The crowd roared and snapped me from my thoughts. I closed my eyes tight for a moment before shaking my head. Focus on the game, I thought. That was all I needed to worry about.
Chapter 3
Lucy
I knew I'd pissed him off with what I said. When I told him everything was fine and to have fun, I meant it. He was living his dream. There was no way I wanted to take that away from him. He needed to know that it was just fun for me too. He needed to live his life and chase whatever it was he wanted.
My phone buzzed again, and I was confused.
Hotshot: I'm sorry for what I sent last night. I know it can't be easy for you. I'm sorry for worrying about you too. I can't help it.
What did he send to be sorry about? All he'd said was “I'm Alive” and something about talking to me tomorrow. What couldn't be easy for me? He knew nothing about my past, and I couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about. It was making me nervous.
Me: What the hell are you talking about, Hotshot? I'm fine. No need to worry. Concentrate on playing ball. That's what's important.
I needed him to concentrate on what mattered most to him. Whatever he meant, I knew it was nothing. It was probably something silly. I was reading way too much into it. In that moment, I was so damn glad I'd asked Carrie if I could visit. My mind was playing tricks on me, and I needed a moment to get away from it all. I was super excited about seeing her mom as well. We would talk, I was sure of it. It would give me the time to get my head on straight before I went to see my doctor and everything became a reality.
I didn't hear from him the rest of the night. How bad is it that I kept checking my phone to make sure I hadn't missed anything. I felt like a damn yo-yo.
The following day, I still didn't hear anything from him before going to work. I knew what time the game was on and had the television in the lobby waiting. I kept hoping my boss wouldn't walk out and catch me. The second I saw Lance's face, I felt a bit of relief. He had a strange look on his face before closing his eyes and shaking his head. I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about.
The game went on between innings. Lance was doing a decent job. The Pirates were winning by one when I went back out to check again. It seemed like he wasn't totally there. I was yelling at the screen and jumping around like Carrie would have. Then I grabbed my phone and sent her a text.
Me: Do you see this shit? What is wrong with him?
Carrie: You are too funny. How are you even watching it?
Me: I turned the game on the lobby television and keep going back to check.
Carrie: Have we created a monster?
I let out a laugh. After another few minutes, I turned around to go back to my office and jumped when I ran right into a hard chest in a suit. My eyes moved up to find Scott with the biggest damn grin on his face.
“Not a word,” I said, as I pointed my finger at him. “Did she tell you?”
“She simply told me to go to the lobby,” he said with a laugh.
I looked down at my phone and started typing.
Me: I will kick your pregnant ass. That is not funny. I'm not talking to you anymore.
“I thought you didn't like the game,” he said. “Oh wait, it doesn't have anything to do with the pitcher does it?”
“I have work to do,” I said.
He stepped aside and I pulled the door open.
“Lucy,” he said.
I turned around and rolled my eyes at that giant smile.
“What?” I asked.
“I won't say a word,” he said.
I let out a growl and walked to my office. When I was sure the game was over, I looked up the score. The Pirates had won the game by one. The man needed to get his shit together. I surely hadn't kept him up late. Then I let my head fall into my arms. Had someone kept him up late?
“Ugh,” I yelled out.
He didn't send his text about winning or any others for that matter. I did miss them, and there was nothing wrong with that. As long as I didn't do anything about missing him, I'd be okay.
The rest of the week went by, and I never heard from him. I cleaned my apartment and cooked a couple of meals. Maybe I should have gone to see Carrie both weekends, I thought. I called her mom and talked for a few hours with her. She had no idea how much our conversations meant to me. I'd even gone into my second bedroom and started going through what I had in there. It wasn't that much, and I was happy about that. I even looked around the room to see where I would put everything for the baby.
I was able to get through the weekend without sending him a text or calling. You have no idea how proud I was of myself. Before long I'd stop checking my phone, I thought. I just had to give myself time.
The next week went by at a nice speed. I worked a lot. Then I'd go home and talk to Carrie or her mom. I'd gotten a couple of pregnancy books and also watched some television. I'd even cooked dinner each night since it would be healthier than stopping on the way home. I was really proud of how my week had gone.
I had my bags packed and in my car Friday morning. As soon as work was over, I was headed to Michigan to see everyone that was important to me. It was going to be a great weekend, and I knew I wouldn't be tempted to see Lance, not that he even wanted to see me. He'd made no effort at all. I guess my text worked. He'd decided to have fun and think about the important things. Everything was perfect. He was moving on from our fun, and so was I.
Carrie's mom was making a late dinner for all of us, so I was going straight to her house. I couldn't wait to see her and hoped she'd give nothing away. It was a risk going to Michigan, but I think it was better than the one that was in Pennsylvania.
As soon as I pulled in the driveway, the front door opened and Carrie's mom held her arms out. I gave her the biggest hug ever and smiled when she pulled back.
“You've been watching the games?” Carrie's dad asked.
“Your daughter has a big mouth,” I said.
“She was just excited,” he said with a smile. “There's hope for you yet. You're a part of this family now. That's part of our life. I love hearing you watched a game.”
I smiled and hugged him before glaring at Carrie. She had the silliest grin on her face. Scott pulled up just as James ran into my arms. I hugged his little body and kissed his cheek. Then he went running for Scott who scooped him into his arms and planted tiny kisses all over his face.
Dinner was amazing. Carrie's mom wrote the recipe down and handed it to me with a smile on her face.
“This was delicious. I'm definitely going to make it. Can you write some more out before I go back home?” I asked.
“Of course,” she said. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” I said. “Thank you for asking.”
“How's Lance?” Scott asked.
“How should I know?” I asked.
“He's your boy,” he said.
“We were just having fun,” I said with a shrug. “I haven't seen him in two weeks.”
“I was kind of surprised you came,” he said.
“Why's that?” I asked.
“He's been gone for two weeks, but he'll be home tonight,” he said.
“I had no idea,” I said.
I felt Carrie's mom watching me from the corner of her eye, so I looked over at her and smiled before turning back. She mentioned work, and I was so grateful. Before long, Lance was no longer a part our night.
It was getting late, and James was getting crabby. He probably would have been asleep already on a normal night. I didn't even get there until nine to eat. It was around eleven when we decided it was time to leave.
We'd all just walked out after hugging Carrie's mom and dad when I heard my phone buzz. It wasn't Carrie or her mom. I wasn't sure who else it could be. My boss knew I wasn't going to be around, so I knew it wasn't him. Scott walked Carrie and James to her car before going to his own. I got in my car and looked at my phone.
Hotshot: Where are you?
I shook my head. He
hadn't talked to me in two weeks, and he was pretty much demanding to know where I was. That man was something else.
Me: What?
Hotshot: Where the hell are you, Lucy?
I saw Carrie's mom watching for me to leave, so I turned on the car and backed out of the driveway. By the time I got to Carrie's, my phone had buzzed another three times. They were all inside already, so I let out a long breath and turned the phone on.
Hotshot: I'm not playing, woman.
Hotshot: Answer me.
Hotshot: You are pissing me off.
Me: What is your problem? I haven't heard from you in almost two weeks. You can't just text me demanding to know where I am.
Hotshot: I left you alone. You acted like I was bothering you. Yes, I am demanding to know where you are since you're not home at eleven at night.
Me: How the fuck do you know I'm not home? You better not be waking up my neighbors. I will kick your ass, Ballplayer. I'm not kidding.
Hotshot: I want to see you.
Me: I'm not up for fun right now. Go to the bar and find someone else to fuck. I'm sure it'll be the same.
Hotshot: Lucy.
Me: Yes, Lance.
I heard Carrie's front door open. She stuck her head out and yelled.
“Get your ass in here, Lucy.”
Hotshot: I just need to know you're safe. I wanted to check and see how you're feeling.
Me: I'm fine. All you had to do was ask. I'm safe too. Go on with your night.
Hotshot: I'm not fucking playing. Where are you?
I stuck my phone in my pocket, got out, grabbed my bags, and walked into the house. It was a nice place. I thought it was sweet that they were living in Scott's parents' house. James ran over and hugged Scott before going up the stairs for Carrie to put him in bed. I was sitting in the living room with Scott when his phone rang.
“Hey man,” he said into the phone. “How's it going? How was the trip?”
I couldn't hear what the other person was saying, and he hadn't said anything to give away who it was. Who had been on a trip? It could have been anyone.
“You win all the games?” he asked. “I saw a little of one of them in the lobby at work. Someone turned it on and left it.”
He looked over at me with a smile. I took my shoe off and threw it at him. It could have been any of the guys he was talking to. My shoe hit him in the forehead and I jumped.
“Ouch,” he yelled. “What the fuck was that, woman? That shit hurt.”
“Shit, Scott,” I yelled, as I hurried over to him. “I'm so sorry. I didn't think it would get you. Are you okay? Don't ballplayers have damn reflexes or something? Shouldn't you have caught that?”
“Very funny, Lucy,” he snapped.
When he moved his hand away from his forehead, I saw a huge red spot. Carrie came down the stairs and walked over to us. She looked over at him and then back at me.
“What happened to my man's head?” she asked.
“I threw my shoe and pegged him in the forehead. Your man can't catch,” I said.
“Yeah, she's here,” Scott said into the phone. “She came to visit for the weekend. Her ass better be back for work on Monday.”
I looked over and flipped him the bird.
“You want a drink?” Carrie asked.
“That's my clue to leave,” Scott said.
“No thanks,” I said.
Carrie and Scott looked over at me at the same time with shocked expressions.
“I don't drink that much,” I said.
“Is that Jerry or Josh?” I asked.
He shook his head and smiled.
“Neither,” he answered. “It's Lance.”
“Interesting,” I said.
“Why's that?” he asked.
“No reason,” I said.
“Your girl just turned down a drink,” Scott said into the phone.
“I am not his girl,” I said. “We're done having fun.”
“You really don't want a drink?” Carrie asked. “I had Scott pick up some stuff I knew you'd like. It's Friday night and a small vacation for you.”
Scott walked by me, and I could hear Lance through the phone.
“That woman is fucking pissing me off. You have no idea,” was all I heard before Scott was gone.
I knew Carrie heard him too. She looked at me but didn't say a word.
“What?” I snapped at her.
She looked toward the door Scott had just walked through and then back at me.
“You sound like you need a drink. Let me make you one,” she said with a smile before turning to walk toward the kitchen.
“I don't want one,” I snapped again.
It was taking all I had to keep control of my temper at that moment. I wasn't a damn child and didn't need anyone telling me what I needed. I didn't need anything. Of course I wanted a damn drink. Lance was driving me insane. I was missing the shit out of him. He hadn't acknowledged me for almost two weeks and then went to my place and got pissed when I wasn't there. I'm not going to just sit there and then be at his beck and call when it's convenient for him. Other women might have been willing to be that girl, but I most definitely was not. I'd made the decision not to be with him anymore, and I didn't think it would be that difficult. I was so glad I'd gone out of town for the weekend. Being around him fucked with my head. I was hoping he'd be gone again by the time I got home Sunday night or at least busy until he needed to leave Monday morning.
“What the hell is going on with you?” she snapped.
“Nothing,” I snapped back. “I can make my own decisions. I don't need anyone telling me what I need or what I'm going to do.”
I let my body fall onto the couch and closed my eyes.
“Maybe I should just go to bed,” I whispered.
There was no way I wanted to lose my shit with Carrie. She was my best friend. I was pushing him away on purpose. I didn't want her to go too.
“Oh shit!” She yelled out.
I slowly opened one eye and looked up at her. She was standing there with wide eyes and her hand over her mouth. If I wasn't sure of what it was she was thinking, I would have burst into laughter. Her ass hit the couch and was scooting me over in seconds. She leaned in close to my ear.
“Are you pregnant?” she whispered.
“Why would you say that?” I said before closing my eye so I wouldn't have to look at her.
“You cut him off,” she said. “It is Friday night, your stress is off the charts, and you turned down a drink.”
“Why do you act like that is the most horrible thing in the world? I'm not in the mood. Can't you just accept that?”
“You didn't come here because you missed me, you little shit,” she said offended. “You came here to avoid him while he was home.”
I shook my head.
“I did not,” I said innocently.
“He doesn't have to leave again until Monday,” she said as if she knew something that I didn't. “You won't be able to avoid him for long.”
“I don't care,” I said. “He doesn't mean shit to me.”
A few minutes of silence went by before she finally lost it. I felt her shake my shoulders.
“Open your eyes right now,” she barked out.
I opened them and looked up at her. There was already enough going on in my mind. I didn't need anything else to add to it. I'd gone there for a reprieve from my thoughts of him. She was driving me crazy.
“Are you pregnant?” she asked again.
“I'm going to bed,” I said, and I moved to stand and walk by her.
“Bullshit you are,” she yelled. “You are going to talk to me. I know that there is so much more to you than you have ever let me see. This is not something you are going to brush off with me. Do you hear me? You are my best friend. Now answer the damn question.”
“Why?” I yelled as I turned back around. “So you can run and tell Scott that like you do everything else I say to you. He will call Lance and tell him. It's nobody's
business but my own. I'm the one going through it. This is all so new to me, and I will not have anyone telling me what to do when it comes to the baby. I haven't been to the doctor yet. This was obviously not planned.”
She gave me a look and moved to open her mouth, but I put my finger up to stop her. I could tell she was pissed the way her voice was already shaking. She yanked her finger back and glared at me.
“Before you even fucking ask me, the baby is his. He is the only one I've been with since that day at the bar. These decisions are mine to make. I won't let anyone take them away from me, Carrie,” I said sternly.
“Please tell me you are not thinking of,” she snapped, but I cut her ass off right away.
“If you finish that statement, I am leaving,” I said. “I would think you knew me better than that. I've only known since the Tuesday after he left. I had no intention of ever having a baby. Those reasons are my own. We were not responsible during that drunken night. I'm going to the doctor. Then I'll take the time to think everything through and figure out how exactly I'm going to do this.”
I'd gone from being mad and wanting to leave to wanting to cry and hug her in just a couple of minutes. She burst into laughter, and I froze not knowing what to do.
“You think this is funny why?” I asked. “I'm a mess over here.”
“When I told you we used the pull-out method and it didn't work, you said I would be the one that got pregnant one of the first times. Your ass made fun of me. Now look at you. You're in the same position as me. The first time you guys did it, you got knocked up.”
“I still don't see the funny in it, but I'll give you that. I will be your example of how important protection is. One time was it. I've never been with anyone and not been protected. I have no idea how we both missed it. There is a big difference between my situation and yours. You and your baby's dad love each other. We were just in it for a little fun, not for a forever. I do not want him to know,” I said.
“How do you feel about it?” she asked once her laughter finally stopped with my last few words.
“I'm getting used to the idea. I'm a little scared I guess. When I think about how you did as a single mom, it helps me realize I can do it too.”
Playing Hardball: Part 3 Page 3