“Fresh starts are good.” He noticed that her eyes were shut again.
“Mmmmmmmmm.”
“Come on, sleepy girl, time for you to get into your comfy new bed and take a nap.” He extended a hand to help her up, but she was already asleep.
Her cheeks were a warm pink from the fever, her hair matted against her forehead, her lower lip hanging open enticingly. All he could think was how totally and completely in love with her he was. He sighed and knelt beside her, then scooped her into his arms. “Here we go,” he said. She leaned her half-asleep head against his chest. He placed her on her brand new bed, slid his arms out from beneath her and started to step away.
“Stay.” She reached out and grabbed his arm with her overly warm hand. “Stay with me,” she whispered, eyes still closed.
He sighed again as he slid into bed alongside her, locking his hands together behind his neck as he lay back against the new headboard.
“That’s better,” she said. To his surprise she curled toward him and placed her head on his chest.
He opened his mouth, but realized she was already asleep again, her breathing slow and steady, her body rising and falling against his. He noticed that his hands were beginning to go numb, probably because all his blood was elsewhere. He unfolded his arms, shaking them gently so as not to disturb her. He’d thought so often about lying in bed with her, not quite like this, but still. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. As he focused on her breathing, he too drifted off.
The sound of car doors slamming startled him. Marienne was still sleeping, her heat leaving an imprint on his chest. He heard voices coming toward the house and realized Ella was being dropped off from her play date. He eased Marienne onto the pillow and slipped out of the room.
He rubbed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair as he trotted down the staircase.
“Daniel,” Ella yelled when he opened the front door. She flung herself against him, as always.
“Hi, Ella.” He rubbed her back as she hugged his leg. “Hi, Donna,” he said to Nancy’s mom as she smiled at him from the walkway.
“How’s it going?”
“Good.” He flashed back to being in Marienne’s bed. “How’ve you been?”
“Tired.” She laughed, looking between Ella and her daughter, who waved furiously from her car seat, grinning.
Daniel waved back.
“Mommy, let’s go, I’m hungry!” Nancy said.
“They were at the park all afternoon, refused to eat anything, now they’re both starving.” Donna shrugged at Daniel.
“Thanks for driving her home,” Daniel said.
“No problem. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
Ella stood in the open doorway, holding Daniel’s hand. They watched the car pull out of the driveway and waved goodbye.
“I’m hungry.” Ella looked up at Daniel. “Where’s Mommy?”
Daniel knelt down beside her. “Mommy’s in bed napping. She’s got a fever, just like you had last week, so she needs her rest.”
Ella frowned.
Daniel nodded sympathetically, “I know. It’s no fun being sick. But no worries, she’ll be all better in a day or two, just like you.”
Ella nodded as she brushed her hair back with her hands.
“So,” Daniel said. “What would you like to eat?”
“French toast.”
“French toast?” Daniel exaggerated a look of shock. “For dinner?”
“Yes.” She giggled.
“Your wish is my command.”
“I’ll help.” She scampered into the kitchen.
He followed, smiling as she pulled open the heavy refrigerator door and grabbed the carton of milk. She looked just like Marienne, completely comfortable in the kitchen. He adored her.
“You do the stove part.” She pulled a mixing bowl out of the cupboard next to the dishwasher. “I’ll do the eggs.”
****
The smell of French toast wafted up to the bedroom. Marienne was disoriented, unsure if it was morning or nighttime, confused by the daylight. Then she remembered. She reached up to feel her forehead. Not as warm as before. She breathed in the aroma. It smells so good. She heard voices downstairs. Ella’s delicate chirping followed by Daniel’s deeper tones. She smiled at the thought of them together, and wondered how long Ella had been home.
She stretched, making sure she wasn’t dizzy. She felt better than she had earlier, but still not good. She walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face, then changed into a fresh t-shirt and a pair of lounge pants. Glancing in the mirror, she wondered if her face was flushed from the fever or from the memory of having been in bed with Daniel.
Her stomach rumbled as she made her way downstairs. As she rounded the corner into the kitchen, she saw Daniel at the stove, spatula in hand. Ella stood on a chair beside him, waiting to dip the next slice of bread into the egg batter. I love him. The thought popped into her mind even more readily than it had the other night.
“Mommy!” Ella ran and flung her arms around Marienne’s legs, the same greeting she usually gave Daniel.
“Hi sweetie.” Marienne bent over and hugged her. “How was your play date?”
“Good.” Ella ran back toward Daniel and pointed to the plate. “We made French toast!”
“I see that.” Marienne smiled as Daniel turned toward her.
“Feeling any better?”
“Some.”
He smiled, and their eyes met.
“I want to eat,” Ella said.
“Yes,” Daniel said. “Let’s eat.”
They sat down at the table, together.
“Mmmmmmmm,” Ella said, as she took her first bite. “Yummy.”
“This is the best French toast I’ve ever had.” Daniel grinned at Ella, who beamed back at him.
Marienne glanced back and forth at the shared love between them. “I couldn’t agree more.”
Chapter Forty-Seven
Daniel stirred beneath the covers, wondering what time it was, as his brain struggled to transition into consciousness. He curled up then stretched, rubbing his face against his pillowcase. His morning erection grazed the bed as he rolled onto his back. His hand traveled downward and his fingers curled around himself. Images of Marienne flooded his mind.
Thoughts of Marienne were constantly in his head, but his attraction to her had grown exponentially in recent months. His desire to kiss her, hold her, touch her, make love to her, consumed him. He moaned as he indulged the fantasy with long, slow strokes. There was no guilt attached to these moments. No pretense of regret, no more torn loyalties to Justine or Frank, no need for stolen moments of privacy in the shower. It was just Daniel, wanting Marienne, in every way possible.
He arched his neck, the back of his head rubbing hard against the pillow as the images overtook him. Marienne’s mouth, the mouth he constantly thought of placing his own lips on. Her breasts, which he could clearly imagine pressed to his chest. Her full hips rolling in toward his. Her body opening to him, welcoming him. Her sweet vanilla scent flooded his memory as he imagined burying his face in her hair and burying himself within her. Her delicate hands left imagined trails along his body.
He pushed the bed sheets aside, allowing himself freer strokes. His pace quickened. The slight breeze that came in through the window caressed his body along with his hands. The images flashed faster. He pumped harder, his eyes pressed closed. A deep groan escaped his throat as the pleasure pulsated out of him. He lay, breathing hard, the breeze calming him as it washed over his sweat-coated body.
The sound of the doorbell interrupted his reveling. He realized with a sudden burst of both clarity and panic that the person ringing the bell was Marienne. She’d said she was stopping by this morning after she dropped Ella at playgroup. She needed him to go with her to pick up Ella’s new dollhouse.
“Bugger.” He was fully awake and equally aware of how unprepared he was to answer the door. “Bugger.” He grabbed a towel.
The breeze once
again reminded him of the open window, the window that opened right above the front porch, where Marienne now stood. His mind raced as he pulled on sweatpants and grabbed a t-shirt.
How loudly did I moan? Could she have heard me?
His face burned at the thought as he thumped down the stairs. He opened the door, still straightening his shirt, and ran a jittery hand through his bed-head.
“Sorry.” He stepped aside to let her in, hand raking through his hair again as he tried to strike a natural pose. Thoughts raged in his mind. Did she hear me? She couldn’t possibly, could she? He shook his head and took a deep breath through his nose. He looked up to find her staring right at him, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. A knowing smile? Or just a ‘you-overslept-didn’t-you?’ smile. For the life of him, he couldn’t tell. His cheeks burned hotter.
“Rough morning?” she asked, the smile taking over her face as she wandered into his kitchen, throwing a playful backward glance at him as she went.
Oh God. He followed her. Does she know or is she so disarming at this point that all rational thought is simply lost?
****
Marienne walked straight to his coffee maker and began to brew a pot. He seemed to need one this morning. Daniel was never a morning person, but today he looked particularly flustered. And flushed, she noted as she watched him busy himself with the stack of mail on his countertop.
He was quiet and distracted, as though she’d interrupted him in the middle of something. She looked at him closer, noticing that his hair was sticking to both the nape of his neck and his forehead. It took no more than another second for her to come up with the two most likely reasons that he would be sweaty first thing on a cool summer morning. Either he’d been on the elliptical or, she blushed at the thought, perhaps he’d been otherwise engaged.
A liquid rush of excitement coursed through her. She turned back to the task of measuring coffee grinds, but not before an image of Daniel pleasuring himself flashed through her mind. The rush of heat once again washed over her.
Just being near him was enough to set off the strongest sensations she could imagine. The added possibility of what she’d stumbled into this morning was enough to send her already active imagination into total overdrive. Stop it. Regardless of what he was doing when you arrived, he was probably fantasizing about some awesome woman he’s thinking of asking out, or some supermodel he passed on the street, it certainly wasn’t about you.
Her stomach fell as the words hit her. Daniel couldn’t possibly be thinking about her the same way that she found herself almost constantly thinking about him.
Marienne had been attracted to Daniel since the first time she’d laid eyes on him, but she’d never once forgotten that the heat she felt, the draw she felt to him, was almost definitely one-sided. She knew Daniel loved her, as a friend, as a person, but the illusion of him caring about her as anything beyond that was something she regarded as an unrealistic dream. A wonderful, fantastical dream that she’d indulged from time to time, with dramatically increasing frequency, particularly since she’d found out for certain that Frank had been cheating on her.
That final fact had absolved her of all the previous guilt she had felt about her potentially adulterous thoughts. And now, of course, neither of them would be cheating on anyone, but the fact remained that Daniel was out of her league. As enticing and exciting as the possibility was, she knew better than to hope that being with him in that way would ever become a reality.
She felt his eyes on her and turned to find him staring. He squinted as though he was trying to assess what she might be thinking, and she squinted back at him.
The sound of the coffee dripping into the pot distracted them both. An unusual silence hung between them. Daniel walked over to the fridge and grabbed the carton of half-and-half while she got two mugs out of the cupboard. They set everything on the counter then reached for the sugar bowl at the same time. Their hands knocked together and the spoon that had been balanced atop the bowl clattered onto the countertop.
The brief contact between them was enough to knock the breath out of her. They looked into each other’s eyes, holding the gaze for one dazed, breathless moment then Daniel leaned ever so slightly toward her. She could see the kiss happening in her mind, and she panicked, nervously stepping backward, toward the coffee maker. Stop wanting what you can’t have. He’s your friend. He’s in your life. Be thankful for what you’ve got. She was so flustered that as she reached for the coffee pot her finger brushed against the heating element. She jerked, but not before she felt searing pain.
“Shit.” Her finger went to her mouth.
Daniel saw that she’d burned herself, and his expression shifted from disappointment to concern. He turned the cold water on full blast then reached for her hand. His touch was gentle as he slipped her finger from her mouth and held it beneath the faucet. The icy rush of water over their joined hands did nothing to settle the heat that pulsed through her. She wondered if Daniel had any idea what sort of response he set off in her.
“Thanks,” Marienne said, feeling the tension in her body relax.
“Sorry.” He examined her finger.
“Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything.”
“It’s my coffee pot,” he said, though she had the feeling he was apologizing for more than that.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Yes.” He smiled. “But I like to think that’s part of my charm.”
She laughed. “Mmmmmm. Yes, one of your many charms.”
Her heart skipped a beat as she once again took in his disheveled morning look. “Go get dressed before we’re late.”
“Right, dressed.” He gulped his coffee then headed out of the room, walking backwards as he assured her. “Give me ten minutes.”
She listened as he bounded up the stairs, and within seconds she heard the gentle rush of water in the pipes. She tried to keep from imagining him in the shower, but it was a useless struggle. Coffee is not nearly enough of a distraction.
She sat down at the kitchen table with a thud. Nothing was enough to get Daniel out of her mind. He was everywhere, her thoughts, her dreams, her heart.
The only thought that did distract her was that of Ella going to Frank’s mother’s house for the weekend. Marienne was dreading it. She had been promising Ruth for ages, and Ella was looking forward to it, so she knew she had to allow it to happen. She didn’t want to be alone in the house and, in spite of herself and her reprimands, she was secretly hoping Daniel would spend as much of the weekend as possible with her.
She heard the shower turn off, and once again her thoughts shifted to him. Thoughts of a towel moving across his wet, naked body. Thoughts of herself moving across his naked body. She groaned and put her head down on the kitchen table. Maybe, she allowed herself to entertain the thought, maybe this weekend, if we’re alone together….The mere hope of it was so scary she banished it. The physical effects lingered, and she tingled from head to toe. At this rate I’ll be lucky to make it through the weekend at all.
****
Daniel rushed through his shower, his thoughts still racing back and forth from ‘did she?’ to ‘didn’t she?’ The embarrassing possibilities gave way to his overall desire as images of her continued to whirl in his head. He realized he was hard again. Jesus. He vigorously rinsed the shampoo from his hair, trying in vain to will his erection to subside.
Focus.
He attempted to concentrate on the fact that Marienne was counting on him to go pick up Ella’s big surprise. She’d found an ad in the paper for a dollhouse, complete with furniture, but it needed to be picked up quickly as the woman selling it was moving. Marienne was desperate to get it as she wanted to have it all set up before Ella returned from her weekend at her grandmother’s.
The woman had warned Marienne that the house was solid wood and quite heavy, so she’d asked Daniel to help her get it. He was always happy for any excuse to spend time with Marienne, and helping her do somethin
g for Ella was the best excuse he could imagine.
He was planning a surprise for Marienne as well. He knew she was upset at the prospect of Ella being away for an entire weekend, and he’d planned out what he was going to bring over for dinner to cheer her up. He dared to hope that if they had an entire weekend of alone time he would finally get the nerve to kiss her.
He knew it would be a risk, that perhaps she didn’t return that sort of feeling for him, but his own feelings were so out of control he felt he needed to at least try. He had to know. If it didn’t work out well, he’d find a way to make it right and go on being her best friend. There was no way he was going to let her down like all the men in her past, no matter what. That much he knew for sure. He hoped that certainty would give him the courage to make his move.
He toweled dry, ran a comb through his still-damp hair and pulled on clothes. He raced downstairs. Seeing her filled him with anticipation. He couldn’t wait for the weekend to get underway.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Marienne’s mood had been off all day. She was restless and out of sorts. Watching Ella ride away in her grandmother’s car did nothing to lift her spirits. The idea of a weekend without her daughter seemed more like torture than like the ‘time’ Frank’s mother had insisted she needed.
“Take time for yourself,” Ruth said, “and give that guy Daniel a break. From what Ella tells me he’s always with you two. He probably still feels responsible, poor thing. It’s only natural. It was his car. Survivor’s guilt, they call it. Don’t get dependent on him. One day he’ll get a girlfriend, and he won’t have time for you. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
Ruth’s words had cut through Marienne’s heart like a knife. Poor thing…survivor’s guilt…won’t have time for you. All things Marienne had worried about, all thoughts she’d tried to push aside as she attempted to convince herself that maybe Daniel returned the feelings she had for him.
Ruth’s warning brought every doubt back into focus. She’s right. Her stomach tensed. It was guilt and obligation binding Daniel to her. She realized with sudden, painful clarity, I need to let him go.
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