“Huh?”
“When I was six. What happened? I don’t remember my party. All I remember is Mom sitting at a tableful of gifts, crying. Then I remember watching her pack. That’s my last memory of her.”
A strangled sob rumbled inside her father and he hunched over, covering his face with both hands. Sass had never seen him like this, not even at the funeral. For a second, she didn’t know what to do, and then she wrapped her arms around him and hugged as hard as she could.
“I was a terrible husband, Sass.” His big body shook in her arms. “I was always disappointing her. I didn’t mean to, I just didn’t know what the hell I was doing.”
They stayed there for a few minutes until Buck got himself under control. Sass dropped her arms, but didn’t want to give up contact so she slid her hand inside his and held on.
“Your mom had planned this big party. All your friends, their parents, your grandma. I was at the shop fixing up a…a Camaro convertible. God, that was a nice car. Anyway, I lost track of time and…”
“She left us,” Sass said quietly. She’d always known this fact. It seemed to her she might have even told someone recently. Libby? Millie? Maybe she dreamed it. But saying it out loud to Buck made it real.
He tried to let go of her hand but Sass held on. “How could she do that?”
“No. She left me, Sass. Not you. She’d spent the week in Denver, finding a place, finding a job. Getting things ready. The night of the accident, she was coming back for you. She was going to…” Buck turned his face away, maybe so that she wouldn’t see the tears that were falling, the ones she heard in the thickness of his voice. “She was going to take you away from me, and I was going to let her.” He turned back to her, no longer trying to hide his sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Sass. You lost your mom because of me and I’ve never been able to tell you how sorry I am for that.”
…
Sass spent at least an hour driving around Greenview trying to process the information that she’d finally unlocked, trying to understand what her dad had been feeling all these years. How she felt after all these years. But for some reason, she was numb, less than a car shell. She was empty.
Sass drove into the lot and parked, staring up at the sign for Hogan’s. A chill stole through her from the crown of her head to the base of her spine.
After a few moments, she got out and wandered through the shop, seeing it with new eyes.
Closing the door of bay two behind her, she surveyed the space. Was this where it had all begun? Had Buck been working on the Camaro in this very bay when he forgot her birthday? Was this the catalyst that forced her mom to leave?
How long she stood staring at the car, Sass didn’t know because she wasn’t seeing the car, she was seeing something else. She was six years old and she had a tableful of birthday presents. All she wanted to do was play with her toys but her mom was scaring her, the way she walked across the floor, kicking tissue paper and balloons as she went, crying and shouting and muttering and pacing. Then she was on her knees before Sass, holding her small hands in hers, gazing deep into her eyes. Men get to do whatever the hell they want. They lie, they cheat, they break promises… She shook her head. I’m done, Sassy. I’m sorry but I can’t do it anymore.
Her mom let her go and then did something Sass hadn’t remembered until right now. She went straight up to the kitchen table and upended it, scattering her presents and cake all over the floor.
Sass closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them she was back in the shop standing beside her dream creation.
Oh, God. What would her life have been like if her mom had lived? Her parents would have divorced and she would have grown up in Denver. She certainly wouldn’t have spent her childhood in an auto body shop.
Sass looked down. In her hands she held a tire iron. When had she picked that up? What was she doing with it? A sudden flash of memory took her back to the parking lot at the Snake Pit and to the anger and frustration that had been behind the wielding of the iron she now held in her hands. Its weight became heavier and heavier until finally it slipped from her grasp, clunking heavily to the cement floor.
Sass backed out of the door of the bay and closed it firmly behind her. She locked up the shop just as the first drops of rain began to fall. She turned to face the biting drizzle, lifting her face to the overcast sky. The precipitation was cold but cleansing. Slowly she stepped up into her truck and rubbed her palms together to warm them. She pulled carefully out of the parking lot and started to drive as large fat drops splattered against the windshield and the low-lying clouds blocked out any moonlight and muffled her headlights. The old truck rocked and rumbled down the highway to Chesterville, blowing this way and that in the wind and rain. Sass had to keep both hands on the steering wheel to hold her steady.
There was something so fitting about the sound of sirens as they approached fast from behind her. Sass pulled the truck over and let the ambulance pass. But when the ambulance took the Chesterville turnoff a few miles up the road, a familiar emotion began to thaw inside of Sass. Fear.
Fear turned her stomach into a twisted knot as she followed the ambulance into the Willow Springs Retirement Lodge entrance. Fear made Sass park in the no-parking zone and hop out of the truck, forgetting to turn it off. She stumbled through the puddles and rain toward the entrance, her breath lodged in her throat as if her windpipe was being crushed by someone’s cruel hand.
“Excuse me, miss, you need to stay back.”
“What’s going on?” she demanded. “What happened?”
“It’s just one of our residents. Please. You need to give the paramedics room.”
Sass saw Jordan standing with some others just inside the doors. What was he doing there? She felt trapped in some confused dream. Then she remembered. It was Wednesday night. He was there teaching art. When he caught her eye, Sass’s knees buckled beneath her. His face was pale and serious. She saw his lips move but couldn’t make out the words because her eyes filled with tears.
No. Sass shook her head in denial.
After catching sight of Millie’s face covered in an oxygen mask, she lurched blindly toward her truck. No! This could not be happening. Not when things were finally getting sorted. She couldn’t lose Millie not now. She needed her more than ever.
…
Jordan pushed his way through the crowd at the door, catching only a fleeting glimpse of Millie on the stretcher with oxygen tubes running up her nose. He gave her hand a brief squeeze in passing and then tore outside to follow Sass. She was driving the old truck and she was driving fast and erratically out of the parking lot.
With a horrible sense of déjà vu, Jordan peeled out of the parking lot in hot pursuit. Just as he turned onto the secondary highway, the skies really opened up and through the heavy rain he could barely make out the red pinpricks of light that were Sass’s taillights. But her ’59 Dodge was no match for his 2005 Thunderbird. With the pedal to the metal, Jordan quickly gained on her.
“Come on, Sass, slow down,” he muttered as he blinked his high beams at her. But Sass didn’t slow down. If anything, she sped up. Just then a big semitrailer truck passed him going the other direction and Jordan’s windshield was drenched in the spray from the truck. When his windshield was clear, he cursed and then slammed on his brakes.
The back of Sass’s truck was fishtailing wildly across the highway where she’d hit a low spot that was full of water. She careened toward oncoming traffic, corrected too hard, and headed straight for the ditch. Thank God the truck didn’t flip but only slid sideways into a barbed-wire fence. Jordan jumped out of his car and raced toward the truck, wrenching the driver’s side door open and breathing a huge sigh of relief to find Sass sitting there with only a cut on her forehead.
He unbuckled her from her seat belt and pulled her out of the truck and into his arms. Stooping, he picked her up and carried her back to his car. After opening the passenger door, he went in first and settled Sass on his lap, holdi
ng her close and whispering, “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
With wide eyes she turned to Jordan and said, “She didn’t leave me.”
“Of course she didn’t. Millie just had a stroke. It was a small one; that’s all. They just needed to take her into the hospital for observation.”
Sass blinked at Jordan in confusion. Then she shook her head. “No. My mom. She was coming back for me.”
“Sassy?” Jordan stroked her hair, feeling for any lumps, wondering if she was more injured than she appeared and was hallucinating about seeing her mother. “What are you talking about, sweetheart?”
“The night she died,” Sass said softly, gazing up at him with wide eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight. “I always thought she left me on purpose. But she didn’t. She didn’t leave me. She was coming to get me, but she never made it. She loved me.”
Jordan held Sass’s head against his shoulder and took a deep steadying breath. He had no idea where this revelation came from but he’d worry about that later. All he cared about was that Sass was okay. Everything was going to be okay. He held her close, stroking her hair and looking out the window. He shuddered when he realized what it was that had caught his attention. In the ditch, a few yards away from the truck, was a small white cross with a weathered wreath, illuminated by the truck’s headlights.
Chapter Thirty
Sass stared at herself in the mirror. She didn’t recognize the person staring back. Probably because the girl in the mirror wore some pink, knee-length number with spaghetti straps and a how-low-can-you-go neckline.
“It’s not pink. It’s coral. The color complements your skin tone,” Mary-Lynn had said. Who knew she’d look good in this color? Certainly not her. She’d never worn coral before in her life.
“Oh, Sass. You look beautiful.”
Libby stood behind her, a beatific expression on her face.
“I guess I look okay.”
“Better than okay. Stunning.”
“Thanks for doing my hair and makeup. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.”
“What are friends for?”
Sass turned from her reflection and tried to smile at Libby, but because her eyes suddenly filled with moisture, Sass shifted her gaze down to the low-heeled, strappy sandals she wore. “I guess these shoes aren’t too bad.”
“Those shoes are so cute,” Libby gushed. “Mary-Lynn has really good taste.”
Sass thought about that as she stared at her feet. She took a couple of steps in the shoes. They were more comfortable than she’d thought they’d be. Totally impractical, but then, Sass supposed, so was a ’69 Corvette coupe. However, that didn’t stop her from wanting to drive one.
She studied herself again in the full-length mirror. The shoes and dress kind of made her legs long and, well, hell…feminine. She glanced up at Libby who was smiling at her like some mother of the bride, with two parts pride and one part melancholy. Her damn eyes welled up again and Sass blinked hard to clear them.
She coughed and said, “Thanks for being here, Lib. It means a lot to me.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
Sass turned to grab the little white purse, or clutch, as Mary-Lynn called it, opened it and busied herself filling it with tissues.
“I appreciate all you’ve done…over the years,” Sass had to stop. She swallowed and then started again. “You’re a good friend.” God, was that her voice? She sounded so stupid. But then, this was Libby and for some reason on this day Sass had to say what she had to say. “You’re, ah…well, you’re my best friend.” She couldn’t say any more.
“I know,” Libby said from right behind her. She wrapped her long arms around Sass’s shoulders, only for a moment, and gave her a quick squeeze. This time, Sass found herself hugging back. It wasn’t even weird.
“You’re my best friend too.”
Sass grabbed one of the tissues and blotted her eyes. “Oh, crap. Now I’ve gone and smeared the makeup.”
A light rap sounded at the door and someone called, “The car’s waiting. Time to go.”
…
An hour later Sass stood under the arbor at the West Palm Beach Golf and Country Club, crying for the second time that day. This time she let the tears roll. She couldn’t help it. There was just something about seeing Buck all gussied up in a suit, blushing and stammering out his vows like some fool school kid. It tugged on Sass’s heartstrings like a litter of kittens yanking on a ball of yarn.
As unlikely as their pairing had seemed at first, she couldn’t have chosen a better partner for Buck. Her dad was happy; she’d never seen him so happy. And Mary-Lynn, well by the way her eyes were all bright and hopeful, her smile, debutante shy, and her hands shook beneath her bouquet of lilies, there was no mistaking that Mary-Lynn had it bad for Buck Hogan. Sass had no doubt they loved each other, no doubt they brought out the best in each other
After the truck wreck on the side of the road three short weeks ago, Sass realized that her dad had lived in some self-proclaimed purgatory since her mom died. Blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault. Just like she did. He deserved happiness. She deserved happiness, too.
Sass smiled through her tears because, she had to admit, she was happy. A big part of that happiness had to do with one tall, blond giant by the name of Jordan Carlyle. Sass craned her head to the very back to see if he’d made it yet, but she couldn’t see him. What was keeping him? He was supposed to be there hours ago.
Halfway through the outdoor, afternoon reception, Sass’s stomach continued to churn even after she sipped tonic water to soothe it. Perhaps it was because everyone was there. Everyone who was important to her. Eating, laughing, and dancing under the fragrant canopy of gardenias. Enjoying themselves. Everyone but one. She scoped the crowd again.
“May I have this dance?”
Startled, Sass gazed up into the eyes of her father. She grinned and gave him her hand. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d danced with Buck, if ever. Neither of them really knew how so they just swayed back and forth to the soft strands of the live jazz band.
“You are beautiful.”
She twisted her lips into a wry smile. “Thanks.”
“I mean it, Sass. You…” Buck paused to flick a drop of moisture off his cheek but he must have missed because his cheek was still damp. “Lord, you remind me of your mother in that dress.”
“I do?”
“Yes.” His smile was proud, and Sass struggled to contain the pressure building behind her eyes.
“She was the most beautiful woman I ever knew.” He bent low and softly kissed the top of her head. “Next to you.”
“Thanks, Buck,” Sass managed to choke out. “You don’t look half-bad yourself.”
“Sass?”
“Yeah?”
“Would you do me a favor?”
“Sure?”
He looked away and then met her gaze again. “I’d sure like it if you called me Dad sometimes.”
Sass bit her lip. “Okay,” she whispered and then tucked her head next to Buck’s shoulder so that he wouldn’t see her quivering chin. “Congratulations on getting hitched…Dad.”
When the dance ended, Sass gave her dad a fierce hug and then rushed blindly between the tables of the reception area toward the clubhouse and a bathroom where she could straighten out her smeared mascara. However, with her head down and her eyes bleary, she didn’t see the brick wall until she ran into him.
Air flew out of her lungs, partly from the shock of running into the big body of the man who blocked her exit, and partly from the sound of the deep voice that rumbled from low in his chest when he said, “Sass Hogan. I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Her head snapped up and when she saw Jordan’s grin, her already mushy innards melted. “You’re late!” she snapped and then stood up on tiptoe to kiss him as indecently as she could.
He returned her kiss with equal abandon. Then he broke away and said breathlessly, �
��Come on. There’s something I need to show you.”
Kissing him again, while sliding her hand down the front of him, Sass whispered, “I know, I can’t wait either.”
Jordan grabbed her hand and said through clenched teeth, “Not that. Though, it’s not a bad idea.” He grinned and kissed her. “I need to show you something else.”
Sass tripped after him, her head in an emotional wedding fog, her body tingling with the nearness of the man she loved. By the time he stopped, Sass was on the verge of hyperventilation. This day, a miasma of frenzied emotions, was more than she could bear.
“What do you think?”
What did she think? Was he kidding? She couldn’t think. She was a mess. A mess. But, if she could think, she’d definitely be trying to figure out a way to get some alone time with City-boy right now. She hadn’t seen him in nearly a week and she felt like an addict with serious withdrawal.
“Sass you’re not even looking.”
“Looking at what?”
Jordan grinned at her and stepped out of the way. Behind him was parked the most amazing car she’d ever seen. It was her car. Their car. The one she’d wanted to build for Buck’s wedding but had never managed to finish.
Sass gasped. “How did you do this?”
“Everyone helped—at both shops.”
With reverence she walked around the car, letting her fingers trail along the sweetly crafted metal, the Model A trunk, the F1 truck top, the wickedly polished bare engine—looking as cool as Sass hoped it would. There were the fenders that Jordan had insisted on. They were perfect, just like he’d said they would be. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
“It’s just the first of many.” He gave her hand a squeeze and she squeezed back, having a difficult time containing her excitement over the idea of the new shop, Hogan’s and Carlyle’s Custom Cars. And, of course, spending every day with Jordan by her side.
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