by Linda Ford
She longed to hug and kiss the child but Jill wasn’t ready to accept such gestures. “You think about it. Good night now. If you need anything, don’t be afraid to call.”
*
The next morning, she glanced at Jill, sleeping soundly and so sweet and innocent looking. Poor child had lost so much.
Carly hurried from the room. She wanted to check on the cows this morning.
Sawyer came from his room, stretching and yawning as Carly prepared a bountiful breakfast.
“I trust you slept well.” She was determined to be kind and polite from the beginning of each day to its end.
“Great. How about you?”
“Good.”
“Jill?”
“Once she fell asleep, she didn’t stir.” She held up a hand to stop his protest. “Don’t worry. She’s fine. I shook her once to check on her and she protested loudly at being wakened.” She’d like to discuss with him what Jill had said. Perhaps tonight after Jill was in bed.
Jill came from the bedroom, rubbing sleep from her eyes just as Father joined them in the kitchen.
“Good morning to ye all,” he said in his customary boisterous morning call.
Jill blinked and looked ready to flee.
“Father, you’re frightening the child.”
“Aye, little one, ye might as well get used to me. I can’t help myself ’cause I love mornings so much. Now up to the table and let’s enjoy the meal Carly has prepared.”
She poured coffee for the men, milk for herself and Jill. She served toasted bread, fried eggs and bacon. It was plenty enough food for her and Father and likely for Jill. But maybe not for Sawyer. “Would you like griddle cakes as well with your breakfast?”
His eyes lit. “I love griddle cakes. But only if it’s not too much work.”
She chuckled. “I think I can manage to fry up a few. Starting tomorrow.”
“I’d appreciate that.” Their gazes held and Carly felt the pleasure of knowing she could please this man by preparing good meals.
Sawyer and Jill helped her do up the dishes.
“I’ll run out and take care of the chickens,” she said when they were done. She milked the cow and hurried through the rest of the morning chores. She gathered the eggs and took them to the house, pausing to toss some leftover biscuits into a sack to take with her. Jill sat at the table with Father, a checkerboard between them. Father would be pleased to teach another little girl to play the game.
She glanced about, didn’t see Sawyer. Perhaps he was in his room. Or gone outside for something. “I’ll be back later,” she told Father and Jill. “There’s bread and cheese for sandwiches if I don’t get back by noon.”
“Where are ye off to, lass?” Father asked.
“I need to check the north side of the ranch and push back any cows wandering too far.”
“Aye, you do that.”
She wondered at the amusement in his eyes. Then shrugged. Perhaps he was simply enjoying a little girl to keep him company. “How is your leg?”
“It gets better every day.” He made a move in the game. “Your turn,” he said to Jill.
Carly left the pair to their fun and headed for the barn. She was about to step inside to saddle Sunny when Sawyer led his saddled horse out.
“You aren’t riding away, are you?” Did he intend to leave her alone with Jill to take care of?
His eyebrows did a little dance. “I’m a man of my word.”
“Then where are you going?”
“To check the cows.”
She couldn’t have been more stunned if he had pulled a gun on her. “I’m going to check on the cows.” How could he—“You don’t even know where they are.”
“Your father told me how to identify the boundaries and what cows were yours.” He reached for the reins, intending to mount.
“Checking the cows is my job.” She crowded his horse back into the barn, scooped up her saddle and blanket and tossed them on Sunny’s back.
Sawyer left his horse and followed her. “What about Jill?”
She reached under for the cinch.
He persisted. “Our agreement was for you to provide a home for Jill.”
She didn’t even look at him to see if his expression had changed. She heard the warning note in his voice and that was enough.
He tried again. “She needs a real home.”
Carly slowly straightened, keeping her back to Sawyer. She’d heard Jill cry out in her sleep last night. Had seen the almost hidden uncertainty in her face throughout the day.
More than that, she recalled the days after her own mother’s death when she felt so alone and afraid. That’s when she’d begun riding the range and soon after, began taking care of the cows. She’d found solace and purpose and so much else there. She loved the wide-open spaces, the heat of the sun and the scents on the breeze. She loved seeing the wild animals—big and small—and the birds.
She came round to face Sawyer. “I can’t give it up.”
He watched her calmly.
She had to make him understand. “The ranch is mine. You need only concern yourself with Big Harry. I could do that, too, but Father has made me promise not to. I believe in honoring my promises. From what you said, I thought you did, too.”
He continued to watch her, revealing nothing of what he thought.
His steadfast indifference set off a reaction in her. “She has a home. Father is there. She doesn’t need me.”
“What about our agreement?” His words were soft but she wasn’t fooling herself into thinking they carried no weight.
She couldn’t hold his challenging gaze and looked past him to the sunny, beckoning outdoors. “You need someone to show you around.”
He recognized her stalling. “Jill will be home alone with your father.”
“We could take her with us. Wait here.” She rushed past him and out to the corral behind the barn to catch up Daisy, her gentle old roan-colored mare that she had learned to ride on. She led Daisy inside. “Meet Daisy. Jill can ride her.”
Again that silent, steady challenge from him.
This time she held his gaze. “It’s the perfect solution.”
“Your father will be home alone.”
“He often is. He can get around fine with his crutch.”
“He must get lonely.”
She thought of the pleasure she’d seen in his face as he entertained Jill. “You can’t have it both ways. We can’t leave her here for Father’s company and take her with us. It’s one or the other.”
“Those are not the only options.”
They were back to his demand that she stay home with Jill and Father.
“Look at me.” She flipped her hand across the legs of her trousers and touched her battered cowboy hat. “Do I look like a homebody?” She would not give into him and stay at the house. Not that she minded cooking, cleaning and housework. The laundry was a different matter. It took far too long. But her mother had trained her well in all those chores. She’d enjoyed them when Mother was alive. Yes, she’d often ridden out with Father, but for the most part, she was content to help her mother. That had changed after Mother’s death.
“I know what it’s like to lose a mother when you’re as young as Jill.” He spoke as if that clinched the argument.
Carly considered his words. She’d been older, almost ready to leave home if she’d chosen to do so. Jill was so young, dependent on others to provide a home and care. And then someone had said such awful things to her. She felt sorry for the child and would stay with her except—“You heard her. She doesn’t want me.”
“What she wants and what she needs are two different things.”
“Sawyer, I’m sorry you misunderstood the terms of our agreement. I never once thought you’d expect me to give up what I’ve been doing.” She hated that she had to plead but he’d left her little choice. “Please don’t ask me to do so.”
His expression never changed yet somehow she knew she had disappointed h
im. She tried to tell herself that didn’t bother her but it did. Seems she was always to be a disappointment to the men in her life. Father, who wanted and needed sons. Bart Connelly, who wanted her to be a pretty ornament and provide him with a ranch. And now Sawyer, who wanted—
She wasn’t even sure what he wanted. A mother for his little sister? A wife who wasn’t a wife? A family without love?
They both turned at the sound of a wagon driving into the yard and hurried to see who approached.
“It’s Dawson,” Carly said. “He has Grandfather Marshall with him. I better go see what he wants.”
Sawyer stayed at her side as they hurried to the house.
Dawson jumped down before they got there. He reached up to help his grandfather down.
“Howdy,” he called. “Grandfather wanted to see your father. I can leave him for a visit while I conduct my business in town.”
“He’ll like that.” And it provided Carly with the perfect setup. She escorted them inside, and Sawyer followed her. She put the coffeepot on and put out a plate of cookies.
The two older men were eager for a chin-wag so Dawson drove away.
“Can I talk to you?” Carly asked Sawyer and they stepped outside. “Father has company. He doesn’t need me to babysit him. He and Grandfather will visit and play checkers until Dawson comes back.”
Sawyer said nothing. She could only conclude that he didn’t see that this provided the answer for them.
“Jill will be okay here with them. But even better, she can come with us. It will give her a chance to see the rest of her new home.”
*
This most certainly was not what Sawyer had expected. No. He’d thought to replace Jill’s mom. Judith would be teaching Jill to bake cookies or sew a hem or make a cake or something. He recalled the times he’d visited and had seen Jill standing on a stool at the cupboard, helping her mother with whatever there was to do.
When he agreed to this marriage contract with Carly, he had no idea what she had in mind…and that it was vastly different from what was in his mind. Carly confused him. She was a good cook. The house was clean and tidy. But she was determined to run the ranch. It wasn’t that he was opposed to a woman riding after cows. There had been a woman on one of the trail drives he was on—the trail boss’s daughter. She was as good as any man on the outfit. No, what he was concerned about was what was best for Jill. He mulled over the question.
Jill had donned trousers again this morning, giving him a look of such defiance he had chomped off any comment. She seemed to like Mr. Morrison fine. And then it hit him. Jill would resent any attempt to make her think of Carly as a replacement for her mother. Perhaps seeing Carly out on the range would make it possible for her to accept friendship between them.
“Fine, if she wants to go with us she can.”
Before he finished the sentence, Carly had gone to speak to Jill. “Jill, we’re going to ride out and check on the cows. I have a horse for you if you want to join us.”
Jill’s eyes brightened and then she banked back her reaction and looked at Sawyer, perhaps wondering if he would contradict Carly.
“Do you want to come?” he asked.
She looked from the two old men at the table to Carly and then again to Sawyer. She rumbled her lips. “I suppose I might as well.”
Carly chuckled. “Your enthusiasm is overwhelming, Jill. Come along. You can help me saddle up.”
In the barn, Carly handed Jill a saddle blanket and took her to the little roan mare. “Meet Daisy. She was my horse before I trained Sunny. She’ll be glad of someone to ride her again. I’ll get a saddle while you put on the blanket.”
Jill looked surprised. Sawyer guessed she’d never before saddled her own mount but she sucked in air and hid her uncertainty. By the time she had adjusted the saddle blanket, Carly was back with a small saddle. As she put it in place, she talked, explaining to Jill how to do it.
Sawyer stood back and watched, enjoying the patient way Carly explained things and how Jill did her best to follow instructions. Perhaps taking the child away from the house might prove to be a good idea.
Carly reached for her horse, and Jill did the same with Daisy. Sawyer followed with his mount. After listening to Carly talk about Daisy, he felt he needed to introduce his horse. “This is Dusty. I’ve had him for three years.”
Well, it wasn’t much but he didn’t feel like going into details about how he had chosen and bought the horse. Besides, it wasn’t interesting. Just a careful business deal. He saw the dark bay horse, liked his size and he was for sale. The horse had proven to have heart. His head jerked back as he realized he’d never before admitted any sense of gratitude or appreciation of the horse. A horse was just a horse.
Seeing Carly’s open affection for her animals made him want to tell Dusty what a fine and loyal friend the horse was to Sawyer. Sawyer shook his head. When had he ever been so…so…absurd?
Carly cupped her hands to help Jill mount.
Sawyer swung to his saddle and the three of them rode from the yard. Carly stayed close to Jill, quietly offering instructions. They kept to a walk as they rode north.
Carly indicated they should veer to the right and led them toward the river. She raised her voice, addressing both of them. “I like to go to the river. It changes every day. It should be flowing briskly now with the spring thaw. It will rise later when the snow in the mountains melts.” She led the way through the cottonwoods, heavy with their white cotton. Jill followed with Sawyer at the rear.
They drew to a halt by the rumbling waters. The air was filled with the scent of fresh green on the trees and the mushroomy smell of old leaves on the ground.
He arrived to see a duck fly away, squawking protests over the intrusion. A ring of rocks and ashes indicated someone had camped there in the past. “You have people staying here often?”
She shifted to study the cold fire pit. “Annie and I used to camp here but now that she’s married, she doesn’t have time.”
Jill eyed the place. “I could stay here.”
Sawyer held his peace. An eight-year-old child could not stay out on her own.
Carly studied Jill. “You and I could spend a night here. I’d like that.” She left it at that, not pushing Jill, but as they left the spot, Sawyer noticed that Jill looked back with longing in her face.
They rode onward, climbing rolling hills. Carly pointed out landmarks and gave a history of the area. Sawyer was fascinated with her enthusiasm. “You love the land,” he pointed out after a bit.
She moved to his side. “I’ll do anything to keep it.” She reined away, urging her horse into a gallop. She didn’t slow until she reached the top of the nearby hill, then she dismounted and waited for Sawyer and Jill to catch up.
He swung to the ground and helped Jill down. She ran to examine the nearby rocks and pocketed a couple. Seeing her do something he’d also done as a child filled him with fondness for his little sister.
“From here, you can see the northern boundary of your land.” Carly pointed it out. “You can see the river winding to the east.” She sat down on the grassy slope.
Sawyer waited a moment, trying to gauge her feelings. When she showed neither welcome nor dismissal, he sat beside her. He had to make her understand something. “I don’t want to take your land from you.”
She turned to study him. “I’m sorry for being so prickly. It’s just….”
Curious, he willed her to finish. “Just what? Tell me.”
She nodded. “It no longer matters but I once had a beau.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. I would think you had them lined up waiting their turn.”
She tipped her head back and laughed. Her eyes sparkled when she sobered enough to speak. “Sawyer Gallagher, who’d have guessed you were capable of sweet talk?”
“Just being honest.” Yet it pleased him to know she’d liked his comment. A smile tugged his mouth upward.
Her eyes widened. “Why, look at you. A re
al smile. You ought to try one more often. It’s quite—” Her cheeks turned rosy and she turned away, suddenly interested in the scene before them.
He didn’t press her to finish, content to provide his own words. Quite handsome. Quite attractive. His smile widened. He wished for an excuse to take her hand and squeeze it but could find none. He waited for her to tell him about her beau but she turned back to the landscape.
“I never get tired of this view.” Her voice had grown soft. “When I come here, I am reminded of my mother. She often came here with me. She loved nature and said it made her so aware of God. She sang a song. I always sing it when I’m here…sort of for her.” She looked away and began to sing in a strong voice. “‘I sing the mighty power of God, that made the mountains rise, That spread the flowing seas abroad….’”
He sat mesmerized. It was as if they had entered a holy place. Jill must have felt the same awe for she sat a few feet away, her attention riveted on Carly’s face.
“‘And everywhere that we can be, Thou, God are present there,’” she finished and sat quietly.
No one moved. Jill wore an expression that could be best described as peaceful. He had not seen that look since the last time he saw her with her parents. She sniffled and turned away. The moment was over but his heart lifted with hope that settling in this place would be good for her.
Something rose within Sawyer, a feeling of having found something he lost so long ago he couldn’t remember when or where he’d last known it. A feeling that all was right with his world. Of course! The words of the song. They made a person feel that way.
Carly sighed. “I miss her. Guess I always will.”
Jill again let her feelings show. Her mouth twisted with her own loss. Both parents. He longed to wrap his arms around her and assure her he would make sure she had a good home.
And love?
Perhaps she would get it from Carly and her father. Sawyer had closed his heart to that emotion.
Carly turned to him. “I know you must miss your mother, too. And your brother.” She tipped her head from side to side as she studied him.