The Wreck of Our Hearts

by Yajna Ramnath

  “I will give you an access card tomorrow along with a spare set of keys,” she smiled. “You will see two of my friends here from time to time, Olivia and Katya. My sister Alessa also stops by, but other than that you’re welcome to have your family over, just give me a head’s up.”

  “Nah,” I laughed sarcastically. “Family won’t be around. One of my good buddies though, Parker, he might stop by with his kid, Sophia.”

  "No problem," Aria grinned. "Anyway, it's late. I'll be here job hunting and be watching TV on low. You're welcome to change it to whatever if you feel like."

  Surprisingly, we ended up watching reruns of The Night of. Through the second episode, Aria pushed her laptop away with a huff.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked and hit mute.

  She sighed and rested her head on the back of the couch. “It is ridiculously hard trying to find a job in this damn city.”

  I shook my head from side to side and tried to get a kink out of my neck. The accident took a bit of a toll on my body. I needed to check with Aria whether she had any pain meds.

  “What sort of work are you looking for?” I asked.

  “For now? Anything,” she shook her head and ran her fingers through the long-tangled mess. I wondered if that was her preferred hairstyle.

  “I can check at Allure?”

  She turned to me with hope in her eyes. “Really? That would mean the world to me!”

  I smiled. “Sure, however it would probably be waitressing or bartending or something. Late nights…”

  “That’s good with me, really,” she insisted. “Besides it would give me enough time to put together my portfolio.”

  “Portfolio?” I raised my brows. “Are you a model?”

  I could see it. She had the figure that most models were required to have, and her features were sharp and photo worthy.

  “No,” she snorted. “I’m a graphic designer… at least… I want to be.”

  “Really? What does that entail?”

  We talked late into the night. She told me all about her art. The passion she had for it inspired me later that night while I created a new mix. It was a combination of high powered women empowering songs and a few inserts of slow meaningful lyrics.

  When my head hit the pillow that night, I fell asleep with a great appreciation for the woman in the other room. She was definitely going to be one of the most interesting and important people in my life. I just did not realize it yet.

  Aria

  I tossed a few pieces of onions into the oil and watched as it sizzled, all while trying to avoid the judgmental stares of Olivia and Katya. Olivia was a red-haired, brown-eyed and voluptuous fiery cracker who would literally kill for those she loves. She was a big wig in the human resource sector in a major media company that I tried very hard to get into. Apparently having friends in high places did not always pay off.

  Katya, on the other hand, was a quiet and all round good girl. She never cussed which also happened to be one of the hilarious things because of the alternate words she used for swearing. She had exotic features and just like me, she is on the thin side.

  Both my friends happened to be in stable stages of their lives. At twenty-six both had stable jobs, good relationships and enough money in the bank to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. I, on the other hand, I kept feeling awkward even though they don’t see it that way.

  “So, where is the mysterious deejay that Olivia cannot believe you let into your home?” Katya rolled her dark eyes as she picked a fry off the plate.

  I liked to cook. I had all sorts of recipes, but I was partial to junk food. Sue me.

  “He’s in the shower,” I answered as I pushed scrambled eggs onto Olivia’s plate.

  "How has it been going?" Olivia gave me a penetrating stare that had me on the defense. She knew me really well, but for some reason, she's been reading me all wrong as of late.

  “Good,” I shrugged, I turned away to set a plate for Dasher. “Dasher is actually going to check at Allure for any available positions.”

  “That’s awfully sweet of Dasher,” Katya grinned with appreciation.

  “Or just one more thing for you to feel grateful for, other than the fact that he is like a new project,” Olivia grumbled around her bacon.

  "Would you quit it?" I slammed the spatula on the stove, causing them both to jump with the force. "There are no ulterior motives to anything that is going on between the two of us. I helped a stranger and in turn, he is helping me."

  The silence between the three of us stretched until Katya shrugged. “It’s like getting a roommate off Craig’s List. Just go with it, until it starts to feel uncomfortable, we support you either way.”

  “I do support you, Aria,” Olivia frowned at me with a stern look. “But my priority is to always have your back and let you know when I think you are doing something that could possibly end up badly.”

  “I know I just—”

  “ARIA!”

  The girls and I stared at each other until he followed up with what the fuck accompanied it.

  "Nope," Olivia shook her head. "Your houseguest, your drama."

  I narrowed my eyes at her and then took off down the hallway and stopped short in the bathroom doorway. So maybe I should’ve attended to Dasher’s problem, but my eyes could not move from the impressive bits that bobbed between his legs. His body was like something that stepped out of my Cosmopolitan Sexiest Men Alive Calendar. His chest was broad and dusted with a light smattering of dark hair and of course, he had the required rippled of muscle with that sexy ‘V' muscle.

  Before he could catch me out, I quickly turned to find Susan on the toilet seat reading one of the said Cosmopolitan magazines. She is a twenty-something-year-old beautiful woman who just happens to always find her way into my home.

  “Susan!” I said in a bright voice. “How are you?”

  “Really?” Dasher gritted from the shower, he made no move to cover up. Instead, he grabbed one corner of my yellow shower curtain and used it to shield his family jewels.

  “Aria!” Susan answered in an equally enthused voice. “What a pleasant surprise! I was just reading this article on the best way to bring your man to orgasm. Apparently, making the man feel good is all the rage in the bedroom.”

  “That it is, Susan!” I agreed. “Why don’t we go discuss this with Olivia and Katya?”

  “The girls are here?” her large eyes widened with excitement and she quickly hopped off the toilet seat and headed for the kitchen.

  I grabbed the towel that happened to be on the rack behind Susan’s head which explained why Dasher did not cover up and threw it in his direction. I kept my back to him while he rustled about. When he was done, sadly, he was dressed in a black t-shirt and dark jeans.

  “Who the hell was that?” he asked with his voice lowered as if speaking aloud might miraculously bring her back.

  “That’s Susan,” I said, trying very hard not to burst out into laughter.

  “I heard, but what was she doing in this bathroom while I was in here?” he closed his eyes. I bet he was praying for patience. I enjoyed busting his balls, he had big ones too.

  I took pity on him and leaned against the sink. "Susan lives in one of the apartments; I'm not sure which one. She is not all there mentally. For some reason, she always manages to get into my apartment."

  “And you’ve never reported it?” he asked with a frown while rubbing the towel through his wet hair.

  I shrugged. "She wasn't doing anything to harm me, she just ate food out the fridge or sometimes took a bath. Usually, she leaves me casseroles. I think she's lonely, so she looks for the company."

  “Wow,” Dasher shook his head. “You like taking in strays, don’t you?”

  “It’s a gift,” I grinned. “Well, good luck, you’re gonna meet the girls now and the entire street heard you calling my name.”

  He glared at me letting me know he caught on to my innuendo.

  We walked out into the o
pen area and silence greeted us as he awkwardly said hi to the girls. It took about three seconds before everyone burst into laughter and Susan was nowhere to be seen.

  “I guess that was quite an interesting meeting,” Olivia said as she handed Dasher his plate.

  “Thanks,” he smiled. I know both girls were trying very hard not to swoon. “Yeah, not my finest moment.”

  “Susan will grow on you,” Katya assured him. “She is a sweetie at heart.”

  Dasher grinned at me. “I look forward to it.”

  Chapter Four

  Aria

  Two weeks had passed within a blink of an eye. I would like to say that I had finally found a job and things were on the right track, but in all honesty, I wasn’t doing so well. Dasher worked nights on Thursday through to Sunday. During those days he caught up on sleep or holed up in his room organizing what I’ve come to learn are his ‘sets’. Monday to Wednesday he’s off with his friend Parker Rhodes helping him with some new idea that Parker had.

  Parker was a handsome guy with white blonde hair, striking blue eyes and chiseled features that were to die for. He had tattoos, a lip piercing and even regularly wore a beanie. His little three-year-old Sophia was such a joy.

  But all that didn't change the fact that on most days I was alone. Katya and Olivia both got busy at work and apart from the regular texts I hadn't heard or seen them. Even Susan did not drop by.

  The worst part about being alone was that sometimes the memories crept in. The good and the bad.

  I was always gluten for punishment. I was one of those of people who kept messages and pictures and mementos. I still had the chain an ex-boyfriend had given me almost seven years ago, it was rusting and looked brown rather than imitation gold, and yet somehow, I couldn’t get rid of it.

  Similarly, when Holden decided to turn tables and end things—I had screenshots and saved all the messages between us.

  On really off days I read through them. I cried sometimes, or I raged.

  I just know what I want to do, Aria. Believe me, talking to you is awesome. You’re so interesting and different and funny and it’s almost enough to make me forget that my life is going a certain way. I’ve wanted to dream about what could be or leaving it up to fate.

  I’ll always love you. Don’t think I’ve stopped.

  People rarely end up with the person they love the most. Part of me wants to see what happens, but life isn't a story and the pain is real.

  So let me know if you're prepared for the pain that might be because the outcome is worth it I think.

  If you feel like killing me, you’ll have to slit my throat because my heart is already dying.

  I’m also okay with talking and being as we are until that point in our life comes.

  I laughed through the tears at that last line. He wanted to continue as we were. He even continued being exactly the same as we were, and within months, I found out he was publicly in a relationship.

  I tossed my phone on the bed and decided that the only way to get out of this funk was to drown myself in alcohol and a bubble bath… which is exactly where Dasher found me several hours later.

  “Uh… what are you doing?” Dasher’s unsure voice echoed around the silence of the bathroom.

  I turned my head and looked at him with a bottle of wine in my hand and I’m sure my eyes were bloodshot. “I’m in defense mode, Dasher. Leave me be.”

  He raised his brows and turned around to head to his room. I closed my eyes and continued remembering every single moment that meant so much to me. The Christmas of 2015 when I spent every last cent of my salary picking out freaking Star Wars figurines and lightsabers, the Valentine’s Day of 2014 when I collected all sorts of cute things that reminded me of him, and most importantly the day I fell asleep in his arms.

  The smile slid off my face and was immediately replaced with tears when I remembered that day for what it really was. No one was there, no one saw us. He had me home before seven in the morning so that his family didn’t catch a glimpse of me.

  Not once did he think of me over the years before we met because he didn't even get me anything. As trivial as it sounds, he couldn't even get me a stupid card.

  I laughed out loud when I thought about how he showed me pictures of the things he got from his travels to Europe for me. I’m sure his new girlfriend got them all. I wonder how he explains all those things I gave him to her. Did he throw it all out like it meant nothing? Did he turn them around and use them as gifts from himself to her?

  I squeezed my eyes harder as the tears continued rolling down my cheeks. I hear the shuffling of feet and the distinct sound of a beer bottle being opened. I blinked open my eyes and felt momentarily blind because the bright bathroom light was the first thing I saw. I turned my head to the side and found Dasher sitting against the tub.

  Dressed in a plain white t-shirt and track pants, he eyed me with raised brows.

  "What are you doing in here, Dasher?" I asked with a sigh.

  “Well, you were there for me during one of my episodes,” he shrugged. His massive form looked really imposing in my bathroom. “I’m returning the favor.”

  “There are a lot of favors between us,” I chuckled, even while tears streamed down my face.

  “I actually had news about one of my favors,” he grinned at me with a twinkle in his eyes. “You have an interview tomorrow at Allure. Surprisingly, they have an administrative post open. You actually won’t be working nights unless they’re short staffed or something.”

  Without a thought, I sat up quickly. “Oh, God! Thank you, Dasher!”

  He stared at me with wide eyes and then quickly looked away. Right, I just sat up and flashed my boobs at him. Brilliant. I sank back down till the water reached my chin. “Sorry.”

  He turned back and then chuckled. “You don’t have to apologize. I wasn’t offended,” he grinned in a wicked way that almost made me melt. “Besides, it’s payback since you saw me practically naked.”

  I laughed heartily. “We are all about repaying favors, huh?”

  He sobered up pretty quick. He leaned his massive form forward and his green eyes were earnest. “Seriously, I cannot even begin to repay you for all that you’ve done for me. It really means a lot.”

  “Oh hush,” I waved him off.

  We lapsed into silence. I closed my eyes again even while the occasional shuddered wracked through my body or the tears slid freely. I wished that in this year since Holden walked out of my life, I could’ve moved on. I wished I was able to move on as easily as he did.

  Part of me knew that I didn’t exactly feel heartbroken over the fact that he left me. I felt more upset about the fact that he had no care for how he treated me and how he made me feel. How do people use others without a care? How do you publicly post the fact that you’re in a relationship when you know someone out there is barely trying to get over you?

  “Now go, I need to get out of this tub,” I said after a few minutes.

  Dasher smiled one more time, I swear that smile was enough to bring me to my knees and raise my heart rate. He shut the door as he left and I quickly rinsed off all the bubbles.

  I glanced at the door and realized that Dasher was very quickly becoming someone I was relying on. Much like I had done with Holden. I needed a reality check… and fast.

  Dasher

  I needed to get out. I had to. Remember when I said there were no lusty or romantic feelings? Fuck! Seeing her that way, vulnerable and wet made me harder than stone—if there even was such a thing. Aria’s long wet hair stuck to her cheek, her bloodshot eyes, her swollen lips and let me not even start thinking about her small breasts with the dark rosy nipples.

  I groaned and hit the pavement at a fast running speed. I couldn't get the images out of my head. I rounded the corner of the street and stopped near a coffee shop to catch my breath. I must've looked really disgusting in my knee-length track pants and tanks.

  “Dash?”

  I snapped my head up at
the unsure melodic voice. “Paisley?”

  Her large brown eyes widened further. She pushed her long dark hair away from her face and scrambled to rush to me.

  I gave her a long hug and took in the smell of honeysuckle that I always associated with her. My Paisley.

  “What are you doing on this side of the tracks?” she asked, her lips twisted in amusement. I had spent hours worshipping those lips at one stage.

  “I’m actually rooming with a friend on Kent Street,” I grinned at her.

  Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. “Really? We definitely need to catch up soon!”

  My thoughts go to the naked woman back at the place I now call home. Whatever Aria has been through, the last thing she needs is me stomping around in her life with my issues. Even though I said I wasn’t planning on getting involved with anyone else, I needed to release all this pent up tension inside of me.

  Paisley always understood what I went through, even though she never asked. She gracefully bowed out of my life when I pushed her out with a force that no girl should’ve ever experienced.

  “Let’s catch up now,” I said and gestured to the coffee shop.

  The little coffee shop was at the corner of the street surrounded by the same wrought iron fencing that ran alongside the entire block. It had little round tables with red and white checkered tablecloths and two busboys in plain black. I learned that the name of the coffee shop was Drip. I chuckled at that.

  After taking our orders, the busboy headed inside and I turned my attention to the stunning woman before me. She was dressed as she always was, a mini summer dress. Even in the middle of winter, Paisley always wore her dresses with or without a jacket. Today she chose a blue dress with white polka dots.

  “What have you been up to all this time?” I asked her. “Last we talked, you were thinking of enrolling in NYU?”

  “Yeah,” she laughed and tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. “I did and then I realized that I was wasting money because turns out, I was actually enjoying working as a PA.”