Antoine hurried out to welcome the man.
“It is good to see you, too, Madame LeSuere.” Matthew greeted Josephine with a kiss on both cheeks. “Where is everyone?”
“If you are referring to the Marquise, I expect her to come running about… now.” Antoine laughed as his wife rounded the corner.
“Matthew! Oh, it is you. Come in, come in.” Louise hugged Matthew and accepted his kiss before dragging him into the parlor.
It had been some time since Matthew had visited. He had traveled to Tarn-Et-Garrone soon after they had returned from their wedding trip.
Antoine had an inkling this would not be the same happy occasion. The eyes of the man gave him away.
Matthew looked around the room. “You are doing quite well, I see.”
“My inheritance from my father has kept us from being paupers.” Funny, before that might have needled Antoine, but now he accepted Matthew and read no more into the statement.
“The portrait of Louise is now hung.” Matthew walked over to the mantel for a closer look. “Monsieur LeBrun outdid himself.” Louise, in her sage-green bridal gown and her mother’s pearls with her serene smile and orange-blossom bouquet. “Of course, he had wonderful inspiration.”
“I agree.”
“Oh, you two.” Louise swatted at them and Antoine drew her close. “Have you eaten, Matthew? I can have something readied.” Louise did not wait for a reply. Instead she squirmed from Antoine’s side and raced from the room. Antoine suspected she would have her kitchen staff work on a meal for Matthew vite, in spite of the protests.
“To what do we owe this unexpected pleasure?” Antoine waited until Louise left the room. "You have a serious look about you, friend. There is a problem.”
“Oui, but I should wait until Louise is here. It concerns her, but you are right. I have news.”
Louise breezed in and sat in the chair nearest their guest.
“My dear, Matthew has brought us news. We were waiting for you so he could share it.”
“I am here, and you have my full attention. What is your news, Matthew?” Her face lit up.
Matthew stared at his shoes.
The news must be worse than Antoine thought.
When the man looked up again, Antoine moved closer to Louise and put a hand on her shoulder.
Matthew cleared his throat. “Small one, this has to be the hardest message I have ever had to deliver. It is your father.”
Louise opened her mouth then clamped it shut, her eyes focused on her old friend.
“He passed away the Monday before last while in his sleep. Adélaïde found him on the morn. I came as soon as I knew the facts. I am sorry, ma petite.”
Her face began to crumble, but she caught herself and took a breath. A lone tear trickled down her cheek.
“Louise, my love, I am so sorry.” Antoine drew her closer. “We had no clue. Had he been ill?”
“Not that anyone knew. He would never say he felt unwell.” Matthew stared back at his shoes, again.
“There is something more, is there not, Matthew?” Louise laid a gentle hand on Matthew’s arm.
“I had thought to discuss this with just Antoine, but you should hear, as well.” He shifted from one foot to another. “Oui, there is more, much more, and I am so sorry to be the bearer of such ill tidings. You know how much your father loved the card tables.”
Louise mutely nodded.
“He had incurred some very significant debts and had already borrowed against the house and his holdings, leaving nothing to use to pay off the debts. I believe he had already given you many of your mother’s things, Louise, but anything he did not put into your hands is now gone. I am sorry.”
The room grew very quiet. Antoine could feel the rigidity in Louise’s body. “How large of a debt exists?”
Matthew named the figure.
Louise gasped.
Antoine stood and paced. The figure was quite large indeed. Though many of the nobility ran up debts and lived off their titles, he could never do that. He would not do that. It was wrong.
Yet to leave the debt of his father-in-law unanswered would be just as wrong. The man had shown him the greatest kindness in the world by allowing him to marry his daughter. For that, he would be indebted to Monsieur de Saix forever.
“I will pay it.”
“Antoine.” Louise’s eyes glowed wide.
“I will draw out the money and send it back with you. Will you make sure it goes to the right people?”
Matthew nodded. “Oui, but what will you live on?”
“I do not have it all figured out, but I know I have enough to pay off his debts. We will not have a lot left, but I cannot let the debt remain. He was my father-in-law. He gave me the gift of my wife. I will do this for him and her.”
“Merci, my husband.” Louise took Antoine’s hand.
“The gesture is quite honorable, Antoine. I am concerned, though, about how you will live if you have no resources left to you.” Matthew paused before he continued. “I have an idea, though, if you would be interested.”
“I am willing to listen.”
“I own a rather lucrative salt and wine export business—in truth, I am one of three owners. The brothers Fontaine and I share equally. I am in need of an agent who would be willing to travel two or three times a year. It would not be often, but the trips would be extended for a month or two. The business is quite profitable, and you would be able to live in comfort. There would need to be a few big changes, though.”
“Such as?” Fear tinged Louise’s voice.
“First, you would need to move to Bordeaux.”
“We would have to leave Tarn-Et-Garrone?” She looked to Matthew, who nodded and then to Antoine.
He clasped her hand. “We would have to give up our titles, since nobles are not permitted to be merchants. But then I lived quite satisfactorily without a title for many years.”
“Is that all?”
Antoine shook his head. “There would be no more de Crocketagné. We would be plain Monsieur and Madame Crocketagné.” He took her face in his hands. “What say you, my sweet wife? Shall we leave this fine home and all its trappings to live as merchants?”
Louise squeezed her eyes closed. When she opened them again, she met his gaze squarely. “Whither thou goest, my beloved husband, whither thou goest.”
Antoine did not care that Matthew would see. He encircled Louise in his arms and covered her sweet lips with his.
A moment later Louise drew back and placed her hands on either side of the face of her husband. “My home is with you, Antoine, and as long as I am with you, I will be content.” She turned to her old friend. “Merci, Matthew. Now I will let you two talk and go speak with Josephine. I am confident about what she will say, but I prefer to ask rather than assume.”
Antoine knew she would weep with Josephine for her father but did not correct her. He worried for her. But this was not the time. After their guest was in bed, he would hold her and do his best to make things right.
He turned to Matthew. “And so, my friend, what must I do first?”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Louise should not have become comfortable. No, she had become too happy and settled in her life. That was never a good thing. Now look at what had happened. Her father gone, his reputation destroyed, and the sacrifices Antoine made out of his love for her.
True, she still had Antoine, but for how long?
And a family. She longed to have children, babies to care for and love. Even that was denied her. Had she done something terrible? Perhaps as a child? Were her sins not forgiven? Would she be forced to pay penance every day of her life?
Too many questions and not enough answers.
She wrapped one more dinner plate of her mother’s china in a rag and placed it in the box. None of the pieces had broken in transport from Alsais—a truly amazing feat. The trip from Tarn-Et-Garrone to Bordeaux would be just as long. Did she tempt fate again?
If it were not for Antoine and Josephine, she could not have born it. Even with them, she might go mad waiting for the next punishment from God.
Josephine brought more rags. “Madame Louise? Why do you not go rest? I will wrap these as if they were my own. You go on.”
Louise nodded and handed the plate she had started to Josephine. Her grief drained her. Just when she thought she had no more tears left, a new collection appeared.
As she climbed the stairs, her hand lingered over the balustrade. This was a lovely home, her first home with Antoine, the home where he was born and raised. She would have enjoyed growing old with him here. Still no home would be sufficient without him. Any home would bring contentment in his arms.
Stretching out on her bed, Louise closed her eyes. As the warmth of the day lulled her, she determined to look forward to being with Antoine, no matter where that may be.
* * *
“Louise, Louise!” Antoine took the steps two at a time and burst through the door to their room. “We have heard from Matthew. He sends his regards and says he has found a house for us. We should have all of our affairs in order within another week, and we will be off to Bordeaux.”
Louise appeared sleepy. She rubbed her eyes and stretched before sitting up on their bed.
“Were you napping? I did not think and have woken you.”
“No, no. There is too much to be done. I only laid down for a moment.” Standing, she straightened her dress and checked her hair in the mirror. “Tell me what else Matthew writes.”
“He says he has found a satisfactory house with large grounds just outside the city. There are stables and plenty of room for Vent and Étoile.”
“Have I ever properly thanked you for purchasing Étoile for me?”
“I am sure you have, but let us pretend you have not. How will you ever thank me?” He grabbed her wrist and spun her to him.
“You are quite sure of yourself, Monsieur.”
“That I am. I hold the fairest woman in all the land in my arms. She is mine. Have you any reason to doubt my word?”
She leaned her head against his shoulder, her breath warm on his neck. “None whatsoever, Monsieur.”
“Bon. Then you need to get back to work.” He swatted her backside.
“Ouille! Just see if you deserve a kiss for that.” She pulled free.
Antoine slammed the door as she raced for it.
She turned and climbed across the bed.
Taking advantage of how her skirts slowed her movement, he trapped her on the bed and tumbled on top of her.
“What was that you said about a kiss?”
“None. I said you would get none.” She started to giggle.
“None, is it? Then perhaps I shall keep you pinned until Josephine has all our worldly possessions packed.”
“You would not.”
Antoine waggled his eyebrows at her.
“Oh, you would.”
“You could just kiss me, but I have to confess, I am very comfortable. Shall I become more comfortable?”
She grew very still before wrapping her arms about his neck. Pulling his head to her, she kissed him with a passion that heated his soul. “Oui, Antoine. I want a baby. Make love to me now.”
Her plea was the only encouragement he needed.
* * *
One month and nothing. One week of getting ready, two weeks of travel, and one more of trying to set up housekeeping. The first visitor was her monthly friend, on time as always. Louise had cried when she awoke with cramps, not because they hurt that much but because of what they meant. No baby.
The activity of setting up their home while Antoine was away learning the business made the days fly.
However, the nights were long and lonely.
Then the days and nights became months. And then a year.
Louise had been sure she would have been with child by this time. It was not from a lack of effort. However, the more time that passed, the more she began to fret.
There was no one to talk with about it. Though Josephine had confided in her, she was not ready to share this deep disappointment. It was too private. What if she had done something so wrong, so bad, that God would not allow her to become gravid? Not having her own baby to hold in her arms seemed like a punishment too large to bear.
Instead, she cradled guilt.
Every time Antoine looked at her, she knew she was not the woman he deserved. If she could not bear him children, would he then leave? He already spent so much time away with his new work, to think of him gone forever left her crazed.
* * *
“I think that is all we can do for tonight.” Antoine yawned and stretched in the chair before leaning his head on his arms, crossed on the desktop.
“You are doing well, Antoine. Almost as if you were born for it. Business has increased in this last year, and it is due to your hard work.” Matthew leaned back in his chair. “I can see you are tired. I should send you home to Louise.”
“Have you seen her lately?”
“No, I have been moving my holdings to Bordeaux. The more this region develops with the wine trade, the more important it is to have holdings here. Why do you ask?”
Antoine ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “She is changing, Matthew. I do not know what the problem is, but I think it has to do with the fact we as yet have no children.”
Matthew did not reply.
However, since the gate had unlatched, Antoine let charge out all the worries that had claimed him. “When I arrive home, I will be able to tell she has not slept for days. The dark rings under her eyes give her away. She has lost weight, and her emotions range from one extreme to the other. This might sound strange, but I believe she worries I will leave her if she cannot have a child.”
“Would you leave her?”
“No! Never would I leave her, Matthew. I love her more today than I did on the day we wed. I could never leave her.”
“Have you told her so?”
“I tell her I love her. I show her I love her. I do not know what else to do.” Antoine rested his head back on his arms.
“Have you taken this to God?”
The rueful laugh escaped before Antoine thought better of it. “No. Honestly, I did not even think to.” He raised his head to search Matthew’s face. “Yet that was your first thought, was it not?”
“Oui. It seems only natural to share my concerns with the One Who has the answers.”
“How can you be so sure? What if it is something scientific? Perhaps the fact that Louise has always preferred to ride astride has something to do with it.”
“Antoine, what if it does?” Matthew leaned forward in his chair. “Do you really think that could keep God from giving you two your own child if He so chooses? Do not tell me the ‘God is punishing you for something’ theory. You are among the most honest and honorable people I have ever met. I have seen many people with very little honor or honesty that have a large brood. So, although I may not know the reason, I know Who can take care of any problem that comes. In His time and in His way. Knowing that, I just trust that this is all a part of His plan. My job is not to give my plan to Him, but to search for Him and His kingdom in the place He has led me. Does that make sense?”
“More than you know.” Now that He had brought up the subject, Antoine could not let the moment go. “Matthew, I have to confess something. I see you and know that God is real to you, not just something or someone you talk about because it is the pious thing to say. It is not just what you say, but what you do and how you live. I am envious."
“Why? Do you not know you are seeing Christ in me? He will come to you and make His home in Your heart just as well as mine. I do not have exclusive rights.” Matthew’s stare probed deep into Antoine’s soul. “Do you want to know the risen Son of God as your personal Savior and Lord?”
“Oui!” The exclamation came from his heart before Antoine had time to think.
Matthew knelt and motioned for Antoine to do th
e same.
Antoine joined his friend.
“I will pray, Antoine, and you pray the same.”
Antoine nodded.
“Our Father in heaven, one of your children calls out to You. He knows he needs Your forgiveness and direction. He has carried this load as long as he can and now lays it at the foot of the cross. Jesus, let him feel the refreshing cleansing of your blood. Release him from anxiety and grant him Your peace. Lead and guide him for Your Name’s sake. Claim him as Your own in this world and the next and welcome him into Your fold, Great Shepherd. In Jesus’s holy name we pray. Amen and amen.”
“Father, I ask of You all that Matthew has spoken and one more thing. Please help Louise. Amen.”
Matthew clapped him on the back.
Just as Antoine looked up, a cloud finished passing in front of the sun and the rays of light illumined the room with a new brilliance. Joy and lightness filled him. His grateful heart overflowed.
When they were seated back in their chairs, Matthew undid the small Huguenot cross he always wore and laid it on the table between them.
“Antoine, you must know, must understand what you have done. By inviting our Lord into your heart, you will be required, undoubtedly soon, to make a verbal confession of faith. This is not because of something I say you will have to do, but because God will allow you to be put into the position of having to declare your faith or recant. I will pray for you and will be there for you if I can, but this will be your moment of truth. Will you deny your Lord or serve Him no matter the cost?”
Antoine searched within himself. Is this what Aimée had to ask of herself? At what cost could he remain true?
Matthew leaned in. “The cost will be quite steep before very long. Already I know of men and women dragged from their homes, their children left to starve while their parents await sentencing and sometimes death. You can ask any of the Fontaines about their family’s story—the murder and treachery they have all lived through due to their faith. It is growing very bad again. I believe it will quite soon come to the point where we of the Protestant faith will have to recant, escape, or die for what we hold dear as our forefathers did.”
The Crockett Chronicles- The Complete Collection Page 24