by Bree Dahlia
“Is she going to be okay?”
“I’m optimistic.” He squeezed my hand. “I wanted to let you know sooner why I had to postpone, but I—”
“Stop, Chase.” This time, I interrupted him. I know he’d never try to make me feel like a piece of shit, but that’s exactly how I felt. “What you’re doing is wonderful. I was the one who jumped to conclusions after stopping by your place.”
“So you really did stop over?” He seemed pretty happy about that. It came to me then—he did run off to see a young chick. A really young one. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
I nodded. “Your roommate, Trevor. He’s… something.” I felt no need to get into it since I didn’t plan on seeing the dickhead again.
“By something, you mean a fuck-up?” I laughed. Yeah, pretty much. “He wasn’t always like that, but he’s moving out next month anyway. Now, Con? He’s cool. I’m glad he’s staying.”
We came to the front doors and stopped. “Can I take you somewhere,” he asked, “or do you need to get home?”
“No, I’m okay.”
Chase led me out and down the concrete path, wrapping around to the back of the building and into a wooded area. “It’s one of my favorite spots. I used to come here often when I was younger, but this is my first time coming with someone else.”
We went into a small clearing. There was a huge flat rock in the middle of it. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. He wrapped his hands around my waist, the contact setting off the familiar zing, and picked me up as if I were nothing. He placed me on the rock before moving around to the other side to join me.
We lay back; it was large enough for us to stretch out, but small enough to keep us touching. I stared up at the sky through the parted treetops. It was twilight, and I could see the first hints of stars above me.
He took my hand in his once again. “Did you used to live around here?” I asked.
“Sometimes I felt like my mom did.” I turned my head toward him, and he smiled softly. “She had rheumatic fever, and it weakened her heart. She spent a lot of time in this hospital. My dad worked two jobs, so I was with her most of the time. Whenever I needed to get away, I’d come to this rock and practice my chords or just zone out and look at the sky.”
I realized that I had no clue about his parents. “Is your mom…?”
“She’s doing well now. Much better than before.” I exhaled slowly. I didn’t know her, but it would have saddened me to learn that something had happened. “I think that’s why I connected instantly with Hazel. She had something similar to my mom, but instead of damaging her heart, it attacked her kidneys.”
God, I couldn’t imagine going through something like that with Daniel. “So, her grandmother has full custody?”
“Yeah. Hazel’s mother died when she was just a baby. Heroin overdose.”
Fuck. My heart constricted. I wanted to do more for that girl than just give her a silly little key chain. “Daniel’s mom left too. He was about one and a half.” Chase shifted his body to the side and faced me. Watched me with irises the color of the softest grass in the summertime. He always made me feel like he was so interested in what I had to say, and that made me comfortable enough to say it. “Although, in her case, we don’t know if she’s dead or alive. She was messed up. Just decided she didn’t want to be a mother anymore and packed up and moved to Florida with some guy. Mike never heard from her again and never pursued it. They weren’t married, and he figured Daniel would have a better life without her.”
I caught my breath, studying his expression. I was revealing more than I normally would, and I didn’t know how he interpreted that. He smiled and gave me a light kiss, and I was encouraged to continue.
“I came into that little boy’s life when he was just shy of two and I was twenty. Mike and I married shortly after. Daniel doesn’t even remember her. I’m the only mom he’s ever known.”
Chase stroked my hair. “That was a lot for you to take on at that age.”
“He means the world to me, Chase. I have to believe that I changed his life. I know he changed mine.”
“And your ex? What happened there?”
A part of me wanted to tape my mouth shut; way too much was spilling free. But the part that needed to talk, that’s the part that won out. “I used to laugh and say it was a package deal. If I wanted to be with Daniel, then I had to accept Mike. We made good parents, but not the best marriage partners. Once Daniel was an adult, there didn’t seem to be any reason to stay together.”
Among other reasons. I wasn’t going to get into the alleged affair because honestly, I couldn’t put all the blame on my ex. Our relationship was over long before Candace came into his office. If it ever started in the first place. Even in the very beginning, my heart never sprouted legs and broke out into a happy dance when Mike put his lips or eyes on me.
I waited to see if Chase would ask more about it, but he didn’t. I guess it was pretty self-explanatory—I’d wanted Daniel in my life more than I’d wanted his father.
The stars were sharpening, painting a portrait across the inky sky. It was a breathtaking show, and we had the perfect seats. Chase gave my hand another pump, and I smiled. It was impossible to help. What was happening to me? I was probably leaking sap all over the rock.
“I’ve been crazy since I met you, Chase. Acting crazy. Thinking crazy.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“It’s not a me thing. I’m not usually like this. Might as well tack on dressing crazy too. Last night, those clothes… I normally don’t wear stuff like that.”
He laughed. “I figured that, Jillian.”
“And the night we went for Cajun food? The reason my face resembled white crepe paper was because I overdid this cream that was supposed to make me look closer to your age. See? Crazy.”
“Just so I’m clear here, are you trying to be younger or older? Because I’m confused.”
“God, I don’t know.” I covered my face with one hand and shook my head. If he didn’t make me so crazy, I’d probably be able to answer that question.
“Let me give you my opinion. Just be yourself.” He stroked his thumb over my hand, and I closed my eyes. “Do you know how hard it was for me to leave you last night? Do you know how much I wanted to stay? But I didn’t want you to freak out on me.”
“It’s really hard for me, Chase. This… thing with us.” I’d decided that if he was going to listen, I was going to keep talking. “My dad is fourteen years younger than my mom, and that did not end well. It was not a positive experience for her, me, or my brother. The thought of doing that to Daniel or myself... Even a short-term thing can mess up worlds.”
Especially if that short-term thing developed into long-term heartache. I was already too open to him without meaning to be, as if he’d reached his hands into my chest and pried it open while I was knocked out on the table. And by the time I came to, I was permanently altered and couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
It didn’t matter if this “thing” between us lasted one more day or one more year. He was already imprinted on my heart, and I had the scars to prove it.
“I get it.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I do, but I disagree. There are no guarantees with anything, Wild Horses.”
“True. But the odds were already against us from the beginning.” I opened my eyes again; the view was too beautiful to block out for long. Both above and beside me.
“I’d say the odds were working for us. There’s something to be said about two sexual peaks coming together.”
A little fireball rolled through me. Another thing I felt helpless to control. Yes, our sexual peaks were lining up quite nicely, thank you very much.
“But I’m talking about more than that, Jillian. For one, I love your passion for music because it’s mine as well. I love talking to you about it, experiencing it with you. I know lots of people like it, but you get it, and that means something to me.”
Lying there hand in hand, watching the stars, completely alone as if we were the only two people who mattered was a painful pleasure. It was both perfect and agonizing. As wonderful as it was in the moment, it was not realistic, and it couldn’t last.
“Do you know what I was doing the year you were born, Chase? I was at County Stadium seeing Paul McCartney. Doesn’t that feel weird to you?”
“No, I think it’s pretty cool.”
He broke our grasp and leaned over the rock, grabbing his guitar. The next thing I knew, “Maybe I’m Amazed” was filling the air. I sang along in my head, milking the feeling for all it was worth.
There was no fucking. No multiple orgasms. No making love. There was just being together, talking, and enjoying each other’s company.
And I was okay with that.
That’s not to say fucking, multiple orgasms, and making love were off the table. They were very much on, and often; I just couldn’t call it meaningless anymore. These get-togethers with Chase couldn’t be classified as strictly casual, and I acknowledged that to myself. I owned my feelings and because of that, I was able to keep them in check.
I was a grown woman with my own house and a successful business. I was fully independent and self-sufficient. I could certainly handle a little flutter of the heart.
What are you doing?
The text came as I lay in bed, the scent of him still strong. I hadn’t bothered to put on any clothes because the only thing I wanted against my skin was the remembrance of his body all over it.
Same thing I always do after you leave.
Think of me?
I smiled, running my hand over my stomach. He’d been over every night for the past seven days, but tonight was the earliest he’d left. I had an appointment in the morning that I needed to be awake for. All those nights Chase hadn’t technically slept over, but his departure times had gotten progressively later. We’d seemed to completely disregard the one- to two-hour slot windows.
It’s hard not to think of you when you’re dripping down my thighs.
I love that I’m still there with you. Put your fingers in your pussy and taste both of us together.
I did as he said, bringing my fingers to my mouth. I wanted him back in my bed. I wanted him beside me as I sucked them. I wanted him to spill inside me again so I could feel him leak out. I wanted….
I want to taste your cock as it glides over my tongue. I want more than your come filling my pussy. I want it shooting down my throat.
So many things I wanted tonight. I felt greedy, but in a good way. I couldn’t get enough of him. How had I not swallowed him down yet? It seemed impossible with all we’d done, but he was always so focused on me and having orgasms slam into you almost constantly was a little distracting.
Fuck, Jillian. You keep talking like that, you know I’m coming back over.
I do give a damn good blowjob. You really should experience it.
And how do you know it’s good?
I was in the middle of typing my response when he beat me to it.
No, wait. Don’t answer that.
I forgot that he could get jealous, which was silly, really. We weren’t virgins when we met; I knew my way around a male body, even if those men needed directions around mine. Until Chase. He was a professional driver who could navigate the course with his eyes closed.
I meant that I think it’s good, but I’ll need more practice to be sure. Will you help a girl out and let me choke on your cock?
Dammit. You’re not making this easy on yourself. Don’t you have to get up early?
Yes, but being tired is a worthy tradeoff for feeling you inside me again.
Why did I ever let him leave? So I’d be a little sleepy for my appointment. At least it was over the phone, and I could hide my baggy eyes and saggy lids. I didn’t even have to get dressed.
You only want me for my body, he texted.
Bunk.
The shrill ring of my phone flung me upward. Perry. It was barely five a.m. My heart started hammering. This couldn’t be good. She never called this early.
“What’s wrong?” I blurted out as soon as I answered. There was a strange gurgling sound on the other end, and I really started to panic. “Oh, God. Perry, what’s going on?”
Chase stirred beside me, mumbling, “Everything okay?”
“Sorry. Had to clear Stephen’s cock from my mouth first. Now I can talk.”
“What?!”
“Kidding!” Perry busted out laughing, and she was lucky she wasn’t in front of me. I would have throttled her for scaring the shit out of me. “That was my happy noise.”
My head was murky. What the hell was happening here? I turned to Chase and whispered, “Everything’s fine. You can go back to sleep. I’ll take this call in the other room.”
“Who’s that? Who are you talking to?” Perry demanded. I slipped from the bed and stumbled down the hall. “Holy fuck, Jills!” she screamed in my ear, and I had to pull the phone away. “Chase slept over?”
“I never said it was Chase, and you’re hurting my head.”
“You actually let him?” She completely disregarded the possibility that it wasn’t Chase. “And he didn’t have to tranquilize you first?”
I rubbed my temple and wondered if it was even worth it to go back to sleep. I should just make a pot of coffee and push through. “Perry, can we get back to why you called? What would possibly get you so jacked up at this hour?”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew. Holy shit. I fist pumped the air. Yes! Forget the coffee; I was fully jolted awake now.
Perry screamed again, and it didn’t even affect me. I was so freaking excited for her. “He proposed, he proposed, he proposed.” She was half-singing, half-shrieking and probably dancing around the house. “I would have called you sooner, but we just finished celebrating.”
“Oh, my God, tell me everything. How’d he do it?”
“Well, first he took me from the top while he gazed into my eyes, then we switched to behind while he—”
“Perry!”
“Okay.” She giggled, then sighed loudly. “It was so romantic, Jills. After spending the day together doing all my favorite things, he took me down to the lakefront, and we walked along the beach. We sat and watched the waves for a while and then one of those planes flew by. You know, the kind I always thought was so sappy? It wrote out a Will you marry me message. At first, I thought it wasn’t for me because there was no name along with it. I glanced around the beach, looking for another couple, but all I saw was your brother down on his knee. I swear I almost lost it, Jills. I almost started blubbering all over the damn sand. He told me it was the anniversary of the first time he said, ‘I love you.’ We were on that same beach when it happened too. I can’t believe he remembered something like that.”
Wow, I couldn’t either. Stephen told me he was trying to make the proposal amazing for her, but I had no idea he’d come through so well. I was so happy for both of them I wanted to explode all over the place.
“And the ring… Oh, my God, it’s gorgeous. Honestly, I wouldn’t have cared if it came from a Cracker Jack box, but after seeing it, I’m glad it didn’t. It is just so… me. He gets me, Jills. I’ve never had a man so into me, and I’m never letting him go.”
My smile was enormous. “I knew it’d be perfect for you,” I said without thinking. Shit.
“Wait a minute… You knew about this?”
“Um—”
“You let me suffer all this time and didn’t say anything? I thought you’re my best friend? I thought you loved me? I thought—”
“Perry, stop. I do love you; that’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know any details, I just saw the ring and knew he was planning something. I didn’t want to take the magic away from you by letting you know beforehand. Do you think you’d have been that excited if every second you were with him, you were constantly wondering if that was the moment?”
“Well, when you put it t
hat way… I guess I can forgive you since you’re going to be my official sister and all. And I’m way too happy to be upset right now. But I will get you back someday, somehow.”
She laughed, and I knew all was good. “I can’t wait to see the ring.”
“You just said you already did.”
“Not while it was on your finger.” I walked into my office and rested my head against one of the huge windows. The sun would be rising soon.
“That’s true. So what are your plans today? Besides morning sex.”
“Let’s see. I have a teleconference in less than two hours. Then around noon, I’ll be getting my period, and then I agreed to watch Chase play baseball at three. After that, not sure.”
“Hmm… public stuff. So for afterward, why don’t you just say you’ll be having more sex? You know that’s what you’ll be doing.”
“No, Perry. Didn’t you just hear me say I’ll have my period?”
“Maybe he’s into that.”
“It doesn’t matter if he is. I’m not. Why do you think he’s still here this morning? I wanted to get in one last time before I’m out of commission for the next two days.”
“You can’t lie worth shit, Jills.” I fixated on the dove’s nest sitting on top of my water spout outside to keep from chuckling. “You know very well why he’s there. Now, you’re going to repeat after me: I will never lie to my best friend and sister ever again.”
“I will never lie to my best friend and sister ever again.” I couldn’t help it this time; I started to laugh.
“Now say, ‘Chase is still here because I care about him. It’s more than just sex.’ Got it?”
“Chase is still here because I care about him. It’s more than just sex. I really like him.”
“I never told you to say that last part.” Oh, damn. That must have just slipped out somehow. “So, where’s he playing today?”