by Debra Kayn
"Every time one of the men walk out of prison it takes a while for everyone to fall back into their routine." Katie patted Christina's leg, leaving her hand on her thigh. "You're doing great not getting upset with him."
Christina pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth. The last thing she wanted was talk going around about her not adapting to the situation and making the matter worse. She'd done a good job at keeping her frustrations in and not confiding to the women. She wasn't comfortable sharing too much.
"Maybe someone needs to talk with Cam. I'm not afraid to say he's being an ass." Lola leaned forward to look at Katie. "Cam took away our right to drive to work. The guys are escorting us again."
"It's for your safety," Christina interrupted. "Don't knock protection when it's given to you freely."
Silence greeted her. The air cooled. Christina stared straight ahead. The Moroad women were spoiled and only entertainment for the club. For the women to believe they were anything else was foolish.
"I...wasn't." Lola sighed. "Shit. I sound like a bitch. I know they give us a lot of their time."
"I'm calling tonight a bust." Katie squeezed Christina's leg. "I'm going back to my apartment. It looks like the guys aren't going to notice us here anytime soon."
"I'll head out with you." Lola hugged Christina. "We'll see you later."
Katie and Lola walked hand in hand to the edge of the porch, motioned for Bear to escort them home, and left. Christina debated whether to go inside the house. Not wanting to interrupt the men's meeting, she let her head fall back and stared up at the stars.
Comfort came in the most surprising ways. While she battled with her own discontent, the routine of the men coming to the house kept her sane. The girls visiting distracted her from what Cam would say, do, need. Jeremy kept her company and supported her through the constant challenges. People surrounded her all the time and yet, she suffered from loneliness.
"Wishing on a star?" Merk's voice broke through her musings.
She straightened her head and smiled at Merk standing at the end of the bench. "I'm afraid if I started wishing, I'd run out of stars. I'd only set myself up for disappointment."
"There's more out there than the naked eye can see." Merk put his boot on the bench and leaned against his bent knee. "That's one thing I missed while in prison. During the day, we got out in the sun, the rain, and even the snow. We never saw the night sky, the moon, and the stars. There's something about staring up into the dark, seeing some light sparkling far, far away, to realize how small of an area you take up in the grand scheme of things. A person can get lost."
"You're rather expressive tonight." She studied him. "Do you want to get lost?"
Merk's toned body remained relaxed. The longer she gazed into his dark eyes, the tension he refused to show everyone else raged in his gaze.
"Sometimes," he whispered.
She refrained from asking more. Merk answered when he wanted to and always gave her only enough feedback to sate her curiosity and keep the conversation from feeling awkward.
Her phone vibrated and she removed her cell from her back pocket. "It's one o'clock in the morning."
"You have an alarm to remind you it's past midnight?" Merk grinned. "Isn't there a show about some princess who blew up after midnight or something?"
"Cinderella," she said.
Merk chuckled. "Yeah, she wore glass shoes."
She laughed softly, not wanting to interrupt the others. "You think it's funny, but I had glass...okay, they were clear plastic heels, but they went fabulous with my prom dress in high school and made me feel like a princess."
"I bet you looked beautiful," he said.
"I'm not sure about that." She held the phone in her lap and smiled. "My date sucked and ended up puking from all the vodka he was sneaking during the party but that night, I believed..."
"What did you believe," Merk whispered.
"It's not important. I grew up and realized it's all a joke anyway. We play a role that has nothing to do with reality." She shook her head, wanting to push away the past, which continued to play with her emotions. "So, what's taking the guys so long? I've never seen them gather together without a fight breaking out and drinks passed around."
"Cam's using the light from the living room window to read through the pledge." Merk sat down at the end of the bench. "It won't be long now and Jeremy will be a full-pledged lifer."
Her head pounded. She closed her eyes a moment to soften reality. Jeremy's membership came as no surprise. He'd worked hard, devoted his time to the club, and remained loyal to his MC brothers— even more so during Cam's absence. She'd talked to him about attending the community college but so far, he had no desire to further his education. Cam could afford to send Jeremy anywhere to college. While Jeremy struggled with the order and disciple in school, he was smart.
"Cam bent the rules for him," Merk said. "Jeremy will be fine."
She turned and gazed at him. "What are you talking about?"
"Every member's a convict. It's in the bylaws that any prospect must first serve time, and Jeremy's clean with no rap record. He's also the youngest to try to become a member. Usually, we wait until a brother is twenty-one and let him prospect, but everyone knows the circumstances are different for Jeremy. He's blood, and he's proven himself."
He's blood?
Old hurt came back and left her aching. Jeremy was not Cam's son. Not by blood, not by adoption, not by marriage.
He'd stolen a child.
He'd played with the emotions of a boy, now a man, who only wanted the love of his father.
Cam had illegally forged DNA papers to the court and gained custody of Jeremy. To cover his crime, he'd murdered someone who'd helped him and then betrayed him in prison. She swallowed her part in the crime. Cam claimed he'd done it all to bring Christina into his life.
She could forgive Cam for kidnapping her, but she'd never understand or accept what he'd done to Jeremy. She loved Jeremy like a little brother. It'd break Jeremy's heart when he found out the truth, and he would find out.
During Cam's latest stay in prison, Christina made him promise to come clean to Jeremy. She forced him to promise to tell Jeremy the truth or she'd walk away. If Cam wanted to shut her up or kill her to hide the truth that was his prerogative. Destroying another person's life was a line she wouldn't cross, and she'd stand up for Jeremy.
When the time came for Jeremy to learn the truth, she feared the repercussions. Because of her knowledge of what Cam did, Jeremy could end up hating her, too. He could also go to the authorities, and she'd lose Cam again.
Cheers broke out on the porch. Angry at the deception, she stood. The only person being played was Jeremy.
"Hey...what's wrong?" Merk straightened.
She shook her head. "Nothing."
"Aren't you happy with Jeremy getting his patch?"
"Yeah, of course." She caught sight of Cam hooking Jeremy's neck, pulling him in for a one-arm man hug. "He's thrilled."
Merk continued to study her. She pasted on a smile. This was Jeremy's night, and she wouldn't let her worries contaminate an important moment in his life.
"It looks like the meeting is over. I'm going to go inside." She reached out and squeezed Merk's arm. "Night."
"Night," Merk whispered.
She walked across the grass and onto the porch. Cam caught her eye and she pointed to the front door, conveying she wanted to go inside the house.
"Come here a sec." Cam stepped around the others and met her halfway.
She leaned into him, needing his strength, and hoping Jeremy was mature enough to set aside his hurt when Cam confessed he wasn't his father, and could take the time to absorb how much Cam gave him. A home, a club, and the protection to stay alive.
She focused on the good things and if bad things happened, she'd deal with the outcome and do whatever possible to keep her family together.
"Meeting's over." Cam kissed the top of her head, looping his arm around her.
"Jeremy got his patch tonight."
"I saw." She stretched to her toes and kissed Cam. "You've made him happy."
"He would've willingly taken the hit and gone to jail for possessing the weapon if I would've stepped back and let him take the fall. That's enough in my opinion for him to earn the patch." Cam rolled her to his chest and pulled her over until he leaned against the house. "I promised you I'd tell him everything, but I want him to experience belonging to the club. That's one thing I can give him."
"But—"
"Baby..." He tipped her chin. "He needs his club. His MC brothers will not let him fall. They'll keep him thinking straight. I need to do this, so Jeremy won't walk away from you when everything comes out about who I am."
"What about you?" Her head ached. "You can't let him push you out of his life."
"You're the only one he needs, and if I can keep you two together, then I'm okay with what happens," he said.
"But what if he—"
"He won't." Cam gazed over her head. "Go congratulate him, and then we'll go inside."
She nodded, watching him closely. She wanted to believe Cam had Jeremy's interest at heart. She wanted to keep both men in her life.
She pushed and excused herself through the crowd on the porch and stood in front of Jeremy. Her heart swelled. He looked handsome in his new vest with the new patch decorating his chest and if he turned around, she'd see the familiar Moroad Motorcycle Club patch.
Jeremy grinned down at her. She brushed her hand over the lifer patch.
"Congratulations." She gazed up at him. "It's a big night for you."
Out of nowhere, Jeremy leaned down and kissed her on her cheek. "Thanks, Christina. It means a lot."
She patted his chest, wanting to share his happiness even though her heart broke. "I know it does, honey."
Then the moment was over.
The guys pushed Jeremy off the porch and over in the direction of the cooler in front of Merk's travel trailer. She rejoined Cam and walked into the house. Kicking off her shoes beside the door, she reached to pick up the motorcycle helmet in the middle of the foyer, and Cam stopped her.
"Leave it." He took her hand, leading her to the bedroom. "Picking up after everyone can wait. You're beat and need to go to bed."
Cam undressed. Her stomach fluttered, aware of his every move. Would she ever get used to having Cam back in her life and the excitement that came from having him near?
His thick shoulders, broad chest, and strong hands were hers to touch. While she knew every muscle, every chiseled plane of his body, she craved the chance to discover him again. She had yet to feel like she knew everything about him.
"You keep looking at me that way, I'm going to rip those clothes off you," he said.
Never had she experienced another man caress her with only his gaze. Her stomach quivered in pleasure and she looked away, stripping off her jeans. He helped her take her shirt and bra off, and tossed her on the bed, following her down.
He gazed at her breasts and the skin near his right eye twitched. She brushed her fingers along the creases at his hairline, failing to draw his attention.
She rolled to her side to face him. "What's wrong?"
He plopped onto his back and laid his arm over his forehead. "I need to make a trip in a few days."
"Where?"
"Back to the pen." He pulled her over to his side and wrapped his arm around her upper body. "The billies are burnt up and ready to catch a square."
"I don't understand what all that means."
"It means the white guys who aren't affiliated with any group on the inside are getting their asses kicked by the Reds, who are Mexican, and the Blues, who are black." He turned his head. "Most of the Moroad members put out a call that they're ready to war against Reds and Blues if they didn't back down on the inside."
"But if you fought, you would've jeopardized your release," she said. "You wouldn't have risked your freedom to come home, would you?"
"I started the warnings, knowing there was a chance of being released before we could back up our threat." He held her tighter when she pulled away. "Without me and Merk on the inside, and Half-rack gone, the club doesn't have any officers on the inside. It's more important now than ever that I keep control of what happens in the prison. If Reds or Blues get the idea they can overturn us, it won't be good for us on the outside."
She pushed against him, and he let her go. Her throat burned. She hugged her middle to stop herself from slapping him. What was he thinking?
"The visit will happen on the same day as the run. I'll be gone from ten that night and make it back by dinner time the next day," he said.
"Please don't tell me you're thinking of going back inside." She wanted to shake sense into him, and instead balled her hands into fists and hid them under her arms.
"No. There're things I need to do on the outside." He pulled her over until she lay on top of him.
She stared down into his face. "I don't understand you or the situation. I thought things would calm down now that you're home."
He twined his hand in her hair and tugged lightly. "I've never kept this part of me from you. You've always known what my life is like."
"It's a lot easier to handle when you're locked up and writing me letters," she muttered.
His head crushed the pillow, pulling back from her. "You've developed a mouth on you."
She sat up on his stomach, powering through the sharp pull of her hair caught in his fingers. "You left me, and I'm still mad."
"I was never gone from here." He palmed the side of her head and then laid his hand on her chest. "Or, from here."
"It's not the same as being home." She sighed. "You gave me you, and then you took yourself away. I understand why you told the sheriff it was your gun. I do, because you were protecting Jeremy. But, now you're talking about what is going on inside the state penitentiary like you have control of what happens. You don't."
"I do." His hands lowered to her hips and he spanned his fingers along her lower back. "Deeds that happen on the inside affect the club on the outside. I went inside to protect Jeremy and you against Reds threatening you on the outside, and I solved that problem...from the inside. Things were safe while I was gone, huh?"
She nodded, unable to deny that during his absence, nobody tried to kidnap her and as far as she knew, nobody died. Things were calmer. The inner workings of Moroad mystified and scared the shit out of her.
"Are you settled now?" he asked, his mouth softening. "I'm not going to do anything that would take me away from you."
She nodded again, warming to the fact he had everything under control. His confidence soothed her for the moment. "Will I always have to worry about you going away?"
"I've told you before. You have a house, Jeremy, the club. I won't leave you with nothing," he said.
She glared, hating his answer. He explained their life as if living came from a playbook. As long as he had everything covered, she had no reason to complain.
"Enough talk." He lifted her up to her knees. "Turn around on me."
After a clumsy start with her leg caught in the blanket, she laughed throwing her other leg over his body and faced his feet. He lifted her hips and her upper body pitched forward. She grasped his thighs as he yanked her backward to straddle his face. She squeezed her thighs together, locking his head between her legs.
His low chuckle sent a shiver down her spine. "Suck," he said.
She smiled, hidden and safe from his view, and grasped his cock in her hand. "If you insist," she whispered, amused at his order.
"I do." He slapped her ass.
Her nipples tingled. She ran her tongue all around the head of his cock. He rewarded her with a swipe of his tongue along her wetness.
He guided her, and she followed, not caring where he took her. Only aware that while he gave her attention, she forgot about the pressure to right all the wrongs in life.
His firm hands held her securely, licking her between the legs.
She moaned. The sound muffled around his hardness. The tip of his tongue found her clit. Her back arched with pleasure and she sucked his cock deeper, taking more of him in her mouth.
His cock stood tall, hard, and pulsating. She caressed his length, voraciously working him with her mouth.
Together, they took their time, giving, taking, heightening their arousal. Riding his mouth, she rocked on her knees. Tottering on the brink, her pussy spasmed greedily needing more. He groaned against her.
Cam slid his finger into her pussy as if reading her mind. Blinding pressure consumed her. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the rhythm he set inside of her. She bobbed her head in answer, curling her hands around the back of his thighs.
She moaned. "Oh, God, yes."
Her own nonsense filled the room. He couldn't understand her with her mouth full, but he added a finger, pressing against her G-spot.
She came hard and he lapped up her release. Lightheaded and out of breath, she still rode the wave of shudders from her orgasm when Cam rolled her onto her back, sprawled her legs, and sunk deep inside of her.
Cam's eyes blazed down on her. She wrapped her arms around him, grabbing the top of his ass. His muscles flexed underneath her fingers. The long, smooth strokes of his cock elicited a groan from her and she warmed again.
She locked her eyes on his. His lazy gaze wrapped her in warmth and security.
His cock grew inside of her. She locked her ankles behind his knees.
"Hold on." He growled, plunging, withdrawing, and thrusting again. Over and over.
"Honey," she whispered. "Give me everything."
He pummeled into her on a loud groan, coming hard. She held onto him, absorbing his shudders, taking his weight. Minutes went by and he rolled off her, taking her with him. She laid her cheek against his overheated chest, unwilling to let him go.