Her hands gripped my back while she held on for her life. I was not taking it nice and slow. No fuckin way. This was what you got with me, I was rough, and hard. Her moans only fueled my desire, making me crazy with need for her. She wiggled and I felt her body start to tense. Our eyes never swayed, we were completely in this together. Body, mind, and soul in that moment, I almost gave into the thoughts of a future I never wanted. With her amethyst eyes playing hostage with mine, I felt her hope. The love that we could have. I almost said it. It was on the tip of my tongue. To try and give us what we truly wanted, but I held those words back. Her eyes closed briefly and I popped her clit.
“Eyes” Her eyes were wide from my surprising pop but they were back on me. Her legs tightened and her pussy started to quiver. She was about to explode. I felt the tingles start in my balls, and it started to move up my spine.
“Starlight, come for me baby.” I gritted my teeth; I would not come yet. She bit her lip as if she was holding back too. Yeah right, like I was going to let that happen. I switched angles and lifted her leg up onto my shoulder. Three thrusts and she was done. Her cries echoed on the stage.
The look of the pure ecstasy in her eyes did me in. I came harder than I’ve ever had before. I rode through the pleasure and when I was done, I kissed my girl.
“No going back Lachlan, ok?” She whispered to me, and I nodded. It was all I could do. I looked around and noticed there was a little line of light from one of the doors in the back. Shit. Not even thirty seconds later the door closed.
I pulled out, stood while lifting Lily up into my arms. I needed her to have some privacy. Someone had just watched us fuck. I didn’t truly give a shit, but I wanted her to feel safe.
“Yikes, I guess we got caught.” She giggled as I set her down behind the curtains.
“Probably some punk kid.” I tucked myself back in my pants and did up my zipper.
She cleaned herself up with her panties and put her shorts on. Oh shit.
“Shit, Lily I didn’t use a condom.” I was a little freaked.
“It’s ok, I’m on the pill and I’m clean. You?” She looked at me.
“I’m good.” I wasn’t sure if we were about to have the past lovers talk. If so, she was probably going to be shocked. It had been a long time since I’d gotten laid. After I walked away from her years ago, I tried to forget about her and screw other women, but after a while I realized nothing would be right but her. Call it my penance for all of my sins, not only could I not have the girl I wanted, but I would not have any other pussy too.
“You ok?” I needed to know she wasn’t regretting what we did. She had a faint blush on her face but other than that all she looked was satisfied.
“Yeah, I just feel like a noodle.” She smiled and I brought her into my arms. She squeezed me gently, which hurt my side but I didn’t show it.
“Sorry I didn’t take you in a bed or do sweet shit for our first time.” I felt like a bastard for taking her out in a public place where obviously people could watch. She looked up at me and I was curious what she was thinking.
“I like no beds with you.” She reached up and brought my lips down to hers. How the hell was I not going to get used to this?
Her kiss seared my soul. It was almost too much that I had to pull away.
“Can we go back to my place and talk?” She asked and I nodded.
“You have a place?” I guess she wouldn’t want to stay with my parents for any long length of time. She started walking and I followed her to a room behind the stage where her stuff was in a locker.
“Yep. But we can talk about it when we get there.” She grabbed her small purse and walked out a side door. The parking lot only had a few cars in it, and she headed straight for a little white Mini Cooper. How cute.
“I’ll grab my SUV and follow you.” I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in for a kiss, before walking towards my ride.
Keeping my eyes on my surroundings was a habit I’d picked up over time. You never knew when someone was watching and not your friend. Nothing looked out of order besides a man in slacks with a brief case, probably a teacher getting into his car, and then there were two guys making out by their car. I wasn’t into that, but good for them.
After unlocking the Tahoe, I hopped in and saw that Lily’s little white mini was waiting for me. She drove ahead and I followed her all the way to some bright colored apartments by the loch. She pulled into a spot in front of the light blue one.
“Interesting choice.” I commented as we got out of our cars. She looked at the building and smiled.
“I always wanted to live here growing up. A view on the loch, it’s pretty.” She gestured for us to walk towards her place.
“Ladies first.” I one hundred percent would admit that I stared at her ass as she waltzed up to her door. 2B. She fiddled with her keys and opened the door. Her apartment was tidy, and calm. Light colors and one picture of a dancer in the living room, but other than that It seemed impersonal.
“When did you move here?” I was anxious to get the talking out of the way. She set her purse down and walked into what I assumed was her bedroom. Talking to me while I stayed standing in her living room.
“About a week after you left. I didn’t want to hang around your parents until you came back. So I found this place, the owners are touring the world. Bucket listers. They wanted someone to take care of the place while they were gone, and watch after Lola.” Sure enough after she said that a cat ran out from behind the couch and into the room Lily was in. Sounded like she had gotten a good deal.
Chapter Thirteen
Lachlan
“Ok, I feel better.” She walked out wearing tight yoga pants, and a big, plain, blue shirt tied in a knot at her hip. Her hair was still a mess, but it worked. She sat on the small couch and patted the cushion next to her for me to sit. I did.
“I’m mad you didn’t come back in a few days like you said.” I started to say something but she held her hand out stopping me.
“But you came back and that says something. Something big. So, obviously I’ve had a lot of time to think. If we are really going to try for anything together, we have to figure out what we need from each other.” She kept going. I remember she used to do stuff like this back in the day. Once she had something on her mind, don’t try to get in a word until she was done. It was pointless.
“I need you to somehow communicate to me that you’re ok. Or something, just somehow let me know that you’re alive. Text me, email, call, fax me, or send a bloody pigeon. Anything. I can deal as long as you can give me that.” I thought over her words, could I do that?
“I can’t do it every day. It might be a few.” Sometimes I was completely off the radar for some missions.
“Ok, how about every Sunday. You let me know you’re alive.” She was negotiating. I found it cute.
“OK.” I agreed.
“Alright, now. I have no clue what you do for a living, and I’m pretty sure you won’t tell me if I asked. But can you tell me if it is dangerous work?” I chewed over the thought of lying but if I didn’t have to, then I shouldn’t.
“Yes.” She took a few breaths after my answer. This was where whatever we were attempting to have would get complicated.
“Do you work with people or alone?” She wanted to know more.
“Alone.”
“Should I be worried about my safety?” She seemed a little nervous, I wished she hadn’t asked that question. Truly.
“From me, no. From being with me, yes. But I won’t let anything happen to you.” I vowed, but somewhere inside me I knew it wasn’t something I should be saying. I did dirty work. I’ve made enemies. People who would try to hurt me. I distanced myself from anyone who could be used against me. She seemed to ponder that information a little longer.
“How long were you going to wait?” I inquired. It was something that was running through my mind the whole time. Was she about to pack up and leave tomorrow? I doubt she would have
waited for my ass for a year. Hell, I wouldn’t want her to do that. She turned towards me and ran her fingers along my jaw line. It was an emotional touch.
“As long as it took for you to come back to me.” Her voice was low but strong. So strong. I loved and hated her words in the same sentence.
“Dammit Lily. You shouldn’t feel this way.” I stood. I didn’t know how to feel about her staying. Happy? Pissed? Indifferent? I started pacing.
“I’m not fucking good for you. I should have stayed away. You could go live a happy life without me dragging you down into my darkness.” My hands ran down my face in frustration. I looked at her to see her watching me curiously.
“I can’t do this, Lily. We have a past, and I can’t allow anything to fuck up your life, including me being in it.” I was pushing her away. It was the right thing. I couldn’t have her waiting for me all the time. What if I never came back? She would be crushed. I felt defeated and whatever the hell we were trying for was gone. I felt like my normal self. The self-loathing killer. Lily was staring at me blankly. No emotions or anything. Maybe this was a good thing then.
Until she jumped up and pushed me back.
“Don’t you dare do this right now. How about instead of…”
Push.
“You deciding what’s best for me in my life.”
Push.
“You let me in on the decision. If I want to go down into your darkness as you put it, then that’s my fucking choice.”
She tried to push me again but I grabbed her wrists. I was done with that shit.
“You done?” I asked her, it was my turn. Would I open up and tell her everything? No. But maybe she needed a tiny eye opener that she should run far away from me.
Chapter Fourteen
Lily
I was so furious, and strangely turned on. Fighting with him was making every nerve in my body come alive. Something was wrong with me.
I didn’t say anything as he constrained my wrists and stared down at me with those eyes that hinted to the danger inside him. I wanted to know that side. I wanted to know everything about him, inside and out. He brought my hands down to my sides and let go. He gripped the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up and over his head. Displaying one hell of a torso. A delicious torso that I wanted to worship. Except.
My hand went up to my lips to cover my gasp.
“Yeah Lily, soak it in. The reason I didn’t come back was because I got stabbed. Lost a lot of blood and had to go to the hospital.” He said it like he was trying to scare me with this revelation. It kind of did. But I already suspected things like this could happen. He said he saved me from my captives, he couldn’t have done that if he wasn’t into some seriously dangerous stuff.
My fingers left my mouth, bee lining to touch the puckered skin where he must have been stitched. His ab muscles tightened when my fingers met his flesh. It was rough. It had to of hurt. My eyes scanned past his gloriously rippled stomach in search of more. There were a few scars here and there. Another puckered scar on his right shoulder. Gun shot? I wish I could have been there to help take care of him.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. It’s too much to handle.” He started to put his shirt back on but I gripped it from him and threw in on the floor.
“Did I fucking say that?” God he was being such an ass.
“I can see it on your face.” He spat.
“No, you wanna know what I’m thinking, besides that you’re being an asshole.” He just stared at me, not so patiently waiting.
“I was thinking I wish I was there. I could have taken care of you. Been there for you.” I moved closer and pressed a kiss to the scar on his shoulder. I moved to a smaller scar and kept talking, but against his hot skin.
“This doesn’t scare me away, Lachlan. I don’t know what you do, but I know it’s dangerous. I get it. I want to be your home base. Your serenity. I want to help you heal from these mortal wounds.” I meant every word. I was not letting him go, no matter what.
“What’s wrong with you? Why would you want to willingly be a part of my world?” His voice was low; he was losing his battle of trying to push me away.
“I love you, Lachlan. I always have.” I kissed his nipple, swirling my tongue around it. I waited for him to throw a little hissy fit at my admission but I wasn’t one to run away from my feelings, unlike a tall, dark and handsome Scot. His body froze and I was a little worried I broke him with my words. He took a step back, out of my reach. He looked at me like I had five heads. I was confused. Wasn’t he supposed to admit he loved me back and we would be ok?
Without even grabbing his shirt, he walked right to the door and left. I just stared at the door, trying to understand what just happened. He left?
He left? After I just told him I loved him. That wasn’t how that was supposed to go. I went to the couch and sat down. Emotions started to smother me. What if I just made a huge mistake?
“Oh god.” I whispered to the empty apartment. I fucked up, I pushed him too hard. My eyes started to water when I heard the door shut. I kept my head down, if it was him I didn’t want to see anything on his face. I felt like a fool for putting my heart out there. God, besides fucking on the stage we were still like strangers.
“Lily, what did Ah tell ye about locking that damn door.” Wolfe walked into the room with Nera following behind him. My heart sank a little more, Lachlan really left.
I forgot they said they were coming over for an early dinner. I looked up and shrugged. They set a few bags on the table and came over to me.
“We saw Lachlan leave the apartment. Everything ok?” Nera sat down to the right of me on the couch while Wolfe plopped down in the chair to the left of me.
I shook my head.
“I pushed him too hard.” I admitted, I felt horrible. He wasn’t ready to hear how I felt about him, now I could have lost him forever.
“He’ll bounce back.” Wolfe commented but I didn’t feel confident about that.
“Why do you think you pushed him away?” Nera probed. I looked at her, she was genuinely concerned. Maybe it was a girl thing, because when I looked at Wolfe he didn’t seem the least bit worried about me upsetting Lachlan.
“I told him I loved him, after he tried to end whatever it was we were becoming.” I was such a fool.
“Hmm, I wouldn’t worry too much, it was obvious..."
“Nera.” Wolfe coughed, interrupting what she was going to say. I looked at him and he tried to shrug it off. What was going on right now? I was about to answer when the door opened again. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Lachlan strode through the door, he walked in not paying any attention to Wolfe or Nera sitting there. Nera was gaping at his naked torso. Couldn’t say I blamed her, even with him looking pissed and on a mission it was hard not to appreciate that display of sexiness.
“Aye, put yer shirt on ye fool.” Wolfe was shaking his head at us women.
“Lachlan?” I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell him I wished I could turn back time and not tell him how I felt just yet. But I didn’t have that chance. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and walked away from the living room and into the bedroom.
I heard a chuckle from behind us before he closed the door to my room.
“Lachlan, put me down.” I smacked his very nice behind. He tossed me down on the bed and covered my body with his. I was officially confused.
“Tell me again.” He murmured as he started kissing my neck.
Well, helloo. This was not at all what I was thinking was going to happen. It felt so good. I couldn’t control my hands from touching them.
“Tell you what again?” I whimpered.
“You know what.” He growled.
“I love you.” Despite being a little scared at saying it out loud, I took that leap of faith that uttering those words was what he wanted from me.
“You’re mine.” His lips smashed against mine with uninhibited passion. I was still shocked by everything that was
happening right now. Just a minute ago, I was about to cry my eyes out and now I have Lachlan attached to my lips, trying to get inside. And as much as I wanted that, I needed some verbal action, we needed to talk.
“Lachlan, stop.” I moaned when he nipped at my lower lip. He pulled back slowly and looked at me, obviously wondering why I stopped him.
“You have to explain what just happened, I told you I loved you.” His eyes closed briefly at those words.
“Then you stormed off. Now you’re back and mauling me.” His hand reached up and moved along my hair line, it was such a sweet gesture.
“Those words coming from your sweet mouth was something I’d never wanted to hear, but always did crave to hear.”
He said what?
“I dreamed of for so long, wanting to have you in my arms, but punishing myself for the sins I’ve done by staying away. I could never deserve you. I’m still a bad man, but once you said those words I had to leave to take it in. I hated myself just knowing that I couldn’t just walk away anymore. You’ve always had my heart, even if you didn’t know. Now I have yours, and it’s pure and clean. I can’t destroy it now that it’s mine.”
I had no words. Tears started to fall down my cheeks. He hadn’t said I love you, but he said I’ve had his heart.
“Lachlan.” I was about to say more when a banging on the door cut me off. I looked over to it wondering if it was broken.
“Get yer arses out here, there will be time for fucking later.” Wolfe bellowed. I started giggling when I heard a distinct smack noise. Nera so owned him. I gazed back at Lachlan to see him staring at me.
“Yer laugh soothes me.” His Scottish accent came out just a little bit there. I wondered why he hid it.
“We better get out there.” I tried to push him off but he wouldn’t budge.
“Come on you big brute. Let’s go see our friends.” He still didn’t get off me but leaned down and kissed me instead. This kiss was unlike the one before, this was something bigger. I didn’t know what but it just felt important. When he pulled back, I was sure there were stars in my eyes.
Blinding Lights (Lights of Scotland Book 2) Page 6