The butterflies formed a conga line.
Chapter Eighteen
Since I had less than four hours to transform myself from a five-foot-tall woman into a six-foot-tall woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman, I needed help. If anyone were up to the job, it was Marco. I found him downstairs in the I Love NY, NY gift shop, eyeing a pair of novelty shot glasses.
“Maddie, dahling!” he cried when he spotted me, going for a two-cheeked air kiss. “Where on earth have you been? I was worried sick about you!”
“Ramirez caught me. Handcuffed me in his backseat.”
“Kinky.” Marco wiggled his perfectly waxed eyebrows up and down.
“Humiliating was more like it. Anyway, I need to ask you a favor, Marco.”
“Anything for you, sweetie,” he said, thumbing through a stack of postcards.
I briefly filled him in on Larry’s troubles and my plan to save his Prada-wearing hide. When I got to the part about needing platform shoes and a wig, Marco clapped his hands with glee.
“Ooooh, this is gonna be so fun. A drag makeover!”
Necessary, yes. Fun, I wasn’t so sure about. “I only have until eight tonight,” I warned as he grabbed me by the arm and headed straight for the Off Broadway Costume Shop.
Two hours and three dozen bad wigs later, I was decked out in true Drag Queen Chic. I stood in front of the mirrored closet doors of Marco’s hotel room staring at my reflection. He had gone with a long black skirt that covered my slightly-less-stocky-than-Larry’s (thank god!) legs, a long-sleeved corset-waisted red top that covered my slightly-less-hairy-than-Larry’s (thank god!) arms, and a long red wig that was almost the exact duplicate of Larry’s (which honestly didn’t look half bad on me; who knew I could do redhead?). Knowing that even in the highest heels I couldn’t fake nine inches, Marco chose a clingy lycra material for the skirt which, along with the V-neck top, gave the illusion of longer lines. And I’m happy to report I did manage to add at least five inches to my frame with a pair of truly hookeresque patent leather platforms.
Marco offered to use some charcoal eyeliner and putty-like cover-up to “age” my face to match Larry’s, but I declined, instead going for a huge pair of black J Lo sunglasses and a gauzy black veil that reached down to my chin. Though I did let Marco cake on some thick foundation and blush a hint of five o’clock stubble onto my chin. All in all, it was as close to fifty-something transvestite as I was ever going to look (thank god!).
“Honey, you look divine!” Marco stood back, clasping his hands to his breast as he admired his work. “That wig is so you.”
“Let’s just hope Monaldo thinks it’s so Larry.”
“So,” Marco said, leaning in close, a co-conspiratorial twinkle in his eyes. “What’s the plan, spy girl?”
I adjusted my butt-length wig in the mirror as I recited the directions Monaldo had given to Felix over the phone.
“The plan is we drive to the Victoria, slip backstage and look for a red crocodile handbag sitting at Larry’s makeup station. Then Felix and I take the cash out into the desert for our rendezvous with the Marsuccis. I’ll drop Felix off a few yards away to set up surveillance, then I’ll continue on to the warehouse and hand the payoff over to the bad guys while Felix takes pictures of it all.”
Hmmm…somehow saying it out loud made it all sound so improbable. Rendezvous? Surveillance? Payoff? Who did I think I was, James Bond?
Though Marco didn’t share my misgivings. “This is so freaking James Bond! I love it! Wait until I tell Madonna about this.”
“No!” I spun on my platforms to face him. “No, you can’t tell anyone. If Ramirez finds out about this, he’ll skin me alive. Not to mention what my mother would do. Good god, can you imagine her traipsing after me with stun gun in hand? You have to promise me you are not going to tell a soul.”
“But—”
“Promise!” I commanded, planting both hands on hips. And since I towered over him by a good two inches now, he conceded.
“All right.” He thrust his lower lip out in an exaggerated pout. “I promise.”
I made him double pinky swear and felt a little bit better about it. Just a little. Swearing Marco to secrecy was about as effective as using a Sharpie to cover up scuffs on my favorite black pumps. A temporary fix at best. But I had no choice. I could only hope Marco sat on the gossip of the century long enough that Felix and I could get to the desert and it would be too late for either Mom or Ramirez to stop me.
Okay, part of me hoped that. As I stared at my madeup reflection in the mirror the other part of me, the one that preferred all my limbs exactly where they were, was silently chanting, “Somebody stop me!”
Felix met me at the valet parking area at exactly 7:02. If all went according to plan, he wanted to be in place long before the Marsuccis showed up. He took one look at my outfit and I could see him mentally warring between a dozen ready-made snide comments.
“Don’t start with me,” I warned. “These are five-inch heels. I could kill a man with these.”
His grin widened, but he held up his hands in surrender and wisely refrained from comment. Instead he handed the valet his ticket (and a fifty-cent tip—cheapskate), and ten minutes later we were on the road.
I fidgeted nervously in my seat as we motored up the 15, my stomach tying itself in enough knots to macramé a plant hanger. The thing is, I wasn’t the world’s biggest fan of undercover work. Once, last summer while investigating the disappearance of my ex-boyfriend Richard, Dana had convinced me to go undercover as a hooker. As if the neon spandex she’d made me wear wasn’t bad enough, the evening had ended with a dead body. And considering I was currently the only player in this little drama without a gun, I really hoped tonight wasn’t a replay.
I was chewing the Raspberry Perfection off my lips, debating whether I could tell Felix to turn around and forget the whole thing, when we pulled into the employee lot of the Victoria. The two Town Cars were still parked up front and the lot was populated with half a dozen more rent-a-wrecks than it had been earlier in the day. Though I was relived to see Ramirez’s SUV conspicuously absent. I prayed Bruno had the night off. (Or was spending it out trying to find one escaped blonde.)
I stared at the back door as Felix killed the engine. Okay, I could do this. I was a tough chick. I was dangerous. On a mission. Take no prisoners.
“You ready?” Felix asked, grabbing his camera case from the backseat.
“Hell yeah!” Only somehow my pep talk hadn’t convinced my body. My feet had turned to lead and my butt was glued to the faded seat.
“So…you want to go in, then?” he asked.
I nodded. “Nuh unh.”
Felix paused. “You know, it’s not too late to change your mind. If you don’t feel comfortable with this, we can call it off.”
Did I feel comfortable with it? No. But neither did I feel comfortable in my gorgeous four-inch, leather Gucci logo pumps that angled in at the tip until my pinky toes turned blue. But if I could survive cutting off circulation to my feet for fashion, I could survive a knotted stomach for my father.
“No, I’m fine,” I lied. “Let’s do this.”
Somehow I pried my booty off the seat despite feeling like it was covered in Elmer’s, and crossed the few feet of pavement to the back door. All the while feeling the heat of Felix’s camera lens at my back.
The steady beat of dance music vibrated through the thick walls of the building, spilling out into the night as I opened the door. I blinked in the dimly lit interior, wishing I could take my dark glasses off. I took a moment to orient myself. I was in the backstage area. To my right was a panel of levers and pulleys, behind which sat a guy in a John Deere cap with a cigarette hanging out one side of his mouth. To the left, a changing room, the sounds of clacking heels, hair dryers and catty gossip mingling with the dance rhythms.
I went to the right, trying to look as inconspicuous as I could. The changing room was a small ten-by-ten affair, crammed with vanities topped by mir
rored lights. Makeup bags and wig stands littered every surface and a rolling wardrobe rack sat by the door. Luckily, no one really seemed to take much notice of me. A skinny black guy in a Tina Turner outfit rushed past me yelling about her cues, and two of the yellow sequin “girls” sat at one of the vanities, trying to get their feathers pinned on their heads and gossiping about someone named Molly. (Who, apparently, had slept with half the men in the club.)
I scanned the room for a red crocodile bag and came up with pay dirt next to the vanity at the far end of the room. Ducking my head down, I stepped over discarded shoes and costumes on the floor, quickly grabbed the bag, and ducked out again before the sequin girls could question me.
The bag was a lot heavier than I had expected. I needed two hands to carry it as I backtracked to the outer door. By the time I reached it, my heart was pounding in my ears and my stomach had knotted itself an entire afghan.
I stepped back out into the night, letting the door close on the club music behind me, and did a quick scan to make sure a black SUV hadn’t miraculously appeared while I was inside. None had, so I jogged (which in fiveinch heels was more like a series of baby steps on speed) to the Neon and quickly slipped into the passenger seat.
“Go, go, go!” I commanded as Felix put down his camera. He did, pulling out of the parking lot and taking a quick right onto Fremont. I heaved a sigh of relief that was much too big, considering Operation Mafia Takedown was only halfway done. Getting the bag had been the easy part; the hard part would be coming face to face with the living breathing models for the Sopranos out in the desert where god knew how many generations of “accidents” were buried in shallow graves.
I shivered and flipped on the heater.
To distract myself, I looked down at the bag in my hands as Felix drove south on the 15. It was a soft crocodile skin dyed a deep burgundy color with little gold buckles and a bamboo handle. Actually tres chic, if you asked me. My hands shaking only slightly, I peeked inside. It was filled with wads of hundred-dollar bills. I did a low whistle. As I may have mentioned, Tot Trots was not the Rodeo Drive of shoes. I made enough to cover my rent and keep me in Top Ramen and heels, but this was way more money than I’d ever seen in one place before. I put my nose down in the bag and inhaled deeply. The unmistakable scent of cash mixed with leather. This must be what real Pradas smelled like.
Fifteen minutes later we’d passed by the Mandalay Bay, the Bellagio, and the Treasure Island and were heading into the no-man’s land between Vegas and Los Angeles. Tumbleweeds began to replace casinos until we spied the sign for Lone Hill Road. Felix turned off the highway, onto the roughly paved two lane. Two more turns and we were reduced to a dirt road which might have been fun to navigate in my four-wheel-drive Jeep, but was just plain bumpy in a late-model Neon. We bounced about three more miles in silence before a building came into sight on the horizon of the sparse, rocky terrain. Felix pulled the car over to the side.
“This is where I get off,” he said, his voice betraying a hint of the jangling nerves I felt.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, for fear something like, “Don’t leave me! I’m just a little girly girl!” would pop out.
“You sure you’re going to be okay alone?” he asked and in the rapidly settling dusk, I could have sworn he actually looked concerned.
I nodded again, hoping he couldn’t tell what a bad liar I was.
Apparently not, since he grabbed his camera case and exited the car, doing a quick survey of the landscape before settling into position behind a rock formation. He gave me a thumbs-up, which I guess was supposed to reassure me as I slid over to the driver’s seat.
I gave myself a little mental pep talk again, watching Felix’s form disappear in the rearview mirror as I continued down the dusty road alone. Only the closer I got to the squat building in the distance, the less convincing I became.
I flipped the radio on to fill the silence. After playing with the dial I finally found a station playing ’60s hits. It’s hard to be freaked when you’re listening to the Beatles. I tried to sing along to “Good Day Sunshine,” but I found my eyes darting to the rearview mirror every three seconds, watching for black Town Cars.
This was it. If this didn’t work…I didn’t even want to think about it. And, I had to admit, I was beginning to seriously question the wisdom of not telling Ramirez about this plan. Sure, he would have nixed it from the get-go, but maybe he could have sent one of his operatives to do this? Maybe he could have convinced Larry? Maybe we could have had sex at least once before I drove to possible maiming and death in the desert.
By the time I pulled up to the warehouse, my hands were sweating, my lips had been bitten raw, and I was beginning to get a nervous tick in my right eye. If I didn’t already have a bag full of cash sitting beside me, there’s no question I would have turned around and fled right then and there.
Instead, I parked the Neon in front of the warehouse. It was a nondescript building, square and large with concrete sides and a corrugated metal roof. Around it was a whole lot of dusty nothing.
No other cars were visible.
I sat there for a full two minutes, trying to talk myself into getting out of the car. I was halfway there. I had the cash, I was at the meeting place. So far so good. All I had to do now was hand over the bag and all was well. (What can I say, I was becoming a pro at this denial thing.)
I opened the door and stepped out. The night air was cool and eerily quiet. Not even a cricket chirping anywhere. Picking my way over the hard-packed dirt, I slowly made my way to the warehouse, clutching the crocodile bag so tightly my knuckles were turning white. Three loading bays spanned the length of it, with a smaller door off to the right. I tried the knob. Unlocked. I’d been expected.
I took one more deep breath for good measure and slowly pushed the door open. I felt around on the wall until my fingers came up against a light switch.
The interior of the warehouse was filled with tall metal shelves like the ones Mom had in her garage for storing Christmas decorations and Tupperware tubs of my childhood mementoes. They spanned from floor to ceiling, each filled with big cardboard boxes. Exposed pipes and ducts ran the length of the ceiling and the same corrugated metal décor covered the walls. It gave the feeling of being in a huge tin can. With about the same acoustics.
“Hello?” I called out, hearing my voice echo back to me in triplicate. No answer. I gingerly took a few steps inside, my platforms sounding like firecrackers on the cement floor.
I walked to the metal shelf nearest the door and, with a quick glance over my shoulder, pried open a box on the lower shelf. Inside it were a dozen smaller boxes. Shoe boxes.
I gingerly pulled one out. Michael Kors. I’d love to say I slipped it back in and left it at that, but of course, I couldn’t resist. What can I say? I’m my father’s daughter. I popped open the lid. A perfect copy of last season’s snakeskin pumps in chocolate brown, right down to the brass-buckle detail on the face. I had to remind myself they were fakes to resist trying them on right then and there.
But the sound of tires crunching on the gravel outside snapped me out of it fast enough. I quickly replaced the lid and turned down the flaps of the box, taking two giant steps away from the shelves as the sound of a car door slamming shut echoed throughout the warehouse. I skittered across the cement floor, stepping back outside. And into Felix’s line of vision. If we were going to get any decent shots at all, the exchange had to take place outside.
A black Range Rover had parked next to the Neon. (Apparently they were prepared for the rough terrain.) Two men in black suits stood beside it, both wearing tinted aviator glasses and looking like bad imitations of the Men in Black. I was about to approach them when a third man stepped out of the car. He was smaller than the other two, his suit a gray color, though he wore the same tinted glasses. Must be standard Mob issue. In addition to the eyewear, he was sporting more gold jewelry than Joan Rivers, including a large gold medallion around his neck and pin
ky rings on each hand. His hair was slicked into a perfect black helmet over his too-big-for-his-body head. All in all, the only things missing were a pair of shoe spats and an Uzi and he’d be the spitting image of the Italian family man.
The three of them slowly approached me, the Men in Black flanking Shortie.
“You have something for us?” the little guy asked, his voice a dead ringer for Joe Pesci as he gestured to the crocodile bag clutched in my vise grip.
I nodded, clearing my throat to make my voice as low as it would go. “Yes,” I answered.
Shortie took off his glasses and squinted at me. “What’s with the veil?” he asked.
My panic meter rose about fifty notches. “Uh…I’m in mourning.” I lowered my eyes to the ground. “Hank passed away.”
Shortie nodded, pursing his thin lips together. “I heard about that. Tragedy.”
Somehow I had the feeling these guys encountered “tragedy” on a regular basis. A thought which did nothing to lower my panic reading.
But instead of saying anything, I just nodded again.
Shortie motioned to the bag and the taller Man in Black stepped forward to take it from me. His hand brushed mine as he did, sending a cold fear prickling up my neck as his tinted eyes settled on my face.
I cleared my throat again and studied my shoes, hoping he mistook my fear for grief. For one long, terrible moment, I thought the jig was up. He’d seen through my woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman ruse and I’d soon be swimming with the fishes. (Or freezing with the peas, as the case may be.) But instead of fitting me for cement slingbacks, he took a step back into formation beside Shortie and opened the bag. Shortie took a quick peek inside, pushing the bundles around to check that I hadn’t slipped a hundred on top and filled the rest with hay. He nodded at Goon Number One, apparently satisfied.
Shortie turned back to me. “You tell Monaldo that we’s sorry about his associate’s untimely passing,” he said, just two notes short of sincere.
Killer in High Heels Page 23