`I don't doubt there's someone somewhere who'll be pleased to pay for such an item in a way I couldn't bring myself to.' That was it, she'd managed just the right tone. She felt sure he couldn't avoid thinking now that if he didn't fancy her, he could be certain he was the last man in the world she would look at. She dared a hasty look at him for proof that he had understood her meaning, though he would have to be blind not to see it, she thought. She saw his jaw was clenched, and that he was looking back at her through narrowed eyes. She knew he didn't like what he had heard, but who did he think he was, to think he could say what he liked to her and get away with it? She thought he looked as though he was struggling to keep his temper, and though she knew the force of his rage was something
to be reckoned with, she didn't think she would come to very much harm while his mother was in the house.
`If you won't accept your ring back, Lucy, I can assure you I'll give it to no one else.' Jud's tone was harsh, confirming that his temper was pretty near to the surface.
`You think it's tainted now that I've worn it?' she jibed, hating to believe it, but hurt to her very soul, her pride refused to let him see he was ruthlessly cutting her heart out.
She was completely unprepared for Jud's reaction to her jibe. In a movement so swift she didn't see him coming he was out of his chair and hauling her to her feet, his hands gripping her shoulders in a racking hold as though he was using her to try to hang on to the last remnants of the control he had over his temper.
`By God, Lucy Carey, you try me to the very limits !' he thundered, then while she was still looking at him with startled eyes, he pulled her roughly into his arms and brought his mouth down on hers in a kiss that was as brutal as it was passionate.
Responding to his kiss was out of the question. There was nothing persuasive about the hold he had on her, it was the grip of a man who had been brought to the end of his patience and was now mindless of any hurt he inflicted. Lucy struggled against him, her heart pounding with fear as he dragged the neck of her sweater away from her and his lips ravaged the column of her throat and neck. Pushing at him was useless and kicking at him brought her so off balance it provided Jud with the excuse he didn't need to hold her even closer.
let me go !' she yelled at him when she found her mouth free again and the breath to speak. 'Let me 'go, Jud, you swine !'
`Like hell,' he grated. 'You think you can say what the hell you like and get away with it, don't you-but there's a limit, my little virgin, and I've just reached mine,' and again he swooped on her mouth.
Oh God, she was scared ! Jud must have told his mother he would let her know when to come in, and Lucy guessed Mrs Hemming would think they were having a heart-to-heart talk and wouldn't interrupt them. She had dreamed of being kissed by Jud, of being held by him, but never like this. 'Please, Jud,' she cried, 'you're hurting me !' He was. She knew she would find bruises in a day or two's time, but it was the mental hurt he was inflicting that was the greater pain. The thought that when she had left Priors Channing, the memory of her last meeting with Jud would be that he was so uncaring of her he could treat her so.
Jud's hold on her held firm, and she knew he was going to ignore her pleas, then suddenly his body stilled, and with a cry that was half a groan he slackened his hold on her and he buried his face in her neck.
The groan Lucy heard sounded for all the world so full of remorse that all fear left her and knowing, with Jud's arms only loosely about her now, that escape would have been easy, she just couldn't find it in her to tear herself out of his arms to flee and leave him The hands that seconds earlier had been pummelling at his back in an endeavour to effect her release now closed about him, and she held him as he held her, and again Jud's body stiffened and he lifted his head to look down into the wide brown eyes that showed not fear now, but gentle regret that they would always be enemies.
`Gentle Lucy,' seemed to be dragged from him. 'You always were too soft for your own good,' and with that he lowered his head once more, only this time there was none of the rage or anger in his kiss, and at that first gentle touch Lucy knew she was lost. This was so much more what she wanted, her bruised lips parted, the hands at his back clenched once, then gave in and splayed against him, drawing him to her as he was drawing her.
Mindlessly she returned his kiss, made no objection this time when her sweater was pulled away from her throat and
his lips traced healing kisses where his lips had scorched before, then his mouth claimed hers once more, urgently, transmitting the same yearning urgency to her. She felt his hands at her waist, felt their warmth against her skin beneath her sweater, and her lips clung to his when his hands caressed in delicious movements to come to rest just beneath her breasts. Her breath seemed to halt as she waited, wanted his hands to continue on upwards, but it seemed as though Jud was awaiting her permission now to invade further the privacy of her body, and without thought her lips came fractionally away from his to murmur in an agony of waiting, 'Please, Jud,' in invitation for him to do with her what he would. A sigh of bliss escaped her when she felt his hands against her breasts and she pressed to him, wanting this moment to never end.
She was in complete agreement when he picked her up and carried her to the settee, and looking into his eyes she saw nothing of the coldness she remembered there, but a flame that was more green than grey, before she buried her head against him and felt his body taut beside her as the cushions moulded to their bodies.
Having invited Jud's caresses Lucy thought she was prepared to go wherever their delight took them, but when she felt the looseness of the jeans she was wearing and realised her zip must be undone, for all she hadn't felt Jud undoing it, her breath caught in her throat as choking realisation hit her when his hand began fondling movements around her navel, that now was the time to stop or ...
Her move to roll off the settee was instinctive, and once her body was away from him, cold, cruel sanity fought in her brain to be heard against the voice within her that insisted she returned to Jud on the settee.
Harsh sanity won, and with hands that were shaking the three-inch gap in her jeans was fastened with a jerky movement as she pulled up the zip. She had her back to Jud and didn't dare turn round as logic she didn't want to listen to
was hammering to be heard. Jud must be laughing his head off—Jud with all his experience had found the seduction of Lucy Carey child's play.
`There's no need to panic, Lucy,' she heard him say quietly behind her 'I wouldn't have ...'
`Wouldn't you?' she came back sharply, still not daring to turn as she straightened her sweater and looked round wildly for her bag. 'My God, it didn't look like it—child's play, wasn't it?' She knew she was going to break down any moment—oh, where was her bag—it had her car keys in it. She wanted to race out of here and now, but she would look a fine fool if she had to come back for her bag.
`You appear to have a fine opinion of me.' She heard an edge creeping into Jud's voice, but was uncaring of it. "About as fine as the opinion you have of me,' she snapped back. Then knowing her pride lay in ruins—oh, how Jud would laugh when she was gone-she made a vain attempt to get away from him with at least some of her pride salvaged. 'Well, don't worry about it, Jud Hemming —I promise you I won't—in a week or two we shall be out of each other's hair, and if ever we think of—of what had happened—or what nearly happened,' she amended hastily, still not knowing quite where she was, 'then we can both sit back and have a damn good laugh.
She jumped visibly to hear Jud's voice just over her shoulder; she hadn't heard him move from the settee. `Nothing nearly happened,' he bit in her ear. 'I was in control the whole time.'
She could have hit him for that remark, though he sounded so sincere she had to believe him, but it made her furious that in her innocence she had been floundering in the joy of his touch, his lovemaking, that only when it looked as if he would trespass on part of her that was intensely personal had she come down to earth. She had scant satisfaction that
Jud wasn't so much in control as he would have her believe, for instead of putting his hands on her
again and turning her to face him, he ordered : 'Look at me, Lucy,' and frightened in case she was wrong and he would touch her again, Lucy turned to face him.
There was nothing about him now that remotely connected him with the lover he had been a few minutes ago. Nothing at all in his face to give her any indication of what he was feeling, thinking ...
`You've just said that shortly we'll be out of each other's hair,' Jud reminded her. 'Do I take it from that remark that you're going away for a while?'
A lot he cared ! She could tell he would be clapping his hands before the exhaust smoke of her departure had evaporated. 'Not for a while, Jud—I'm going away permanently.'
Jud didn't ask where, he seemed to accept her statement without difficulty, and yet-and yet, Lucy thought, she could have sworn his jaw clenched momentarily as though he was controlling some inner impulse. Imagination, of course; Jud's face was as impassive as ever when she looked again. She had just imagined seeing something she wanted to see. Wanting some sign that he was not unmoved to hear that he would never see her again, she had dreamed up a fleeting picture of Jud looking not as cool as he would have her believe.
Knowing there was absolutely nothing more for them to say to each other, Lucy spied her bag about two yards from her feet tucked in against the settee where it had been all the time, only she'd been too panic-stricken to dare turn to see it. She moved a step away from Jud, ready to make her departure, feeling suddenly dead inside.
`Don't go.'
The hoarse note in Jud's voice stopped her more than any words he could have said, and she half turned back to him, not daring to look at him lest he see how completely defeated she was. She thought she knew the reason for his words, though the way he said them was unexpected.
`I have to go,' she told him flatly, her eyes downcast making an unseeing survey of the floor. 'We've just proved the biological urge you spoke of-I'm not your girl for further sex exploration.'
`Damn the biological urge,' Jud snapped violently, causing Lucy's head to come up sharply. She expected to see little warmth in his eyes, but there was a raging light there he did nothing to hide. 'I don't want you to go—sex has got nothing to do with it.
Oh God, she thought, unable to believe Jud wanted nothing from her yet not understanding why he didn't want her to go. She had thought she was dead inside, yet all he had to do was look at her, tell her he didn't want her to go, even make it sound as if he meant it, and her heart was hammering within her. Her legs felt shaky and she had to look away from him before her brain would clear sufficiently for her to answer.
Y-you say s-sex has nothing to do-with your reason for wanting me to stay?' she queried, and looked at him again the words said.
She saw Jud hesitate. It was enough to have her determined to leave the room without saying another word, she didn't need him confirming slowly, 'Well, no. Don't misunderstand me, Lucy. Sex has its part in my reason for wanting you to stay, though I prefer to call it physical love ...' Lucy's action of going to pick up her handbag, her intention to leave before he could persuade her otherwise obvious, stopped him before he could complete what he was saying.
She had to go, and go now. Jud could call sex by any name he chose, though she couldn't help the let-down feeling that he could resort to use the words 'physical love'—she had thought he would be more honest than that. If she stayed with him another second she knew she would be accepting whatever relationship he had in mind—but when it was over, when he had tired of her, what then? She
couldn't understand the very stillness of him, though she thought it might be because Jud would never beg any woman, and having asked her once to stay, he would not ask her again. She reached the door. Jud hadn't moved, and she knew her surmise was correct, he wouldn't ask her again, but pride demanded she had the last word, for all she didn't think her pride would last very long once she got through that door.
`No, thanks, Jud. What you have in mind isn't for me,' She felt the cold round porcelain knob of the door beneath her fingers and thought there was nothing more he could say that would have her answering, but when his words hit her ears, instead of turning the door knob and making her escape, she found herself clinging on to it as though it was a lifeline giving her support.
`Marry me, Lucy.'
The voice that hit her ears had a strangled, almost despairing note to it and for a dizzying second she thought someone else had come into the room, so unlike Jud's voice did it sound. Then the world righted itself and beads of sweat broke out on her forehead, because she so wanted to marry him, but not for the reasons he was asking.
`Marry you, Jud?' she scoffed, and only she knew how much it hurt to inject that tone into her voice as tears she was unaware of shedding rolled silently down her face. `Why? Because you can't get me any other way?'
`No, damn you!' If she was feeling hurt, Jud sounded as though what she had said as much as the way she had said it had mortally wounded him. 'I asked you to marry me because I love you.' The cold note she was familiar with had taken possession again, and if she had ever dreamed of a man she loved telling her he loved her, it had never been with those freezing tones as though he hated her, but while her control was rapidly going to pieces, Jud's control was coming to ice him over as he added cuttingly, 'I have your answer—now get out.'
When Lucy turned round he had his back to her and she knew while her heart sang and tears rained down her face that his action of turning away from her was the action of a man who suspected she might turn once before leaving and who wasn't going to let her see his pain. Oh, how she loved him—and to think he had said he loved her ! She still couldn't take it in, but wanted so badly to believe it, she just had to stay in the hope he would say it again. She saw his hands were clenched tightly at his sides, and realised he was waiting to hear the sound of the door opening and closing to know she had gone before he relaxed the stern control he was exercising.
He confirmed it by grating, 'Get the hell out of here, Lucy—I won't be responsible for ...'
`I love you, Jud,' Lucy broke in as a wave of impulsive courage shot through her.
Slowly Jud turned, the sight of her tear-wet face not moving him. His face was marble-cold except for his eyes that pierced through her, telling her that if she was lying heaven help her. 'Repeat that statement,' he said, his hands still clenched, not moving.
`I ... I said-I .. love you, Jud.'
She barely got his name out when he moved and she was in his aims, the salt of her tears being blotted by his lips and face as he kissed her and hugged her to him, first laying his cheek against hers, then hungry for her lips and eagerly claiming them, then kissing her eyes.
`Oh, Lucy, Lucy girl, what a hell of a time you've given me!'
`And you me—Oh, Jud, if you knew how unhappy I've been !'
Jud's kisses drugged away all unhappiness as with broken endearments they clung to each other.
`Oh, Jud, I feel I could faint, I'm so happy,' Lucy confessed at last.
`Believe it or not, my knees aren't feeling all that strong
either,' Jud told her, for all she didn't believe him, though he did guide her to the settee where they sat down, and with his arm around her, her head against his chest, though she did have to keep lifting her head every now and then to look at him to make sure it was really Jud who held her, she asked him why he had never given her the smallest sign he cared.
`I was afraid to,' said the man Lucy had thought was afraid of nothing. She raised her head questioningly. 'It's true,' Jud told her, reading her look. 'The first time I saw you I desired you.' Lucy remembered the look she thought she had seen that morning at the village hall. 'I thought I'd caught your eye-thought, I must admit,' he confessed, `that you knew the rules, but when I went to follow through you'd looked away and I realised you weren't playing.'
`We hadn't even been introduced,' Lucy protested, and a light laugh
broke from Jud, because they both knew it would have made no difference with or without an introduction.
Jud hugged her to him and continued, 'You're beautiful, Lucy, but at that time I thought I knew of several other women who could match your beauty, but I was conscious of you the whole time, and when you chose to look through me—well, to tell the truth, it was a pretty new experience for me and, if you'll forgive me saying so, I made up my mind to have you.'
Lucy blushed and Jud's arm tightened about her. 'You didn't look as if you'd even seen me,' she said softly. 'I remember thinking I'd read that first look-I ... I'd seen it before, but ...'
But affairs weren't in your line-I learned that very quickly,' Jud said, giving her a chaste kiss before going on. `I found out who you were, thought then you must know I was the man who had bought the ring from Rupert and—I'm sorry, darling, but I thought you were peeved because you hadn't wanted him to sell it.'
Lucy latched on to his line of thinking. 'You thought I was some gold-digging harpy and that I objected to Rupert selling what you thought was his because I wanted it?'
`Yes, I did,' Jud told her. 'But I was still determined to get to know you. I had my mother and Carol staying with me at the time, but even so I would have contacted you the next day under some pretext or other. Then wham, there you were at my front door without me having to move a muscle.'
`You were so cold, so unfeeling,' Lucy told him, and was held close and kissed almost senseless for a few minutes.
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