Logan told me that he was putting off the fall roundup since he wanted me in good condition before he left. Was it merely kindness or did he have some ulterior motive?
Fearful, I pretended to be sleeping when Henry came in with the tray the following day.
“Wake up. Time to eat.”
I sighed but remained where I lay, unmoving. It was always such a pleasure dealing with Henry.
He crossed the room to shake my shoulder.
I continued to feign sleep.
“Well, if ya ain’t gonna eat, I’ll eat it myself.”
I couldn’t believe he’d actually do that. I was sure that was what Logan had ordered him to tell me.
All would have gone well if a sneeze hadn’t shaken my body almost as much as Henry had.
“So. You’re awake.” He came over to prop up my pillows, pulling them from under me. A ministering nurse he was not.
“I’m not hungry. You can take it away.” I looked at the steak and mashed potatoes on the tray. Henry’s behavior had convinced me there was something wrong with the food.
“Ye ain’t ate’n anything t’day.”
I shrugged and repeated my statement. As if to belie my words, my stomach growled.
Henry looked at me and then placed the tray on my lap.
I stared at the food a moment and then pushed it away. “I am not hungry.” My voice was firm, but I was sure that if he did not take it away soon my resolve would break.
“Mr. Logan ain’t gonna like this.” Henry pushed the food back closer to me.
My teeth clenched like an obstinate child. “I do not want to eat.” With that I took the steak and threw it across the room, splattering the wood door with the brown gravy. Trigger immediately jumped at the meat, grabbing it with his teeth, but Henry shooed him away.
“You shouldna done that.” He shook his head. “Now, I gotta tell Mr. Logan.”
“Tell Mr. Logan what?” The door opened, and my husband stood there.
He saw the steak on the floor and then looked from Henry to me.
“Go prepare Sara’s dinner. I’ll take care of this.”
Henry shrugged and picked up the meat. “Tain’t right,” he muttered disapprovingly. “Tain’t right at all.”
Logan waited a moment and closed the door behind the man.
As he approached the bed, I thought about preparing for my final moment, but then that would give away the fear I felt. I did not want him to guess how worried I was. After all, I was in a most vulnerable position now and had nothing with which to protect myself.
The bed creaked as he sat down beside me.
Since all except my leg injury had virtually healed, I no longer winced with pain at the movement of the bed.
Logan took my hand in his. He began to stroke my palm as he had that first day I’d been brought back here. Very softly, he began to speak. “Now, tell my why you have refused food today? Are you not well? Shall I send for Doc Martin again?”
I knew from the short while that I’d lived out here that Doc Martin came from town only in an emergency like a birthing or dying or something very close to that. One did not easily make that three-hour journey into town and even then, one could not always be certain of finding the good doctor in his office. Chances were he’d be out on one of the outlying ranches or farms delivering a baby or helping to give last rites to the best of his ability.
“No, I’m fine.” My voice stuck in my throat. I reached my hand out for the glass of water, but Logan pushed it away.
“I’ll give you this water when you answer me.”
I shook my head. “I... just am not hungry.”
Once more my body betrayed me with grumbles of hunger.
Logan frowned. “I would think you are very hungry. Perhaps I should have Henry make you something other than the steak?”
I shook my head.
“Elisa.” The warning note in his voice chilled me. “You have been ill. I need you well. I cannot in good conscience begin the roundup until I know that you are at least capable of caring for Sara in my absence.”
“Isn’t Henry — ”
“He comes with me. We need him for the chuck wagon.”
I stared at my husband a moment. “You needn’t remain behind because of me.” I reached for the water again and this time he allowed me a sip. “I can hobble about and care for Sara. I — ”
“You feel able to take on your duties again?” His look told me that he didn’t believe me. “Show me.”
“Show you?” I stared at him, not understanding what he meant.
“Yes. Show me.” He leaned over to kiss me gently on the mouth and I realized then that he wanted me.
“I will be gone a week, perhaps two. I must see that you are indeed capable of handling the simplest of duties.” His voice was gruff, almost as if he were having difficulty controlling himself. But I knew that could not be.
I closed my eyes, not wishing to see the evidence of his desire. And despite my vow to discourage Logan’s attentions as much as possible, I knew that the sooner he left for the roundup, the sooner I’d be able to search the house more effectively... especially that locked room.
He smiled at me and leaned forward. Slowly, he slid his hand along my exposed leg. I wore only my flannel nightdress and only at this moment did I realize how truly exposed I was.
I gasped as his fingers touched the center of my being. As I opened my mouth to protest, he leaned forward and kissed me, his lips meeting mine, his tongue entwining with mine. I wanted to struggle away but I could not for he held me tightly to him. Then I realized that if I did not give in to his desire now, I would not be free of him; I would not be able to get the information which would in turn win my only real freedom.
Despite my vow not to enjoy this wanton behavior, I found my arms going around his neck as I returned his kiss. Our tongues entwined. I told myself that I had to convince him that I wanted our joining as much as he did.
As he lay down beside me on the bed, he kissed my ears and then my eyes and my cheeks and, again, my mouth. “You know, it’s quite possible that our coupling will produce that daughter you want.” His voice was throaty. “Would you like that, my dear?”
“I...” My body was flushed from the heat of his touch, and I could only nod. The fact was that as much as I wanted a child of my own, I did not fancy carrying the child of a murderer.
Then all thoughts escaped me, flying out the window with the storm that was approaching as he lowered his mouth to my exposed breasts and began to suckle them alternately.
Try as I might, I could not stop a moan of delight from escaping me. He paused only momentarily to increase the delicious torture by rubbing his stubble across the top of both tips. The gasps and moans came quickly as I tried to squirm away but that only made the pain/pleasure more intense. Confused, I arched toward him and felt real pain shoot into my leg.
Logan must have seen the look of agony cross my face for he stopped instantly. “What is it?”
Sweat had beaded my brow but I could not speak.
“Your leg?”
I nodded.
He was silent and I listened to his deep breathing.
Gently, he placed his hand on the injury and the warmth from his palm seemed to course through my leg. In a moment, I felt better.
“What did you do?”
He grinned and kissed me. “My grandmother was a Sioux. Certain members of the family are said to have inherited her healing powers.”
“Healing powers?” I had never heard of such things before except in carnival shows and we all knew they were fakes. “If you have healing powers, why can’t you heal me instantly?”
He shrugged. “Even healing powers depend on the will of the gods.” He now held me to him, cuddling me against his chest as I had seen him cuddling little Sara.
“Do you want me to stop?”
I looked up into those clear blue-Montana-sky eyes. I had to show him that I was well enough for him to leave the house,
didn’t I? Slowly, I nodded my head.
“That’s what I thought.” He laughed softly. But as he proceeded to woo my body away from my mind, to make me forget all my fears and doubts, and all that was good and right in this world, he was far gentler than he had been before.
Still, it wasn’t long until once again the mindless feeling overwhelmed me and all I wanted was to be in his arms, to feel him melting into me.
“Logan, please.”
His laugh was low. “Logan please… what?” He nipped my earlobe and then proceeded to kiss each and every one of my fingers, tantalizing me and creating a flood of desire which even I could not deny.
“Logan — ”
“Logan — ” He imitated my urgent cry. “Go on, my darling wife, tell me what it is you want.”
By now I was breathless as the words barely came. “Y-ou.”
Kissing me in a more tender fashion than he’d ever kissed me before, his lips met mine as he made us one.
As before there was only a momentary pain, but it was quickly replaced by the pleasure of feeling him within me. Wave after wave of chills swept through my body. sending me on a spiraling high. As I clung to him groaning and arching up, I even forgot the pain in my leg. I forgot everything but the man within me and the pleasure that he, too, was having as the sea of his love flooded me.
Breathless, I sank down to earth and he with me. Quickly, he rolled off me so as not to put pressure on my injured leg.
As he lay beside me for a moment, I could hear the fast beat of his heart.
Finally, he cuddled me to his hairy chest and kissed the top of my head. I don’t know about you, my dear, but I am hungry. Will you eat something?”
I could only nod and give up my fear of being poisoned.
As he left the room to fetch our food, I wondered again how Ginny had died.
Chapter 21
I ate what Logan brought me not only because I didn’t want him to know of my suspicions, but also because I was starving. Besides, he was eating the same thing.
Just to make sure there was no problem I switched our plates when he left to fetch me some more water and was surprised that he noticed no difference when he returned.
When I had finished eating, I lay back on the pillows and with my eyes half shut studied the man I had married. Indeed, he was so gentle with me that I found it hard to believe that he had murdered my brother. But all the evidence pointed to it. And if he had not, why then had he been so anxious to marry me and take me away from the town?
We had barely finished eating when Henry and Petey, one of the other hands, carried in a large wooden tub. I glanced at Logan.
“Figured after all that time in bed, you’d like a nice bath. Doc Martin said we could take off that cast after six weeks.”
I nodded enthusiastically, glad for the relief from the itching of the plaster on my leg.
Closing my eyes, I refused to look and gritted my teeth as Logan took a saw to loosen the edges of the cast. I would not show him that I was in pain.
It took several moments before I was free, and I could only stare at the shriveled leg I now had.
“Don’t worry none.” Petey gave me a sympathetic look. “A bit of air and some walking and you’ll be back to normal soon. I know, cuz it happened t’me.”
I nodded my thanks and then wondered how I was going to manage to get over to the tub.
My question was answered immediately as Logan pushed the other men from the room. Helping me to lift off my nightdress, he carried me over to the steaming water and gently placed me in.
How good that felt. But it felt even better when Logan took a soft brush and began to scrub my back. He paused for a moment as he neared my breasts and leaned over and tenderly kissed them before washing and despite my desire not to respond to him, I found myself again feeling that now familiar warmth. I wanted to blame it on the heat of the water, but knew it was my own weakness that was my curse.
He laughed as he saw me flush and continued to wash me elsewhere, pausing longer than necessary, it seemed, as he stroked my vital parts with his hand.
I clung to the sides of the tub and held my breath, arching ever so slightly. I hoped he didn’t notice, but he had and drawing my wet body forward, he kissed me.
To my shame I continued to respond and found myself unbuttoning his fly, my lips touching him in a way I never thought possible.
He seemed to like my action for the intensity and pressure of fingers washing me increased. Within moments he’d taken off his clothes and joined me in the tub. Water splashed over the rug.
“Logan!”
“Don’t worry.” He grinned. “I’ll be careful of your leg.” Even as he spoke, he gathered me close to him. I flushed and tried to move but found I was only encouraging him.
“You know, I think the best way t’tame you, Lisa, is to see you’re barefoot and pregnant.”
I stared at him.
“And the only way to accomplish that is this — ” Once more he began kissing me on my neck, my face, my throat, and the hardened nubs of my breasts. As he left me gasping it seemed that the only way to complete the cycle now started was to again let him have his way with me. The fact that I didn’t even mind upset me. It seemed strange that I would actually enjoy the sacred act of love with a man whom I knew was only tantalizing me with his talk of a child; I knew that if I remained here, I would be dead long before a child could be delivered.
Thoughts of Elliot and his murder, and even thoughts of his murderer left me as my body once more demanded that I respond to this man. And to my mortification I did, allowing him to position me atop him. Then we rocked back and forth until the sea of pleasure overwhelmed us both.
Exhausted I laid my head against his shoulder and felt tears come to my eyes. How nice it would be if he really did care for me, if we really could have a child.
Then I realized that my thoughts were just sentimental nonsense brought on by the weakening of my emotions.
~
Logan slept with me that night.
The following morning, I felt well enough to dress and join Logan and Sara for breakfast. Actually, since I woke with Logan, it was he who assisted me in dressing for I never could have managed all those buttons by myself.
Taking up the brush, he even combed my thick curls for me and told me how beautiful he thought they were. I met his eyes in the mirror, wondering yet again if he had noticed the similarity between my brother’s hair and mine, but I could read nothing from his expression.
Sara was already at the table when we entered the dining room for her clothes had been laid out the night before as I had instructed. She turned around proudly to show me her mis-buttoned dress. I clapped and leaned down to kiss her anyway. Then Logan scooped her up into his arms. He kissed her, too, and called her his “princess.”
Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw the pair together. How could a man be so cold and cruel at one moment and so loving and gentle the next? I suppose life out West made one hard. Elliot had commented on that. I prayed that if I did indeed live the rest of my life here, I would not become as callous to life as these people.
“You know, you’ve done a marvelous job with her. Even in the short time you’ve been here.”
I beamed at the compliment, glad that my theories were working. Indeed, this was the first time that Sara had come downstairs on her own without her father to help her.
Nodding, I turned to Sara and made sure that she saw my lips. “I’m proud of you.”
Clapping her hands, she grinned. “Mother.” Once more I nodded.
Kissing her again, I said. “I think because you’ve been so good, we should have flapjacks.”
“Not Henry.”
I laughed. “No, honey. I’ll make them.”
Sara laughed and clapped her hands again.
Hobbling with the cane that Logan had found for me, I walked into the kitchen.
The sound of neighing horses was the first thing that alerted me to our visitor
s. The pounding on the door was the next. Hearing Morgan’s voice, I stood very still for a moment.
The smell of something burning brought my attention back to the pan.
I didn’t know why my hand was trembling, but it was. As I lifted the flapjack, I missed. The uncooked batter splattered the stove. I cursed and knew I’d have to clean it up. Meanwhile, I rescued what was left. Gathering the five flapjacks that I’d already made, I hobbled back into the dining room.
I hadn’t realized how such a small feat would tire me, but it had.
Solicitous of me, Logan stood quickly and took the platter. “You should have called me. I would have helped.”
I shrugged and then flushed as I saw Morgan staring at me. Could he tell from looking at me just how shamelessly I had behaved with his brother?
I forced myself to nod at Morgan and noticed that Clay Washburne was with him. “Sheriff, will you have some coffee?”
“You make it or Henry?”
I glanced at my husband. “I would have but — ”
Logan laughed. “I think they’ll pass for now, my love.”
His term of endearment brought color to my face. Didn’t he realize that these men were not fooled by his tricks? Didn’t he know how his brother was going to betray him? Not that it mattered to me. I told myself, but it did seem odd that Logan would not see what was so plain to me.
The conversation was trivial, and I suspected it was because I was in the room. Yet I was loathe to leave for fear I’d miss something.
Just as it seemed my quest for knowledge was going to be fruitless. Petey came running in, breathless. “Mr. Logan, come quick! It’s Betsey. I think she’s calvin’.”
Logan glanced at Morgan and then hurried out.
I was sure some secret message had been passed between the men, for a short time later Morgan made some excuse to leave as well. And then I was alone with the sheriff.
“Are you sure you won’t have some coffee? Henry’s gotten better since I showed him the proper way to make it.”
Logan's Land Page 16