She turned to Bob, who kept vigil with her. ‘Tell the pilot to radio ahead. We need the best surgeons in the country. In the world. Anywhere,’ she commanded.
And as he headed to the cockpit, she gave another silent command to the man who was her life. Love us, Vitali. Love us enough to want to live.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Vitali was strong enough, Alex kept arguing to herself. Stubborn enough too. If anyone could pull through the shock and the trauma of the surgery, he could. On a purely physical basis he had the stamina of an ox.
Those doctors had the fittest, healthiest body they could possibly have to help them in their task. But the will to live—did Vitali have that? Did he want her badly enough to survive?
How many hours had it been now? Eight? Nine? The flight to Christchurch…the emergency treatment to ensure he was stable enough for reconstructive surgery…the transfer to the Spinal unit…the scans, the X-rays…papers to sign that committed Vitali into the skilled hands of the finest surgeons. They were papers he might not have signed himself—but as his wife, Alex had made the decision. Whether he wanted it or not, she would do everything in her powers to keep her husband alive.
‘Coffee, Alex?’
She looked up at her mother who had quietly kept her company all these hours, unobtrusively doing things for her. The shirt and jacket she wore were what her mother had handed to her. The uneaten sandwiches that had been purchased from somewhere. Even soup had somehow materialized from mid-air. She had barely acknowledged these things.
‘I’m sorry I haven’t thanked you…’ Alex shook her head as tears swam in her eyes. Her mother gently squeezed her shoulders. ‘I don’t expect you to talk, Alex,’ she said softly. ‘You never did…not when things were hard for you.’
‘I didn’t mean to shut you out, Mom. But I couldn’t…I can’t …express how I feel.’
‘I know. We’re the same you and me,’ she confided. ‘If I’d done a better job sharing my feelings you wouldn’t be here.’
‘Don’t say that. Not now. If things had been different, I never would have met Vitaliano. Please don’t feel guilty. You did the best you could.’
Elizabeth Spencer heaved a deep sigh, ‘Don’t think I haven’t thought about my mistakes, Alex. It’s too late to change them now, but…there are some things I’d like to tell you…things I’ve kept locked inside myself all these years….and they might help you feel…less lonely. One thing I’ve learned these past few months is that it’s never too late to change the past. You taught me that.’
Alex nodded, touched by the sympathetic understanding in her mother’s eyes.
A sad smile curved her mother’s mouth. ‘You’re very like your father. You have his eyes. And his expressions. Even as a child, you looked at me as he did.’ Her smile turned down into a rueful grimace. ‘I tried so hard to forget Ted. But you never let me. Every time I looked at you I saw him. Your gestures, even the things you said…so like Ted. I guess, you can’t fight genes. You only have to look at the way your second toe is longer than your big toe,’ she smiled sadly as she looked down at Alex’s sandaled feet.
‘Your father always said it was the mark of artistic genius. Leonardo da Vinci had toes like yours too, you know.’ Her mother laughed, her eyes trailing down the corridor as though savoring a distant happy memory. ‘I felt I had to keep repressing my feelings,’ she said, becoming serious once again. ‘I had to fight and deny my passions or the choice I’d made would have been unbearable.’
Alex shook her head. ‘Mom, you don’t have to explain to me what went wrong between you and my father. I know you didn’t plan to have a baby. I know I was a mistake.’
‘You couldn’t be more wrong.’ Her mother paused as though weighing up the consequences of what she was about to say. ‘I wanted you more than anything in the world, Alexandra. I loved your father with all my heart. And I wanted our child. I wanted you. But my father wouldn’t hear of it. He told me I had brought shame upon our family. I should have stood up to him. I’ll regret that I didn’t for the rest of my life. I can blame my young age, or my father’s domineering presence—but if I’m honest, I’ve always blamed myself. I failed all of you.’
Alex put her coffee cup down and wrapped her arms around her mother, signaling her forgiveness. For a moment her fears for Vitali disappeared. Her mother had wanted her. She had not been an accident. She loved her.
She had always loved her.
As they fused closer she felt her mother’s body soften and knew this was a turning point, a water-shed moment in all their lives.
‘No man ever measured up to Ted. He was one of a kind. He was…well, he was like your Vitali. When I stepped off the plane at Gold Ridge Station that first afternoon my heart somersaulted. Vitali has exactly the same pride, a driven, yet deeply caring air, and the same intelligent, inquiring eyes that could render one defenseless.’ She smiled. ‘And those same powerful thighs. A body built for stamina and endurance.’
‘Mom!’
‘Your husband’s a survivor, my darling. ‘Stronger than a herd of elephants, fiercer than a pride of lions, more determined to win than all the world’s greatest Olympian medalists. Trust me when I tell you he will never leave you.’
Elizabeth Spencer glanced out of the hospital window, her gaze drifting south to the formidable hills in the distance. ‘When you wrote and told me where Gold Ridge Station was, I had to come,’ she continued. After years of saying not a word about her father Alex was happy to just sit and listen as her mother explained and tried to make peace with why she had done the things she had.
Alex hoped that perhaps with harmony between them restored the positive energy would reach out and heal Vitali too.
‘I told myself I was coming purely to see you both—and it was partly. But I was curious. I wanted to see where your father went when he left me. I knew that Central Otago was where he was heading…he had wanted me to come with him. I’d never heard of the place. And New Zealand was so far away. I wouldn’t leave New York. Couldn’t leave New York.’ She turned to Alex, her eyes pooling with tears.
‘My father threatened to disown me. I couldn’t leave him, or my mother. And Ted wouldn’t stay. He wouldn’t even try to fit in. He just kept saying that America, and New York in particular, just wasn’t his kind of place. He wanted to find a place where he belonged,’ she gave a sad, resigned laugh.
‘“His spiritual home”, is what I think he said. He scorned the life I led. He said it was too narrow and confined, too full of senseless rules and the punitive division of people according to wealth, and lots of other stupid conventions that had no meaning for him. But Alex, it was the only life I knew. He wanted to find a place of equal opportunity where a person wasn’t judged or given precedence because of their money, or connections or the color of their blood. He was a free-spirit. Like you.’
Alex’s mind shimmered like the still waters of Lake Wakatipu. Her mother’s words about her father’s deepest yearnings mirrored her own. But her heightened understanding of their similarities was double-edged—comforting on the one hand, but sharply increasing her bitter sense of loss.
Please don’t let Vitali be taken from me too, she said silently.
Elizabeth Spencer’s eyes refocused on Alex’s in painful self-mockery. ‘I didn’t understand until I came. I didn’t realize how captivating and totally mesmerizing this country is. Not until I flew over it. It’s so small, compared to the US, but so very, very beautiful. Once I saw it all—the mine, the cattle station, and those stark and velvety blue peaks rising from the lake—I understood immediately why Ted couldn’t be happy in New York.’ Her mouth twisted into a grimace.
‘I finally knew. Just like I know how right it is for you and Vitali to be together. I knew I had made a mistake. Your father had the courage I didn’t. He followed his dreams. But I had made my choice and I set about justifying it in every way I could. Marrying Charles. Making all the right connections. Doing all the right things. And I wa
nted you to do the same, Alex. To be like me because…’ she pressed her lips together and studied the high gloss linoleum floor. ‘I was wrong.’
‘It’s okay, Mom.’
‘No it’s not okay,’ she said lifting her head. “I’m so sorry.’ Her eyes swum with shards of angst. ‘I was so, so selfish. You see, I wanted you to be like me because in my own stupid way I thought that would make me more right.’
Her mother’s obsession was rooted in the pain of a love that hadn’t met her preconceived expectations. No wonder she froze Ted Carr out of her life. It hurt too much, Alex realized, and with understanding came a ready forgiveness for her mother’s driven need to be successful in her chosen world, to prove that she hadn’t made a mistake.
‘I’m sorry I disappointed you.’
Her mother clutched Alex’s hands. ‘No…no…you must never think that. I would have been more disappointed if you had followed in my footsteps. You see, I hated Ted for not settling for second best and doing what I wanted. And I was frustrated with you for turning your back on the life I felt I was building for you. I felt rejected. Rejected by you and your father. You both turned your back on the things I’d convinced myself I valued.’
‘You always had that far-away look in your eyes that he did, widening our distance. As if you too yearned to be in another world. And the truth was I wanted to be part of that world too. If only I’d had the courage. If only I hadn’t fought so hard to deny the truth. If only I had held onto love. But now that I’ve come here I’ll never feel the same. Even your father—I can forgive him now.’
Who knows what drives any other human being? Alex thought with deep humility, finally letting go of the need to judge her mother. Who hasn’t made mistakes? What gives anyone the right to judge another? She looked at her mother, feeling a depth of compassion she’d never felt before, for the woman who had lived her own private hell because she didn’t have the courage to follow what, in her heart, she knew would give her happiness. Instead Elizabeth had settled and tried to live a life others expected, and all the time she tried to prove to herself that her life was worthwhile.
‘Are you happy with Charles, Mom?’
‘We understand each other, it’s been comfortable.’ Her voice trailed off.
‘I always thought perhaps you married him because of me? So that I’d have greater security.’
‘We’ll never have what you and Vitali have. Not even close. You can’t manufacture passion. You can’t turn it on and off like a tap…but I’ve been lucky—at least I had a taste of that with your father. Some people spend a lifetime never being truly, deeply loved. My only regret is that I threw it away. I lost his love. But I’m glad you have that, Alex. Despite all our misunderstandings, deep in my heart all I ever wanted for you was the best.’
‘I know, Mom. Alex wrapped her arms around her mother and squeezed her tight. ‘But thank you for telling me. And for telling me about my father—who he was and how you loved him and why it didn’t last. Who knows what might have happened if you’d made a different choice? Even though leaving my father was so painful, if you’d stayed perhaps in time you would have felt like Vitali's mother did living here, isolated and cut off from everything she valued. You know, New York isn’t really so bad.’
Her mother gave a half smile.
‘All that culture, amazing concerts, great parties, award-winning food, stunning architecture. Europe’s a stone’s throw away, coffee to die for. To some people living with all this quiet, natural beauty can seem like hell on earth. I guess, what I’m saying is that we’re all different and we all have different hopes and dreams, pasts and futures. One of the first things Vitali said to me was, “let the past go. It doesn’t matter. It’s beyond our control. What matters is now. Now and the future.”’ Alex shut her eyes as tears as hard as pins pricked them.
If Vitali died…what future would there be?
She had to stay strong. She had to be tough. She had to make him want to live.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
‘I don’t have a great track record…but I want you to know I’m here for you, Alex…if you want to talk. It might help.’
Her mother’s distressed offer grabbed at Alex’s heart. Her mother had bared her soul to help her daughter. Saying nothing to her now would be cruel…yet another rejection...but sharing her innermost feelings was something Alex had no experience in.
She wished she was one of those expressive, emotional people who could lay their heart bare. She wished she wasn’t so private and contained. Words failed her. Feelings swam like torrential rain then began to hail, pelting her insides. It shouldn’t be so hard.
If only she had told Vitali she loved him before…
‘I’m afraid,’ she cried out. ‘I’m so petrified. I’m so scared that he’ll give up. That he’ll feel a ghost of his former self and that I won’t be enough for him to stay in this world. I know him—if he can’t walk again he’ll feel like his whole life has ended. He doesn’t want to be caged in a body that isn’t perfect.’
‘Alex, it may not come to that. The doctor said there’s still hope. There’s always hope.’
‘It was my fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid…what if he hates me for being so stupid?’
‘No! It was an accident. And Vitali knew exactly what he was doing. You didn’t make him put himself in harm’s way. He wanted to. I saw it in his face. The look of unrelenting purpose as he leapt to take the bull’s charge away from you. It wasn’t an impulsive, instinctive leap, or some uncalculated move of madness. His fear, his horror, his terror of losing you…was so real…he would have given anything to save you. Even his life.’
Alex searched her mother’s face—desperately wanting to believe her. ‘It won’t make any difference to me if he’s crippled or disfigured. I fell in love with the man inside. How he is on the outside doesn’t matter. I love him, Mom. I really love him,’ she clutched her hands to her stomach.
‘I know,’ came her mother’s soft reply. ‘And if anyone can convince Vitaliano Rossi that his life is worth living, that you love him just the same, it’s you, Alex. His wife—the mother of his unborn child.’
‘Do you really believe that, Mom?’ Doubt wobbled through her voice.
Her mother smiled and tenderly stroked her curling hair back from her temples. ‘When have you ever given up, Alex? Even when you experienced so much suffering yourself, you challenged the world and those who thought you weak—including me. You’re strong, Alex. You’ve gone through things that most people will never experience in a lifetime. But you’re not alone. Not now. Alex, you can lean on me. I’ll give you all the support you need.’
Tears flooded Alex’s eyes as the dam of stoic vulnerability came crashing down. For years she had convinced herself she was a rock standing alone from the island of her family. That even in the most over-populated cities, she existed in isolation, fending for herself.
She let the tears run down her face, only this time they were not of sadness but of the happiness of healing her fractured relationship with her mother. Exhausted with the effort of her fierce self-reliance and doing everything on her own, she felt the tension in her shoulders release. Her mother had thrown her a life raft when she most needed it. And she was both happy and relieved to be offered help, and to let go of her unrelenting need to prove she didn’t need anybody.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered huskily, then hugged her mother with all the warmth she could muster. And her mother hugged her back with a fullness of heart she hadn’t felt before.
Everything would be all right. Alex was certain of it now.
The sound of footsteps thundering down the hospital corridor fractured their peaceful moment, sending her soaring to her feet. Her heart started drumming. Whoever was approaching had something serious on their mind and the prognosis didn’t sound good.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
The two people who turned the corner into the waiting-room were not medical staff with news of Vitali. They were his pare
nts.
Lucrezia glared at Alex with wildly accusing eyes. ‘This is your fault, isn’t it? If you hadn’t interfered—’
Simon severed the outburst, cutting in front of his wife and offering his hand to Elizabeth Spencer. ‘It’s been a terrible shock. Forgive our lack of manners. I’m Simon Deloitte, Vitali's step-father and this is his mother, my wife Lucrezia. I’m sorry we’re meeting like this.’
‘You did this to my son,’ Lucrezia spat.
‘Luci! Pull yourself together. You’re not helping anyone,’ Simon snapped. He turned back to Elizabeth and Alex, ‘I’m sorry, she doesn’t mean that.’ His hesitant tone betrayed him.
Lucrezia began to hyperventilate, spewing out a tirade of accusations in short, shallow, angry bursts, too distraught to heed his sanction. ‘I knew this would happen. The family is cursed…and you… you never loved him, all you wanted was the gold.’
‘Don’t you dare—’ Alex roared, unable to bear her hurtful abuse any longer. All her Buddhist meditations, all her calming aromatherapy tinctures, and all her theories about loving kindness, erupted in a volcanic ash cloud of anger and pain. ‘Don’t you dare tarnish me with your guilt.’ Her voice shook, as she unleashed her agony.
Lucrezia Deloitte hissed more abuse. ‘The wedding was a lie, a sham, Vitali never wanted to marry you—he only did it to protect me.’
Alex’s control completely broke from its tenuous hold. ‘You selfish, self-centred, vile woman.’ Exhaustive tension strained her words as she exploded in a passion-fuelled tirade that finally silenced the woman.
‘Who the hell do you think you are?’ she continued. Newsflash! The world does not revolve around you, Mrs Deloitte. Vitali married me because he wanted to. I don’t care about your dammed gold mine. I don’t even care about your torrid past. You’re so absorbed in your own world you haven’t even bothered to ask how he is. All his life you’ve been so focused on what you want, what your needs are—you never even saw his loneliness. You never stopped to think about his needs—just like right now you’re so blinded you can’t even see his pain. You’re the only one who’s ever counted—aren’t you? You don’t care.’
The Italian Billionaire’s Scandalous Marriage: An Italian Billionaire Romance (Italian Billionaire Christmas Brides Book 2) Page 22