Confused.
I had no idea what to believe.
Or how to even…
I looked down at the bottle of vodka.
It was the wrong thing to find comfort in.
But what choice did I have?
I sat on the edge of my bed.
I stared at the floor and thought really hard.
Nothing.
I stared at myself in the mirror and thought even harder.
Still nothing.
I looked out the window and listened to the ocean. I shut my eyes. My body swayed left to right with the breeze (and thanks to the vodka).
And there was still nothing.
It made no sense to me.
I grabbed my phone and texted Gia.
Hey. Are you okay?
What a useless text to send to her.
Of course she was okay.
She was with Talon.
She had what she wanted.
In a strange way, they were perfect for each other.
The Troc and the Bump.
Nothing but controversy, but if they loved each other, then good for them.
I’m more than okay. How are you?
The text made me jealous.
I admitted that to myself.
Confused. I’ll tell you tomorrow. This whole thing is crazy. Any chance you feel like coming back here and hanging out? Lol
Now that was a desperate text message to send.
I didn’t want to be drunk and alone.
At the same time, I already knew what Gia was going to text back.
Why don’t you come down here? Seriously, it’s not that bad. You get used to it. Talon wouldn’t mind. We could have fun.
It was tempting, except I was unable to drive.
I’m good here. Kind of can’t drive. Enjoy your night. Talk tomorrow.
Gia replied with a smiling emoji and that was that.
I looked around my room and told myself I needed to just crash again.
The only problem was that I had so much sleep already I wasn’t tired at all.
I wanted answers.
All of the answers.
That’s when another idea came to me.
One that Gia would be proud of.
Something had to give for the night.
I hurried around my room to find a change of clothes and my shoes.
I got changed, plopped down on the floor, and tied my shoes tight.
Then I stared at my feet for a second and shook my head.
“No,” I said. “No shoes.”
I wrestled with the knots I just made and threw my shoes across the floor.
Then my socks were next.
I stood up, barefoot, and wiggled my toes.
I walked out of my room and went down the stairs to the back door of the beach house.
With my phone in my hand, I left the beach house and turned on my phone’s flashlight.
I was definitely drunk.
And I was definitely going on a run.
Chapter 11
Finally, it happened
I pumped my arms and pumped my legs.
I was nowhere near as fast as Gia, but Gia wasn’t there. That was the good part. It didn’t matter how fast or slow I was going. I wasn’t even tracking the run.
I was just running.
Into the night.
The flashlight on my phone the only light I had in front of me.
My feet hit the wet sand right where the water came up as far as it could.
The harder I ran, the more I forgot.
Which was probably not a good thing.
But in that moment, I needed to forget.
Everything.
I didn’t want to think about Gia and Talon. I didn’t want to think about the Troc life or what they were all doing at Talon’s place. I didn’t want to think about Noah, Easton, or Xavier.
Or anything with my life.
In fact, I wanted to run the beach for… forever. That’s right. Forever. I would just run the coastline. I had no idea which direction I was going. Either north or south. Those were the only two choices for the beach.
It seemed so easy to do, which obviously meant it was impossible.
A side cramp joined the fun and I caught myself slowing.
It felt like someone stabbed the right side of my body, right at my ribs.
But I kept going.
Gia taught me how to breathe through those cramps. She told me how to remind myself there was nothing wrong and that it was normal. And by pushing through and breathing, not only would the cramp go away but the more I ran, the less I’d get them.
So this was it for me…
I’m a runner now. I’m a runner like Gia. I’m going to get as good as Gia. She’s going to be so distracted with Talon, I’m going to out train her and then I’m-
My right foot hit the sand, but it didn’t lift back up.
It sank down just enough that I lost my balance.
My body kept going and next thing I knew, I was launched into the air.
My arms reached forward and there was no stopping me from hitting the sand.
I was too drunk to really muster up anything that resembled enough coordination to save myself.
It took all my might to just run.
I hit the sand with a hard thud.
I lost my breath for a few seconds and when I got it back, I gasped to take a deep breath.
My legs kicked forward so I could end up on my hands and knees.
A wave crashed next to me and the water moved up and ran over my right hand, leg and foot.
My phone was in my left hand.
I was out of breath.
I was drunk.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to get sick or not.
So I waited.
Slowly, I lowered my head down and touched the wet sand for a second.
I shut my eyes.
My body hurt from the fall.
My body begged me to just cry.
I needed to cry.
I really needed to cry.
So I started to cry.
Alone on the beach. In pain.
The vodka dancing circles in my head.
And…
I lifted my head and sucked in a breath.
I started to remember…
Everything they said was true.
I sat facing the ocean, my arms hanging off my knees.
My phone still in my hand.
It wasn’t all there yet. But more pieces were showing up.
Meaning when I got into the accident, I lost more of my memory than I thought.
Before that conversation that I spied on, before I crashed Tank, there was so much more happening.
Noah wasn’t lying.
I remember he and I together.
We had been getting close.
Except the feelings weren’t there…
‘Come here, Winter,’ Noah says. ‘This is going to be amazing. You know that, right? And there’s nothing they can do about it.’
‘I know,’ I say. ‘Nothing can go wrong. Unless you get cold feet. It’s your father…’
‘I hate him. I hate him so much.’
We’re sitting on the hood of Noah’s car. On the top of a ridge, overlooking the ocean. It’s a secret spot. Noah says I’m the only girl he’s ever taken there. He and I are getting close. Way too close. I’m not sure how…
‘I’ll take care of you, Winter,’ he says. ‘We’ll make this all work.’
‘Noah…’
He makes a quick move and kisses me.
His hands touch my face.
He pulls me close.
I crave the attention in all the wrong ways.
I don’t stop him from kissing me.
I kiss him back.
Even though I know… there’s someone else…
I groaned as I shut my eyes.
The memory was so fresh.
Yet it had been gone for so long.
Like it went on vaca
tion and just suddenly showed up.
That wasn’t the only memory either.
There were memories of me in Xavier’s shop.
Like I was part of their group.
The fourth member…
‘Just sit down and listen to me,’ I say.
They all sit.
Easton puts his hands to the table and folds them.
He’s a prick.
‘This isn’t rocket science stuff,’ I say. ‘The money is there for the taking. And when we take it, they can’t do a thing about it. They’ve been stealing it for years. And now we take it.’
‘You are bold,’ Easton says.
‘No. I’m just pissed off. I’m tired of being lied to.’
‘So this is your future?’ Xavier asks. ‘You’re not going to wait for that cheap invention money to come your way?’
‘Who knows what will be left,’ I say.
That last statement rang through my head like a giant bell.
My teeth chattered.
I had to stand up and go home.
I had to force myself to sleep.
In the morning I could go through all the thoughts and memories and decide what was next.
There was too much happening at once.
It was all hitting me so hard.
I was part of some plan… to steal money?
As I climbed to my feet, my legs ached.
My right elbow hurt from hitting the sand.
Face it, my entire body hurt from running.
An emotional run was a bad idea. It made me turn everything off, including the ability to feel pain so I could stop myself from going too far.
I walked back to the beach house and didn’t care how long it took.
I tried to think of more… but it was just bits and pieces of memories.
Nothing to make me stop dead in my tracks or make me pass out.
But…
It meant everything Noah, Easton, and Xavier had been saying was completely true. Which meant my plan all along had been a waste of time. I wasn’t going to expose them or hurt them. I was just getting close to them like I had done once before.
It almost meant in some strange way that the accident didn’t even matter.
But…
I saw the beach house and I let out a sigh of relief.
I needed sleep. To sober up. To sort my thoughts.
As I walked up the steps to the deck, I had the sudden feeling that someone was watching me.
I froze and felt chills against my back.
Someone was following me.
Someone was following the guys.
We all knew that. We didn’t know who.
I could feel someone staring right at me.
My eyes looked to the door.
I needed to get inside and get a knife.
This is who you are now, Winter?
I wasn’t sure who I was. That was one of the biggest pieces of truths.
I had been a snobby bitch who treated girls like Gia like crap. I had been someone involved in some plan to steal money. I had been this close to falling for a Troc. I had been in an accident and lost my memory and thought I got it all back but actually didn’t.
Focus, Winter.
I slowly stepped forward.
I was still being watched.
I didn’t want to turn around and give it away.
Playing stupid would let me get into the house and get a knife.
I took another step.
Then I heard a noise.
A little whistle.
I stopped and turned my head.
It was Xavier.
Walking up the deck steps.
“Are you alone?” I asked.
He nodded.
I turned my body around.
I have to stop kissing Noah. I have to stop leading him on. I don’t want to fuck up everything we’re doing though. He thinks me and him are an item. I know he wants more from me. He thinks he and I are going to drive off with the money and be together.
When he kisses me, it’s just for comfort.
When Easton makes dirty jokes at me, Noah wants to fight him. He wants to protect me. I think it’s sweet. But Noah… it’ll never happen. The only reason I kissed him that first night was because we were a little tipsy. Easton had been smoking. Xavier had been working on a car.
That was a huge mistake.
And Noah took it to heart.
He thinks maybe we love each other. He thinks so much without actually asking me.
I need him to shut up and listen.
I don’t love him.
I will never love him.
I love someone else.
It’s been this way all along…
The memory wasn’t crushing, but real.
“Are you alone?” Xavier asked me.
I nodded.
He was at the third to the top step, which meant he was my height.
He stopped and slid his hands into the front of his hoodie pocket.
He was waiting for me to do it…
I had no problem with it.
I lunged at Xavier.
I grabbed his face.
I kissed him.
He was the one I loved all along.
We stood there and began to make out like we hadn’t seen each other in years.
Which maybe was kind of true in a sense.
The two of us had been hiding our feelings because of what happened with Noah. And then the accident. And then my fake amnesia. And then my real amnesia.
Xavier took his hands from his front hoodie pocket and he grabbed my sides.
He was so big, strong… protective…
I groaned into his mouth.
I already knew the vodka was going to make me confess everything I’ve ever wanted from him. And it wasn’t just words I needed to speak either. It was my body.
The need…
I broke the kiss and the wet smack sound echoed around my head.
I looked into his eyes.
They were dark and evil… but they were sexy, dark and evil…
When I took a step back, Xavier pulled me against him.
“I remember more,” I whispered.
“Good,” he said.
His breath tickled my face.
I kissed him again.
Just to prove to myself it wasn’t a one-time fluke.
That this was really happening between us.
“But I don’t know why I’m doing this,” I whispered.
“Why?” Xavier asked. “Are you worried about Noah? I can handle Noah myself.”
“I don’t care about that,” I said. “You tried to kill me. I heard what you said… and now I’m making out with you? Next, I want you to carry me to my bed? What is wrong with me?”
Xavier pressed against me and made me back up.
He moved up to the deck and towered over me.
I started to shiver again.
My body and heart were so confused.
“Winter,” Xavier said. “Listen to me carefully. I know what you heard. I said what I said. But that night… we didn’t touch Tank.”
“What?”
Xavier nodded. “I swear on my life, we didn’t do a thing to it. Did we want to? In that moment when we were talking, we did. But we didn’t. We didn’t have time. That’s the honest truth. So you thinking we tried to kill you? That’s not true.”
I stared into his eyes.
He was telling me the truth.
Either that or he was lying through his teeth to get into my pants.
And honestly…
I didn’t care which one it was.
I just wanted Xavier to want me the way I wanted him.
I need a shower first.
I actually spoke those words to Xavier.
We were in my bedroom.
My hands were up his hoodie and shirt. My fingertips grazed along a hidden display of endless muscle. I turned into the worst bitch ever - the kind that judged a guy based on his looks and musc
les. And luckily for Xavier, he was an eleven out of a ten.
I even went as far as to push his shirt and hoodie up, making him take them off on his own.
And when he did… and when I saw the muscle… his body… the lines that disappeared into the front of his jeans…
I moved forward and kissed his chest.
I had no idea what had come over me.
He gently touched my face and made me look at him.
He kissed me.
When his hands touched the bottom of my shirt, I realized how sweaty and sticky I was. On top of being drunk. On top of the sand that was everywhere because I had tripped.
So I blurted it out.
I need a shower first.
And I hurried away from Xavier.
The hottest guy I had ever met in my life was in my room, shirtless, ready to tear my clothes off, and there I was, running for the bathroom.
I slammed the door behind me but didn’t lock it.
I stripped out of my gross running clothes in record time and hurried into the shower.
When the first spray of water hit me, it was cold for a second.
I gasped and felt sober.
Then the water turned hot.
I was so flustered over everything happening - and Xavier in my room - I grabbed the shampoo bottle. I meant to just leave my hair up and wash up really quick. But now I was washing my hair.
I didn’t have time to waste…
Last thing I needed was to find my bedroom empty.
What if he leaves? What if comes to his senses or he thinks I’m ignoring him?
I scrambled to wash my hair. Then I had to put conditioner in it.
This felt as pathetic as it could get.
Taking a shower so I smelled perfect for Xavier.
I kind of hoped Xavier would have peeked in the bathroom… but he didn’t.
I turned the water off and grabbed a towel and dried my hair the best I could.
Then I grabbed a second towel to dry myself off and wrapped it around my body.
I had nothing else to wear to leave the bathroom.
My body began to shake as I stepped up to the door and opened it.
My bedroom was dark except for the bathroom light behind me that pushed into the room.
Xavier leaned against the one windowsill, his hands gripping the edges tight, muscles flexing. Everywhere. His chest, his stomach, his arms… triceps, biceps, and his forearms…
I felt drool ready to leak from my mouth.
“Holy fuck, Winter,” he said as he stood up.
“What?” I asked.
Devious Love (Bay Falls High NEXT Book 3) Page 10