“I wanted the place to be clean for him.”
“Well, it worked, because it’s definitely clean,” he teased, and then his smile slipped away. “Are you sure you’re happy here?”
Considering it was usually Luke who came to her with these “are you sure?” moments, Josh’s words came as a shock. Neither man seemed to understand that home was where she was happiest. Maybe she wasn’t a high-flying attorney or a rich and famous psychologist to the stars, but she’d never wanted to be that anyway. Was there anything wrong with wanting to be a wife and mother? Even if that was a wife to two men?
She had her career. She wrote, and that writing enabled her to discover new worlds, explore new territory, and make a name for herself regardless of whether it was under the guise of a pseudonym or not.
Granted, Josh didn’t know about that particular career choice, and the knowledge was new to Luke too. She’d never wanted to share it with them. It was hers and hers alone. She didn’t need their encouragement or their praise. Never had. The way they’d included her in their lives, the love they had for her, the family they’d created together…all of it made for a woman who until this business with Luke, had been entirely well-rounded and content with her status quo.
How to condense that for Josh, though?
“Happy isn’t the word, love. And now Lexi’s being homeschooled, things are so busy it’s great.” She patted his cheek, hoping the simple touch would reassure him even if her words didn’t.
“We can afford a tutor.”
“I like teaching her. Until she outgrows me, I’m happy doing this.”
“If you’re sure…”
“Yes. I’m sure. But thanks for asking.”
He shrugged, then sheepishly admitted, “I’ve always been too frightened to ask before.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m a selfish bastard,” he groaned, then pressed his forehead to hers. “I like you here. I like knowing you’re here. It makes me feel better. And I know that’s terrible. You’re a grown woman, you have your own life to lead, and it shouldn’t all be through us. Not only that, it’s not the sixteenth century. The woman’s place isn’t in the home anymore, and it isn’t that I want to keep you contained here, it’s, God…I don’t know.”
“My life isn’t all through you,” she promised.
“It feels like it is sometimes. It’s hard to remember you’re twenty-six sometimes, far too young for all this. You should be out partying, having fun.”
“Do you think I’m suffocating in my domestic bliss?” she teased. “Because I promise you, I can barely keep up with you all. That isn’t a complaint, but it’s the truth.” Curious now, she murmured, “Why do you like me to be here?”
“I don’t want you tied to the stove, barefoot and pregnant,” he denied, wriggling his shoulders, his awkwardness telling and cute as hell. “It isn’t that. It’s…you’re safe here. I see so much shit, hear about it, read about it. My day is filled with it. Who’s blowing up who, where they’re doing it—” He shook his head. “I like thinking of you here. Doing whatever you want to do.
“I-I know I’m a pain about the house, needing it clean, but you don’t have to do it. I want you to know that you can do whatever the hell you want. I’m not your keeper.”
She frowned. “I never thought you were.” Reaching up, she cupped his chin. “Where’s this coming from?”
“I—” He sighed. “I don’t know. I only wanted you to know how I feel. That bastard in there misreads me all the time, and he knows me pretty goddamn well. We’ve been together for close to six years, and I don’t think it’s enough for you to realize I’m not as controlled as you think.”
She blinked, then reached up on tiptoe to kiss him. “I love you, Josh. Whether you’re a pain in the ass, or my ass, whatever. It’s the God’s honest truth.
“Look, if I didn’t like my life, well, I have a voice in my head. I can tell you, and I would if I was miserable.
“The difference is, I am happy. I love my life. It’s not what I imagined doing, but I play my part in the bigger picture. I have a mini-genius to raise and two soldiers who play their part in situations that affect national security. We’re not all made to be the top man.”
He rubbed his nose with hers. “I want you to be happy. That’s all. I want that more than anything.”
“I know. And I am.”
Josh studied her for a second, seeking the truth in not only her words but her expression too. He must have found it, because he murmured, “I’m glad.” And that was that.
Chapter Four
“Mommy, what’s wrong with Papa?”
Dealing with the question was one thing, but it was the sorrowful look on Lexi’s face that nearly broke her heart.
Josh looked at her over the paper—he was a staunch traditionalist, preferring the real thing over an app at breakfast—obviously waiting for her to reply and curious about what she’d say.
Great. That meant she had to deal with that minefield herself.
Christ, who was the soldier here?
“We’ve been through this, sweetheart,” she stated matter-of-factly. “He’s just come home after being in a nasty place, and he isn’t feeling too great. When you’re ill, do you want to start jumping up and down giggling?”
Lexi pursed her lips, then shook her head, ruffling the head of curls that were the bane of Gia’s life when it came time to wash the ragtail mop. “No, but I do smile. Papa never smiles, and he used to smile all the time.”
“He’s hurting, baby,” Josh inserted, fortunately coming to Gia’s aid.
“All the time?” she asked sadly. “That has to suck.”
“It does,” Gia replied. “And it means that all his attention is on getting better.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do to cheer him up?”
Gia grimaced at Josh. “Well, sure. We can be nice to him, even if he’s grumpy or if he snaps at us. We can try to be quiet when he’s resting so it doesn’t wake him up—because sleep is good for him, sweetheart. It will make him get better faster. Things like that.”
Lexi’s brow puckered as she processed the admittedly short list. Gia wasn’t entirely certain as to how to cheer her lover up, so she wasn’t the best person to come to for advice.
Lexi’s cherry-granola-stained mouth was on the brink of opening, probably to poke holes in her mother’s argument when her head tilted: Luke’s bedroom door had squeaked open and then shut, and his heavy, lumbering gait sounded down the hall.
The odd thumping sound was difficult to get used to after Luke’s sleek stroll. Both her men usually walked like jungle cats, silent and deadly. If they didn’t want to be heard, then there was no hearing them even though they were tall and fairly well muscled.
The door to the breakfast room opened, and Luke appeared at the jamb. They only used this room on Sundays as Gia preferred the ease and informality of the kitchen with its large breakfast bar. But on Sundays, when Josh and Luke were at home, she liked to be in here.
She always made an effort too.
Today, there were homemade English muffins and the preserves she’d used with the strawberries Lou had given her when the family farm had been flooded with the fruit.
She’d also made pancakes and a maple syrup butter, and then there was a small stove heated by a couple of tea lights that warmed some pieces of bacon and scrambled eggs, as well as a plate of toast, and a pot of still hot coffee.
Luke leaned on the door for a second, making it squeak under his weight. The three of them looked at him, and Gia had to withhold a wince—he looked like hell. There was no getting around it. The skin around his eyes was taut, haggard. He looked pasty, and he hadn’t shaved in at least five days.
She didn’t mind that he was unkempt, but it was telling…Luke hated to be anything other than clean-shaven.
He peered around the room and then staggered inside.
The tension in the room increased as the five-second walk took at
least four minutes, four minutes where Gia—and undoubtedly Josh as well—fought with herself not to get up and to help him take a seat.
The pair of them blew out a relief-loaded breath when he finally reached a chair, and as one, flinched at the low grunt he made…one filled with pain and discomfort.
When he was settled, she made to stand. “Do you want some bacon and eggs?”
He shook his head. “Don’t get up, Gia. I can serve myself.”
Gia clenched her fists as yet again, futility hit her. She wanted to help him, only he wouldn’t let her. Josh caught her eye and gave her the tiniest shake of his head. She took a seat and reached for her glass of juice, watching as Luke grabbed a muffin, the maple butter, and a few strips of bacon. He made them into a sandwich and started to eat.
The silence in the room was excruciating, and that had never been the way with them. Ever. There was always something to say, always something to chat about. But here, now, the quiet was an abyss, one that made Lexi wriggle in her seat.
“Papa?” she asked, her hesitancy making Gia cringe. She wanted to tell her to be quiet, but how could she? Luke had to know his daughter wanted to talk to him.
“Yes, Lexi,” he remarked, an ease to his tone that he granted only to their little girl.
“Today, I’m starting a new book. Would you like me to read it to you?”
Gia blinked, surprised at what was actually a good suggestion. She half expected Luke to refuse, but he wrinkled his nose in that way of his, one that made her pine for the Luke of old, and murmured, “Is it a girly book?”
Lexi giggled. “What’s a girly book?”
“You know what I mean, munchkin,” he teased. “All ponies and dolls.”
“Nope, it’s Harry Potter.”
Luke’s brows rose, and he peered at Gia. Knowing what he meant by that silent look, she shrugged. Lexi had worked her way through the local library’s selection for her age and the year above. That left books for eight-year-olds. “It’s illustrated,” she said weakly.
“Oh,” he replied, like that said it all. Maybe it did. This was Lexi after all. She zipped through books like ordinary kids zipped through the channels on TV. “Well, that sounds like my kind of book, Lexi.”
She beamed at him. “Can we start after breakfast?”
“Sure, poppet. Why don’t you go and grab it? We can read in my room.”
Lexi half hopped from her seat, then remembered her manners. “May I be excused, please?”
“Good save, kiddo,” Gia teased. “And yes, you may.”
Lexi scampered off with her parents’ attention fully on her.
“It’s a little old for her, isn’t it?” Luke asked as he bit into the muffin he’d loaded.
“Probably.” Gia jerked a shoulder. “What can I do? She’s reading like it’s going out of fashion. At least the first couple of books are relatively tame. If she’s reading it to you, then it will take her longer. Try to make a big deal out of the illustrations, eke it out.”
“Sure,” he commented. “It can be our book we read together before bed or whatever.”
“That would be great.” Gia bit her lip. “How are you doing this morning?”
Her nonchalant request was met with a sigh. “How do you think I am?”
“You look like hell. When was the last time you shaved?” Josh retorted before Gia could make a peep.
Luke glared at him. “Since when were you my keeper? I don’t have to keep to military regulations anymore. I’m thinking about growing it out.”
There was a rebellious tone to his voice, one that told her he wasn’t exactly serious but it didn’t stop her from squeaking, “You want a beard?”
“Why not?” he snapped. “It’s my choice now, isn’t it? I don’t have to follow any rules save for the ones I make myself.”
Josh pursed his lips. “You don’t have the face for a beard. It will make you look like a tramp.”
The unexpected comment had Gia’s eyes widening. Then, and she couldn’t help it, laughter burst free. It was unfortunate timing. The sip of orange juice she’d just taken tried to explode from her nose, but she grabbed her napkin and held it to her face as she chuckled at the truth in Josh’s words. “You would, Luke, you would,” she babbled, dabbing at her face and grinning as she did.
Josh had folded the paper and his arms and was smirking, proud that he’d made her laugh. He wasn’t entirely known for his humor—his serious nature was one of the reasons she loved him dearly—so whenever he got her going, there was always an air of achievement about him. “See,” he told Luke. “I’m not the only one who thinks that.”
Their lover huffed. “Well, I’m still going to try.”
“It looks like a bird’s nest the wind tore from the tree,” Josh commented. “And it’s what? A few days’ old? Get it shaved, for God’s sake.”
Luke took a bite of his muffin, a bite that was definitely aggressive. “I’ll see how I feel in the morning.”
Josh shrugged. “You want either of us to kiss you ever again, you’ll shave the damn thing off today.”
Before he could reply, and Gia could tell Luke was dying to make a comeback, Lexi skipped into the room, large book in hand. She returned to her seat and with the air of Shylock coveting his gold, reverently placed it beside her on the tablecloth. All three of them looked on in amusement at her behavior. The kid was destined to be a librarian; either that, or follow in Gia’s steps as a writer.
Gia had been obsessed with reading as a kid too, so she kind of understood Lexi’s voracious appetite, but her little girl was a far faster reader than she had been. Thank God for libraries…otherwise she’d have spent half their food budget on buying Lexi books!
“Eat your granola, Lexi. After you’ve read to Papa, I have some errands, and I want you to come with me.” Josh ruffled the paper he was reading, flicking the corner down so he could look at her over it.
Lexi’s eyes widened, and she pointed at herself. “You want me to come do errands with you, Daddy?”
Josh raised a brow. “You don’t want to come?”
“No! I mean, yes! I do. I really do.”
Gia smiled at Luke, and for the first time in an age, he returned it. It was impossible not to. They knew that of them all, Lexi spent the least amount of time with Josh. It was something Gia tried to rectify, but it was hard with Josh’s schedule.
Nix that, it would be easier to learn Japanese. Overnight.
“Good, I’m glad to hear it,” Josh told her, his attention reverting to the paper. Gia realized he had no idea how happy he’d made his daughter. She almost despaired for him but then stopped. He’d figure it out eventually, and while he didn’t spend a lot of time with Lexi, there was no doubt, from any quarter, how much he loved their little girl.
“What errands?” Gia asked, curious as to where he was going on a Sunday. He wasn’t dressed in his BDUs for once, which meant he wasn’t intending on going to the base.
He peered over the broadsheet. “Errands, that’s all.”
“Are you going to the store?”
“No.”
Gia looked at Luke, wondering if he’d picked up on their husband’s caginess. From the scowl on his face, he had. “If you’re not going to the store, then where are you going?”
Josh clucked his tongue. “Out, for God’s sake. What is this? The Inquisition?”
Lexi immediately piped up, “What’s the Inquisition, Daddy?”
“Now see what you’ve started,” he growled at the adults in the room. “It’s a saying, sweetheart. It doesn’t matter.”
Gia snorted. Like that would fob their daughter off. “It was a war, love. A very old war.”
“There are lots of wars, aren’t there? Daddy’s been to war, Papa too. And Grandpa Robert.” Lexi sighed. “It’s sad. If people get hurt like Papa, then I don’t like it. It isn’t right. Did you go as well, Mommy?”
“Nope, I’ve never left America.” She took a bite of her muffin and then said, “
When bad people do bad things, the good people need to stop them. That’s all it is.”
Another sigh escaped her, this one so large it made her narrow shoulders heave. “If you say so.”
“I do. Daddy and Papa are the good guys, love. All they do they do to protect us.” Gia reached over to cup her little girl’s cheek. “It’s not all bad, love.” When Luke huffed, she shot him a quick glare. It was the first time she’d done anything other than be careful with him, and he looked suitably chastened at the silent reprimand. “It isn’t,” she assured Lexi with a chirpy smile.
“Where are we going, Daddy?”
“Well, I need to do some things, but I thought we could round it off by going to the park.”
“Do we have to?”
He frowned. “Don’t you want to?”
She wriggled in her seat. “Not really.”
“Why not?”
Gia cleared her throat. “It’s dirty, isn’t it, Lexi?”
The answering nod was immediate, and all the more worrying for it. She’d tried to tell the pair of them how bad Lexi was getting where dirt and germs were concerned; they simply hadn’t believed her.
“Getting dirty isn’t always bad,” Luke murmured. “Think of all the fun you’ll have.”
“It isn’t if my skirt gets covered in mud,” came the gloomy response.
Josh twisted around to peer out of the window. “Unless I’m mistaken, there’s been no rain for the past two weeks, honey. There’s no mud to be had.”
“There will be if I go to a park,” Lexi retorted, folding her small arms and pursing her lips into a mulish pout.
A chuckle escaped Gia, but she quickly stifled it by pressing her knuckles to her mouth. “I doubt it, love,” she said. “Daddy’s right. If there’s no rain, then there’s no mud.”
“I’d prefer it if I didn’t have to go, Daddy.” She used her most polite tone—one that worked on everyone save Josh.
Luke shook his head. “Talk about an old head on young shoulders.”
“She’s getting worse,” Gia mocked.
“Well, I think I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think it’s fair for me to have fun by you reading to me but for you not to have fun too.” Luke’s cunning triggered the perfect reaction for their tiny bookworm.
The Power of Love_Happily Ever Menage Page 6