He nodded and stepped aside, closing the door behind me.
His room was modern and clean, as if it were a separate wing in this traditional farmhouse. His bedding was a dark taupe color, his walls were teal blue and at a quick glance he had some framed vintage photos of major league baseball parks hanging on a couple of the walls.
On a dresser in the corner of the room, there was a beat up baseball housed in a delicate glass box, which may have held great meaning. It was resting alongside his black ball cap that he seemed to be so fond of.
When he saw what my eyes had snagged on he said, “My grandfather was in the minor leagues and that was his hundredth home run ball. Grammy gave it to me.”
I nodded and then opened my mouth to speak. “Callum—”
“Look, I’m sorry,” he blurted out before I could finish my thought. “I should have never done that. It was out of line. You’re here with my sister and damn, she…you…”
He squeezed his eyes shut and rushed his fingers through his hair.
“Stop,” I said in a gentle voice, attempting to calm him down and alleviate his guilt. “Let me talk for a second.”
He eyed me warily, but then conceded. “Okay.”
I stepped closer to him because I couldn’t resist. He smelled so good. Clean and soapy and earthy. Callum didn’t pull back—simply stayed put watching me.
“I wanted you to do that,” I said, staring at his plump lips. “I kissed you back, remember?”
“Then why the hell are you with my sister?” His eyes narrowed into slits and I thought for a second that he might slug me. “I don’t want her to be hurt because of something we did.”
“I don’t either.” I held up my hands in a surrender position and watched his fists closely. “But you’ve got to understand. Cassie won’t be upset.”
He took a step back, outrage in his face. “How could you—”
“I’m gay,” I said, finally getting the words out. The relief was like a punch to the gut, and I nearly sagged against him.
“What?” Callum looked struck dumb, which confused me. Why else would I kiss him? Unless he thought I was bi or bi curious. “Does my sister…”
“Yes, she knows,” I said, taking a step closer to him. “We’re not together. I’m her friend. Her roommate actually.”
His face had flushed red and it was like a slideshow of images were arranging themselves in his brain.
“I don’t know what’s become of your relationship with your sister,” I said in a show of honesty, even though I was probably walking a thin line. “But she wanted to bring somebody with her to get Jerry off her trail, and she didn’t think she could share that with anybody.”
He bit his lip and looked down at his feet, mumbling, “You don’t know anything. Who are you to question…?”
“I don’t want to argue with you again,” I said. “My point is that, if you were honest with Cassie, she would understand. I told her the same thing about you.”
“Cassie and me,” he stuttered out. “It’s been years…I feel like I don’t know her anymore.”
“Living in the city is not the same as down here. We have plenty of gay friends,” I said. “Still, she’s the same sister you loved growing up. She’s smart and open and accepting. I can tell she misses you.”
His face paled at my words and he looked just as regretful.
“Look, I feel terrible keeping this from Cassie, she’s my best friend. But it’s not my place to out you,” I said. “You’ve been hiding for a long time.”
Stepping forward, I curled my fingers around his neck, drawing our foreheads together. I could feel him trembling and I ached to comfort him.
“I wanted to kiss you the moment I laid eyes on you,” I whispered.
“Thought you were just some arrogant city boy rolling your eyes at us country folk,” he said. “You frustrated me right quick. But then all I thought about were your lips. How they would taste.”
“And how do they taste?” I asked, my mouth nearly brushing against his.
“Incredible,” he murmured, and when his lips caressed mine in a barely there kiss, they tingled. I was solid as marble now, his sexy words cranking me up so damn high.
I swiped my tongue against his bottom lip and he groaned. “Is this okay?”
I pulled his lip into my mouth and sucked, releasing it to look up at him. “Because if it’s too much or you don’t want—”
“God, no. Please.” We tapped lips once, twice, my tongue darted out to glide lightly against his and then we were full on kissing.
I was making out with Cassie’s brother. Right in her family’s home. Holy fuck.
His hands were skimming up and down my neck and shoulders and then grabbing at my hair. I felt engulfed by the sheer enormity of his size. Hot damn, he was making me horny as hell.
“Fuck, you’re driving me wild,” he said, dragging his mouth away from mine. “I want you so bad.”
“Likewise,” I said, my fingers gripping the back of his shirt, yanking him flush against me.
And then we were devouring each other again as he backed me to the closet door, thrusting his groin against mine. “I swear I could come just like this.”
He seized my fingers and hauled them above my head as I groaned, the back of my head knocking the wood, delirious from his lips and smell and body pinning me down.
The sound of a cabinet banging and voices griping echoed from the kitchen.
He dragged his mouth away and looked behind him to the door. “Shit.”
“Does anybody know?” I asked, straightening myself, missing his warmth immediately. I liked seeing his swollen lips and his mussed up hair. His eyes transforming to a brilliant caramel shade. I liked that I had done that to him.
“Only one friend in town named Jason,” he said, his eyes wide and round, fear settling back in between us.
I stepped away from the door. “Somebody you’re with?”
“Of course not,” he snapped. “I would never be doing this if I...we’ve hooked up before, that’s it.”
“Understood,” I said. “Sorry, you don’t need to explain anything to me. I won’t be here for much longer anyway. After this week, I’m gone.”
Something shuttered in his gaze as we stared each other down. “Then I guess we need to make the most of it.”
16
Callum
Holy fuck, what the hell was happening here?
I couldn’t stop kissing this person who came into my room and basically blew my mind.
Dean was gay, he wanted me, and he wasn’t with my sister. Cassie who, God love her, had been such a good sibling until I pulled away from her, from everybody.
I clasped my hand around Dean’s neck and drew him to me again. His eyes and mouth and hands were as hungry for me as mine were for him. And I wanted to get my fill until he had to go home, which was in no time at all. I thrust aside the melancholy that sat heavy from the idea of Dean and Cassie leaving. I definitely needed to fix some things with my sister first.
I rubbed my lips against Dean’s again and again until he groaned and pulled my body so tight against his there was scarcely any room between us. His tongue thrust inside my mouth and drew deep, luring me into a drugging rhythm.
I just wanted more time to keep kissing him. Because damn, the way his lips moved over mine, was pure bliss. As if there was some electric current buzzing between us and I couldn’t seem to drag myself away.
The voices in the kitchen grew louder.
“Callum,” Braden’s voice sounded from the end of the hall. “We’re about to set up the chairs and tables. Some family has already arrived.”
I hauled my mouth away. Fuck, what the hell were we doing hiding in my room consuming each other? Anybody could’ve walked in. I took a step back, completely in a daze. Dean’s eyes were glossy and he swiped his hand across his mouth.
“Be right there,” I shouted to Braden and then my eyes met Dean’s as we stood there panting heavily.
/> “What do we do?” he asked in a low register, his eyes darting to the door. I could tell the realization was setting in for him as well. It wasn’t like we could simply emerge from this room hand in hand. Nobody could know what we were up to. That we were so attracted to each other, we could barely see straight. Or at least that was how I felt.
“Don’t have many choices except what we’re already doing,” I said, the resignation settling in my voice. If we were in a different situation, in Cassie and Dean’s more progressive city, this might’ve played out another way. Maybe Dean and I would openly hook up or even date.
The idea of that made me shiver. To actually be able to date somebody out in the open.
“You mean we go on pretending?” Dean asked, his face crumpling a bit.
“Got to,” I said. “My entire family will be here. You’re supposed to be with Cassie.”
“Shit, you’re right,” he said, shaking his head and settling into the idea again. “You’ll think about telling Cassie, though? She…she’d understand.”
“I will,” I said, heading toward the door. We needed to leave this room before somebody discovered us together. “I promise.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon setting up for the ceremony and greeting my cousins, Monica and Rich, along with their siblings and parents, who seemed thrilled about getting hitched tomorrow. We arranged the chairs in rows and the wedding planner showed up to organize a tent and decorations, which included an arbor and hundreds of flowers. By the time they were halfway done, the field looked magical.
For the first time ever, I considered the fact that I would never have something like this, even with the legal ruling of gay marriage. I’d never have the opportunity to be this open, to be surrounded by family and friends if I found a person I wanted to spend my life with.
When my gaze drifted to Braden, I could tell the setting was having the opposite effect, like he was dreading his girlfriend getting any bright ideas when she arrived later today.
Every time I glanced at Dean and saw his swollen kissed lips my cock would plump back up. By this time, I was liable to go cross-eyed from the sexual tension alone.
Billie seemed to stick close to Dean’s side, like he was drawn to his natural charm or friendship. It made something compress in my gut. If anyone, it was Billie who would be disappointed when Dean left. He had already grown attached to him.
“You doing okay, brother?” Cassie asked after I helped roll out the white walkway between the chairs in the aisle for the bride.
“Yeah sure,” I said. “Why?”
She looked at me as if she could see straight through me.
Remember when we used to be so close? Why did I shut her out, everybody out?
“I just…God, Callum,” she said. “I’m only going to be here for a few more days, and I was hoping we could…”
“What?” I asked, noticing how stiff her body language had become.
“Spend some time together,” she said, and then bit her lip as if she was expecting me to blow her off. My chest constricted so tight. Fuck, I had done this to her.
I placed my hand on her shoulder and felt her relax into my touch. “I’d really like that.”
“Good.” She blew out a breath and then turned to watch Billie helping our daddy lock away some tools in the shed. Dean was close by talking to Grammy, who stood with a tray, offering our guests some sweet tea.
“So, how do you feel about Dean?” Cassie asked and I nearly swallowed my tongue.
“Why do you ask?” I said around the boulder in my throat. Did she know? Had my gaze been seeking him out too frequently?
“Because he came here as my date?” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
My pulse immediately turned it down a notch. “Yeah sure, seems he’s a good guy after all.”
She cracked a small smile. “You never approve of anybody I date.”
“What can I say? I’m your overprotective brother,” I said and she laughed. “At least you’re getting Jerry off your case, right?”
“And daddy.” She shook her head. “Hasn’t Jerry been with anybody else?”
“Of course he has,” I said, folding my arms. “I don’t know what his problem is. But he’s been hung up on you for a long time.”
“You know how it is with those kind of guys. All alpha because I called it quits,” she said. “Wanting what he can’t have.”
My eyes darted straight over to Dean whose face was lit up with a grin for Billie and something in my heart surged. Billie had invited his close friend, Leo, from school and he looked content. They would probably head inside to play video games soon enough.
Why couldn’t life be as easy as that?
Cassie and Grammy got the bride and groom and their parents set up in the cabin while we finished making the yard look presentable.
In the afternoon the guests ate sandwiches for lunch on some tables and chairs we had set up near the main house and played some horseshoe and corn hole in the yard. I had handcrafted those angled boards, Billie painted them with Yankees colors, and Grammy had sewn the bean bags, so I was glad to see they were finally getting more use.
I watched as Dean interacted with the guests and each time he held Cassie’s hand or put his arm around her, I felt a swell of longing. Wishing I could be the stand-in and that kind of thinking would get me nowhere fast.
Jerry, who had shown up to drop off some baked goods from Mrs. Lorrigan, was sulking and so was my brother Braden as his girlfriend followed him around. Guess we were all suffering in one way or another.
My dad had never remarried after my mother died and I wondered if he felt like she could never be replaced. Grammy was the rock of this family, and as usual was chatting with everybody and surrounded by a group of well-wishers.
Sometimes I tried to picture the future but it was hard to envision. Would I become my dad in twenty years time? Or maybe it would only be Billie and me. But that couldn’t be accurate. Billie had the right to marry somebody he loved.
More than likely, I’d always be alone.
17
Callum
After lunch, everybody seemed to retreat to their own rooms to prepare for the rehearsal dinner. The bridesmaids and groomsmen would be arriving for the meal. We didn’t have the space to house everybody, so most guests were staying at the motel in town.
The wedding would take place in the field behind the small orchard and it was definitely an appealing view. Thankfully my cousin had hired her own catering company. No way my grandmother could keep up with that much food for the reception tomorrow. Not even with Billie’s help. But she insisted on cooking for the celebration tonight and had planned a simple menu weeks ago.
Grammy was busy in the kitchen with Cassie and Billie, who had just pulled out a tray from the oven. He loved baking most of all and if his dessert wasn’t for after dinner, I’d have reached for a warm chocolate chip cookie based on that smell alone.
Billie’s guest, Leo, sat peeling potatoes at the table with Bullseye beneath his legs. He was a good friend but it was still surprising to see a kid his age not grumbling about being put to work. The X-box had been abandoned in the next room, so they must’ve taken a break to help.
I wondered where Dean had wandered off to but then remembered how he’d offered to assist Braden in picking up additional bottles of wine for the party.
“Come and see me, Callum,” my father’s voice sounded from the hall.
I stepped inside the office, which was a large room off the kitchen. We all shared this space from time to time, but I had all but claimed it years ago. “Something up, daddy?”
“Just looking over some bills,” he said, with a stack of envelopes in front of him. “What groups have you reserved for the next couple of months?”
I sat down in the seat across from him, my fingers itching to get to that computer screen so I could tell him exactly what we had planned here on the preserve. But I wasn’t going to kick my own father out of my chai
r. Truth be told, it was one of the only places I felt I truly belonged, outside of the sawmill. And for that I was grateful, because it meant the work I did mattered. At least in some regard.
“We’re booked most weeks with one group or another,” I said, leaving off the fact that a couple of our regulars had recently cancelled. “I left that last week of August open to prepare for the alligator hunt next door.”
He was constantly stressed this time of year, afraid we’d soon be living off of crumbs. But we always made do. I could definitely finish the Adirondack chairs I’d begun working on in the spring and sell them for a decent price at my aunt’s shop. Or we could place another ad in the Gainesville newspaper to attract new customers. I’d figure out a way to keep us afloat.
“Glad to hear it. Keep up the good work.” He arched his back trying to stretch out his spasm. I’ve seen the same look on his face too many times to count in the past few months.
“Getting worse?” I stood up and approached him, placing my hand on his shoulder.
“A bit,” he said. “No worries, I’ve got a doc appointment in town next week, might increase the meds.”
All that information did was reinforce the fact that he needed me here more than ever. I placed my fingers on his back and attempted to get out the kink. “Hold still. Might do you good to see a masseuse.”
“All I need is to add more bills,” he said, groaning as I dug my thumbs beneath his shoulder blades.
“Consider it physical therapy. Your doctor should be able to make you a referral so that it’s covered under our insurance,” I said, when his head dipped down as I massaged the muscle.
“Might be possible,” he said and then straightened himself. Discussion over.
He opened more mail and I wanted to warn him not to mix up my carefully laid piles or he’d make more work for me.
“So what’s your opinion on Dean?” he asked absently, while he studied some line items on the gas bill.
My entire body stiffened and I backed away to sit down in the chair.
The Deepest Blue (Roadmap to Your Heart #2) Page 9