by Linda Ford
Then Linette signaled Abel. He and the children went to the center. He held each child by their hand, grinned down at them and then they faced the audience and began to sing.
Jesus shall reign where’er the sun
Does his successive journeys run;
His kingdom stretch from shore to shore,
Till moons shall wax and wane no more.
Allie’s sweet clear voice, Ladd’s uncertain one and Abel’s deep tones filled the air with conviction. It was the sweetest sound Mercy had ever heard. Jesus did reign across the world. That meant He reigned right here at Eden Valley Ranch. Mercy blinked back tears.
Jayne squeezed her hand on one side, Sybil on the other.
Mercy scrambled to her feet and rushed away. She did not look back to see Abel’s reaction.
She hurried to the barn, where she’d left her costume, and ducked into the tack room to change into trousers and a fringed shirt.
A few minutes later, she rode Nugget into the performance ring. She had him rear on his hind legs and waved, the fringes of her gloves fluttering.
The crowd burst into cheers and clapping. Their approval continued as she did some rope tricks, then twirled her pearl-handled guns. To conclude, she had Nugget bow, then she rode back to the barn.
Only once had she glanced toward Abel and the children. The twins cheered and clapped. Abel sat with his hat pulled low and clapped halfheartedly. After that she would not look in his direction. She knew he didn’t approve. Just as she knew he would never trust her.
What difference did it make? She knew what she wanted and it wasn’t a man full of unbending rules with a ready-made family.
Chapter Eleven
“Oh, Papa,” Allie gushed. “Didn’t I tell you she was glorious? The most glorious thing I ever saw. Wasn’t she?”
“Oh yes,” Ladd answered. “The best ever.”
The twins turned to him. “Papa, don’t you think so?”
Fire and flame. That was what he’d seen when he’d looked at her. Her hair streaming down her back, her face shining with pure joy and excitement.
His gaze went to the barn. Beauty and boldness. It was the final word he focused on. Boldness that overlooked rules and safety. He could not, would not ever go back to that sort of life, or that sort of woman.
“Allie, you’re flushed. Calm down or we’ll have to leave.”
Allie’s expression flattened as if he’d slapped her. His heart stung at the joy he’d taken from her, but she must not get overexcited, and watching Mercy perform had already achieved that.
“There she is.” Ladd pointed to Mercy as she sauntered over to the crowd. Men and women alike reached out to congratulate her.
Abel held the twins back or they would have run to her side. Instead, he steered them toward the tables where the ladies were still piling mounds of food.
“Mercy,” Ladd called. “Over here.”
People pressed on either side and at his back, while the table penned him in the front. Abel could not escape. Slowly he faced Mercy.
Thankfully the twins had her attention, giving him time to calm his thoughts.
“Oh, Mercy,” Allie said. “You were so glorious.”
If Abel heard the word one more time he would leave.
“You will be the best person ever in a Wild West show,” Ladd assured her.
Several others clapped her back or shook her hand.
She fairly glowed at their praise. Her gaze claimed his, brown and demanding.
He felt her silent question but he couldn’t answer it.
Then the twins claimed her attention again.
“Did you like our song?” Allie asked.
She hugged them both. “It was beautiful.” She grabbed a plate and led them by the table, filling her plate and guiding Allie and Ladd in selecting food. He followed the twins, doing the same.
Thankfully, he didn’t need to worry about carrying on a conversation with her as others continually stopped to visit with both of them.
He hadn’t met Ward before and immediately liked the man and his redheaded wife, Grace. He soon learned their little girl, Belle, was Grace’s sister and they lived on a small ranch to the west. “My mother and brothers live there, too, but Mother wasn’t feeling well so didn’t come. I thought the boys would come but they said something about going to town instead.”
Ward told him about the two cabins on his place and gave some advice about construction.
Eddie and Sam Stone talked about a work bee to get the church built and soon everyone offered to help.
Abel hesitated. He had his own building project but a church would be nice, though he had no objection to the meeting held in the cookhouse. He wondered what Bertie and Cookie would think and noticed that they nodded their approval.
Conversation shifted to how to obtain a preacher. Then Eddie said, “I’d like to see a doctor in the area, too. We’ve certainly had need of one several times in the past.”
The Mountie, Constable Allen, was in attendance and offered to send messages to the different forts and towns in hopes of stirring up some interest.
Abel paid close attention to all the discussion, more, he admitted, to avoid facing Mercy and his troubled feelings than because of an overwhelming interest in the proceedings. He figured the others would go ahead with plans with or without his help. His own buildings must be erected first.
Eventually the party ended. The food was whisked away. Wagons and horses departed. He headed for the corral and Sam. If he left soon he could avoid time alone with Mercy.
He should have known he couldn’t hope for that. She followed him.
“Abel, aren’t you going to say anything about my riding?”
He faced her, knowing his lips were pulled back in disapproval.
Her shoulders sagged. “Of course you don’t approve.”
To him her performance signified she still wanted to leave. “I’m sorry, but why do you do such…such—”
“Foolish things?”
“I was thinking unpredictable.” Among several other things.
She shrugged. “It’s who I am. And you live by rules.”
“Well, rules keep you safe.”
“I tried the rules. Tried to do everything right.” Her voice grew harsh. “But only when I did something unpredictable did anyone notice me.”
Ahh. So now it became clear. “Are you talking about your parents?” Hadn’t she said they didn’t see her after her brother died?
She shook her head but her eyes said yes.
“I’m sorry. Sorry you never felt important to them. Sorry you still feel the need to do unusual things before anyone will notice you.”
She closed her eyes, but it did not hide the pain in her face.
He didn’t want to add to that pain and caught her shoulders and eased her toward him. When she didn’t protest, he wrapped his arms about her and held her tight.
“You don’t need to get people to notice you anymore. Don’t the children appreciate you even when you’re ordinary?” Though he couldn’t imagine her ever being ordinary. Nor did he think he’d like her any better that way despite all his talk to the contrary. “I know I do.”
A twitch shivered through her. He held her tighter, wondering how she’d respond to his words. He hadn’t planned them. If he had he wouldn’t have said them. Fire and flame. Beauty and boldness. Only she didn’t seem so bold now as she clung to him. He liked her this way. Maybe she would believe him that she didn’t need to try and get attention from anyone, especially him.
*
Jayne and Sybil waited for Mercy as she wandered back to the thinning crowd.
“You’ve gotten really good at riding and roping,” Jayne said.
“And handling guns.” Sybil shivered. “I will never like guns.” She tipped her head to consider Mercy. “Are you still planning to join a Wild West show?”
“Yes.” Abel had held her and assured her he liked her just the way she was. “No.” Did he mean it
or was he trying to convince her to change—maybe abandon her plans. “Maybe.” Would she forget about joining a show if he asked her to? “I don’t know.”
Jayne and Sybil looked at each other and laughed.
“What?” Mercy demanded.
“We both remember that feeling.” Jayne’s smile seemed condescending.
“What feeling?”
Sybil pressed her hand to Mercy’s arm in a soothing gesture. “The feeling that you aren’t sure which way is right anymore. You aren’t even sure what you want.”
Mercy denied it flatly. “I know exactly what I want.” But did she?
She tossed the question around throughout the rest of the evening and still mulled it over the next morning as she rode to the cabin.
Maybe, she finally decided, if he came right out and asked her to consider staying, she’d give it serious consideration. She arrived at the cabin and Abel stepped outside. Her breath stuck in the back of her throat. Was he planning to make his wishes clear?
“Good morning,” he said, trotting toward the corral.
She headed the same direction and swung off Nugget’s back. Sam was already harnessed. Was Abel in a rush to leave? Because of her? Had he said more than he intended? More than he felt?
“The twins are anxious to see you,” he said, leading Sam from the enclosure. With a barely there wave, he left the yard.
“At least someone is,” she muttered. It certainly wasn’t Abel, who couldn’t wait to get away from her.
She entered the cabin.
“Mercy, Mercy.” Allie rushed to her side. “Do you think I can learn to ride fancy like you?” She dipped her head. “Maybe like you showed me before. You know, standing on Nugget’s back?”
“I’ve been practicing with the lariat,” Ladd said, his voice cautious yet hopeful.
Mercy sighed. They both wanted to imitate her. No doubt their eagerness explained Abel’s withdrawal. “Allie, you know you can’t do those kinds of things.”
“What about me?” Ladd asked.
The resignation in his tone bothered Mercy, reminding her of her own childhood. Ladd was often expected to curtail his activities in order to protect Allie. Did anyone ask him if he minded the sacrifice? Or if he felt insignificant?
She pulled them both close and kissed the tops of their heads. “Ladd, I think you can keep swinging your rope. Someday you’ll get really good. Now what shall we do?”
“Can we go exploring?” Ladd asked.
The sun had moved over the treetops and sent warmth into the clearing. Like Eddie said yesterday, they wouldn’t enjoy too many more nice days. “That’s a good idea.”
Ladd glowed at her approval.
She vowed she would go out of her way to give him more attention.
They wrapped up in warm coats and hats and ran outside. She chased Ladd through the trees while Allie laughed at them.
“Can you chase me?” she asked when Mercy caught Ladd and held him tight.
Mercy shook her head. “I wouldn’t want to make you ill.” She wondered if Allie knew her heart might have been damaged. A cold breeze tugged her coat. “We better go indoors. It’s getting cold.”
She hurried them inside as the wind increased. “Let’s make some soup.” She always let the twins help even though it took longer and generally made a mess. She’d noticed the pained look on Abel’s face when he saw the mess and promised herself to have it cleaned up before he returned.
The soup was ready, the table set, but Abel didn’t ride into the yard. She delayed half an hour while the children begged to eat and she finally gave in. They finished and still Abel didn’t come.
The children played with the collection of paper animals she’d helped them create, leaving Mercy free to listen to her thoughts. Had she really expected Abel to ask her to stay? Even worse, she’d foolishly allowed herself to think he might want to make this arrangement permanent. It was all because Jayne and Sybil had said they foresaw a wedding. Pshaw. They lived with their vision clouded by their own romances.
The afternoon dragged on, but she had no doubt he’d return soon. In the meantime she decided to make the place welcoming. “Let’s bake cookies.”
Two hours later the cookies cooled on a tea towel. She’d cleaned the place so not a bit of flour dusted anything. And she waited. And waited.
Then the truth hit her. Abel hadn’t said he liked her just as she was. He’d said he approved of her as ordinary. Huh! Who wanted to be ordinary? A perfect little woman, cooking and cleaning and washing clothes. Not her sort of life at all. He was just like Ambrose.
The children ate cookies and drank milk tea.
Yet wasn’t that exactly what she did every day? And she enjoyed it because she cared about the twins. And yes, she cared about Abel. Though she couldn’t explain why.
The twins joined her at the window. “Where’s Papa?” Allie’s voice sounded thin with worry. “Why isn’t he back?”
“He’ll be along any minute.” Already the shadows lengthened enough that it would be dark before she returned to the ranch.
“It’s just like Mama.” Ladd sounded resigned to the fact.
She drew the pair away from the window. “How is it like your mama?”
“Mama went away and didn’t come back.”
She nodded. “Your papa will come back.”
“Mama would be gone for days.” Ladd clung to her hand.
“But now she’s never coming back.” Allie cuddled close.
Mercy wrapped her arms about them. “Don’t worry. Your papa would never leave you.”
The three of them sat huddled together as the minutes ticked past with painful slowness.
Mercy slipped away from the pair and returned to the window. Dusk filled the clearing. Abel would never be so late at returning unless something happened. She curled her fingers into her palms as she counted off the many risks. A bear. A wildcat. A crazy, whiskered man. A wandering outlaw. A—
She spun away from the window and hurried to the stove to stick in another piece of wood. She pushed the kettle back and forth and shook the coffeepot. Aware the children watched her every move, she forced herself to smile and act as if everything was perfectly fine. But her insides burned with worry.
Someone should go looking for him. But she was the only adult who knew he should be back by now. Only she could help him. “Children, bundle up. I’m taking you to the ranch.”
“You’re worried about Papa, aren’t you?” Ladd asked.
“He should have been back by now. I need to go see if he needs help.” While they dressed in warm clothes, she hurried out to get Nugget. The cold had deepened. If Abel was out there hurt—
She would find him and bring him home.
She grabbed a lantern from inside the little shed and led Nugget to the cabin. The children joined her on the horse and she wrapped them in blankets, knowing if either of them got sick, Abel would hold her personally responsible.
As they rode toward the ranch, she held Allie close and made certain Ladd held on tight. She rode right up to the big house and handed the children down to Linette, who came immediately to the door.
“I need to leave the children here,” Mercy said.
“Where’s Abel?”
“I don’t know but I intend to find out.” Ignoring Linette’s protests, she rode down the hill and across the yard.
Jayne had seen her ride in and stepped from her cabin as Mercy rode past. She called out something, but Mercy ignored her. She knew they would all try to dissuade her. Advise her to wait for the men to return and one of them would go look for Abel. She didn’t intend to wait for anyone.
The growing darkness forced her to make her way slowly back to the cabin. She passed it without stopping and took the trail Abel had created. Her slow pace gave her plenty of time to think. If something had happened to him—
She swallowed a lump so sharp it scratched her throat. The twins would be heartbroken. How would they survive?
She cou
ldn’t imagine life without him. Her mind flooded with pictures of him—holding Allie close, stroking Ladd’s hair, the three of them singing together.
Being a star in a Wild West show lost its appeal. In comparison to what she’d found with Abel and the children, it seemed a foolish goal. Foolish, just as Abel said.
Ordinary, he liked. He’d said he appreciated her when she was ordinary.
She rode through the trees, pausing often to call his name. But she heard nothing except the rustle of the branches in the wind, the squawk of birds disturbed by her noise and the whistle of her own breath.
She’d show him she could be ordinary. If only she would get another chance. Please, God, he’s a father. Keep him safe for the children’s sake. And mine. But she did not pray the final words. Why would God care for her sake?
She reached a place where he’d chopped down trees and dismounted to look around more closely.
“Abel. Where are you?”
Not a sound indicated his presence. Where could he be? Tension clawed at her throat. What if—
She dare not finish the question
*
Abel’s mind cleared long enough for him to know he was in serious trouble. And so cold he ached. The cold might be responsible for the fact he couldn’t feel his legs. He prayed it was so.
He faded. Couldn’t tell how much time had passed except to note the sun dipped to the west. How long had he lain out here? He tried to move his legs. Nothing. He reached down to see why they wouldn’t respond and felt the log that lay across them.
That’s right. The chain had slipped. The tree had rolled and caught him. He recalled falling and his head whacking the ground. Probably explained the pain in his head. How long ago was it? He couldn’t remember for certain but it seemed it had been early morning. He squinted at the sky. And now it was late afternoon. Almost dark. Would anyone look for him? Would Mercy? Of course she would. Darkness wouldn’t stop her any more than she’d let the man in the woods make her too fearful to search for him.
Mercy would come.
He lay back and tried to relax. Cold seeped into his bones like a disease.