by L. P. Maxa
Me: Please, Payton.
I watched as she fished her phone out of her bag when it went off. “Sorry, but I need to make sure everything is okay with—”
Me: You know this is adorable and you want to smile.
Payton: I don’t. At all.
Me: We both know that there is still something here between us. I made a mistake, a huge fucking mistake. But I’m here now, and I’m never leaving you again. Either of you.
Payton: Fuck.
Payton: Off.
I’d driven a girl who rarely cussed to using the f-bomb like it was nothing. Before I put my phone away, it vibrated in my hand one more time.
Payton: Friend.
I had to bite my lip to keep my grin in check. “Thank you.”
“Friends, Mason. Friends for the sake of my sanity, friends so my brothers don’t murder you, and friends for Katie.” She polished off her wine. “Don’t push me on this.”
“Okay.” I smiled and then started to finally eat my food. I felt lucky just to be in the same damn room as her tonight. Every pair of male eyes in the restaurant was trained on her. The thin black slip dress she was wearing was making more mouths water than the steaks were. Her long dark hair full of loose curls pulled over one shoulder, exposing her gorgeous neck.
Yeah. I felt pretty fucking lucky tonight.
***
As soon as we got back to the house, Payton went to bed. The rest of dinner had been pleasant enough. We talked about Katie, we talked about going through more of my parents’ things. But we didn’t bring up the past, and I didn’t beg her for a future.
“How was it?” Paxton was sitting on the couch, ESPN on the TV.
“I thought you had a date?”
He wrinkled his forehead. “It’s only nine.”
“She agreed to co-parent Katie, and she agreed to friends. She told me not to push her on it though.” I sat down in the chair across from him. “I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me, man. I know she’s your sister and you think you know her pretty well. But she was my uh…girlfriend. I think I may have fucked up beyond repair.”
He leaned back against the cushions and put his folded hands on top of his head. “For such a famous rock star, you’re such a little pussy.”
“Please stop calling me a pussy, you’re really ruining that word for me.”
“Then stop acting like one.” He shrugged. “Look. My sister, for all intents and purposes, is a single mom with an adorable baby.” I stopped breathing when he called Payton Katie’s mom, but he didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe he didn’t care. “You know how to win Payton over, you’ve done it before—”
“Twice.”
He glared at me and I held up my hands in surrender. “I’m just saying. I got her to, uh, ‘fall for me’ twice.” Once was because she wanted my body and once was because she wanted my heart.
“Make her laugh, melt her using that kid of y’all’s. Just be the you she fell for in the first place. Remind her that you’re more than just some dickhead that left her high and dry because you were too chickenshit to admit you were in love with her.”
Paxton loved insulting me and he loved using the phrases that had freaked me out in the beginning.
Y’all’s kid.
In love with her.
“What about Parker? Is he going to try and kick my ass when he sees me making moves on his little sister?”
“Would you?” When I paled he started to chuckle. “I’m kidding, man. I’ll call him off.” He leaned forward and pointed at me, a serious look coming over his face. “But you hurt her again, and I’ll fucking kill you myself.”
“If I hurt her again, I’ll give you my blessing.” I got up and headed toward the hallway.
“Hey, Mace?”
“Yeah?”
“Katie has been really fussy lately, she’s teething. She usually wakes up at least once during the night. Pay’s been having to bring her out here to listen to some music.”
I nodded in understanding. “Thanks.”
Since Katie was already asleep, I couldn’t start our new routine tonight. I went into my parents’ room and lay down on the bed. I closed my eyes and wracked my brain, trying to think of ways to get Payton to forgive me. To let me back in.
I’d fucked up so horribly. If she never got over this, it was no one’s fault but my own. I was my own worst enemy and I’d messed up. Big-time. What would happen if she never forgave me? Would we just live here at the ranch, co-parenting forever?
Payton was amazing, she was gorgeous and kind and funny. She was tough, strong. She’d find someone, and she’d fall in love. She’d find someone who could give her the world, someone who would never leave. Would never make her cry.
Someone better than me.
Chapter Thirty-nine
Payton
Fifteen weeks and four days old
“Come on, Bug, let’s go listen to some tunes. That’ll make it all better, right?” Katie was teething and not at all happy about it. I rubbed some organic numbing gel on her gums and then carried her down the hall and into the living room. After Mason had left, I’d tried to get her to agree to another record. But she still only calmed down with the Eagles. I knew the words to all these songs by heart. I could probably sing them backward and forward. Her favorite was “Best of My Love.”
Katie laid her sleepy little head on my shoulder, her eyes heavy. I turned in a circle because, after all, we were dancing. I stopped short when I saw Mason leaning against the wall, watching us with this look of absolute awe on his face.
He took a step toward me. “I thought of moments like this the whole time I was gone.”
I took a step backward, away from the honesty shinning in Mason’s eyes. I didn’t want to speak and ruin the spell Katie was under. I didn’t want to wake her up. So I just shook my head. My pulse pounded and I could feel those stupid traitorous butterflies stir to life.
“Please, Payton? Please, just this one thing? Just this one time?”
A ridiculous tear fell down my face. And I closed my eyes to keep the rest of them right where they were.
Mason wrapped us both in his arms and started to sway. I didn’t want to relax into his hold, but I did. I didn’t want to breathe in his scent, but I did.
“God I missed this. Missed my girls.”
No. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fall back into him like that. Like nothing bad had ever happened. I pulled back, shaking my head. “I asked you not to push me.” He took a step toward me but the look on my face stopped him. “Don’t use my love for her against me. That’s not fair.” Luckily Katie was back asleep, so I left him standing in the middle of that dark room.
With the song still playing.
***
“Are you just now getting home?” I was sitting at the kitchen island the next morning, drinking my cup of coffee. Usually I’d have Katie in my lap, or in her bouncy seat on the floor. But Mason had been in her room with her when I’d gone to get her dressed for the day. So I’d just kept on walking. Avoidance, that was my new and improved plan. Civil and at a distance.
“Maybe. What’s it to ya?” Paxton, wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday, poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned his hip against the counter.
“Well, at least one person in this house is seeing some action.” I blew on my coffee before taking another sip. It’d been over eleven weeks since I’d been touched. Not that I got a lot of action before Mason. I was always up at the hospital or with my family. I didn’t date a lot, and one-night stands weren’t really my thing. But Mason had spoiled my body, ruined me. Him being home? Being close? Was making it more than apparent that there was something missing from my life. Sex.
“I’m sure if you’re really wanting some ass Mason would be more than happy to oblige.”
“I’m not making that mistake a third time.” I wrinkled my nose at how pathetic that sounded on my part. Fool me once? Nah, let’s just fool me twice and get it over with.
; “I take it dinner didn’t go well?”
I sent him a small smile. “Dinner actually went okay. We agreed to try to be friends, to co-parent Katie. It was civil, and I even enjoyed parts of it.” I pointed at my brother. “If you tell him I said that I’ll beat you with a pillow case full of bar soap.”
“Graphic.” He propped his elbows on the island in front of me. “So why are you so freshly pissed at him?”
“Last night I was up with Katie. We were in the living room, listening to our record. I do a little twirl and BAM! He’s standing there watching us.” I took another sip before continuing. “He looks at me with these puppy dog eyes, and spouts some line about how much he missed me. Then he comes and wraps Katie and me in his arms and starts dancing with us.”
“He did what? He’s such a moron. I told him…”
I cocked my head to the side when Paxton let his words trail off. “What?”
“What?” He took a large sip of his coffee.
“You told him to come do that? To come hold us like nothing had ever happened? The day he got back?”
He rolled his eyes. “Of course not.”
I watched Paxton for a couple seconds, but when he sat silently drinking his coffee, I moved on. It’s not like my brothers would ever try to help Mason get me back. They knew what his leaving had done to me. “Whatever.” I finished off my coffee and put my mug in the sink. “Will you go grab Katie for me? We need to head to yoga.”
“You have legs, Pay. If avoiding his presence is your plan, it’s not a good one. You live in the same house. Stop acting like a child.”
Before I could pout, or throw a fit, Mason came walking into the kitchen. “Here you go. She’s all dressed and ready to happy baby it up.” He handed me Katie, and a freshly stocked diaper bag.
“You know the names of yoga poses?” Paxton put his hand over his mouth and coughed, “Pussy.”
Mason smirked. “Ask me how I know. Come on, man, ask me about down dog.” He gestured with his head in my direction, wagging his eyebrows, and Paxton’s smile fell.
“You want me to hit you? This early?”
I looked between the two of them, a frown on my face. They were joking around. What the hell? “When did y’all become friends?”
Paxton snorted. “Keep dreaming baby sister.” He placed a kiss on Katie’s head and turned me toward the archway. “You’re going to be late.”
But before I got to the front door Mason grabbed my hand. He dropped it and took a small step back as soon as I shot him a death glare. “Payton, look, about last night…”
“No.” I shook my head. “You promised me that you wouldn’t push. And you lied. Again.” Last night made me feel weak. I loved having him there to hold us. I loved him whispering the words to that song in my ear. I’d dreamed of another moment like that every night.
He was playing to all of my weaknesses, and he fucking knew it.
I walked out before he could say anything else.
Chapter Forty
Mason
Fifteen weeks and four days old.
I watched through the window as she loaded up Katie and drove away. I wanted to go with them. I wanted to see them do mommy and me yoga, it sounded fucking adorable.
Holding Payton and Katie last night was the best feeling in the world. I’d give anything to get to do it again. Get to do it every night. But I needed to take things slow. I knew if I pushed too far, too fast, she’d shut me down completely. Much like the first night I met her. Payton would take some finesse. Hopefully I still had some.
“Can you not do anything right?”
I hung my head when Paxton walked up behind me. “You’re plan didn’t work, at all. She’s super pissed again. All the headway I made at dinner went up in flames.”
“That’s because you’re an idiot. I meant take over for her, not molest her.” He shook his head. “She needed to see you rock and sing to Katie, that would have melted her. Girls love shit like that. Katie has gotten me every date I’ve had in the last three weeks. And you need to remind Payton what things were like in the beginning, what it was like having you here. When y’all were a couple, a team.”
“Either way, she’s livid. She’s never going to forgive me.” I shook my head, letting despair and hopelessness take hold of my mood. I was straight up having a pity party.
“You’re a pussy. You’re such a pussy that I’m rethinking helping you get her back.” He shrugged his shoulders, a bewildered look on his face. “How you got her to start sleeping with you, on two separate occasions, I’ll never know.” I opened my mouth to tell him exactly how I got his sister into bed, but he cocked his fist back. So I shut up. “You owe me a hundred dollars by the way.”
“What? Why?”
“I had to pay Parker not to kick your ass. The Benjamin only bought you three days, so you better get your shit together and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Pity parties are counterproductive at this point. All those will show her, and us, is what a little bitch you are.”
I ignored the insult. Because what was the point? “You want me to win back your sister, the girl I left to raise a baby by herself? In three days?”
“Well, two days technically because yesterday was part of that bundle.” He started to walk off down the hallway. “Someone needs to run to the grocery store.”
“Why? We can hire someone to delivery groceries out to the ranch.”
He was looking at me like he literally wanted to hit me again. “Payton doesn’t like doing things like that. And the grocery store is next door to the yoga studio.” He glared at me. “The list is on the fridge. Pussy.”
***
I hadn’t gone to the grocery store in years. It wasn’t worth the time and effort. Usually I’d get recognized, then I’d have to leave my cart and run to my car. But Paxton was right. If I wanted Payton back, if I wanted to stop pissing her off, I was going to need to try harder. I flew through the aisles with a ball cap pulled low on my head. I got everything on the list, signed three autographs, and timed it so that I was walking out the door when mommy and me yoga let out.
“Mason?”
Payton was wearing Katie in a sling and her yoga mat was hanging from her back on a strap. She was flushed and her hair was pulled back from her face. Her yoga pants were tight and her top was cropped. I was, quite possibly, drooling. “Oh hey, how was class?”
“Are you stalking me?”
Totally. I gave her a small grin and held up the grocery bags. “I saw the list of things we needed on the fridge, so I thought I’d make myself useful.”
She tilted her head, smiling a little. “That’s really nice of you, Mace, but um, usually we have the groceries delivered.”
Paxton was a stupid motherfucker. “Well since I’m here, do you guys want to grab a smoothie or something? I was headed that way after I dropped these bags in my car.” I’d made a pit stop and bought a brand new Land Rover before I returned to the ranch yesterday. It wasn’t avoidance, it was a necessity.
“Mason…”
I shrugged, trying to be super casual. “It’s just a smoothie, Payton. But if you don’t want to go, just text me your order and I’ll bring you one home.” I was mentally crossing my fingers, praying that she’d say yes. That was how much I wanted to be near her, how much I wanted to be part of her day. Of her life. I’d gone from sleeping wrapped around her body every night to silently begging her to have a smoothie at the same table as me.
“Um, no, I’ll uh…A smoothie sounds nice.”
We walked side by side, and after I put the groceries away we got a smoothie together. She took Katie out of her sling and I held her in my lap. I made Payton laugh, three times. And I made Katie smile. It was the best day I’d had since the day I left nearly twelve weeks ago.
Chapter Forty-one
Payton
Fifteen weeks and five days old
Mason put Katie to bed last night. And he got up with her this morning. It was clear that he was making an effort, an
d that he wanted to be back in her life. To be part of it. He’d given me my space too. He followed me around constantly. But he didn’t push. He didn’t try to touch me. He didn’t try to catch my attention so he could send me those puppy dog eyes. He was friendly, funny, and above all else? Helpful. Although that probably had more to do with proving that I no longer needed my older brothers to live at the ranch.
“Diner was amazing, Pay. Thanks for cooking.” Parker smiled at me from across the table and then turned a glare on Mason. “You should do the dishes.”
Mason got up from the table to do as my brother said. No smartass comment, no complaint. It kind of made me sad. I didn’t want an obedient lap dog. I wanted to see the old Mason, the one that had been my friend before he left on tour. “You’re welcome for dinner. And you should do the dishes. Mason went to the grocery store yesterday.” I grinned sweetly at my brother’s scowl, throwing Mace a bone.
“Why the hell did he go to the store? Don’t we have that weekly delivery service?”
Mason sat back down and clasped his hands together under his chin, his eyes on Paxton. “Do we now?”
Parker snarled. “We. As in the people who live in this house that aren’t you.”
Paxton stood and then went over to Katie’s swing, getting her out. “Come on, Bug. It’s bath time. And then Uncle Pax has a hot date.” He used Katie’s tiny hand to wave. “Say bye, losers. Bye-bye.” He completely ignored Mason’s question and Parker’s comment.
“Your brother dates a lot.” Mason chuckled quietly as he watched Paxton and Katie make their way through the living room.
“Says the rock star that probably has more notches on his belt than Wilt Chamberlin.”
I was confused. “Who is Wilt Chamberlin?” And also kind of gross because, you know, I was one of those notches.
Mason answered, “No one,” the same time Parker said, “This basketball player who supposedly slept with over like ten thousand women.”
Oh, Lord, please don’t let Mason’s number be anywhere close to that. I glanced at Mace out of the side of my eye. He was staring my brother down. I looked toward the sink to find Parker standing there with a smirk on his face. Obviously he was doing this to goad Mason, to make him look less than in my eyes.