Even with the communication barrier, he sensed she wasn’t faring as well as he’d hoped. Every word seemed to come from a dark place of grief and exhaustion. He couldn’t voice his concerns to Luke, because the moment they stepped out of the truck to go to the phone shanty, Mary came outside and joined them.
According to Luke, Hannah had said she had a place to stay, had made a friend who had helped her the night she arrived, and had been to see a doctor. She gave her word that she would write to Mary and Luke in a few weeks.
She made no mention of Paul. None. Was she starting her life over without him, believing he hated her? Surely not. She had written him a warm letter. But when she called, she hadn’t left a number, nor did the Yoders have caller ID. When Mary told him they had the star-69 feature, he had hopes—until he punched in the code and discovered that Hannah had called from an unknown number.
He was grateful to know she was safe, somewhere. Incredibly grateful. But it wasn’t enough. He had to find her and set the record straight. Then if she wanted nothing else to do with him, he’d cope.
Who are you kidding, Waddell? You’ll never accept losing Hannah.
Fixed on locating her, Paul went to his room, pulled out his laptop, and connected to the Internet. He figured the Net was the best place to start trying to locate private investigators. After finding the names, phone numbers, and even Web sites of several private investigators in Pennsylvania, he decided to make some calls. He called half a dozen places before he found a man named Drew, who seemed worthy of consideration. Balancing the phone between his shoulder and his ear, Paul jotted down notes as the private investigator rattled off a long list of missing-person cases. “Out of all those incidents, how many people have you actually located?”
“Well …,” Drew hesitated. “That’s harder to answer than it sounds. Finding someone depends greatly on why they’re missing. If they don’t want to be found and are smart enough to cover their trail—” A phone rang in the background, causing him to stop without finishing his sentence. “Paul, can you hold on one moment? I need to catch my other line.”
“Sure.”
Again doubts about pursuing Hannah weighed on him. She had left of her own accord, and she’d called using an unlisted number. Maybe she needed more time. Perhaps he should stick to their dream of his graduating and becoming a full-time social worker. That way, when she did return, he’d be settled in the job they’d always dreamed of—helping children in need of an advocate.
His frustration over the empty bank account surfaced again. It wasn’t just the money being gone that bothered him. Something else in all this nagged at him. He just wasn’t sure what it was.
As he closed his eyes, understanding dawned. House of Grace. He and Hannah had saved for years so they could sponsor a girl at House of Grace. From the moment he’d shared about the home for girls, her eyes had lit up. For the first time in days, a smile worked its way to Paul’s heart.
Remembering that an envelope had arrived from them a few days back, Paul began searching through the mail. Finding the ivory-colored envelope, he noted the words Global Servants stamped in purple on the far left side with an image of Thailand beside them. This was the ministry that had caused Hannah and him to unite in determination to reach beyond their lives and help a girl avoid being sold into prostitution. He slid his fingers into the envelope and pulled out the letter.
In the folds of the letter lay a photo of a young girl with a big grin, holding up a name placard. The white sign had the name A-Yom Muilae written in large letters across it. He could help this girl if he stayed focused on fulfilling Hannah’s and his dream. He laid the picture on the table and read the note.
Dear Sponsor,
The words typed across the page shared how thankful they were that Paul Waddell and Hannah Lapp had joined forces to feed, shelter, and educate a young girl. It explained how God provided ways for the organization to acquire the girls, without buying them, before they were sold by their families. The letter gave details of how to prepare and send packages for Christmas, birthdays, and even an “I love you” gift throughout the year.
Remember, it is your willingness to give that makes the girls feel
loved. Every gift you send, even the smallest gift, says, “I care about
you and your future. I love you!”
It wasn’t overly expensive to sponsor a girl. It just took some planning and effort, which he and Hannah had been doing since they learned of the plight of these girls. He’d been nineteen and Hannah only fifteen at the time. Even at just sixty dollars a month, plus gifts, he knew it would require planning and sacrifice to continue this journey until the girl was grown. They’d worked for three years toward this goal, and now they had a girl assigned to them.
The phone clicked. “Paul?” Drew asked.
“I’m here.” He lifted the photograph again. Her smile seemed genuine, but her eyes appeared to be begging for someone to truly care. Paul knew he had to keep this commitment for the sake of all three of them.
The sound of car wheels crunching against the gravel driveway caught Paul’s attention, and he moved to a window. His parents. One glance at their solemn, upright posture, and Paul knew he’d avoided this encounter as long as he could.
“Drew, I need to go. I’ll think about all this and get back with you.”
“Yeah, sure. Just remember, the trail grows colder with every hour that passes.”
Paul disconnected the call and headed for the front door. His mom, bundled in a heavy coat over her caped dress and wearing a black winter scarf over her prayer Kapp, didn’t wait for his dad to get the door for her. The two of them stepped out of the car in unison as Paul walked down the steps to greet them. He gave his mother a hug that she barely returned and then gave one to his father, who squeezed him warmly.
His dad placed a hand on Paul’s shoulder. “We need to talk.”
“Sure. Come on in.” Awkwardness joined the array of emotions bearing down on Paul. He was inviting his dad into his own mother’s home.
Without another word, his parents moved up the steps and into the living room and took a seat. Too antsy to sit, Paul shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and waited for one of them to speak. The tension radiating from his mom and dad made him regret he’d kept everything about Hannah so secretive. Last Saturday when he began searching for Hannah, he’d called them and asked them to remain by the phones in case she tried to reach him there. That’s when they’d learned their only son was interested in and even engaged to a girl they didn’t know.
His mother intertwined her rough-skinned fingers. “So all your years of ignoring us every summer and coming here were because of this Hannah person.”
He chafed at the flippant description of the woman he adored. “I didn’t ignore you.”
Silence lay thick between them.
His mom gave his dad a look he couldn’t decipher. “I blame us for part of this. We’ve allowed you too much freedom. Your sister told us that she and William have gone to a few spectator games. My guess is you’ve gone too.”
He knew professional sports were frowned on by most Plain Mennonites, but he enjoyed them, and he had always intended to take Hannah to see a game as soon as he could. It was a game, for crying out loud, and if his mother wanted repentance, she was looking at the wrong offspring.
She sighed. “I take it you don’t care that your sister, William, and Dorcas had to talk to the church leaders about this.”
Did his mother really expect him to care about some minor infraction right now?
She rested her head against the back of the couch. “Your sister, who clearly knew about Hannah before we did, said the girl left here with money and a plan and that she is believed to be completely safe, right?”
He’d answered a few of Carol’s questions when she called him earlier in the week, but he hadn’t realized she was giving a full report to their parents. “That’s what we believe. She called—”
“We?”
his dad interrupted.
Taking a seat, Paul counted to ten, trying to calm his mounting frustrations. Contrary to what his folks believed, he was an adult, and they were the ones out of line. “I talked to her brother Luke yesterday, and earlier today he came to talk to me.”
His mom glanced at his dad before turning back to Paul. “You’ve been in Owl’s Perch all week?”
“Of course.” And he’d be here all next week too. “My fiancée is missing. Am I supposed to go about life as if nothing has happened?”
His parents retreated into silence again.
“Paul,” his father began gently, “regardless of how we may sound, we’re sorry for the pain you’re going through. We really are. This is all quite a shock to us, and—”
“And you weren’t honest with us,” his mother interrupted.
“Hazel,” Dad chided.
“He wasn’t,” she insisted. “Nearly three years ago you sat at my kitchen table and promised me you’d never get involved with any of those Englischer girls on campus. I’ve asked you about it since then, and each time you gave me your word. And not once did you mention this Amish girl, not once.” Her eyes flashed with anger.
“I know, Mom. But you have to understand—I was trying to protect her.”
“From who? Me?” she screeched.
Paul wiped the palms of his hands on his pants. “You have relatives in Owl’s Perch. It was best to keep it a secret for her sake.”
“I won’t mention how well that seems to have worked for you, but I will tell you that you must return to school and work. She’s gone. I know we don’t sound like we’re sorry, but we are. If for nothing else, for the pain this is causing you.”
She was right about one thing—they didn’t sound the least bit remorseful.
“Let her go, Paul,” Dad added gently. “If she’d wanted to stay, she would have.”
Apparently they expected him to put aside the fact that Hannah was gone and simply move on with his life. “I’ve been thinking about teaming up with a private investigator and going to find her.” He stared at his shoes, wondering how Hannah would feel about being tracked down when she obviously didn’t want to be found.
His mother harrumphed. “You have obligations here.”
Standing, Paul rubbed the back of his neck. She was right, and he knew it; he just didn’t want to give in to it. Hannah had left everything behind. Couldn’t he?
Compassion shone in his dad’s eyes. “I never doubted you had someone out this way.” Dad cocked his head, with a half smile on his face. “But here’s the problem, Son. Against what most of our sect of Mennonites believe, you talked us into allowing you to go to college, saying you had to have a specific college degree to carry out your dream of helping families. I know you’ve worked hard to pay for your truck and insurance, gas, books, food, dorm, clothing.” He made a circular motion with his hand as if the list could go on and on. “But if you leave school now, you’ll lose the scholarships that were based on your finishing school and working in state for two years. You can’t afford to pay for your schooling without those scholarships, and neither can we.”
His mother grabbed a pillow off the couch and pulled it against her chest. “If you want to help families, start with your own. You can’t leave us drowning in bills from this educational venture of yours while you’re chasing someone who left you.”
“The scholarships don’t work that way, Mom. You and Dad will not be held accountable if I fail to keep the agreement. It’s my responsibility and my problem. But you don’t understand about Han—”
“Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t understand,” his mother interrupted. “She hasn’t called you. She hasn’t let you know where she is. She obviously doesn’t want you to find her.”
“I appreciate your voice of concern, Mom.”
“Do not get smart with me, Paul Waddell.”
He stifled a groan. Their adult-child relationship needed help, but now wasn’t the time to argue that she was guilty of dishing out sarcasm too. “Don’t believe the gossip about her. I know it’s not true.”
“I have no doubt that most of the rumors I’ve heard are lies.” She shrugged, as if Hannah’s innocence was unimportant. “However, what I believe or even what you believe doesn’t change anything.”
Paul shoved his hands into his pockets. “How can you say that? You never met her, so she doesn’t seem real to you. This isn’t some silly crush. I want to marry her.”
“And because of that, I’m glad she’s gone!” His mother rose, anger carved in her face. “How could you think of marrying someone I’ve never met? Someone who was pregnant for months without you even knowing it? Her whole life has been one secret after another, and when her house of cards fell, she ran—without regard for you.”
As his mother sliced him with her anger, it seemed he’d never really known her.
“Hazel,” his father scolded before he drew a deep breath and offered her a peacemaking smile, “why don’t you go upstairs and wake Mom from her nap. I need to talk to Paul alone.”
She turned and strode out of the room. Watching her climb the steps, Paul knew she had no respect for him as an adult. Oh, she loved him dearly—as long as he did things her way. But to her, his feelings were as insignificant as a child’s tears over a dropped candy bar—temporary and easily appeased.
“She’s hurting, Paul. I’ve tried to tell her for years that you had someone, but she wouldn’t believe you’d hide such a thing from us.”
“It had to be that way—”
His father held up his hand, stopping Paul in midsentence. “I get it.” He offered a weak smile. “If anyone in this family can understand, it’s me, along with your Uncle Samuel.”
“Uncle Samuel? How can an old bachelor understand this?”
He motioned Paul closer. “Gram doesn’t like anyone to talk about this. Consider it a family skeleton.”
Paul moved in and took a seat.
“When Samuel was about your age, he fell for a Catholic girl. Both families were ready to disown their children if they didn’t stop seeing each other. It broke both their hearts. Samuel was willing to leave his family over her, but she couldn’t do it. In his own way, he did leave the family over it, even though he still joins us for holidays and such. I’ve watched my older brother carry pain unlike anything I had ever imagined, and he did so for years.”
“What happened to the girl?”
“She eventually married someone her family approved of and had children. Your Uncle Samuel’s ache turned to stone, and he’s never been the same. Your mom was in the family throughout most of it. It’s part of the reason you’ve finagled too much freedom out of us; we’ve tried to handle your wanting more Englischer-type freedoms differently than my parents handled Samuel. Your mom thinks you never should have spent four years in college rooming with Englischers. You’ve become self-willed, Son. And expected too many family members to cover for you.”
Paul realized afresh the position he’d put Gram in. No wonder she kept waffling between respecting his feelings and putting up roadblocks to Hannah’s and his relationship. She didn’t want to carry the burden of standing between them, and yet she understood how Mr. Lapp felt about his daughter marrying outside their Amish community.
He drew a breath. “Hannah called.”
“Here?” Uncertainty flicked through his dad’s eyes.
Shaking his head, Paul glanced at the stairway and lowered his voice. “She called her best friend, Mary. They have a phone shanty and an answering machine.”
“What did she say?”
“That she’s safe and …” Nothing. She’d said nothing else—not really.
“She’s not coming home, is she?”
Paul shook his head. “But I’ve talked to this private investigator, and—”
“Son,” his dad interrupted him, “what are you going to bring her home to? An angry community, family, and bishop? To join your family, which will be another set of stresses
to work through. Aren’t those the very things she needed to get free from?”
“Dad, I can’t just—”
“Can’t what? Give her time? Respect that she’s in the throes of grief and deserves a little space?”
“What if she doesn’t return?” Paul moaned.
His dad tapped his fingertips together, thinking before responding. “Making her come back to this mess isn’t the answer—at least not yet. Finish school. Keep your scholarship by working in state for two years. We both know the church leaders may have some concerns if you choose to work for the state beyond your internship.” His dad smiled. “I think your job choice is fine, always have. But if it’s going to pull you away from your faith, find a different line of work. It sounds like Hannah has enough help. And she knows your phone number, right?”
Paul nodded. “But she thinks I abandoned her.”
“That’s the toughest part to live with. Still, she has to know what caused you to react the way you did. If she really loves you, she’ll reach out again, at least once more before giving up.” His dad leaned forward. “There’s something else on my mind. The preacher and bishop want to talk with you. That has your mother every bit as upset as your intent to marry a girl we’ve never met. You need to make plans to meet with them. They’re going to question you on points of the church disciplines. They know you joined the faith at fourteen. What they want to know is how faithful you’ve been. For four years your roommates have been watching television, going to movies, and partying. Our church leaders want to know where you stand.”
Paul nodded. He had nothing to hide. It was never his intention to use his freedoms for anything but pursuing Hannah—and maybe an occasional Senators game. Pursuing an Amish girl wasn’t against any part of the church disciplines, and even going to a game wasn’t considered a huge issue—just things he needed to agree not to do again if he wanted to remain in good standing with his church.
The two men sat in silence until Paul finally rose. “I need more time to think through your advice about Hannah. You might be right about giving her some time and returning to school and work. But even if that’s what I do, if she lets me know where she is, I’m out of here.”
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