“It’s nobody. They don’t mean anything.” Miranda followed Lana down to the door.
“Tell your husband not me, I stopped caring a long time ago.” Lana huffed and reached for the handle.
“I am sorry you know.” She choked as the door clicked open.
“That’s the first time you have ever said that.” Lana smiled sarcastically. “Go back in to your husband, I think you’re going to have a difficult night.”
“Lana remember what I said about Rebecca, he won’t stop, no matter what it takes.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Christmas day finally descended, I lied heartily to my parents, telling them I had gone to stay with friends in Manchester for the festive season unable to bear their pitying looks and stuffy cocktail parties filled with the bridge club regulars. I pressed the red button on the TV remote and let the picture zap to black, out in the street I could hear a few kids testing out new bikes, the older one shouting commands as the younger ones scrabbled out of the way of the makeshift ramps. My cat sat watching, his long tail twitching over the edge of the sill, ears focused triangularly forward, head moving every so often from side to side. I called him with a rustle of my fingers on the fabric of the sofa but he merely twitched his tail faster and blanked me. Resting my hand across my stomach I stroked the curving line for the tenth time that hour, still wondering how I hadn’t noticed it sooner, in all fairness I had put on weight from binge eating takeaways, but maybe I just hadn’t believed it possible so it never entered my head. I reached out for my laptop and prised the lid open illuminating the screen, the page I had last been looking at popped back up and there she was, Lana, smiling slightly, arms crossed, hair immaculately pinned behind one ear. The title read ‘There’s a new girl in town and it’s the shrink everyone wants to see.’ I ignored the written interview, I’d already read it a hundred times and instead focused entirely on that beautiful face. It was too much, I pulled my phone from my pocket and began to type furiously not giving myself a chance to think about what I was saying. I’m in love with you, I don’t expect anything in return. I just wanted you to know that. I sent it and placed the phone back down heavily my heart drumming in my chest, I closed my eyes breathing deeply and without meaning to fell to sleep.
It was dark when I woke up, the street lamps cast an orange glow through the window turning my living room sepia. Instantly I felt for my phone pressing down a button to light up the screen, my heart sank, no new messages. It was like a lead ball had been dropped into the pit of my stomach, Lana was probably at a lavish family dinner or some extra fancy work event mingling with power couples maybe Miranda was there. I cringed at the thought. Sitting up I reached for the cigarette packet shaking it slightly to confirm what I already knew, it was empty. Sighing I pushed myself up and grabbed my coat heading for the door.
The streets were empty again, I walked past the many illuminated windows, smiling at the scenes inside, people whose voices were raised in laughter, words slightly slurred after plenty of mulled wine. There was only one pub I knew would be open, I was banking on the cigarette machine still being semi full, I rubbed a hand over my stomach feeling the bump through my coat, guilt creeping in, I’d told myself it was only allowed over Christmas then I had to stop completely.
“Hey.” A voice called out from a car that was creeping along behind me. I slowed but didn’t stop, glancing over my shoulder. “Can you help me at all?” He called again.
“What’s the problem?” I shouted back, stopping but remaining on the pavement.
“I’m trying to get to my daughters house, I’ve got a boot full of presents for the kids.” He smiled and gestured with his thumb to the back of the car. “But I’m not familiar with these parts and can’t seem to find her address.”
“Where are you looking for?” I replied, taking a step closer.
The man ruffled a piece of paper in his lap, lifting the peak of the flat cap he was wearing to rub at his forehead. “Rose Lane.” He squinted into the dark again and ran a hand over his neatly clipped goatee beard. “Yes Rose Lane.”
“Oh that’s where I live!” I exclaimed. “Is it the apartments or the house’s your looking for? They’re separated by a park.”
“The apartment’s I think.” His smile seemed to twitch across his lips, I noticed a small trickle of sweat against his neck despite the cold. I gave him instructions pointing back the way I had come.
“You’re that nurse aren’t you?” He asked softly.
“I’m sorry?” The comment knocked me off guard and I took a step back.
“Oh I’m sorry I just saw it in the paper, my daughter told me that you lived by her. Terrible thing, hope they nailed the bastard that did it?” He placed the car into gear and I heard the hand brake click off. “Thanks for your help love and you take care getting home. Do you need a lift at all?”
“No the walk will do me good thanks.” I smiled but couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. I watched the fancy BMW pull away into the night rounding the corner and out of sight, even though I had given him directions, he had driven off the wrong way!
Lana tipped the wine bottle vertical, only a few crimson drops drizzled into the glass. She threw it onto the cushions beside her and lolled her head back against the chair.
“How you got here without crashing or being arrested I don’t know.” Miranda walked into the room carrying a glass of water. “Drink this.” She placed it in front of Lana.
“I don’t want water!” She slurred. “I know you have whiskey somewhere and probably a few bags of the good stuff!” She smiled in what was clearly meant to be a seductive way but it came out as more of a lopsided grimace.
“Lana, firstly, you are already drunk enough. Two, I don’t do any of that anymore you know this!” Miranda huffed and sat down beside her.
“I’m not drunk enough!” Lana shouted. “I can still feel…. Things!” She patted over her heart with a wobbling hand. “I don’t want to feel anything I just want to forget.” She finished limply. Miranda placed one arm around her narrow shoulders and pulled her into a ball, curled up and lying with her head across her lap. She stroked her hair back from her eyes, brushed the tears from the long curling lashes with her thumb and placed a kiss on the top of her head. Lana hiccupped but didn’t protest.
“Why couldn’t you have been like this all the time?” She murmured. “I really would have done anything for you, I loved you so much.” Miranda’s breath caught in her chest, she ran her hand along the curve of Lana’s body, this body she knew so well.
“I don’t know.” She admitted. “I think I loved you too much. I couldn’t be with you, I knew I couldn’t leave my family, but I couldn’t be without you either, I had to harden myself in some way or I wouldn’t have been able to survive it.” Lana pushed herself into a sitting position, bleary emerald eyes scanning Miranda’s face to see if what she was hearing was the truth.
“Did you know what they wanted as payment? Simon and his friends when they gave you the cocaine, did you know when you took it that they would want more than money in return?” Lana frowned a little, bracing herself for the answer. “I mean you knew how he felt about me, he was constantly trying his luck, he’d offered me ‘deals’ before, so I can’t believe that he didn’t offer the same deal to you, maybe you thought you could convince me? That it wasn’t a problem?”
Miranda seemed to falter, there was a pause where she searched the room with her eyes deciding what to say.
“Oh my God you did know!” Lana moved back a little. “I always thought you did but I never really believed you would do that to me.”
“Listen to me you have to understand, I thought I would be able to get extra money and just tell him you wouldn’t agree, that’s why I never even mentioned it to you because I had no intention of it ever happening.” Miranda stuttered.
“But you sent me to pay him anyway! You knew that the only way to clear that debt, to save yourself was to send me instead!
” Lana was staring blankly at the floor, suddenly sobered. “You knew what was going to happen and you sent me anyway.” Miranda was crying softly, her head in her hands. The bedroom door in the corridor creaked open, both women looked up as Frank wandered in, his podgy white belly swaying over the edge of a sagging pair of boxer shorts, he scratched at his hair.
“Hello again Miss Hill.” He said dryly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realise you weren’t alone.” Lana quickly wiped at her face.
“No, it’s quite alright. We dropped the kids off at my mothers and came to the secret ‘love nest’” He made quotation marks with his fingers in the air. “Unfortunately I had quite a bit to drink at dinner, so I fell asleep.” He cocked his head and looked Lana up and down, in her haste to escape the four walls of the house after receiving Rebecca’s text, she had thrown on a tight pair of pale blue jeans and a chunky knit sweater, her hair loose around her face, jumped into the car and headed to the only place she could think of. Still she looked beautiful even with no effort.
“My wife was only too happy to let me sleep.” He smiled at Miranda who was now standing, looking a little unsure what to say or do. “But now that you’re here.” Frank stepped forwards and ran a finger down the side of Lana’s cheek. “Maybe she will feel like some fun.”
“Frank! How dare you!” Miranda burst into life, hissing in his face. He raised his hands in mock defence laughing lightly.
“Can’t blame a man for trying, I mean, look at her.” He gestured to where Lana was still standing statuesque, her eyes blazing. “Always have been a beautiful little thing haven’t you?”
“Don’t ever, fucking touch her again!” Miranda screamed.
“Jesus! You’d swear I’d just assaulted the girl. No need for the dramatics!” He had poured a drink and flopped heavily into the armchair, Lana slightly behind him, Miranda seething in front.
“It’s Ok Frank.” Lana dropped the coat that was dangling from her hand and keeping her eyes on Miranda she leant forward and slid both hands around his neck and down his chest, Frank stiffened more than a little surprised. “We can do whatever you want.” Lana moved around the front of the chair, a hard glint in her eye as she lifted the sweater clean over her head to reveal a black lace bra and firm narrow waist. Frank almost dropped his drink in his hurry to lean forward, he hesitated with his hands hovering in the air inches from Lana’s skin, his eyes scanning her hungrily. Lana took hold of his hands and leaning forwards ran them up and over her breasts.
“I can see why you like this one so much.” Frank stuttered.
Lana turned her back to him, lowering herself against his body and rubbing a little back and forth.
“Stop it!” Miranda whispered tears dotting her eyes.
“What? Is it ok so long as you don’t have to watch?” Lana reached around and gripped one of Frank’s hands cupping it over her belly button.
“Lana.” The tone was menacing, almost warning. “I get it ok, you’ve proven your point, now stop.”
“What bothers you more, that it’s your husband or that it’s me? Just out of interest.” Lana smiled, Frank seemed to acknowledge this question and looked up at his wife.
“You know the answer to that, can we just stop this?” Miranda was scanning from face to face.
“Answer her.” Frank had removed his hands to the sides of the chair.
“Oh Frank I think we are going to have to go a lot further than this to get an answer from her.” Lana said teasingly, she began to unbutton the jeans with one hand sliding Frank’s hand inside the opening with the other.
“You! I can’t bear him touching you!” Miranda barked, she grabbed Lana by the arms and hauled her to her feet. “I can’t watch that. I can’t bear it!” She cried, Lana was already throwing her jumper and coat back on.
“Aren’t you staying?” Frank asked dazedly.
“No Frank.” Lana buttoned up the jeans and fastened her coat. “She’s all yours.” Just as she turned to leave Miranda’s phone began to ring, she paused knowing the different ring tones that meant this was an emergency call from the hospital. Miranda gripped the handset off the coffee table and snapped it open.
“Yes.” She stated. There was silence.
“When?” Miranda’s voice had weakened, she glanced at Lana her eye’s full of sadness. A chill crept across Lana’s body and she placed a hand atop the chair to steady her feet.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” Miranda dropped the phone to the couch and stared at Lana.
“What?” Lana asked quietly. “It’s Rebecca isn’t it?”
Miranda nodded shakily.
“Is she dead?” Lana asked firmly.
“Not yet.” Miranda muttered reaching for her car keys.
“What does that mean?” Lana shouted.
“She was hit by a car. It seems she was walking back to her home when a car struck her, the police said that it looks as though it went from stationary to about fifty in a matter of seconds. They didn’t stop.” Miranda looked at her meaningfully. “I told you, there’s no way they will let that baby be born, no matter what it takes.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I picked at the white tape holding the drip in place against the crook of my elbow, the doctors words washed over me in a blur.
“When can I go home?” I interrupted him.
“Well a few more days, we just need to keep an eye on you for a bit longer.” He was young and nervous I noted.
“Look, I’m a nurse. I know the signs I can get myself back here and taken care of if need be but I really feel well enough to go home.” I smiled encouragingly hoping to sway him.
“You really have been in the wars though.” He flicked open his notes scanning them as his face reddened. “I’ll be back in a moment.” He gave a quick nod and exited through the curtain.
I lay back against the starched sheet, the chequered hospital gown ruffling as I moved, I closed my eyes for a second when I heard the curtain swish a little.
“So can I go?” I sat up, only it wasn’t the doctor standing at the end of the bed, it was Lana.
“Hi. They wouldn’t let me see you until you moved from ICU.” She didn’t smile, her eyes were wide, hands gripping the metal frame.
“It’s ok.” I replied sitting a little straighter.
“I’m so sorry Rebecca.” Lana moved closer, her hand hovering as though she wanted to reach out to me but wasn’t quite sure.
“They said I probably wouldn’t have carried full term anyway, there was a lot of inflammation or something. The baby would have more than likely been very premature.” I shrugged but the weight of reality settled again across my whole body.
“How are you feeling though? Are you in any pain?” Lana’s eyes scanned the outline of my body under the blankets.
“I’m not too bad actually. They’re giving me enough drugs.” I tapped at the tube in my arm.
“That’s a better black eye than the one I had.” She smiled and moved closer.
“Oh yeah, it’s a belter. You think that’s good you should see the right hand side of my body. I look like I’ve been dipped in some weird tie dye purple and black paint!” I laughed.
“Do you remember anything?” Lana asked quietly.
“A little.” I nodded. “Just the colour of the car, some rough details of the man who was driving. I had spoken to him first, a few minutes before it happened. They have the surveillance camera footage from a woman’s house, she has cameras on the front door and they picked me up talking to him.”
“Are you sure it was the same one that hit you?” Lana was angry her eyes blazing.
“Yep, I remembered the number plate because it ended in Yo!” I smiled. “Anyway, apart from that when he hit me I saw his face through the windscreen, just for a split second, but he looked like he was crying.”
“Ok Miss Taylor.” The curtain pulled back and now the young doctor was accompanied by an older woman.
“Can I go?” I asked eagerly.
“I’m afraid not.” The woman shook her head, her short bobbed hair bouncing around her chin. “It says here you live alone, there is no way I am discharging you to an empty house five days after being hit by a car and losing a baby.”
“What if there was someone with her?” Lana asked quickly.
“Well then I would consider it, as long as it was a quiet stress free environment.” The doctor glanced between us.
“Come to my place.” Lana stated.
“Are you sure?” I stuttered.
“As long as you want to. You’re welcome to stay with me.” Lana stood up and reached out to shake the doctor’s hand. “Doctor Lana Hill, I have an office below my apartment so I am always close by, it’s not far from here and extremely quiet.”
The doctor looked me over in silence for a moment before nodding. “Yes I would be happy with that.”
“Thank you.” I was talking to Lana but the doctor accepted it.
“You’re welcome.” She said. “You need to be back here in two days for those stitches out and to be checked over to see how the swelling is getting on.”
“I know, I will be.” I smiled broadly. The doctor nodded and left, I could hear her giving instructions to the nurses on the desk.
“Was that ok? I mean offering you a place to stay, I hope you don’t feel as though you had to accept.” Lana flushed with embarrassment and looked at her feet.
“Are you kidding? I’m beyond thankful. I was literally just considering phoning my mother.” I rolled my eyes.
“That bad huh?” Lana laughed lightly.
“Yes. I’ve had hourly updates on the cat, I could only imagine the fuss she would have created over me, or if she had known, I didn’t tell her I was pregnant.” I brushed my hand across the line of stitches behind my ear wincing at the pull of a strand of hair that had stuck into the dried blood.
“Here.” Lana moved forwards leaning towards me her hands gently teasing the hair loose and tucking it away carefully to the other side, she hesitated with her fingers against my cheek.
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