by Linda Ford
Just in time as Abel came through the door. “What’s going on here?”
“We’re having school,” Ladd said.
“We wrote to Grandma and Grandpa,” Allie added.
“You did?”
Mercy watched his expression, saw it go from curious to surprised to pleased and she hugged her success to herself.
“We wrote stories, too,” Ladd said.
“Do you want to read mine?” Allie held out her piece of paper.
Mercy’s heart clenched. Allie had written about a young girl who was the star in a Wild West show.
Abel took the piece of paper. His jaw tightened as he read. It tightened further when he read Ladd’s story about a boy who roped a wild horse and tamed it.
Mercy crossed her arms about her. Her success had been swallowed up in defeat.
“Very adventuresome,” Abel said as he crossed to the stove.
By adventuresome he meant foolish. Risky. He didn’t have to explain; she knew.
“Dinner is ready.” She gathered the school supplies together, careful with the pages the twins had written. If he didn’t want to save them, she would. And maybe now that they knew how to write a letter they’d write her once she left.
She pressed a hand to her middle and stifled a groan. She did not want to leave them. Any of them. Still, it seemed less and less possible Abel would ever see how much she’d changed.
But as she served soup and then cleaned up, she made up her mind. She wasn’t prepared to give up yet.
She decided to seek counsel from her friends. Later, when she returned home, she took care of Nugget and looked up the hill toward the big house. But rather than head in that direction she crossed to Jayne’s cabin.
Jayne welcomed her. “I see so little of you lately. How are Abel and the children?”
“They’re fine.” She crossed to the window and glanced out without seeing past the glass, then spun around and went to the table to run her finger along the surface.
“How is the new cabin coming?” Jayne asked, watching her from her chair.
Mercy shrugged. “They’ll soon be moving in.” She dropped to a chair facing Jayne. “Are you happy?”
Showing no surprise at the change in conversation, Jayne smiled. “Supremely. Seth is wonderful.”
Mercy shook her head. “I don’t mean Seth. I mean this.” She waved her hand around the room.
“This cabin is only temporary. We’ll have something bigger. Not that we need it right now.”
Mercy couldn’t deny the serenity of both Jayne’s smile and words. “I don’t mean the cabin. I mean this life. You hardly leave the cabin. You spend most of your days cooking and sewing. Is it enough?”
“It is for me because it’s who I am.”
Mercy studied her hands as they twisted together in her lap. Realizing Jayne might read more into the gesture than she cared to explain, she folded her hands together and forced them to be still. “I don’t know who I am.”
“I think you do. I’ve watched you these past few days. You’ve changed. That might be good. You’ve been far too adventuresome, as if trying to fill up a need in your life. But remember, you can’t be what you think someone else wants you to be. You will only be happy if you are true to who you are, who God meant for you to be.”
“I expect you’re right.” She stayed and visited a few more minutes then left. She wanted to change so Abel would approve of her. Did that mean she was trying to be someone she wasn’t? Or was she trying to become the person she was meant to be?
It was all so confusing. She trotted the last few yards to the house and rushed indoors to see Linette and Grady.
Linette seemed content. So much so that Mercy envied her. But hadn’t she had to change to fit into ranch life? Mercy had heard tales of how Linette struggled to learn how to bake bread, make meals and prove to Eddie that she could be a proper ranch wife. That had worked out well. Both of them were so happy.
She drew in a long, slow breath. She would prove her ability to change, as well.
Would Abel then notice and approve?
Would he grow to love her?
Chapter Fifteen
Abel brushed Allie’s hair and fixed a bow on it. Over the past few days Mercy had spent time on the child’s hair. It made him think he should give the chore a little more thought. At least with Ladd all he had to do was make sure the boy washed behind his ears. And did his wrists. He smiled as he recalled his own mother checking those very places.
His smile flattened and his brow tightened. Mercy had changed. And he didn’t mean solely that she had worn a dress every day of the past week and had done her best to keep her hair pinned up. He chuckled softly as he thought how the curls escaped long before she left each day.
“What’s so funny, Papa?” Allie asked.
“I was just thinking.”
“Of Mercy?”
“Now why would you think that?”
“I was thinking of her and how she braided my hair after she washed it. Do you like it all crimpy like this?”
“It’s beautiful. Just like you.”
“Oh, Papa.” But Allie smiled, pleased at the compliment.
He straightened and shifted to look out the window. Was Mercy acting differently to get his approval? Just as she did wild things to get attention?
He wished he knew what the change in her meant. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He had spoken his disapproval of her adventuresome nature because he feared the children would be hurt.
And, he silently acknowledged, because it reminded him painfully of Ruby.
But the new Mercy didn’t quite fit.
Fit what? asked an inner voice.
“Are we going, Papa?” Ladd asked, cutting into his thoughts.
The twins stood at the door waiting to go to the ranch for church.
Grateful to be pulled from his musings, his answerless questions and his vague sense of disappointment, he lifted them to Sam’s back and turned to the trail.
They arrived at the ranch just as Mercy headed down the hill ahead of Linette and Eddie and young Grady.
The twins slipped to the ground and raced to greet her. Abel took his time, tending Sam and trying to sort out his feelings. This was Mercy, who had tended the children and cooked welcome meals for several weeks now. Mercy, who rode like a man, roped better than many and twirled guns like they were toys. Mercy, who taught his children their sums and letters, who made him aware of the emptiness of his heart in a way that sucked reason from his thoughts time after time.
He shifted to study the scene around him. Without forethought, his gaze followed the direction he and Mercy had gone so many days ago, up the hill to the crown of trees. He’d kissed her there. To comfort her, he assured himself. But despite his reservations and internal words of caution, he was drawn to her. He continued to be drawn. But things had changed. And he didn’t mean only Mercy.
Until he could sort everything out, he must guard his heart.
“Papa?”
He turned at Allie’s call and came face-to-face with Mercy, a twin clinging to each hand. “’Morning.”
She smiled. “Yes, it is.”
Her simple mocking observation eased his troubled mind and he grinned.
“A nice day for church.”
She chuckled. “A nice day for anything.”
They crossed to the cookhouse and climbed the steps. He braced himself for Cookie’s exuberant greeting then led the children to one of the benches.
Mercy hung back.
He tipped his head to indicate she should join them.
She nodded, a smile lighting her eyes.
The smile landed in his heart with a gentle plop. Whatever else was going on, he did enjoy sharing Sunday services with her.
As Cookie led them in several hymns, her voice joined his, with the children singing loud and clear. Bertie spoke about the joy of obedience to God. Abel nodded. Obedience provided a safe route. Then those in attendance gathered r
ound the tables for the usual cinnamon rolls and coffee.
The talk immediately shifted to plans for a building bee for the church in Edendale.
“So we’re agreed, next Saturday?” Eddie said. “I’ll let others in the area know.”
“We women will bring plenty of food,” Linette said. “It will be a great community gathering.” She gave Eddie an adoring look. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this day.”
He pulled her close. “I’m sorry you had to wait so long.”
“I’m not complaining.”
The children ran out to play.
“Papa, can I go, too?” Allie asked, her eyes big with pleading.
“You can watch but not run.”
She sighed softly and shuffled to the door.
Mercy watched her leave, her eyes dipping down at the corners. She glanced at him.
He knew from her look and from things she’d said that she felt sorry for Allie always being excluded from the joyful play of the other children.
If only he knew whether her heart had been damaged. But the doctor had warned him not to take chances.
When proffered, he accepted Linette’s invitation to dinner.
“It will be ready in a couple of hours. In the meantime, why doesn’t everyone enjoy the beautiful weather?”
“I’ll help.” Mercy started to follow Linette.
“No need.”
She halted.
Abel could feel her uncertainty across the room and blamed himself. He’d been so tense around her the past few days that he’d made her nervous. He went to her side. “Would you care to go for a walk?” The others made enough noise they wouldn’t hear his question.
She nodded and they left, retracing their steps of a few weeks ago. They reached the top of the hill and stood side by side, looking out on the landscape.
“The leaves are almost gone.” Was that the best he could do? But everything else he thought of offered far more than he knew he could give.
“Winter will soon be here. You’ll have a nice warm home. Soon you’ll be moving in. The twins will sleep upstairs in the loft.”
She spoke quickly, sharply, saying things she was aware he already knew. Was she nervous, too?
“I would like to make quilts for their beds if you have no objection.”
He didn’t get a chance to say one way or the other as she rushed on.
“Linette says she has scraps I can use. She offered to help me. It would be nice for them to have something to remember—” She swallowed hard. “For them to have something warm and cozy on their new beds.” She crossed her arms and stared at the distant mountaintops.
“I think it would be very nice if you made quilts for them.” He couldn’t help wondering if she would have time to finish them before she rode off to join a show. A thought slammed into his brain. Did the changes in her mean she might have decided against that?
He pulled her around to face him, keeping his hands on her arms. “Remember last time we were here?”
She studied the front of his shirt. “I believe I cried a little.”
He chuckled. “I believe you did.” He urged her closer. “And I believe I kissed the tears away.”
She nodded, her gaze still chest level.
“And if I’m not mistaken, you kissed me back.”
Her head jerked up. Her gaze riveted him, full of hot denial. She opened her mouth, closed it without speaking as the protest fled. A tiny smile curved her mouth. “Maybe.”
“Maybe? Hmm. That needs a little clarification, I’d say.” He bent closer, giving her plenty of time to withdraw. When she didn’t, he claimed her lips. Felt their cool resistance that melted like a sudden spring thaw. Her hands came up and caught his shoulders.
He splayed his hands across her back and held her to him. She melted into his embrace. His heart swelled with joy until he wondered how his ribs contained it.
Reluctantly he withdrew.
She eased back without leaving the shelter of his arms.
They studied each other. He guessed she would see both eagerness and caution in his eyes. Even as he saw it in hers.
He dropped his hands to her arms. The kiss had been fine and good. But he could not allow it to mean all he wanted. Not so long as she was set on joining a Wild West show.
“We should go,” Mercy said, stepping out of his arms. “Dinner will be ready soon.”
Questions tangled in Mercy’s thoughts as they sauntered down the hill. Exactly what did his kiss mean?
Neither of them seemed to be in a hurry. Was he analyzing the situation, as well? She gave a silent chuckle. Abel was far more likely to be trying to figure out what it meant and where it fit in his plans than she.
They arrived at the big house and joined the others around the table. She continued to push aside her inner turmoil enough to listen to and respond to the conversation.
Would he ask her to walk with him again after the meal? But the dishes were barely done when he thanked Linette and Eddie for their hospitality. “I don’t like how flushed Allie is. I better take her home.”
Mercy hugged the twins goodbye. She stepped back before she lifted her gaze to Abel. He nodded, whether as goodbye or to inform her he shared her confusion, she couldn’t say.
Ladd waved as they entered the trees but Abel didn’t turn. She stared after them until they disappeared from sight.
Her limbs twitched. Her brain churned. Restlessness filled her. She turned and rushed to her bedroom, changed into her riding trousers and shirt. “I’m going riding,” she announced to the women lingering in the kitchen.
She trotted down the hill and caught up Nugget. “It is going to be so good to ride like the wind and practice all our tricks again.” No one but the horse heard her words. Within minutes she galloped out of the yard.
But half an hour later she reined to a halt. The questions she’d been ignoring had followed her.
Why had Abel kissed her? Did it mean he had begun to see how much she’d changed and he approved? What next? Would he ask her to stay on? Or, like Ambrose, did he find her too unsettling despite her attempt to be otherwise?
She swallowed hard and stared straight ahead though she saw nothing. She’d once thought she could marry him to be a mother to his children.
She no longer believed it. She wanted more. The depth of her longing twisted inside her, making her squeeze her hands until her gloves threatened to split at the seams. The longing felt frightening, like how she’d felt as she watched her parents and wished they would notice her. She’d outgrown such neediness and had no desire to substitute another situation that made her feel that way.
She had Nugget rear back. She swung a rope over his head and circled it around them both. They practiced his bowing. She twirled her pearl-handled guns.
But nothing she did drove away the restless ache of her heart.
*
“Papa, I’m not sick.” Allie said it several times as they rode toward the cabin.
“Maybe you aren’t. But I don’t intend to take chances.” Not with her health and not with his heart, Abel silently added. He’d almost welcomed the excuse to leave Eden Valley Ranch early. Why did he let himself kiss Mercy when he knew she didn’t fit in his world?
Or was she saying with the changes he’d recently seen that she did?
If he hadn’t been so distracted by his thoughts he would have paid more attention to his surroundings. He might have noticed the clues before he rode into the clearing and saw the man from the woods standing near the new cabin.
The man looked at him, then darted to the trees.
Abel didn’t say anything, not wanting to frighten the children. But he pulled Sam to a stop and watched to see if the man would reappear or simply melt into the woods as he usually did.
When he didn’t see him again, Abel took the children with him to the corral as he tended Sam. He carried Allie to the cabin, every sense alert to any sign of danger. Inside, he didn’t put her down immediately. “Ladd
, stay right there.” He pointed to the door. Not until he could be certain there was nothing to be concerned about would he let them go in.
He looked about slowly. The bed was unruffled. The clothing on the hooks undisturbed. The supplies on the shelves appeared exactly as he’d left them. Even his used coffee cup stood on the cupboard exactly where he’d left it.
He put Allie on her feet. She stared up at him.
“Papa, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” At least indoors. “I’m going to do a few things outside. You two stay here. Don’t go outside. Don’t open the door.”
Ladd and Allie exchanged glances. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” Ladd said.
Abel didn’t want to alarm them but he couldn’t lie to them, either. “I thought I saw something when we rode up. I’ll check around to make sure there’s nothing out there. Stay here.” He left before they could pepper him with questions.
Slowly, methodically, he circled both cabins. He examined every inch of the clearing before entering the new cabin. Apart from a few barely distinguishable footprints that surely belonged to the intruder, he saw nothing to alarm him.
This couldn’t continue. He would not live in fear wondering about that crazy wild man.
Tomorrow he would track him down, confront him and put an end to his lurking about. Only then would he feel his family was safe.
True to his word, the next morning, he packed enough supplies to last the day. This mystery man had vanished in the woods at the blink of an eye. Abel anticipated needing the whole day to track him down.
When they heard Mercy ride up, he told the children to stay inside. “I need to talk to Mercy alone for a moment.”
Ladd rolled his eyes and Allie clasped her hands and looked dreamy.
He groaned. “I’m only going to tell her my plans for the day.” He ducked out before either of them could reply, and joined Mercy at the corral, where she tended her horse.
He told her about discovering the wild man in the yard when he returned Sunday. “I’m going to find him and see what he’s doing here. I might suggest he find somewhere else to hang around.”
She kept her attention on putting her horse away. “Be sure to give him the benefit of the doubt.”