by L. P. Maxa
My mom knew that Mason and I were friends. I told her it was because of Kate, not because we’d had a one-night stand. “Yeah, he’s there with his sister right now. They were both sleeping when I left. He’s a mess. He was so close with his dad and Kate. This is going to wreck him.”
“Well, all you can do is be there for him, sweetheart. Be a good friend. Be supportive. Help him when he asks for it. I’m sure that poor boy doesn’t know the first thing about taking care of a tiny baby like that.”
“I know.” I closed my eyes and leaned back against my cushions. “I just came home to grab a shower and a quick nap. I don’t want him to be alone up there for too long.”
“Let me know if you two need anything.”
“Thanks, Mom, I love you.” Tears spilled down my face. I loved my mother so much. I couldn’t imagine life without her. And that tiny baby, she would never know hers. It was heartbreaking. Gut wrenching.
“I love you too. Try and get some rest.”
We hung up and I let my tears fall unchecked. I needed to break down here. I needed to get it all out so that when I went back to the hospital, I could be strong for Mason. I’d had lunch with Kate last week. I knew she had the nursery set up for the baby, she’d shown me pictures. It was beautiful. I knew she was prepared. She had bottles and pacifiers. Blankets, burp rags, diapers, onesies. She was so excited. She’d told me Mason was hopping on a plane the second she went into labor. I knew he was supposed to be in the delivery room. They wanted him to be a part of his sister’s life from her first breath.
He missed the C-section, but I’d been there.
I’d heard her first cries.
Chapter Ten
Mason
Three days old
“Mason?”
I jolted awake, my heart pounding out of my chest.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. But the baby is up, I thought you’d want to feed her.”
I blinked my eyes a few times, taking in my surroundings. Oh yeah, I was in the hospital.
And my parents were dead.
I’d been sleeping in this glider next to my sister for two days now. Nurses had come and gone. But Payton had pretty much been living at the hospital with me. She’d work, and then run home to shower and get us food. Then she’d be back. She was like an angel. And I had no idea how I would have made it these last couple of days without her.
I sat forward and peered into the tiny clear tray. It was empty. “Where is she?”
“She’s right here. I went ahead and changed her for you.”
“Thanks.”
Payton had done so much for the baby, and for me. Over the last two days she’d taught me how to change her, bathe her, clean her umbilical cord, and make her a bottle. I’d held her to my bare chest and sang to her. We were becoming one hell of a team, her and me. And Payton. I think the baby knew I had no idea what I was doing, so she was going easy on me.
“She’s a hungry little girl today.” Payton tapped the baby’s tiny pointed chin with her finger. “Aren’t you?”
I held out my arms, smiling as I took the baby from Payton and put the bottle to her little baby lips. “Here you go.” She started eating right away, holding onto my finger like she always did.
“She doesn’t do that with the other nurses, you know? I’ve seen them feed her a few times and the only time she reaches for a finger is when you do it.”
Was she trying to make me melt into a pile of goo on the floor?
She leaned against the countertop to my left, watching me feed the cutest baby in the world with a small smile on her face. “Have you decided on her name yet? I saw that list you have going on your phone.”
When Child Services came by they told me she needed a name before she left the hospital. They made me sign a bunch of forms too. My dad and M Kat had a will and as soon as they found out they were pregnant they made sure that if anything ever happened to them the baby would be mine. They never told me that. Or maybe they had and I’d thought they were doing it as a nice gesture.
Losing both your parents in one night is not something you ever think will happen to you. I was flattered that they thought of me, thought that I was worthy of this baby. Capable of raising her. I thought they were crazy as hell, but I was flattered nonetheless. “I was thinking about Katherine, Katie, after M Kat.”
“I think that would be perfect, Mace.” Payton reached down and ran her hand over the baby’s soft head. I knew it was soft because I did the same thing, all the time. “Does Katie have a middle name?”
Picking her first name was easy. It was her middle name that had given me trouble at first. I had scrolled through my phone looking at list after list of baby names, trying to pick something that M Kat would have liked. In the end, I went with something my dad would have enjoyed. “James.”
Payton cocked her head to the side. “Is James a family name too?”
I had to chuckle. “Nope. James as in James Dean.” I stroked her cheek with one of my free fingers. “Katherine James Cadence.” My baby sister. My responsibility. My whole world.
“The song you sang that night at the pier. “Rock On.” You said it was your dad’s favorite, right?” Payton’s smile grew and she handed me a burp rag.
“You remember that?” I couldn’t help but mirror her grin. It warmed me a little that she’d remembered my dad’s favorite song. “You replay that night over and over in your mind don’t you?” I winked. Then sobered because I had no right to be flirty right now. No right to laugh or make jokes. My parents were dead. My sister was an orphan.
She rolled her eyes. “Of course I do. Every night, like clockwork.” She stepped one aisle over, checking the vitals of a baby boy that was much teenier than the one in my arms. “Katie gets to go home today, friend. She’s gained a few ounces. She’s eating. The pediatrician gave you the all clear.”
I took a deep shaky breath, looking down at my sister. “Well, kiddo, looks like shit just got real.” I wrinkled my nose. “Guess I should stop saying shit, huh?” I was talking to Katie, but I heard Payton laugh and couldn’t help but enjoy the sound. I felt guilty again for feeling an emotion like joy. “What the hell am I supposed to do now, Payton? I need to talk to my label, our managers. I need to plan two fucking funerals. I need…” I hung my head, suddenly overwhelmed and completely heartbroken.
“I told you, Mace. You be here for her, and I’ll be here for you.” She was sitting on the edge of my chair now and rubbing my back. “I already talked to the hospital. I took two weeks worth of vacation, starting tomorrow. As soon as I get off tonight, I’ll pack a bag and head to the ranch.”
I looked up, unshed tears clouding my vision. “Really?”
She nodded. “I’m here.”
I laid my head against her side and breathed in her sweet scent. “I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you for this, Payton.”
“We’re friends, Mason. No thanks necessary. Kate was my…” She paused when her voice cracked with emotion. “I’m right here with you.”
I’d spent the past two days in the hospital room with my phone turned off. I had shut the world out. But today we were going home, going back to a home that would feel empty. Feel haunted. It was going to be hard and it was going to hurt like hell. And I had no one else. I needed Payton more than I needed oxygen right now.
I didn’t know the first thing about taking care of an infant by myself. I’d never planned a funeral. I’d never done anything a grown man should know how to do. I wasn’t the right choice for Katie’s guardian.
I was the only choice and that made me sad for her.
She deserved better.
Chapter Eleven
Payton
I’d called Mason’s cell after my shift at the hospital was over. There was a screaming infant in the background and Mason sounded stressed as hell. It was about a twenty-minute drive to the ranch and I hoped that he would be okay when I got there. His whole life had just been turned upside down. In a matter of mere seconds he
lost both his parents and went from playboy rock star to a surrogate father.
A few minutes later, when I went to turn off the main road to head through the gates to the ranch’s driveway, I was met with about a million camera flashes. I winced and held my hand in front of my face. The lights were blinding. A man in a suit pushed through the crowd and knocked on my window. “This is private property.”
I raised an eyebrow, surveying the crowd of reporters and paparazzi on the side of the road. “Doesn’t really look like it though, huh?”
“Name?” He seemed annoyed.
“Payton Adkins. I’m here to see Mason. I’m a, uh, friend.”
The beefcake security man raised a sharp brow. “Isn’t everyone?”
Damn Mason and his whorish ways. I smiled, as genuinely as I could. “I was one of the nurses that helped take care of the baby in the NICU.” I grabbed my wallet from the passenger seat and showed him my ID and the hospital badge.
He nodded, then spoke something I couldn’t hear into his sleeve. The tall iron gates started to swing open and about ten more guys, all attractive and dressed in suits, came out. They blocked the reporters from getting any closer and made a path for me to drive through. “Holy shit.” I knew my eyes were wide, but this was like a circus.
My heart ached for Mason and the baby. They’d lost so much and the world was treating it like a sideshow. I parked and walked up to the front door, knocking loudly. I could hear the baby crying, screaming really. But no one answered. I tried the handle, and when I found it unlocked I let myself in. “Mace? Where are you guys?” I took a few steps into the house, the Spanish tile gleaming under my feet.
“Thank fuck you’re here.” Mason came into view, a wailing infant in his arms. He was wearing a gray wifebeater and some loose black drawstring pants. They hung so low on his hips that my eyes traveled down of their own accord. “I’ve tried everything. I fed her, I changed her. I burped her. She won’t stop.” He looked rough. His hair was sticking up all over the place, he had either pee or vomit on his beater, and his eyes were red and wild. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
Seemed those two had had a rough four hours since they left the hospital. Although he looked as if he had showered and shaved, and was handsome as hell. I crossed the open floor plan living room and took the baby from his arms. I held her close, shushing in her ear.
“She’s used to the sounds of the NICU. Constant noise and voices.” I started to bounce her a little on my way to the old record player in the corner of the room. “Does this work?”
“Yeah.” He came over, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Or exhaustion. I watched as he lifted the lid and turned it on. Even worn out and stressed, he still looked handsome. An old Eagles album started to play.
“Turn it up a bit.” I unwrapped Katie from the blanket twisted around her body, and then rewrapped her without setting her down.
“How did you do that?” He sank onto the large brown leather sectional. “I can barely get her swaddled when she’s still and lying down. Why didn’t you do a better job teaching me Payton? Why?”
“You’re a terrible student.” I winked to match his humor. It seemed like every time he let himself feel an emotion even close to happiness, it bothered him. “And it’s swaddled, Mace.” I held her close, bouncing to the slow beat of the music. Within a few seconds, she stopped crying. Her eyes were open, taking in as much of her surroundings as she could.
“I tried music. She wasn’t having it.” His arms were crossed, his gaze on the baby in my arms. “She already likes you better than me.”
I snorted. “You tried music as a last resort. You were already worked up, tense because you couldn’t make her happy. She can feel your stress.” I placed a soft kiss on her tiny head. “Me? No stress. Bouncing with a preemie in my arms is what I do.” I smiled. “You’re great with her, Mace. You just need to get some rest.”
He leaned his head back, putting his hands in his hair. “Unfortunately, rest isn’t in my near future. I have about a hundred people clamoring to talk to me. I need to make a statement and I need to plan a joint funeral.” His voice cracked at that last word. And my heart broke a little more for him and for Katie.
I met his eyes. “Mason. It’s ten o’clock at night. You’ve had a really long three days and tomorrow isn’t going to be any easier.” I looked down at the baby. She really was one of the cutest infants I’d ever seen. And I’d seen a lot. “Go. Get some rest while I watch her. Tomorrow you can face the world.”
“No. You don’t have to do that. You worked all day and just by being here you’re—”
“We had sex, like four times. We did dirty things in your pool. And I’ve talked to you on the phone for hours at a time. Hell, I talked you through giving a naked groupie an EpiPen injection after you poured honey on her stomach.” I narrowed my eyes. “We’re friends, Mason. Right?”
He chuckled at my words. “Yeah, Payton. We’re friends.”
I liked seeing him smile. I knew those smiles were going to be few and far between over the next few weeks or so. “Well as your friend, I’m telling you to take your emotionally drained and physically exhausted ass to bed.” I gestured to the baby in my arms. “Katie and I? We go way back. And we’re going to be just fine.”
He stared at me for a few seconds, then let out a sigh and got to his feet. “Thank you.” He came over to us, placing a kiss on her head, and then one on my cheek. “And it was five times, baby.”
After he disappeared down the hall, I whispered, “Your brother is a mess, little girl.” Katie eye’s moved to my face, and I swear she winked at me.
I shouldn’t have brought up our time at the ranch, or the things we did in that pool. Mason was going to need me as a friend, now more than ever. It certainly wasn’t the time to start anything more, anything physical. Not even close. He was vulnerable and hurting. He’d lost his parents. His world was spiraling out of control. I’d be there for him, for Katie. But only as a friend.
I wouldn’t let myself be his escape, his emotional rebound.
We’d both end up hurt when it was over.
Chapter Twelve
Mason
Four days old
I opened my eyes, then shut them. The sunlight streaming into my room was more than I could handle. I turned my head to the side, looking at the clock on my nightstand. It was eight o’clock in the morning. I bolted upright. I’d been asleep for over eight hours. I tried not to panic, I really did. What better hands could my baby sister be in than those of my gorgeous friend who just so happened to be NICU nurse? I climbed out of bed, pulling my jeans on as I stumbled off down the hallway, still somewhat groggy. I passed the nursery, then stopped short and backed up. Payton was rocking Katie in the pale gray glider, feeding her and singing along to the Eagles song that had played last night. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to come in that room yesterday. It was too sad, too hard. M Kat decorated it for her daughter. I knew she’d pictured herself here, doing exactly what Payton was doing. I put my hand to my heart again. Would this ache ever go away?
“Hey, my beautiful girls.” I leaned against the doorframe, watching them.
Payton grinned. She was just as stunning as I remembered, with the sunlight making her olive skin look gold. We’d texted and talked on the phone while I’d been on tour. But no FaceTime, no Snapchat. And looking at her smiling face now, I really wished we had.
“Hey, you. How’d you sleep?”
“Like a rock apparently.” I took a few steps toward her. She’d changed out of her scrubs at some point. She was wearing some yoga pants and a T-shirt than slipped off her shoulder. “I’m sorry, I should have set an alarm.”
“No worries.” She spoke to Katie. “We had a good time. We danced and ate and danced some more. Then, and this is the best part, we took a four hour nap.” She looked up, amusement in her face. “And she pooped, twice.”
“Glad I slept through all that.” I held my hands out. “You want me to take
her? Do you have anything you need to get done today? I know you took time off, but…” I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t want to handle today alone.
“We’re good.” She met my eyes. “I’m here, Mason. Whatever you need, I’m here. And I meant what I said last night, we’re friends. Friends help each other. So please don’t hesitate to ask, okay?”
I sat down on the ottoman in front of the glider, pulling my phone from my pocket. “Well in that case, would you mind just staying around the house with me today? I have a bunch of things I’m going to need to take care of, but I’m not leaving the property. It’s a madhouse out there.”
She nodded, smiling.
***
Eight hours later, I walked in to find Payton back in that glider feeding Katie. I couldn’t help but watch them together. Her long dark hair was piled on her head and out of the way. Her tank top was tight against her great tits. Her face was free of any makeup and she looked like a beautiful Lululemon ad.
She was so at ease with the infant in her arms, so sure of her every movement. I didn’t know how I would have made it through today without Payton by my side. And she had been, right next to me. She helped me write a statement to address my dad’s and M Kat’s deaths. She helped me make all the funeral arrangements. She even went so far as to make me lunch and unpack my suitcase. Where she found the time to do all that while she was taking care of Katie, I’d never know. She was like a superhero. A superhero crossed with an angel who used to be a prima ballerina but now did yoga in the desert for fun.
“Fancy seeing you here.”
She looked up at the sound of my voice. “I know, right?” She waggled her eyebrows. “Apparently this is our sweet spot.”
“Thank you for today. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I sat down in front of her on the matching ottoman, encasing her legs with mine and rubbed her thighs. “I think you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” When she was near me, I itched to touch her. And then I felt guilty about it. I was about to bury my parents, and I had a baby sister who would never meet them. I had no business being turned on by the one person who had been willing to hop on this crazy train and help me.