should ever have to see their child frozen at the age of two forever. But that was my life right now. I wanted to say something, anything to help me grieve but the words were stuck in my throat. I felt all of the people standing next to me and heard all of the endless chatter that occurred at funerals, but my gaze was focused on the pale skin of my son. His beautiful brown hair was all over the place just like I requested. He wasn’t the type of child to leave his hair combed, and I didn’t feel like he should be made up into something that he wasn’t. Which was why he was dressed in his favorite pair of jeans and the tractor t-shirt that he loved so much. He’d never worn anything dressier than a pair of khakis, and I wasn’t about to start anything different right now.
For ten minutes, I willed my body to move. I was finally able to lean toward him and grasp his hand within my own and kiss the tip of his nose like I always did when I put him to sleep. I mustered up all of the courage I had to whisper the words that meant so much to me as well as the spunky little boy in front of me.
“Sleep tight, my angel. I love you as wide as the ocean and as tall as the mountains,” I whispered into his ear, my voice trembling the entire time. Only this time I couldn’t finish what I usually said because it would never come true again. I’d never see him in the morning light. This time, I whispered words I thought I’d never have to say.
“I’ll see you again someday. Wait for Mommy at Heaven’s gate.”
As I leaned back, I ruffled his hair one last time and found the courage to step away. With each backward step I took, I felt my heart crumbling piece by piece but I kept the tears at bay. I’d shed them when I was alone.
I turned on my heel and took what felt like a thousand steps to my husband’s casket across the room. For tonight, they were on separate sides due to space, but tomorrow they’d be side by side as we all said our final goodbyes.
Without even thinking, the second I reached him I leaned over and kissed his cheek for the last time and said what would be the second hardest words I’d say in this lifetime.
“You were the man of my dreams. My one and only. Take care of our little boy. I won’t say goodbye. I’ll never say goodbye. It’s gonna be I’ll see you later. I love you.”
I let my lips linger on his cheek a moment longer and pulled back before the dam of tears broke free. I wasn’t as strong as everyone kept saying. I was weaker than ever and all the while that fortune teller’s words lingered in the background. The deaths of my husband and son had proved her right. I was destined to live my life alone and everyone I loved had died. Getting through this with no one was going to be the test of all tests. How I was going to do it, I had no clue. I only knew that I had to take one breath at a time because that was about the only thing I had the strength for.
The time seemed to dredge on for the viewing. I couldn’t recall how many times I’d heard someone tell me how sorry they were for my loss or it would get better soon. Neither of those seemed possible as I stood here and greeted guest after guest, standing beside Andrew’s parents and brothers, the kind words barely registering. I was the only one here for me, and right now I didn’t want anything but to be able to go home and go to sleep. I was tired of hearing the same thing over and over, but somehow I plastered a sympathetic smile on my face and pushed through until the last guest left for the night.
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