“No, it doesn’t, but being Frank means you probably are.” She flipped through the rest of the mail, sorting it into piles.
“Why do you think that?”
“Wake up, Daniel. Frank is a horn dog. Even you can’t think he’s being satisfied by Marienne. The guy’s on the prowl. He’s constantly leering at women, including me. Jesus, he’s even kissed me.”
“What?”
“Last New Year’s Eve. At their house. With you and Marienne right upstairs.” Justine’s eyes glinted.
He stared at her. “He kissed you?” Daniel was uncertain he was hearing correctly.
“Yes.”
“Well…where?”
“In the basement. By the stairs. Pressed up against the wall. With tongue.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Yes, I heard you. I’m just having a hard time believing my ears. You’re telling me he kissed you, with tongue, and then you went about the rest of your evening as though nothing had happened.”
“Yes.”
“And why is this the first time I’m hearing of it? It didn’t occur to you to tell me that my good friend had kissed you?”
“Not really. I mean it was just Frank, for God’s sake.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Jesus, Daniel. I’ve been telling you this for years. Frank is a womanizer. It’s that simple. Marienne is his little do-good, stay-at-home, take-care-of-the-kid wife. And all other women are fair game.”
Daniel continued to gape. She seemed to enjoy his shock. She always had liked knowing things he didn’t know.
Her brow furrowed. “Do you really think traders work that many overnight hours? I mean I know Marienne falls for it, but she’s got a reason to live in denial. What’s your excuse?”
“I don’t know.” He sat down on the ottoman, shaking his head, going over all the times that Frank had made excuses about where he was, or why he was late, or how he needed to be someplace at an odd hour. All the times Marienne had been home alone.
“Look.” She shifted on the couch so she was facing him. “If it makes you feel any better, the reason he stopped was because of you.”
Daniel narrowed his eyes.
“He said ‘Shit, I’m sorry, I can’t believe I did that. Daniel’s my friend.’ I think he’d forgotten I was your wife. I was just some woman he felt like kissing, so he did.”
“And what about you?” Daniel asked. “What did you do?”
“What do you mean?” Justine tensed.
“Did you push him away? Slap him? Kiss him back?”
Justine’s mouth opened then closed again.
“You fucking kissed him back, didn’t you?”
“Daniel, we were drunk. It was New Year’s Eve.”
“And you kissed him back.”
“Yeah, I guess I did. But it was just a kiss.”
He got up, hand firmly anchored in his hair. “Oh well, yeah, I guess that makes it fine. I guess I should be glad it’s not a custom to have New Year’s Eve fucks. Or is that something else I’m naïve about?”
“Don’t be a prick.”
“I’m being a prick? You tell me that my friend kissed you, months ago, neither of you told me about it, and oh, yeah, you kissed him back, and somehow I’m the prick in this scenario?”
“Fuck you.”
“Or whoever else is handy.” He glared, bracing his arm against the bookcase.
“Look, I didn’t fuck Frank. Though I’m sure I could have if I’d wanted to. I could fuck a lot of people if I wanted to. You seem to conveniently forget that. But I don’t do it, I stay loyal to you because I keep hoping one day you and I will be on the same page and you’ll stop being this idealistic dreamer and start being the guy I thought I was marrying.”
He turned away, fingers tapping furiously on the bookshelf.
Her voice grew angrier. “Don’t you dare insinuate I did something wrong here. My whole point of telling you this was so you’d get your head out of your ass and realize people aren’t always who you think they are. They’re all just people. And as much as you may disapprove of Frank’s womanizing ways, I’m sure he has his reasons.”
“Reasons?” Daniel turned toward her. “I don’t give a shit what his reasons are. He has a wife. He has a daughter for Christ’s sake.”
“Having a wife isn’t the bottom line on this issue. And clearly it doesn’t mean the same thing to Frank as it means to you.”
“And what about his daughter?”
“Frank may not be father of the year, but in my opinion he’s not a bad dad at all. Compared to my dad the guy’s an amazing father.”
“What about you?” Daniel asked. “Never mind your loyalty to me, God knows we’ve been having problems for long enough, but what about Marienne? She’s your friend.”
“You’re right. She is. And she’s damned lucky Frank picked me that night because I didn’t let it go further than a kiss. I can guarantee you plenty of women let him go as far as he wants.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Why? Because I see people for who they are?”
“No, because it doesn’t seem to bother you at all. How do you do that? How do you stay so unemotional about something like this? Like a fucking Ice Princess.”
“Well, I’m sorry we can’t all be such sensitive souls as you. It’s called realism. What was I supposed to do? Make a scene? Tell Marienne? Tell you? I’m sorry I even told you now.”
“I can’t believe he would do that.” Daniel couldn’t look at Justine.
“There’s your first problem. I can’t believe he waited as long as he did.”
“Jesus, Justine.”
“I’m serious.”
“So this makes sense to you? That he would risk his marriage, risk our friendship, risk his daughter’s future? That seems like a logical move to you?” Daniel sank down onto the chair across the room.
“You’re really over thinking this,” she said. “He was drunk. He was horny. I was there. I don’t think he was contemplating anything life altering, I think he wanted to stick his tongue down my throat. And I think he’d wanted to do that since the day he first met me.”
He knew she was waiting for him to respond, but he didn’t.
“That’s it?” she asked. “That’s all you have to say?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what there really is to say. I do have a question though. Why, after all these months, did you decide to tell me this now?”
Justine paused. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do.”
“Oh, what are you now, a mind reader?”
“No.” He smiled ruefully. “But I do know you. I think you wanted to start an argument.”
“Why would I do that?” She shifted uncomfortably on the couch.
“To try to prove that we still have passion between us.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” he said. “We barely even fight anymore, let alone make up after. What we had, whatever we once had, is gone. You’re not happy. I’m not happy. We don’t even get mad at each other with the same intensity anymore. There’s nothing.”
“That’s not true.” Her temper flared. “If you tried, if you would just….”
“I do try. I have tried. It’s not working. We’re not working.”
“You’re wrong,” she said.
“I’m not wrong.” His voice was calm though his heart was pounding.
“I’m not discussing this anymore.” She walked swiftly toward the stairs.
He followed her. “Not discussing this is not going to make it go away.”
“I’m not the one trying to make things go away. I think this can work. If you’d just….”
“Just what?” he asked. Say it.
“Change,” she yelled.
Daniel’s eyes closed and he took a deep breath. “And you don’t see the fact that all you want fr
om me is for me to change as being an intrinsic problem?”
“That’s not what I meant,” Justine said, flustered.
“I think it’s exactly what you meant, and I think you know it. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not the person you need me to be. But I can’t change who I am. And I don’t think the person I am is the person you want to be with anymore.”
He could see the fear in her face. She knew he was right, but she wasn’t willing to admit it. “We’re not discussing this anymore.” She stomped up the stairs.
“Justine.”
“I said no.” She slammed the bedroom door behind her.
Daniel couldn’t argue anymore. His head was spinning. Why am I so mad at Frank? Because he kissed Justine? Because he cheated on Marienne? Or because he was bold enough to make the kind of move I would never make? The thought turned his stomach. Am I really any better? Haven’t I thought about Marienne in the same ways Frank must have been thinking about Justine? Does not acting on your impulses really count for that much?
The one thing he was certain of was that he and Justine were at a complete impasse. Their passion was gone, and they wanted entirely different things. It made him sad to say it out loud, because it was difficult to admit, but he knew it was true.
He still hated when she walked out in the middle of a conversation. He considered following her, because he really wanted her to hear him this time, but he was too exhausted. Too drained. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll think it over and come to the same realization on her own.
Chapter Forty-One
Daniel pulled into Frank’s driveway at seven in the morning. He had thought about reneging on the arrangement, but he knew Marienne needed her car to take Ella to dance class and a play date. Frank would have taken her car if Daniel had changed their plans.
He had no idea what to say to Frank. He wanted to confront him, but didn’t want to do anything that would make things worse for Marienne. He was too tired to think about it. Daniel never liked mornings, let alone mornings that started this early after a night of nearly no sleep.
Frank took one look at Daniel and said, “Get out. I’ll drive.”
Daniel considered refusing, to be contrary, but was relieved at the idea of not needing to stay awake and navigate traffic. He silently exited the car, yawning as he walked around to the passenger side, wondering if he was sleepy enough to nap on the ride.
They rode in silence. Daniel stared out the window, watching the cars zip by. Frank wove in and out of traffic, as though he was in a particular hurry.
“I’m dropping you at the PATH station,” Frank said.
“Are you fucking kidding? When you asked to borrow the car I assumed I’d at least get a ride to work.” Wanker.
Frank glanced at him then shifted his eyes back to the road. “I’ve got someplace to be.”
Daniel caught the hint of evasiveness in his voice. “What kind of someplace? In Hoboken? At 7:30 in the morning?”
Frank answered with silence and pulled over next to a fire hydrant. The PATH station was one block down.
“Call me later, when you’re ready to ride home. I’ll come get you whenever you want.”
Daniel knew that was Frank’s concession for borrowing the car and not asking questions. He never left work early on his own account.
“Wh—” Daniel started.
“Don’t, okay? Just don’t. I’ll see you later.”
Daniel didn’t even want to be near him anymore. “Fine. Whatever.” He slammed the door and took a step. His eyes clamped shut.
“Shit.” He patted his pockets. He’d forgotten his phone and wallet. As he whirled to see if Frank had driven away, he heard it. The unmistakable screech. Tires against pavement. Metal on metal. Loud. Close. Then nothing.
****
Fluorescent lights whizzed by overhead. Daniel was flat on his back. The hospital scent made him cringe. People scurried by, babbling words he couldn’t catch. His thoughts moved in slow motion. Freezing. Throbbing. Dizzy.
He tried to focus. I was in the car with Frank. Thinking hurt.
“Sir, can you hear me? Can you understand what I’m saying?”
He realized the voice was speaking to him.
“Yes.” His jaw ached from the single word.
He tried to follow the barrage of questions. Yes, he could move his legs. Yes, he could feel his hands. Yes, he could follow the light with his eyes, though it hurt like absolute hell.
“You’re going to feel a small pinch,” a nurse said. A scorching sting zipped into his cheek. “We need to get you good and numb before we stitch you up.” She sounded too cheerful considering the circumstances.
His eyes fluttered. He struggled to concentrate.
“Where’s Frank?” He watched the nurses exchange glances and shrugs.
“I don’t know, sir. We’re still trying to figure out who you are. Can you tell us your name?”
“Daniel Gardner.” Why don’t they know my name? Surely they’d looked at my wallet. My wallet. He remembered getting into the car that morning. He’d put his wallet on the center console and hooked his phone into the car charger; and he’d left them there.
“Daniel Gardner?” The nurse looked up from the chart, her eyes wide.
“Yes,” he said.
“I thought that was the name of….” She shot a look at one of the other nurses and hurried out of the room.
“The name of who?” he asked, but she was gone. “Why did she? Who?” He tried to sit up. His head reeled.
“I’m sorry, sir. You need to lie still. Try to relax.”
He saw her insert a syringe into the IV bag hanging above his head. An icy sensation slithered through the vein in his arm, and he slipped into darkness again.
****
Marienne was dropping Ella off at a friend’s house when her cell phone rang.
“Hello?” she said.
“It’s Justine. Did Daniel drive Frank to work today?”
“Yes.”
“Where are you?” Justine asked.
The tone in Justine’s voice was scaring her. “I’m dropping Ella at Julia’s house.”
“There’s been an accident,” Justine said. “I don’t know much, but a police officer called and told me Daniel was in a car accident, and I need to get to the Hoboken Medical Center. You haven’t heard from Frank?”
“No.” Marienne’s heart pounded.
“You’re sure they were together?”
“Yes.” She started to shake. “I can be at your house in ten minutes. We’ll drive together.”
Marienne’s mind was a blur. She explained to Julia that there was an emergency, and she’d be in touch as soon as possible.
She raced to Justine’s. They drove to Hoboken in a state of controlled panic. Justine had no new details, and Marienne still hadn’t received a call. Neither Daniel nor Frank were answering their cells. What does that mean? What could that mean?
Marienne had seen Daniel pull into her driveway that morning, had heard Frank get into the car. Why wouldn’t we both have been called? Why won’t either of them pick up their phone? The drive seemed to take an eternity.
They ran into the emergency room and were greeted almost instantly by two police officers.
They introduced themselves then guided Justine and Marienne toward a private room down the pale green corridor.
“Please sit down,” one officer said. They sat.
“Mrs. Gardner, we regret to inform you that your husband was killed this morning in a car crash.”
Marienne breathed the word, “No.”
“What did you say?” Justine asked.
No, no, no.
The officer continued. “The car was totaled, a truck ran a red light as he was turning. He probably didn’t even see it. He was killed instantly. We’re very sorry.”
“No, no, no,” the breathy chant hummed out of her. This can’t be happening.
Justine looked puzzled, her brow furrowed, no other emotion on her face.
“What about the other man in the car?” Justine asked.
“I’m sorry ma’am. There was no one else in the car. Your husband was alone. We found his cell phone, and the home number matched the info from the car registration. We contacted you immediately, but he was already gone.”
“No,” Justine said, far louder than Marienne’s continued whispers. “There was another man in the car. This makes no sense.”
No sooner did she speak the words than another officer and a doctor entered the room and motioned the two officers into the hallway. “Excuse us a minute.” They stepped outside the room.
“This makes no sense,” Justine said.
Marienne couldn’t speak. Her eyes were brimming with tears. Her head shook back and forth, wordlessly repeating “no.”
The officers came back into the room, accompanied by the doctor who had interrupted them.
“Mrs. Gardner, Mrs. Valeti, I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake.”
“Mistake?” Justine said, her voice icy enough to further chill the already cold room. “What kind of mistake?”
She glanced at Marienne, her eyes raced back and forth between her and the officers.
“Mrs. Gardner, your husband Daniel is okay. He’s here in the hospital. I just worked on him. He has a concussion and a gash on his forehead, but he’ll be fine.”
Marienne stared at them as she processed what he said. Daniel is okay. He’s okay. The words echoed through her mind.
“Wait,” Justine said. “You told us he was killed on impact. You said there was one person in the car, and he was killed on impact.”
The officers and doctor shifted their eyes from Justine to Marienne.
“The driver was killed on impact, ma’am, but your husband was not driving his car.”
It took a moment for what they were saying to fall into place. Daniel’s okay. He’s okay. It wasn’t Daniel. Marienne turned the words over in her brain. It wasn’t Daniel. Then it hit her.
It was Frank.
The room started to spiral as her eyes rolled up in her head, and she hit the floor.
Chapter Forty-Two
Marienne heard voices all around her.
“Marienne.”
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