by Rachel Burns
“Yes, he is, but that my dear is just between us. The same will be true of you and Scott.”
“But Scott told you about the spanking this afternoon.”
“You are still ours. He wasn’t actually within his rights. But with you two there is a special circumstance because he has already had to do it before.”
“Had to?”
“Don’t start. That’s another thing I like about him. He makes sure you don’t do anything stupid.”
“Mama. I don’t do anything stupid ever, and if I were to, I would get caught and punished I never get a chance to relax. I hate always having to be on my guard. I could never relax with him. He isn’t the type you can talk to about your problems. I would always be afraid that he would end up spanking me.” Brianna hung her head. “I’ll tell him tomorrow.”
“What will you tell him?”
“The truth, I suppose.”
Brianna went to bed with worse butterflies in her stomach than what she got before a spanking. Did she want to be Scott’s girlfriend? She didn’t know that answer to that one herself, and tomorrow she had to tell him. How could she decided in such a short time when she had so much information to sort through in her head?
She tossed and turned until she fell asleep from exhaustion.
Chapter 12 – Who Am I To You?
Brianna got out of her father’s car and looked around. Her mother had convinced her to wait until after the meal at Scott’s family’s house to tell him that she didn’t want to be his girlfriend.
Scott wanted to walk with her and talk with her. That way they could be alone. Her mother warned her to break it to him gently. Hurting a man’s pride was a terrible thing to do.
Brianna already knew that. Scott’s pride had been hurt because of what happened on Christmas Morning. That made even more sense now. It hadn’t at the time. He had been so embarrassed.
Besides, it took a lot of courage to tell someone you love them. Eva also told her to keep in mind that they would be living together for the next two years. It could get very uncomfortable if she didn’t break it to him gently.
They walked into church and went to their normal pew. Scott was already standing there, waiting for her. Cathy was on his other side. His whole family was smiling at her. She blushed and said quick good mornings as she moved to stand next to him. He already had a hymnal for them to share in his hands.
“Good morning, Brianna. You look fantastic again this morning.”
She was wearing a dress he had seen hundreds of times before.
The pastor greeted the congregation. His eyes fell on the two of them, and he smiled.
This was just getting worse and worse, she thought. It would make it so hard on him when she told him the truth. She felt many eyes on them. She should have called him this morning so he could have saved face. Sitting together like this was just cruel to him.
Scott could hardly believe his luck. She had gone out with him yesterday, and he had gotten to give her their first kiss, and it had been amazing. And today they were sitting next to each other. The other guys here in church would know that she was taken. Things like that were respected around here. Word would be spread in town.
The pastor had them all stand for the opening hymn. Scott got to sing with Brianna. His voice was okay, but Brianna’s was enough to blow anyone away. He was filled with such pride. He was lucky to be the man standing next to her.
They sat quietly next to each other. When the pastor had everyone greet each other and shake hands, Brianna and Scott look at each other for the first time that day. Brianna blushed, and Scott grinned. They greeted those around them, and Scott laid his hand on her back. He was careful not to sit on her skirt as they sat back down.
Eva raised an eyebrow at that. Brianna didn’t seem to notice. She acted like his attentions were completely normal for her. After communion, she even leaned over to him and whispered something in his ear. He nodded at her. They looked like an old couple.
Eva wondered if her daughter could really be that blind. They already were a pair.
Brianna’s stomach was turning in knots. Scott had whispered in her ear that he would wait for her in the fellowship hall after she was finished. She had nodded. She taught her lesson and spoke with the child’s mother about her being gone next week. Scott had made it possible that she wouldn’t have to miss any school.
She felt like she had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The angel reminded her of all the good things he had done for her. The devil reminded her that her bottom was still a little sore from yesterday, and she had to sit to teach.
She took her time getting to the fellowship room after she was finished. She found her parents and said goodbye to them first. They looked disappointed in her. She quietly went to find Scott. He was talking to a friend when she came in.
Scott turned and smiled at her and beckoned her forward. He laid his arm around her and introduced her to his friend. The three of them talked for a bit until Scott announced that they had to hurry to his parents because his mom would be finished cooking for them soon. Again he made it sound like this was something that they had done a thousand times.
Scott got Brianna into his car again. Her long skirt was covering up her amazing legs, but he remembered what they looked like.
Scott thought about his friend. His eyes had almost fallen out when he saw Brianna. He knew that he thought that she was beautiful, but seeing his friend’s reaction told him that other men thought that she was beautiful too.
“I haven’t seen him since we graduated high school. He was just visiting his parents,” Scott explained.
Brianna nodded at him. She wasn’t sure what she should say.
She was being so quiet again, he thought. Brianna always needed some time to warm up. This had probably been a big shock for her. He was looking forward to their walk later on. They definitely had lots to talk about.
Scott’s parents greeted her like long lost friends. Cathy was ginning at her too. Brianna wanted to asked her if she had known the whole time too, but Scott never left her side. He took her by her hand and led her to the table. His sister Rebecca and her family were also there.
“So this is the Brianna I have heard so much about.” Rebecca was blond like her mother and Sharon. Brianna had known her in school back then too. Well better said, known of her. She had been really popular. She was the cute friendly blond type. A typical cheerleader. But they hadn’t had that at their school. No boys meant, no need to jump around in short skirts cheering for them.
“It’s nice to meet you, Rebecca. Your kids are just adorable.” Brianna smiled at the one-year-old twins sleeping in a playpen.
“Thank you, but they are a real handful. I wished we lived closer so mom and dad could babysit more often. We just couldn’t go to church with these two. They would have screamed a lot.” Rebecca looked Brianna up and down.
Cathy grinned avoiding Brianna’s eye. She felt that something was coming.
“You are really pretty. It’s hard to believe that someone like Scott could get someone like you. Scott, you look like Quasimodo next to her.”
“Becky, knock it off.” Her father wanted to nip any squabbling right in the bud. “I’m sorry, Brianna, but these two always seem to go at each other every time they meet.”
Brianna was shaking because she was trying so hard not to laugh. She didn’t dare look at Scott. She didn’t want to get into trouble for that again.
“Now you know why we have been hiding her away until now,” Scott bit back at her.
“Sit!” John had heard enough. “I’m sorry, Brianna. This has been going on since he and Cathy got home.”
“Fine Dad, I understand. We are leaving this afternoon.” Rebecca was pretending to be offended. Her husband rolled his eyes.
“Rebecca, that’s not what I meant. I just wanted to explain things to Brianna. She should know that she is in no way influencing your behavior or Scott’s. Sit as far apart as you can from each othe
r so the rest of us can enjoy our meal.” He got louder at the end.
Brianna had never heard him get loud before. Brianna looked at Rebecca’s husband again. He seemed to be ignoring her bad behavior.
That was new to Brianna too. Her father wouldn’t have let her get away with something like that. He would have taken her up to her room and explained the error of her ways. That was when it dawned on her. He couldn’t do that because she wasn’t his anymore. She was her husband’s problem, and he was ignoring it.
Brianna sat next to Scott and listened to them talk.
The angel and devil on her shoulder were having an all out battle while everyone ate. She was being extremely quiet again.
Scott held her hand under the table. He did a lot of talking. Rebecca said something very mean every once in a while. Scott was trying very hard not to say anything mean back, but it was getting very hard for him because all of her mean things were directed at him.
Brianna didn’t think it was at all funny anymore.
Scott told them about meeting his friend from high school.
“You’re lucky he didn’t flirt with Brianna, or you would be sitting here alone.” Rebecca nodded at her own words.
Brianna gasped. She wanted to ask if she was insulting her or him now. Did she honestly think that she would take off with a strange man that she had just met because he flirted with her?
“Brianna, are you ready for that walk we talked about?” Scott stood up and pulled her along with him.
“Thank you for lunch, Mrs. Greene.” Brianna was relieved to leave.
“I’m really sorry about that. We never really got along, but it has gotten a lot worse now that she got married and moved out.”
Brianna could tell that he was very embarrassed by what had happened. He shouldn’t be. Rebecca should be.
“Never mind. I thought that now would be a good time to talk. I realize that you must feel overwhelmed by all this. Do you have any questions?”
“Dozens.” He was holding her hand as they walked. She couldn’t think where she should start. “Really the whole time?”
“Well, in the beginning I didn’t understand it myself. I was so convinced that you couldn’t be so good and sweet. I was just waiting for you to screw up somehow. You never did, but I did a lot. I am truly sorry about all that. Then you were here all the time over Christmas. That bugged me, but I couldn’t figure out why. I got in a lot of trouble for suggesting that you find a summer job. I really didn’t know. I wondered about all the odd things you said, like drawing the shortest straw, and me getting stuck with you. And the way you could juggle. Clowns at the hospital. None of it made sense. You had my mind up and running just trying to figure you out.
“And I hated it that you called me Sir. I liked it when you slipped up and called me Scott. And then you got sick. I was so obvious that you were really very sick, and the nurse kept on insisting that you weren’t that bad off, but I was so scared.” Just remembering that seemed to be too much for both of them. He pulled her close and hugged her. “I am so glad I didn’t lose you.” He held her tightly to his chest while he petted over her hair.
Brianna decided to take this chance to say what she was really feeling while he wasn’t looking in her eyes. “I’m a little afraid of you.”
“Oh Brianna, I don’t want you to be afraid of me, ever. I want you – to be happy with me. Of course, I have to gain your trust first. I realize that, and I will do what I can to do that.”
Brianna pushed away from him. “Yesterday. It was yesterday.” She was spitting mad.
“Brianna, I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“Probably?” She turned on him, and he even took a step back away from her. “Probably?”
“Brianna, I can explain.” He raised his hands to stop her. “It was – I was just so surprised to see you giving up so easily. I mean I had planned this amazing speech, and I show up, and you are already crying and talking about not being a part of my life in the near future. It just wasn’t how I planned that moment.”
“So you –” She waved her hand in the air.
“Yes, I did. And after seeing how Rebecca acted again today, I honestly think that is the way to go. Tell me you weren’t thinking that someone should do something to stop her?”
“I’m not her. I’m me. And I don’t insult people. I’m tired of it. I just want to feel safe.” The corners of her mouth were pulled down, and she wrapped her arms around herself.
Scott remembered her doing that while he was spanking her for slamming the door. It hadn’t even been her fault. He was making her feel unsafe. “Brianna, honey, don’t. I swear I can make you feel safe and guide you. I know I can.”
“Guide me?” She pointed to herself. “I’m not lost. I never should have been at that stupid school. It was bad luck. Just like being born sick, just bad luck. But ending up with a man who is just like my father or even stricter isn’t bad luck. It would be a very bad choice on my part. I don’t want that. I want to be able to say oops and move on like everyone else does when I mess up. I don’t want to live in fear of you finding out some tiny misdeed and spanking me. I am more than capable of taking care of myself.” She pushed her chin up high when she finished.
“It didn’t look like that yesterday morning.”
“I had only just found out. I hadn’t overcome the shock of it yet. After I would have cried myself out, I would have called up there too. It had been another very long school year, and I was feeling tired anyway, and then the trip home. Given a moment, I would have taken care of it myself, but then you came by.”
She was probably right. He had overreacted, and it was going to cost him everything.
“I mean what would our marriage look like. Would you have a sit down talk with me every Friday night? ‘All in all the week was good, but supper on Tuesday was a little burnt. I’ll have to give you a C for that which is below my expectations. Come to my right side.’ Who would do that to themselves?”
He was laughing as he watched her pace back and forth in front of him. “Brianna, school is over. I wouldn’t do that. If food gets burnt, then we throw it away and order a pizza. No more expectations. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“That’s not true either. I remember very distinctly waiting and waiting for you to come, and you didn’t. You have forgotten about me before, and you would do it again.” She stopped pacing and went back to hugging herself again.
Scott remembered that evening too. He remembered her crying because he had hurt her feelings. He nodded. “I didn’t forget you. I assumed that you wouldn’t expect me to come by. I had no idea that you would wait and wait for me. It was my fault. I’m sorry about that.” He had been such a jerk that night, and then the way he treated her when she showed up at his door. “Do you want me to take you home?”
Brianna was somehow surprised that he was giving up so easily. She looked into his eyes and saw the hurt in them. She hadn’t been trying to hurt him. That wasn’t what she wanted. “I love you, Scott. That’s why it hurt so much.”
Scott exhaled surprised. He grabbed her and held her in his arms again and just let her cry. He prayed that she wouldn’t push away from him again. “I love you too, Brianna. I love you so much, so very much.”
“There were so many girls there and most of them had a crush on you. Why me?” Brianna asked him, needing to understand what was happening.
“I just let my heart decide.” He hoped drawing a parallel to an organ that wasn’t working just right with her wouldn’t backlash at him.
She went stiff. Because of everything that had happened at lunch and him pulling her away, she had forgotten her medicine.
Would he flip out about that? Maybe this would be a good test? What if he failed? She had already admitted that she loved him. Was she being stupid? “I still need to take my medicine,” she whispered.
“Okay, we will go back then.” He kissed her forehead and laid an arm around her shoulder. They walked
back in silence. He brought her into the kitchen for a glass of water.
The women were all there, cleaning up. Scott’s mom was scolding Rebecca, who didn’t seem to care. It was extremely hard to look at her and not think that she needed a good whack or two. Scott brought her a glass of water and sat down at the table with her while she fished her pills out of her purse.
Rebecca stared at her taking her pills. “Those are all prescription, aren’t they?”
Brianna was watching a vein pop out on Scott’s forehead.
“Rebecca!” Her husband had just come in, and he had one of his toddlers in his arms. “We need to talk, right now.” He pushed the toddler into Scott’s arms.
“Can’t you see I’m busy? We can talk on the way home in the car.” Rebecca turned back to the sink, dismissing him.
“I said now.” He moved forward and grabbed her by her arm and pulled her away.
“Let go. You are embarrassing me.”
“You did that all by yourself.” They both left the room red faced.
Brianna finished with her pills and took her glass over to the others who were still washing up. “Can I help?” she offered.
“You can help me,” Scott called over to her. “What am I doing wrong?” The toddler in his arms was hitting his head against Scott’s chest. “He doesn’t seem to like me. Probably gets that from his mother.”
“That just means that he is tired. It’s normal,” Brianna answered him.
“She’s right. I didn’t think you would remember that.” Scott’s mom smiled down at Brianna.
“What?” Scott asked confused.
“Brianna was often in the children’s ward. When she was feeling up to it, I would let her hold the older babies.”
“That was during my doll phase. One of the babies did that with me too, and I got scared and called your mom.” Brianna took the baby from him and rocked him back and forth in her arms. She sang very softly until he fell asleep.
Scott was in awe watching her. He thought he knew everything having three little sisters, but Brianna was doing so well with him. She laid him into the play pen next to his twin brother and smiled at them.