by Kiki Leach
He tightened his jaw and slightly nodded his head. As she backed away from him and headed back toward the club, he swiped his hand back and forth across the tip of his nose, and exhaled the moment he got a glimpse of Mia again. She was leaning against the bar, drinking yet another beer and already staring right back at him.
He thought about going back inside to her, about taking her in the back, telling her just what the fuck he felt and finally owning every goddamn piece of her that he knew even a motherfucker like him didn't deserve.
But instead he walked away. Instead he went over to his bike, hopped on top, revved up the engine and hightailed it the fuck out of there before he could. She deserved better than a worthless motherfucker like him. She deserved the very fucking best and that asshole knew that it would never be him.
Chapter Thirty-Three
"Well, what do you think?" Madison threw her hands behind her back and stared up at the freshly painted, fifteen by twenty foot portrait of two cats playing poker with a dog that graced the front wall of her brand new dorm room at Columbia University. Aside from the portrait, which took up space from the ceiling to the floor, everything else in the room was bright pink and dark purple, just as she liked it.
It had been about a week and a half since she had settled in with her new roommate Corinna, and River, who had spent every night since the minute they flew into New York in a nearby hotel, was just about as enthused with that painting in her living room as he was in leaving her behind to return home later that night. Though he had his people, including a few Shadow Riders from the Manhattan charter that he had kept in touch with, set in place to watch her every move the moment he hopped back on that plane, knowing that Fontaine was still on the loose and that his daughter was still vulnerable to the son of a bitch didn't make him feel any better about going.
"Daddy," she said to him, pulling him out of the apparent daze he had fallen into. He turned to look her in the eyes and frowned. "I asked you what you thought of this painting."
River turned back to the painting and leaned his head. He scrunched his brows, wrinkled his nose and folded his arms. "How much is it, exactly, that I'm supposed to be payin' for this shit, Madison?"
She shrugged. "It's only a few thousand dollars, like I told you. Corinna said her parents are already paying for the other half."
"Your goddamn roommate's got a mayor for a daddy, baby girl," he said. "Son of a bitch should be payin' for both ends for this thing with no questions asked, and no need for a motherfucker like me to help pitch in for it." He dropped his hands and crossed the room. Madison spun around on the balls of her feet to face him as he moved over to the window and stared down at the street, watching as people raced back and forth across sidewalks and carelessly crossed the busy roadways. He wondered where the fuck so many people could be so anxious to go on a Saturday morning that didn't include a job or a warm bed that was already occupied by the person they loved waiting for them on the other side. "It's busy as fuck in this goddamn city," he said. "Even on a goddamn day like this. No matter what time of day, shit's constantly moving all the goddamn time."
"That's what's so great about it," she squealed. "Nothing ever stays still, which means it doesn't stay the same. It's why I love being out here." He glanced back at her before returning to the window. She walked over and stood beside him. And as she looked up into his hard face, she grinned, forcing him to do the same. "I think you'd like it out here too if you didn't already have so much waiting for you back at home."
"No, baby girl, I think a week and a few days is enough for me out here," he replied. "I can't take much more of the city smog, all these motherfuckers bumpin' into each other on the goddamn streets. Shit's too fuckin' crowded and there's an overflow of assholes runnin' rampant on every goddamn corner." She laughed. "I'm fuckin' proud of you, though, makin' up your mind in wantin' to come out here, takin' on a big ass change like this--"
"Even though you were against it."
"I still am," he said. "Doesn't mean I ain't proud as shit that you still did it. Doin' shit I never thought about doin' which is gettin' the fuck outta Florida and tryin' to make a better life for yourself. You're makin' better decisions than I ever did at your age." He chuckled. "Shit, you're makin' better decisions than I'm makin' for myself right the fuck now."
"I learned everything that I know from you."
"You learned it from your grandmother."
"I learned it from her too," she said. "But you're the one I've always looked up to. I wouldn't be where I am, I wouldn't have made any of these decisions in my life right now if it weren't for your influence. You raised me as you, and you took the place of my mother too, and I know that was a lot for you to have to deal with back then."
"Shit was worth it, though," he said. "When I found you on my doorstep that day, I didn't know what the fuck my life had become. I thought I had lost my purpose in it, but I had found it again in you." He winked at her and she grinned.
"You think you'll ever find something like that again?"
"Another baby on my doorstep?"
She laughed. "No. Another reason to keep you going every day, another purpose."
"I'm lookin' right at it, Madi. Long as you're livin' and breathin', darlin', I'm gonna always have my purpose."
"I know that, but, what are you going to do without me there now? It'll just be you and Gran and the club--"
"Mia's still there too," he said.
"But she won't stay forever, will she? Once you're finished helping her catch this person who's after her, she'll go back to her old life, or maybe even a new one, but it more than likely won't be including you or the club."
"That's real sweet, darlin', thanks."
"I'm just saying."
He shuffled away from the window and crossed over to the couch on the other side and sat down at the edge. He balled his fist and slammed it inside his other hand.
Madison walked over and sat down beside him. "You haven't said a lot about her since we've been out here. In fact, you haven’t said much about her since the night you said you two spent together dancing together at the club.”
He pinched his brows. "I knew I shouldn’t have told you about that shit,” he grumbled. “What the fuck else am I supposed to say about it, Madison?"
"I don't know. Maybe more than what you haven’t said already?”
He sighed. "I called out there as soon as we landed, let her and Jolene know shit was good, and she let me know that Trucker's basically been on her ass since the moment we left the city."
"That was ten days ago," she told him. "Which means it’s been almost two weeks since that night at the club. And you haven't spoken to her about anything else since then?"
He sat up straight and dropped his hands in his lap. "Shit's complicated with me and her right now, alright?” he said. “I don’t know where the fuck we stand.”
"Stand right in front of her and un-complicate it, daddy, by just telling her how you really feel about her already."
"Madison, what in God's name are you talkin' about? You been chit-chattin' with Jolene and Verna about this shit?"
"No. But I'm glad that they can see what I had been seeing for over a month now. You care about a lot about Mia, and you care about Avery."
"Madi--"
"I would see the way you looked at Mia, daddy," she interrupted, "and it's not a look I had ever seen in your eyes before when it came to other women who hang around the club. You look at her like you could love her, like she could make you happy and I think that you need that. With me not being there any more, you don't have any more excuses to keep holding yourself back." She wrapped her arm around River’s bicep and rested her head on his shoulder. “I don’t want you to be lonely or alone for the rest of your life and it's obvious that Mia cares about you too.”
He groaned. "Darlin'--"
“She does, and even if you don’t want to say it out loud, you feel the same way about her. Maybe even more; it's not all that hard to see ju
st from the outside," she said. "All this trouble you’ve gone through to keep her safe is a testament to that.” She shook her head against him. “Don’t you think it’s time you finally owned up to it?"
River smiled at his little girl and brought up his hand to pat the side of her pale, white face. He brushed the streaks of her blond hair and stared deep into those muddy brown eyes wondering when the hell a kid who used to put diapers on her head and run around singing show tunes in the living room suddenly become so goddamn smart. He wondered when and where and why in the hell she had been able to read him better than he had been able to read or even understand his own goddamn self and actions as of late.
When she smiled up at him with tears filling her eyes, a happiness that filled her as she realized that the both of their lives were truly just beginning from that moment forward, he wrapped his arm around her neck and pressed his lips against her forehead. “You’ve been the princess of my entire goddamn world for the last sixteen years, Madi Janine Hawkins,” he said. “What the fuck am I gonna do without that shit now?”
“Create a new world,” she said. “An entirely different and bigger one with Mia and Avery. A queen and her princess.” She pulled back from him and smiled even wider. Then she kissed the tips of her fingers and pressed them against his mouth.
He knew that it wouldn't be the last time that he saw his baby girl, but it sure as fuck didn't make it any easier in having to actually say goodbye.
Chapter Thirty-Four
The minute River walked inside his house, he dumped his bag and jacket on the floor near the couch, slammed the door shut and headed straight into the kitchen. He hadn't eaten a single goddamn thing since leaving New York and his daughter behind earlier that day, mostly because he was too afraid of shit coming back up during the flight on the way back to Tampa, followed up by the long drive back to Crescent Beach. Son of a bitch hated being in airplanes just as much as he hated being alone and Ricky Fontaine combined. Something about being that high up from the ground and in the air never sat well with him, never made him feel comfortable. And he often felt like less of a man for being such a bitch about something like that, something that most people never thought twice about doing day in and day out for any number of reasons, but there it was.
After ransacking the fridge for just about any and every piece of meat he could find -- turkey, ham, roast beef, salami, the works -- he reached into the cupboard for a few loaves of bread and after spreading mustard on each side, smashed it all together, dumped it onto a plate and grabbed himself a beer. He cracked the lid and drank some of it back before taking a seat at the table and stuffing the sandwich inside his mouth. He exhaled the minute the taste of it all hit his tongue, as he felt it was one of the only few good things about finally being back home; the other being someone in particular that he had yet to lay his eyes on again, though he wasn't all that sure how she would react in seeing him given where they had left off.
Or rather, where they hadn't.
As he took another bite into his sandwich, his eyes pinged up the moment his mother stepped into the kitchen.
She rested her hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes while staring down at him. "When'd you get in?" she asked him. He finished chewing what was in his mouth and eyed her up and down. And he glowered when he realized that between the short as hell skirt, hoop earrings the size of her goddamn head, high fucking heels that made her almost as tall as him, and tight as fuck tank top that made something Mia wore look like a potato sack in comparison, she was more or less dressed for going out with her new 'boy toy' as opposed to spending the night at home with him, or Mia, or even Avery for that matter.
When he didn't give his mother an answer, she bypassed him and headed over to the sink to fix herself a glass of water.
River turned slightly in his chair and stared up at her with an arched brow and a puzzled look in his eye. "What the fuck have you got on?" he asked her.
She spun around with the glass in her hand and smirked at him. "Clothes, River. They're clothes; like those things you see people wearing in the magazines and catalogues?"
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and eyed her skirt. "You don't think you're a little too goddamn old to be wearin' shit like that?"
"I'm going out on a date," she said.
"I don't give a fuck if you're goin' to see the goddamn Pope and he asked you to dress like a goddamn sin to prove a motherfuckin' point to his congregation." He dropped his hand to his lap and leaned aside. "And you know what, I've yet to meet this son of a bitch, motherfucker who keeps takin' you out every other goddamn night. What the fuck is up with that shit, huh? He comes here when I'm gone, speeds the fuck outta here the minute I get home on my bike or in my truck. How do I even know he's fuckin' legit and not lookin' to take you out 'cause of your connection to me or the club? For all we know, that son of a bitch could be on Ricky's payroll and only blowin' smoke up your ass for info."
"He's forty-five years old and works at the bank," she said. "The man has got a legitimate job, no kids, no ex-wives and absolutely no connections to anyone within the club."
He groaned. "That the shit he told you?"
"That's the shit I looked up and found out on my own, thank you very fucking much, son," she shot back. "You're not the only one with 'friends in high places'." She dropped back against the sink and drank some of her water. He grumbled something under his breath and returned to his plate. "How was Madison out there when you left her?"
River nodded and threw his hands up on the table, still pissed the hell off but unwilling to keep the shit conversation about his mother's new 'boyfriend' going any further than it had already. The truth was that he didn't give a shit about what she did or who the fuck she did it with, and he knew that just as well and as much as she did. But he was pissed the hell off about so many other goddamn things as of late that picking at the smallest one seemed like the least offensive thing to bitch about.
At least until it wasn't.
"River," she snapped.
"Madi was good," he muttered. "Fuck of a lot better than me in fuckin' leavin' her up there."
"You've got people looking after her and she's smart as hell, always has been. She'll be fine at that university."
"I know she'll be fine," he snapped. "Fuckin' school cost enough of a goddamn penny for her not to be. But her bein' fine up there ain't the goddamn problem."
"Then what is?" She focused her eyes on her son as he shook his head, and placed her glass of water on top of the counter. She rounded the table and sat down next to him. He griped and readjusted in his chair. "What?" she asked.
He dropped back and crossed his arms. "All this shit regardin' Ricky," he said. "Still not knowin' where the fuck he is and how the hell to get to him... That son of a bitch's reemergence is bringin' up a lot shit about myself that I don't fuckin' like all that much."
"Shit like what?"
"Just... basic shit, I don't know."
Jolene lifted her brows. "Basic shit."
"Yeah." He looked over at his mother and made a face. "How's Mia?"
Jolene folded her arms on the table and leaned her head. "She's fine."
"She say any shit about me while I was gone?"
"No," she replied. "But then again, you sort of left her without so much as an actual face to face goodbye."
"That flight was at six goddamn thirty in the fuckin’ mornin'."
"And yet, your child still managed to find the time to send her more than a goddamn text message on the way out the door!"
"Shit." He jumped up from the table and grabbed his plate, and tossed it into the sink so goddamn hard that the shit broke in half. Slithers of porcelain fell down the drain while chopped pieces of the meat stuck to the metal inside the sink. "Fuck. Don't fuckin' start with me about this shit, alright?"
"I'm not starting anything with you, River. But I'll make damn sure to finish it." Jolene sat back in her chair and looked up at her son. "I know that Verna talked to you
at the party that night," she said.
"The one you fuckin' bailed out on?" he said. "You two on speakin' terms again?"
"For the time being. Ever since you were little, any time something ever came up with you, we were always able to put our differences aside to figure out what the hell it was and fix it as a family."
"This ain't just about me havin' a scraped knee or some shit, and you two figurin' out who's gonna foot the bill at the local clinic--"
"No, it's about you not being able to realize a good thing when you have it staring right in front of your goddamn face."
"Jesus." He grabbed his head to keep from banging it against a goddamn wall.
Jolene crossed her arms over her stomach and sighed. "I'm tired, River. We're all tired of telling you what it is that you need to fucking hear and see for yourself. This girl is not those men who attacked me," she said. "She's not." She paused and brought her hand up to her mouth to think. "Do you know the reason she moved out there to Tampa with her parents?" she asked him. He shook his head. "It's because her father's church was bombed where they lived before." He whirled around on his heels and glared. "Members of the Klan basically drove them out of town, out of their home and away from their friends and other family out in Mainville--"
"How the fuck old was she when that shit happened?"
"Eight," she told him.
"Jesus Christ." He snaked his fingers through his hair and dropped back.
"But her father didn't blame those people for what they did, he blamed their actions."