“Like what?” I asked, veering on the freeway to head back home.
“How you never steadily dated anybody,” she said. “How you practically withdrew from everything around you.”
I nodded, agreeing with her. I would shut myself in my room and only come out for chores and meals.
“You’d go into town sometimes for hours,” she said, staring at the passing landscape outside her window. “I thought it was to get away, but now I’m not so sure.”
I let her thought hang there. What I did in my private time might be too much to confess, even for Cassie.
“And maybe even how,” she said, biting her lip. “How you were so irritated with Dean and now…now you seem to be friendly.”
I almost swerved off the road. “What does Dean have to do with my confession?”
Her gaze held an apology. “Perhaps you already guessed that he and I aren’t together. Maybe you know that he’s my gay roommate.”
“I didn’t guess.” I remained silent for another beat. I wasn’t expecting to discuss Dean just yet. One hurdle at a time. “He told me.”
She looked thunderstruck, her hand slamming over her mouth.
When her shoulders began shaking I thought I had made her cry. Just as I was about to sling an arm in her direction, she burst into laughter.
It was infectious, reminding me of how we’d try to keep it together during church services when we were younger. How daddy would give us a stern look, but mom would have trouble wiping away the smirk on her face as she shushed us.
“What the hell is so funny?” I asked around a smile.
“Oh, it makes so much sense now,” she said, wiping at her eyes. “The way you were so pissed at Dean and constantly challenging him. I thought you had lost your damn mind.”
She looked at me pointedly. “Guess somebody’s got a crush on my fake boyfriend.”
She started chuckling again, which had me snickering right along with her.
After I finally caught my breath and Cassie had definitively gotten herself under control, I said, “He encouraged me to come out to you.”
Her eyes revealed her affection as she thumped my shoulder. “I’m so glad.”
“Why did you feel you had to lie to us about Dean?” I asked after she was quiet for a few seconds.
“I’ve felt distant from you guys since I’ve been away and got accustomed to a different way of life,” she said. “In retrospect, it was silly. But I didn’t want daddy pushing me about Jerry again.”
“I told daddy to stop insisting that you give him a second chance,” I said and her gaze softened. “Cassie, I think Mr. Lorrigan knows I’m gay and that’s why he’s been spoon feeding the idea to daddy.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “What do you mean?”
“He saw me in town once…with somebody.” I swallowed, letting her hear only the one side of it for now. “And I figure he’d never agree to combine our land if he thinks it’d fall to me, the queer son. He wants to entrust it to you and Jerry. Maybe even Braden, but his son would be the better choice from his perspective.”
She balled her fists in frustration. “That’s just archaic.”
I shrugged. “That’s reality.”
Her fingers brushed my arm. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “I just want us to be close again. And I’m afraid that we have a brother to see through puberty, who might also be...”
Her hand fell away. “Billie? How do you…did you…?”
“Dean told me he suspected it,” I said. “I’m fixing to have a talk with Billie. I think it’s time anyway. We can’t keep treating him like he’s going to fall apart at the seams. If we don’t step up, he’ll get his information from someplace else.”
“I agree,” she said. “I’ll be here for a couple more weeks, so I’d like to help you with that. Lord knows daddy won’t be having that conversation with him.”
“Right?” I said. “If mom were alive, she’d know what to do.”
Cassie’s smile was tinged with sadness. “She sure would. She’d also give Braden a good talking to. Tell him to call it quits with Jennifer already.”
We rode silently for a while, listening to the country station on the radio, each lost in our own thoughts.
“I’m not sure if or when I’ll be ready to tell the rest of our family,” I said, needing to get it out. “I just…”
“It’s okay,” she said, turning in her seat. “I understand. Baby steps.”
“I’m afraid,” I admitted. “About how the business would be affected.”
She nodded. “It’s sad we live in a world where who you sleep with would matter to a bunch of hunters renting our property.”
“They might think I’d tarnished the quail,” I said, out of the side of my mouth. “Turned them queer.”
Cassie snort laughed and it felt good to be with her again, like old times.
After another minute she asked, “How does Dean fit into all of this?”
“Well, he’s your friend and everybody seems to like him,” I said. “Billie has sure taken a shine to him.”
She smiled tentatively. “Have you?”
I sighed long and hard. Might as well lay it all on the table. “Yeah.”
“Is it mutual?” she asked in a soft and soothing voice.
“Pretty sure,” I said. “But does it really matter? He’ll be on the road soon enough back to that other life you speak so fondly of.”
She dropped her head and sat silently thinking the rest of the ride home.
As I drove down the Shady Pines driveway, she said, “Thank you, Callum. I love you.”
When I parked, she pulled me into a hug. “I love you, too.”
25
Dean
My knee was jiggling a mile a minute beneath the table.
Grammy informed me that Callum and Cassie had taken some guests in the van to the airport together. I sat eating a muffin and daringly took a bite of some eggs, which were fresh from the coop, and basically amazing.
“Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon,” Grammy said, in the midst of whistling some tune beneath her breath.
When she didn’t mention Cassie, only Callum, my gaze flashed to hers. Did she know? But she had already turned away.
After my run, Billie had asked if I’d go riding on the property and I couldn’t deny the pull I had to spending time with him again. I needed to ask Cassie about staying longer to attend the festival Billie had told me about. I also wanted to know if Callum had finally told her his news. I was nervous for him, but if I knew Cassie, she would accept that information wholeheartedly.
I was more anxious that she’d be upset about Callum and me. I woke up with the idea that maybe he shouldn’t say anything to her at all. But the notion was short-lived because I didn’t want to be keeping a secret from Cassie once we both returned to our apartment. I’d prefer to live with the consequences.
When Cassie and Callum hadn’t returned by mid-morning, I hopped on the four-wheeler and followed alongside Billie and Bullseye. This time we took a route along the back of the acreage on the other side of the creek. When we came upon a thick fence near an enclosure, Billie slowed down. He motioned for me to pull up closer. “See the gators?”
At first I didn’t notice them, until I looked more carefully at eyes and snouts that were resting just above where the water broke the surface. There were several of them swimming in the substantial swamp, their dark bodies blending in with the murky liquid and it made me shiver. They looked so powerful and dangerous. “This is the Lorrigan’s land?”
“Yep,” he said. “And if we merge someday, this fence will be taken down between our properties.”
I watched as beady eyes stared blankly in our direction. “Would it feel strange to have these reptiles as part of your home?”
“Not really,” he said, shrugging. “Guess I’m used to them. Grammy’s brother used to be an avid gator hunter. She taught me plenty about them. How they run slower on
land and have one of the most powerful bites of any reptilian animal. So as long as you respect their true nature, you’ll know how to steer clear.”
Thinking about how different our upbringing was gave me pause. The fact that this teenager could speak so nonchalantly about living next door to alligators was mind-boggling.
“And this is how people make their money?” I asked. “Hunting gators?”
“People come from all over creation the first week in September,” he said. “Though it’s legal all year round in our state, you’re only allowed so many tags. The Lorrigan’s breed the alligators in the summer months and then let most of them back into the wild in the fall.”
“And that brings in extra revenue for the Montgomery’s?” I asked, not sure if a fifteen year old would even know the ins and outs of his family business.
A city kid might not, but Billie definitely knew, because his answer was immediate. “Yeah, between that and shrimping, we can pay the bills around here. Callum talks to Daddy about figuring something else out so that we don’t rely on the Lorrigan’s so much, but it always turns into an argument and nothing gets solved.”
I stood gaping at the gators for a long while, just taking in what Billie had confessed. This was Callum’s livelihood and that sat heavy in my gut. Not so much that I disapproved of it, now that I understood it better. I only wished that we had met under different circumstances, but any which way I thought about it led to a dead end.
“Can we drive by the sugar canes again?” I asked, wanting a second glance to see if my earlier suspicions had been correct.
We turned the four-wheelers east and began motoring toward the field he had taken me to previously. I climbed off the vehicle and took a better look around. I noticed a small wooden structure near the edge of the tree line next to the iron handle of what resembled an-old fashioned water well. “Is that a shed?”
“Yep, holds garden tools and a hose you can hook up,” he said. It resembled a couple others I had seen around the property, in various stages of construction. “But it hasn’t been opened since Grammy was out here last year hoping to make some headway.”
I strode straight to the door and noticed the rusty hinge. The entryway creaked open and cobwebs hung from the celling. I ignored them and blindly reached for a rake and a hoe. I walked back to the dusty field and Billie watched as I began scraping away some of the dead leaves near one of the rotting canes.
I bent down and began digging in the dirt, turning it up with my fingers and spontaneously making shallow trenches, which would be easier once I watered the area. It would feel so good to get my hands nice and grimy again. I missed my plants at home and here I had an entire field at my disposal.
“What are you doing?” Billie asked in a tickled voice.
“I don’t know exactly,” I said. “I’ve got a pretty good green thumb. Let’s see what happens.”
I remembered that sugar canes were planted horizontally and that they were hardy, only needing to be replaced after several fruitful years. I figured once I aerated the soil, I could use some of the better-looking roots and attempt to replant them.
The sound of a motor rumbled in my ears and I looked up just as Callum was climbing off his vehicle. He repositioned his black ball cap, his copper locks curling enticingly over his ears. When we made eye contact, he smiled, and I let out a breath. “What are you two up to?”
“Billie showed me the gators and then I asked him to bring me back here.” Bullseye barked and went off chasing something in the brush. “I wish I had the time to make this field work for you guys.”
Callum’s mouth dropped open. “You’d want to do that, city boy?”
“For sure, you should see our apartment back home. Cassie says my plants are out of control,” I said and I saw a cross between amusement and longing in his eyes. “It would feel awesome to get my hands dirty and see if I can’t save some of these plants.”
“Think the field can be salvaged?” he asked, watching as my fingers dug grooves into the dirt.
“Won’t know unless you try,” I said, wiping my forearm across my brow. “I think I was right about the grasshoppers and I’ll read up on how to keep them away. But for now I’ll replant some of these and maybe we can get some fresh sugar canes in town?”
“We can do that, right Callum?” Billie asked, excitement in his eyes.
“Sure. Probably sell them at Dermot’s stand,” Callum said. “But I thought you were hitting the road after—”
“I asked Dean to stay for the festival,” Billie said, his hands flailing.
I stood up and wiped at my knees. “If that’s okay with you, I’d like to stay.”
Callum nodded but looked pensive. “Billie, Grammy wants you up at the house. Head back with Bullseye, we’ll be right behind you.”
“Okay,” he said, his eyebrows scrunched together.
“But later you and I are going to talk,” Callum said, placing his hand on his shoulder.
“About what?” Billie asked, clapping for his dog to return from the woods.
“Just about some things. You aren’t in trouble,” he said, sounding like a parent again and it made me grin. “It’s something mom would’ve done a long time ago.”
Billie bit his lip. “Is it the talk that Leo said his parents had with him?”
“He told you that?” Callum asked, his eyebrows shooting to his hairline.
Billie’s cheeks colored. “Yeah.”
“Well, its time,” Callum said. “Daddy should’ve done it a while ago. He’s been too busy.”
But I also got what Callum wasn’t saying. His father had probably underestimated that Billie would grow into a typical teenager despite his disabilities.
After Billie took off down the path with Bullseye on his tail, Callum and I stood silently staring at each other. He adjusted his cap on his head and bit at his lip, which told me he was anxious.
“You told Cassie, didn’t you?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, looking down and toeing the dirt.
“And?” My heart was beating out of my chest.
“And I wish we weren’t out in the open like this,” he said, looking over his shoulder. “So I could kiss you.”
I looked behind him toward where the gators had been swimming. All my thoughts that had been swirling about Callum and I being too dissimilar and too far apart, had seemed to fly out the window when he was right in front of me. I stepped closer.
“We’re pretty secluded,” I said, reaching my fingers out to his. “How did Cassie take it?”
“She was surprised at first,” he said, interlacing our hands. “But then she said it made a lot of sense.”
“I’ll bet,” I said, thinking about what Cassie had shared with me about Callum.
“So you don’t have to pretend anymore with her,” I said and he nodded. “What about the rest of your family?”
“I’m not sure right now,” he said, tugging me nearer. Something ticked in his jaw. “I’m just glad I don’t have to see the two of you play-acting anymore. I don’t want you to…”
A smirk crept across my lips. “You have a possessive streak don’t you?”
“I don’t know,” he said, grabbing me around the waist and hauling me to his chest. “I haven’t ever felt this…”
“What do you feel?” I murmured into his neck. “Because I’m wondering how I met a perfect guy who lives such a different life than me.”
“I’m not perfect,” he said into my hair. “I’m grouchy and proud.”
“You definitely are those things.” I chuckled. “But I’m not perfect either. I like to argue with you and make you grouchier.”
His smile lit up his whole face. “Damn. I just wish we had the chance to date, to see where this might lead.”
He rubbed his lips across mine. “I mean, if you’d want to date me.”
“I want that as badly as you,” I said, sliding my mouth against his again. When his tongue darted out and tangled with mine, I groan
ed. “But I need to leave after that festival. I have work and my final class this summer.”
“And then what?” he asked, something like hope mixed with trepidation in his eyes.
“I don’t know,” I said, feeling a stinging moment of regret. “It’s likely I’ll get an offer to work full time in my lab.”
He nodded and then yanked me even closer, devouring my mouth in a kiss that made my toes curl.
I dragged my lips away, panting. “What did Cassie say about you and me? Did you tell her?”
“She guessed,” he said. “And she didn’t have much to say. Only looked bummed.”
Apparently Cassie understood the circumstances as well as we did.
We stayed lip-locked for a while longer, our hands in each other’s hair, and his ball cap relegated to the ground.
“Only two more days with you,” he mumbled against my mouth.
“We couldn’t have hidden from your family much longer anyway,” I said, kissing his ear. “What would they think if I was hanging with you instead of Cassie?”
“Yeah, I know.” The situation seemed so hopeless and he looked so beautiful standing there that my heart lurched in my chest. He bent down and picked up his hat, dusting it off on his knee.
“If we had more time together, I’m afraid I’d only want you more,” he said, his voice ragged, his eyes focused somewhere in the distance. “So maybe it’s for the best.”
“Guess so,” I said in a whisper. My stomach dropped as he took a step backward. I wanted desperately to tug him closer to me and hold him for longer.
“Okay if I work on this soil for awhile?” I said, pointing behind me. “I’ll meet you back at the house soon.”
He smiled. “Dad and Grammy would love that.”
26
Callum
Things calmed down on our property after all the guests had finally left. We tried to get back to our routine but with the mess to clean up and Dean still in town, it was anything but. I felt on edge but my skin was also buzzing in anticipation of spending time with him again.
The Deepest Blue (Roadmap to Your Heart #2) Page 13