by Heidi Swain
‘Promise.’
‘OK,’ he grinned, ‘here, let me give you a hand.’
‘No,’ I said sharply, gripping everything even tighter, ‘it’s fine, I can manage.’
The smile disappeared and was instantly replaced by that increasingly familiar frown again.
‘I really am sorry, you know,’ he said, clearly no longer convinced that I really had forgiven him for being so suspicious.
‘I said I know,’ I nodded, brushing past him and into the house. ‘Sorry, I’m just desperate for the loo.’
‘Fair enough,’ he shrugged, beginning to look sulky again. ‘Well, get a move on then and we’ll move those boxes down to the cottage.’
Chapter 43
‘Amber!’
I heard Jake calling up the stairs, but his voice sounded like it was a million miles away. For all I knew he could have been hollering from an entirely different galaxy.
‘Have you fallen down the damn loo?’ his voice called again. ‘Are you coming or what?’
‘Yes!’ I called shakily, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat and tried again. ‘Just give me a sec.’
I stared at the three plastic wands fanned out on the windowsill, my hands gripping the sides of the basin so hard my knuckles had turned white. I took a deep breath and forced myself to herd together my scattered thoughts.
Having finally stopped retching I had read and re-read each and every piece of information that had been supplied with the tests and shook as a steady numbness crept in and over me. It had started somewhere just below my knees but seemed hell-bent on enslaving my brain as well as my body.
Not just fat then. Not just gaining a few pounds in the boob department because I’d been eating cakes and tray bakes almost faster than I could stick them in the range.
No, not fat. Pregnant.
I closed my eyes to block out the sight of the regimented blue lines but they were still there when I opened my eyes again. The first one had appeared with alarming speed, as had the third. It was the second that had taken its time, but it was there nonetheless, conclusive evidence that I was going to have a baby. Jake’s baby.
Beyond dancing around the Maypole we’d never so much as even talked about our thoughts on children. Our relationship so far had been solely focused on us and the farm and Annie, but we were going to have to talk about them now. And although I wasn’t at all sure about how I was feeling (I hadn’t even begun to allow myself to think about the tiny life I had growing inside me right there and then), one thing I did know was that this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.
Surely Jake and I should have been ‘in on it’ together? We should have, by mutual consent, been trying for a baby after a period of cooing over everyone else’s. We should have chosen the tests together. He should be sitting holding his breath waiting for me to wave the blue lines in his direction and then enfolding me in his arms, one hand protectively stroking my still flat stomach—
‘Amber!’
He certainly shouldn’t have been bawling at me from the bottom of the stairs.
‘I’m on my way!’
I clumsily swept everything back into the carrier bag from the chemist’s, rushed along the hall to the bedroom and shoved it all in the top drawer of my nightstand.
‘Sorry,’ I said breathlessly, when I finally made it down to the kitchen. ‘Sorry.’
‘God, are you all right?’ he frowned, the heat instantly disappearing from his voice. ‘You look awful.’
‘I’m fine,’ I said, ‘probably too much rushing around.’
This was certainly not the time to blurt out the truth. I wanted to get my own head around the unplanned pregnancy situation before I filled his. I might have made a hash of the whole ‘dream / test / discovery’ scenario but the scene setting for sharing the news with the father-to-be needed to be utter perfection.
‘Oh, you’ve loaded up already,’ I said, noticing the sudden absence of all the cardboard boxes that had been cluttering up the kitchen. ‘I really am sorry they were left in here for so long. I know the situation has been less than ideal.’
Jake shook his head.
‘No,’ he said, ‘I’m sorry. I should have been more help with the whole project, you’ve done practically everything on your own, and,’ he added, ‘I really am sorry for what I said earlier.’
‘I know you are,’ I told him reaching for his hand. ‘And don’t worry about the cottage. You’ve got enough on your plate, what with the Piggy Plan and the harvest coming up, and besides, I did say I’d sort it all out on my own. I just wasn’t expecting Henry’s project to take so long. One thing’s for sure, though, no matter how it looked, I hated every minute of it. Although,’ I added with a wry smile, ‘when you know the details you’ll understand why I couldn’t turn him down.’
‘Amber,’ Jake sighed, pulling me into his arms, ‘you really are a good girl, aren’t you?’
I couldn’t help but giggle as I listened to him paraphrasing Annie again.
‘You always put everyone else before yourself and make everything better.’
‘Well, I try my best,’ I smiled, wondering if this whole unexpected pregnancy scenario was going to make everything better or complicate things too soon.
‘I’m sorry I lost sight of that,’ Jake continued. ‘I should have known better than to question you. You’ve put up with a lot since you gave up your career to come here and I love you for that, I really do. If I start acting like a jerk again, just do us both a favour and tell me, will you?’
‘Oh yes,’ I said with relish, ‘you can count on me.’
Unpacking the boxes of Annie’s vintage hoarding and putting the finishing touches on everything was without doubt the very best part of the whole cottage project. Annie had even managed to make curtains and cushions from the piles of fabric I’d discovered. Every room was so incredibly authentic that I fully expected Ma Larkin herself to come bustling through from the kitchen, complete with a tray of sausage rolls or Bullseye cocktails.
‘So,’ I said, twitching the final curtain into place, ‘what do you think?’
The vast majority of this final phase of unpacking had happened on autopilot because my mind had been thinking back over the last few weeks and exactly when this unexpected arrival might have landed in my life. You wouldn’t know it, though, and even in my befuddled state, I could see how good it all looked.
The fact that I was feeling so calm came as something of a shock. For someone who had just discovered that her entire life was about to change beyond all recognition I was almost serene, but really, what would have been the point of panicking? Stressing out wouldn’t have changed any of what had happened, and thinking back to Jake’s expression as we took our turn around the Maypole, I couldn’t really imagine that he was going to be anything other than ecstatic when he got over the shock of this unexpected addition.
If this had happened to me a year ago I would have felt as if my life was over, but living at the farm, happy with Jake, Annie and all our hopes and plans I felt that the gift of a baby could well be the final piece of the puzzle that made our picture complete.
Jake came and stood next to me. He looked around him and shook his head as he took in the light, airy room and pretty vintage furnishings.
‘You know when we first talked about this place and I said I was considering tearing it down?’
‘Yes,’ I said tentatively, fingers firmly crossed that he wasn’t going to tell me that he wished he had.
‘Well, it kind of feels as if it’s happened,’ he beamed.
‘What do you mean?’ I frowned. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘All this,’ he said, throwing his arms open wide, ‘it all feels brand new. Everything about the place is so different, so light and fresh.’
‘Well, everything is different,’ I laughed, ‘and the light is down to the conifers being culled.’
‘No,’ he said seriously, ‘it’s more than that. The whole place has an entirely differe
nt aura. It feels as if it’s been cleansed or something.’
‘Cleansed?’ I laughed again, wondering what the hell he was talking about.
‘Exorcised then,’ he said. ‘No, don’t laugh. I know what I mean. The whole atmosphere has changed. I never thought I’d be comfortable in here,’ he reached for my hand, ‘but you’ve made it happen. When you first told me about your plan to do the whole vintage thing I thought you were bonkers, but you’ve stuck to it and done it and it’s utter perfection.’
‘Thank you,’ I grinned.
I could feel my cheeks burning and wondered if this was perhaps the right time to tell him about the baby after all.
‘You really do make everything better, Amber, don’t you? You just have this knack of bringing out the best in everything whether it’s for the good of everyone like at the fair or more personal things like this for the farm. You make me incredibly happy and I think,’ he said, lifting me off my feet and carrying me to the bedroom, ‘I think we should be the first to christen this room with a little afternoon love-in. Don’t you?’
He set me down again and I was grateful that he didn’t comment on the extra tonnage he’d just had to manoeuvre.
‘Bugger,’ he muttered, frantically searching through his wallet, ‘oh well, maybe not.’
My head was screaming at me to tell him that lack of contraception at that precise moment really wasn’t an issue but my heart was pretty adamant that this wasn’t the moment, and besides, the announcement wouldn’t have made for the best foreplay in the world! Telling my beloved that I was carrying his baby required some careful scene setting and a very special occasion. Perhaps I should consider making the most of a few snatched moments with him at Jessica and Henry’s wedding when the farm would be looking its absolute best.
Chapter 44
Manic. That would be the best way to describe the final few days before the wedding.
Friends of the happy couple had been dropping off various glass jars and bottles for us to transform into candle holders to light up the orchards for the evening. And, unbeknown to Jessica, I had hired lengths of pretty floral fabric bunting from Lizzie at The Cherry Tree to help complete the look, along with some pastel painted tins filled with fresh flowers for the few outdoor tables.
Secretly I was also planning to use a few of the tea lights to illuminate the way down to Jake’s favourite spot by the river, which was where I had decided I would finally tell him about the baby. I had played out the scene at least a thousand times in my head, I even had a little speech prepared, and I was becoming as impatient as Jess for her wedding day to dawn so that Jake and I could share the excitement together.
Fortunately, the glorious weather was still with us and the marquee went up on the Thursday without a hitch. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for Jessica’s spiralling stress levels, which were in danger of escalating completely out of control.
‘You see,’ she said, bursting into the farmhouse kitchen and dumping a box of jam jars on the table so that they rattled fearfully together, ‘it’s all these little things that are going to tip me over the edge!’
‘I’ve told you a hundred times,’ said Harriet, rushing in after her and depositing half a dozen carrier bags next to the box, ‘that we can do all this. You’re getting yourself worked up over things that aren’t even an issue. You need to get a grip, Jess, and let someone else take some of the strain.’
Annie and I exchanged a quick glance as Jessica shot Harriet a killer stare capable of curdling fresh milk.
‘You know you can leave all the orchard stuff to us, Jess,’ I said, quickly standing between the two friends and thus preventing further friction. ‘We’ve told you a dozen times we’ll make all the bits and pieces and set everything up; you just concentrate on the marquee and caterers.’
‘Henry’s dealing with those,’ she said, noisily blowing her nose.
‘Well, the cars and flowers then,’ I suggested.
‘Mum’s on top of those and the church and entertainment, and before you say it, the cake is almost done and it is utter perfection.’
‘So,’ said Harriet, her hands now firmly placed on her hips, ‘what is it exactly that’s got your nuptial knickers in such a knot?’
‘Yes,’ I cut in again, ‘what have you got left to do, Jess?’
‘I’m going to Norwich to collect the dresses,’ she said, checking her watch, ‘and pick my cousin up from the airport.’
‘Well, I can see why you’re panicking,’ joined in Annie, a wry smile etched across her face, ‘all that within forty-eight hours, you’ll never make it up the aisle, Jessica!’
‘I know, I know,’ puffed Jess, a tiny smile finally appearing as she sucked her bottom lip, ‘I’m a bit out of control, aren’t I?’
‘A bit!’ snorted Harriet.
‘Well, you didn’t think I’d make it to the big day without having at least a few Bridezilla moments, did you?’
‘No!’ we all chorused and Jessica laughed.
‘Are you going to come with me just to be on the safe side,’ she asked, looking squarely at me, ‘just for one last fitting?’
‘No,’ I said, swooping down on the carrier bags to hide my blushes, ‘I’m going to get on making these, and besides, it fitted last week and I’m sure I haven’t eaten that many cakes since!’
It turned out to be a blessing that I hadn’t gone with Jessica to Norwich because Harriet, it turned out, was certainly not blessed in the craft department. When I looked up to see how she was getting on I had just completed my eleventh tea light holder whereas she was still struggling with her third.
‘How is it,’ I frowned at her across the kitchen table, ‘that you can sow such tiny seeds, and handle those fragile little cuttings, but you can’t tie a length of sodding ribbon around a glass jar?’
‘I don’t know,’ Harriet grinned sheepishly.
‘Here,’ I said, passing her the ribbon and scissors, ‘you cut the lengths of ribbon and drop in the tea lights, otherwise we’ll be here all night!’
‘How are things going down at the cottage?’ she asked, pulling a length of ribbon from the reel and instantly getting it in a tangle.
‘All done,’ I told her proudly, ‘and it looks amazing even if I do say so myself! I can’t wait to welcome the first guests now.’
‘And is Holly still lined up to organise the bookings?’ she said, her eyebrows raised.
‘Absolutely not,’ I scowled. ‘How did you know about that?’
‘She mentioned it in the pub the night Jake put his foot in it. I think the pair of you were at the bar. I got the impression she was quite keen actually.’
‘Well, thankfully,’ I said, relieving her of the scissors before there was no ribbon left to work with, ‘I had the opportunity to set her straight the day we cleared the cottage and we haven’t heard a word from her since she took off on holiday. Between you and me I’m rather hoping she’s so busy working on her tan that she won’t give any thought to persuading me to change my mind. Do you know where she’s gone?’
‘No idea,’ said Harriet. ‘Actually she was a bit cagey when I asked her and she never did end up giving me a proper answer. Ordinarily she would have been bragging about it for weeks, but this time I’m as clueless as you are. It wouldn’t surprise me if there was a new man involved somewhere along the line.’
‘Here,’ I said, ignoring her gossip and throwing a pack of lavender scented tea lights across the table. ‘See if you can manage to pop one of these in each of the jars without anything coming to harm.’
Harriet laughed and set about her new, simple task with gusto. We worked in companionable silence for the next few minutes and I imagined Holly turning up at the wedding reception, bronzed and beautiful. Had I decided to take up my boss’s offer to work in Dubai a few months ago my own glow would have rivalled hers, but I was glad I hadn’t. The thought of Dubai, however, reminded me that my time was almost up.
I had known within minutes of setti
ng foot on Skylark Farm land that this was where my heart belonged. I didn’t want to go flying halfway round the world for the sake of a no-lines tan and a more stressful job than the one I’d just left behind in London. I knew it was wrong that I hadn’t let Simon know sooner, but to be honest I had been so busy settling in to my new life that I hadn’t given the old one a thought . . . until now. I promised myself there and then that straight after the wedding I would telephone and explain. I would even share my news about the baby if Jake was as happy about it all as I hoped he would be.
I put down the jar I was dressing and absentmindedly ran a hand across my belly.
‘You all right?’ said Harriet.
‘Never better,’ I smiled.
Chapter 45
Much to Jessica’s relief, and mine, my bridesmaid’s dress still fitted beautifully. It showed off my new round curves, thankfully, just on the right side of modest and demure, and although Jess’s mother had declared the style a ‘racy’ choice for a wedding, the few other people who had seen the dresses agreed that they were stunning.
Having shocked her mother further by refusing the offer of a rehearsal dinner, and telling Henry in no uncertain terms that he and his rugby mates would definitely not be flying to Dublin to indulge in the ‘stag do to end all others’, no one dared decline when she requested their presence in The Mermaid the evening before the big day.
‘So,’ said Annie as I walked her back to the house from the marquee that evening, ‘is everything all set for tomorrow?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘finally. It took a while to hang the bunting, but it was definitely worth it, not that I’m sure Jake would agree, though.’
Jake was less than impressed that he had lost almost an entire afternoon to help, not when he had his own list of jobs from Jessica to get on with, but I didn’t think wobbling about on top of a ladder to string fairy lights and bunting in my condition was the best of ideas. Not that Jake was privy to my condition, of course, which I hoped accounted for all the grumbling. Had he known I was pregnant I felt sure he would have been far more chivalrous.