“Yes, I do,” he said.
“How can you be sure?”
“Because I know you. And from what I know about your mother I know that you aren’t capable of being like that to another person. Any other person, let alone your own child.”
“You really believe that?” she asked.
“I’m certain of it. And I can tell, because I had the benefit of having a really great mum. You’re going to be wonderful.”
Marienne looked into his eyes. “What made her a great mum?”
“Tons of things. Mostly it was the way she treated me. She never talked to me like I was a kid, never talked down to me, yet she was always understanding when I behaved like a child.” He took a mouthful of peppermint ice cream. “It’s hard to explain. So many mums and dads seem to talk at their kids, tell them what to do and set arbitrary rules, then get irately angry when the kids do stupid stuff that’s normal for someone their age to be doing.” He twirled his spoon in the Kit Kat cup. “Don’t get me wrong, my mum got mad at me plenty, and I did more than my share of stupid stuff, but when she calmed down we’d sit and talk, and she listened to me. It made me feel like I was a person, not some dumb kid. She made certain I understood why she was mad, or why she set a certain rule. I don’t know.” He noticed that Marienne’s eyes hadn’t left his face. “It made me feel loved, and important, like my feelings and opinions mattered.”
“She sounds amazing,” Marienne said.
“She was. Everyone loved her. Well, everyone apart from my father, and some of the other arseholes she dated.”
“Men don’t always appreciate women’s finer qualities.”
“No, I suppose not. Some men. Stupid men, who she seemed to attract, frequently. That was the one area where her judgment was awful. She had horrible taste in men. I used to think I felt that way because no one would have been good enough for her, but that wasn’t it at all. She picked some real prats. Including my father.”
“Well, he wasn’t totally without merit,” Marienne said. “He gave her you.”
Daniel stared at her.
“What?” Her brow furrowed.
“That’s what she always said.”
“Oh. Well, she was right.”
“See, that’s why you’re going to be a good mum. You’ll see the good things in your child, and you’ll say them out loud.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.”
They silently ate more ice cream.
“I’m sorry she never got to see you as a grown man. She’d be so proud of you,” Marienne said quietly.
Daniel shrugged.
“Seriously, look how great you turned out. You’ve got a nice house, a beautiful wife, a fantastic job where you’re actually doing something meaningful, you’re always helping people. You bring ice cream to your pathetic, housebound, pregnant friend. I guarantee she’d be proud.”
“Thanks.” He smiled.
“No, thank you.” She seemed to sense that he needed a break from the conversation. She held up the Rice Krispies Treat. “So, should we split this now? Or should I eat it for breakfast with the rationale that it’s made of cereal?”
“Definitely breakfast.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Marienne could not get comfortable. She shifted her position in bed, trying to prop herself up, turning to her side, nothing helped. It wasn’t pain, so much as pressure. Thinking maybe she needed to pee, she forced herself out of bed and waddled into the bathroom. She had to stop twice to get her balance. Her head was spinning.
She sat down on the toilet and bent forward, try to quell the swirling in her head. The heaviness in her belly grew stronger, aching now. She barely peed at all and decided that must not have been the problem. She wiped and glanced at the tissues. To her complete shock they were covered in blood.
Cold prickled through her from head to toe. She unrolled fresh toilet paper and wiped again. Bright red blood.
“Frank.” There was no answer. She started to shake. “Frank.”
“What?” He mumbled. She could hear him turning over, probably drifting back to sleep.
“I’m bleeding,” she said, as loudly and clearly as she could.
“Hmmm?”
“I’m bleeding.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but somehow he heard her this time.
He stumbled toward the bathroom, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. She was frozen with a bloody handful of toilet tissues. Frank clutched the door. He couldn’t deal with the sight of blood.
“Call 911,” she said, seeing that he’d turned white. Marienne was headed beyond panic. “Call 911.”
Frank snapped to attention. She listened to him dialing. Hearing him tell their emergency to the operator made her feel more frantic. This is really happening. Her heart pounded with frightening speed.
The doctor had told her that as long as there was no bleeding the low-lying placenta would not present a problem. Partial previa he’d called her condition, a cause for caution, not worry. She had read all the articles, and she knew bleeding meant there was a problem, a big problem. “Please let the baby be okay, please let the baby be okay.”
She heard the beep as Frank hung up. “They’re on their way,” he said, but he didn’t come back into the bathroom. She rocked back and forth, “Be okay, be okay, be okay.” She rubbed her tummy. There were no fluttering replies, which scared her even more. Where the hell is Frank? She moved the bathroom door aside so she could peek through the opening by the hinge. He was darting around the room, getting dressed.
“Frank.” She was too scared to move.
“Are you okay?”
The question struck her as ridiculous. Do I look okay? This is not my idea of okay. The annoyance she felt distracted her from her fear.
“Please make sure you bring my suitcase. I’ve got all my things in it. I may need it in case the baby….” She doubled over in pain as a contraction hit her, hard. This didn’t feel like Braxton Hicks. This hurt like hell. Her entire abdomen turned rock hard, and she felt a rush of liquid leave her body.
“Oh my God.” She didn’t know if her water had just broken or if the contraction had forced a ton of blood out of her, either way she knew it wasn’t good. “Are they here yet?” The pain of the contraction subsided, but her terror remained.
She saw the flashing lights through the bedroom window. Thank God. She tried to remember to breathe. She heard Frank rush down the stairs and open the front door. “You’re okay,” she whispered to the baby. This time a flutter came.
She heard a female voice. “Ma’am?”
“Yes.” She was grateful they were there. “I’m in the bathroom, I’m afraid to move.”
“May I come in?”
“Please.”
“I’m Sheila. What’s your name?” She reached down to take Marienne’s wrist and do a quick count of her pulse.
“Marienne.”
“Okay, Marienne, can you tell me when the bleeding started?”
“Maybe ten minutes ago, right before my husband called. I have partial placenta previa. I’ve been on bed rest. My doctor, Dr. Nowell, said not to worry unless I started bleeding.” She felt her breath coming way too fast again.
“Okay, Marienne, take it easy. Slow deep breaths. We’ll have you at the hospital in a few minutes. Jerry, can you help me get Marienne up?”
“How you doing, Marienne?” Jerry’s voice was strong and friendly. “I’m gonna help you get downstairs, okay?”
Marienne nodded, feeling another contraction start.
“Breathe, Marienne,” Sheila said, as Marienne doubled over. Another rush of liquid came. “It’s okay.”
She heard the voices, but couldn’t listen any more. All she could think about was the baby.
****
Daniel awoke with a start, sitting straight up in bed, his heart pounding. He looked over at Justine’s side of the bed, and it was empty. He remembered she was in LA. His pulse continued racing. He shook his head.
What
happened? A dream? He struggled to remember, but nothing came to mind. His mouth was dry and pasty. He shuffled downstairs to get a glass of water, rubbing his eyes.
As he reached for the kitchen faucet, a flashing light caught his attention. He squinted and blinked before it dawned on him what it was. There was an ambulance at Marienne’s house. Someone was being carried out on a stretcher.
Daniel’s heart felt as though it had stopped beating. Without a second thought he rushed out the back door. Frank was standing in their driveway, looking very much in shock. Daniel could hear Marienne’s screams coming from the ambulance.
“What happened?” Daniel asked, as soon as he reached Frank.
“I don’t know. We were sleeping. She got up and went to the bathroom and told me she was bleeding.”
“Sir,” the paramedic said to Frank. “We need to get your wife to the hospital right now. You can ride with us or follow in your car.”
Frank seemed frozen. He didn’t answer.
“Go with Marienne,” Daniel told him. He didn’t move. “Frank. Go with her.” He kept his voice strong as he tried to snap Frank out of his daze.
“Okay.” Frank followed the paramedic. “Will you meet us there?” He sounded desperate.
“Of course. I’ll lock up your house, and I’ll be right behind you.”
Daniel didn’t wait for the ambulance to pull out of the driveway before he rushed into their house. He wanted to lock up and get home so he could go to the hospital. His heart was pounding like a jackhammer, but his brain was clear, racing ahead with thoughts of what to do next. He scanned the foyer and saw Frank’s keys on the hall table. He shoved them in his pocket and walked toward the front door. As he was about to leave, he noticed the small suitcase by the staircase.
The large purple flower nametag told him it must be Marienne’s. He reached down and turned it over in his hand. He was right. It must be the bag she packed last week. He picked it up, flipped the lock on the doorknob and closed the door behind him.
He hadn’t felt the cold on his way over, but he did now. He was barefoot and wearing a t-shirt and sweats. The icy ground burned through the soles of his feet, making his legs ache. His whole body was cold and shivering, and he could still hear Marienne screaming in his head.
He tore upstairs, pulled on jeans and a sweater and grabbed his wallet. It was all strangely reminiscent of the time he’d driven Marienne to the hospital when she thought her water had broken. That turned out fine. He attempted to quiet the panic he was feeling. She has to be fine. The baby has to be fine.
He pulled socks onto his frozen feet, remembered to take Frank’s keys, then ran back down the stairs. Shoving his feet into the first pair of shoes he found, he fumbled through his coat pockets and quickly found his car keys.
Please let her be all right.
****
Daniel made it to the hospital in record time. He parked and rushed inside. He remembered exactly where to go. The flashbacks were coming rapid-fire now, the sensations of fear and nausea returning, the hospital smell making him cringe. He tapped his hand on the elevator keypad as each number lit. It seemed like an eternity before the door opened.
As he headed toward the nurses’ station, he saw Frank in the waiting area.
“Is she all right?” he asked. The frightened, overwhelmed look on Frank’s face scared the shit out of him.
“I don’t know.” Frank appeared dumbfounded.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Daniel realized he needed to get a grip. He needed to be calm not only for Frank, but also to get information about what was happening.
“They rushed her in and examined her real quick. Said she needed a c-section right away. They said I could stay, but I couldn’t do it. So much blood.” Frank’s voice trailed off.
Daniel’s mind sped ahead. C-section right away. That doesn’t sound good. Said I could stay, but I couldn’t do it? What? “You left her?” Daniel was aware his voice was rising, but he was too horrified to control it.
“I couldn’t stay. There was so much blood. I’m no good with this hospital shit.”
Daniel paced back and forth, his mind flooding with thoughts of Marienne. She must be so scared, and she’s all alone. His nostrils flared as he glared at Frank, but as he looked at him his anger began to fade.
Frank’s body was slumped over, head resting on his hands as he rocked back and forth. This wasn’t the calm, in control guy Daniel knew. This was a frightened, overwrought man who was helpless in the face of a crisis. Daniel’s anger lessened as sympathy took its place.
He’d always assumed Frank was unflappable. He’d admired his strength and the fact that he perpetually seemed to know what to do. Now he saw that wasn’t the case at all.
His wife needs him and where is he? Cowering in the waiting room. Anger bubbled up again as Daniel thought of Marienne, alone and terrified, facing God knows what. He raked his hand through his hair and sat down next to Frank, trying to keep his emotions and his imagination in check.
“She’ll be okay,” Daniel said. The words were meant to calm himself as much as they were to help Frank. She has to be okay. She has to. His stomach churned as he considered the alternative. He couldn’t imagine not having her in his life.
The realization hit him hard. He’d never had a friend like her before, had never trusted anyone or confided in anyone so much. He literally didn’t know what he would do if something took that away from him.
And Marienne, her life revolved around this baby. God forbid something went wrong with the baby. He forced himself to stop the spiral of negativity. Frank. He tried to refocus on the tortured man sitting next to him. What must Frank be thinking? If this is so hard for me, how must he feel? This is literally his whole life; his wife, his child. Compassion took over and Daniel clapped his hand on Frank’s shoulder. “She’ll be all right.”
“Thanks,” Frank said. “I hope you’re right.”
So do I.
All they could do was wait. Frank in complete silence, and Daniel a ball of nervous energy, drumming his fingers, leg bobbing, anything he could do to occupy himself as time dragged by.
****
Marienne had never been so frightened in her life. The doctors and nurses buzzed around her, moving so fast she couldn’t even focus on one of them long enough to ask the dozens of questions that were zipping about in her mind. She couldn’t stop shivering. The IV that dripped into her arm made the shaking worse, and the icy injection of the epidural chilled her to her core.
“We’ll get you some warm blankets.” A nurse patted her arm.
Marienne’s teeth chattered so hard she was certain they would shatter.
“Okay,” a new voice said. “Marienne, I’m Doctor Donnelly, Doctor Nowell is not on call tonight, but I’ve spoken with him and he told me to tell you he’ll see you and your baby tomorrow when he makes rounds.”
The doctor sounded calm and confident, but it didn’t ease Marienne’s mind at all. She was terrified. Everything was happening so fast. She’d gone to bed thinking about what she was going to do tomorrow. Now her body was leaking blood and she was about to have surgery. Her whole life turned upside down. And she was alone.
She had heard the nurses speaking to Frank. “You can come into the surgical suite with your wife, I’ll get you a sterile gown, come with me.”
“I can’t.” He had replied.
I can’t. The words spun around in Marienne’s head. She couldn’t believe he’d said them.
Maybe I heard wrong. Maybe they told him he couldn’t go with me.
She struggled to make sure she was remembering correctly, but she knew she was. He could have come. They asked him if he wanted to stay with her while their baby was being born. And he’d said no.
The shaking made it impossible to keep the tears from rolling down her face. The nurse who was checking her IV noticed and wiped them away.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” she said. “Doctor Donnelly does c-sections all the ti
me. You’re going to be fine and your baby looks good. Here, see?” She pointed to the monitor. “The heartbeat is strong and steady. Your little one doesn’t even know there’s a problem. Try to calm down.”
Marienne nodded, the chills started to subside as someone covered her with toasty warm blankets. She couldn’t tell if her legs were cold because she couldn’t feel them. The epidural was working. The nurse smiled and wiped another tear as it slid below her hairline.
She slipped a thin plastic tube beneath Marienne’s nose, lifting her head to secure it with an elastic band. “This is just oxygen. Breathe nice and slow. You’re doing great.”
Great. Marienne almost laughed. Fantastic. Yes, this was just like she’d dreamt it would be. The oxygen helped her focus. She saw the nurse injecting things into the IV bag and wondered what they were giving her. Things to calm me down? Things to help the baby? So many questions. She wished she had someone there with her, someone who could ask these questions while she concentrated on breathing.
“Okay,” the doctor said, adjusting a large round mirror above her. For a second she glimpsed her dome-like stomach in the reflection, watching as they poured bright yellow disinfecting solution over her belly. Strange to see this happening, but feel none of it.
She realized with sudden horror that if she could see them doing this, in moments she would see them cutting into her. Just as she was about to panic the nurses on either side of her raised a sheet in a wall right in front of her face. They clipped it into place on posts on either side of the bed. Marienne could see nothing besides the pale blue cotton and the nurses’ eyes peering out from atop their surgical masks.
They each took one of her hands and she squeezed them both, thankful someone was there to provide support.
“You’re going to feel a bit of pressure,” the doctor said. “But no pain. If something hurts you tell me, okay?”
“Okay,” she whispered.
She did feel pressure. A strange dull sensation. Not pain, just unusual, like scratching a limb that’s fallen asleep. She heard the sound of metal touching metal as various instruments were picked up and placed back on the tray. The doctor muttered things she couldn’t quite make out.
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