by Jade Winters
Erin curled her fists into balls and dug her nails into the palms of her hands. ‘About?’ She didn’t like where this conversation was going.
‘You know…getting rid of it.’
‘Matthew! Tell me you’re joking.’
‘No, I’m not. What would you prefer me to do, lie? I don’t want a baby and I definitely don’t want one with Claudia.’
‘So she’s good enough to sleep with and that’s it? Matt, I can’t believe this is you speaking.’
Matt tightened his grip on the steering. ‘Look, Claudia knew what she was getting into when we got together. I didn’t make any false promises. We both agreed to have a good time. That’s all. No commitment, no ties and definitely no babies.’
Erin stared at him. Where was her brother? The man that would sit with their granddad for hours on end and listen patiently to his war stories even though he’d heard them a million times before. The person who would give you the shirt off his back if you were in need. Who was this stranger beside her talking about aborting his baby as if it were an out of date product?
‘Matt, I’m sorry but you’re on your own with this one. If you were man enough to get her pregnant, be man enough to step up to your responsibilities.’
‘Thanks, Erin, I’ll remember this the next time you need my help.’ There was an obvious note of disappointment in his voice.
Erin ignored it. ‘Help? Is that what you call going round to see the mother of your child and trying to talk her into having an abortion? I’m not being a bitch, Matt, but what you’re asking is way out of order.’
‘Women have abortions all the time when accidents happen. Why should I have to suffer for the rest of my life because I made a mistake? Do you think that’s fair?’
‘Who said anything in life was fair.’
Matt pulled the car up outside her granddad’s house and turned to her. ‘So I take it you won’t talk to her then?’
‘What do you think? I can’t even believe you asked.’ She was torn between disappointment and anger at his attitude. Erin unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for the door handle. Matt leant across and grabbed her wrist.
‘Don’t say anything to Gramps about this.’
‘You’re damn right I won’t.’
Erin clambered out of the car, slammed the door shut and ran up the gravel path before letting herself into her granddad’s house. She couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if Cara had told Matt all those years ago that she was pregnant. Would he have deemed that a mistake as well?
Erin’s stomach tightened at the thought of Cara. She imagined her all smug and cosy with Maddie in Dee’s cottage. Were they having make-up sex right now? Laughing together and planning their future? Was Cara comparing Maddie to her? The questions and thoughts tormented her mind.
Erin managed to exchange brief pleasantries with her granddad for a few minutes before heading to the kitchen to prepare his food. When the microwave pinged she automatically opened the door and placed the meat in gravy sauce on a plate beside a dollop of mashed potato. She made two cups of tea and carried the food and drinks into the living room on a tray.
‘Matt was here last night in a right state.’ He put the book he was reading down the side of his seat.
‘Was he?’ Erin asked. She laid the tray on his TV dinner table and took her tea with her to the sofa.
‘He didn’t go into much detail. Something to do with being split between Cara and Claudia, I bet.’
Erin sighed. ‘Maybe.’
‘The silly boy. I wish he would just give up on both of them and meet someone new.’
‘Me too, Gramps.’
‘I suppose love makes you do funny things.’ He dug his fork into the mash and ate a small mouthful. ‘So, do you want to talk about it?’ he asked kindly.
Erin let out a frustrated sigh. ‘Oh Gramps, what’s the point of talking about it? It is what it is.’
‘And what is “it”?’
‘Matt still loves Cara, I know he does. It would be cruel for me to be with the only woman he’s ever really wanted. Even if he can’t have her himself.’
Her granddad laid down his fork. ‘I never told you this before, lass, there was no point, but your nan…’ He glanced at the picture of her nan on top of the mantelpiece. ‘She was engaged to my cousin during the war. When Eddie introduced her to me, for the first time in my life I understood what was meant by love at first sight.’ His eyes misted over in nostalgia. ‘She nearly knocked me off my feet.’
Erin frowned. ‘I didn’t realise Nan was engaged before you.’
‘It wasn’t something either of us liked talking about. A lot of people got hurt by our decision to be together and some family members refused to speak to us for years. My Aunt Vera went to her grave having not spoken a word to me since it happened. Thought I ruined her son’s life by taking the woman he loved.’ He rubbed his eyes wearily with the back of his knuckles. ‘It was during the war. Men left never knowing if they would come home in a body bag or with parts of their body missing. What I’m trying to say is that we didn’t take life for granted back then. We had to grab what we wanted with both hands and hold on for dear life. I’m not saying what we did was right. Who knows what would have happened if your Nan had married Albert. But what I do know is that we spent sixty very happy years together and that must count for something.’
Erin smiled. ‘Aww Gramps. That’s so sweet. Not for Albert, I mean, for you and Nan.’
‘I know what you mean, lass. For what it’s worth, I’d do it all over again. It’s a true saying that you can’t help who you fall in love with. Some people aren’t meant to be together. Simple as that.’ He picked up his fork and started to eat again.
Erin slowly sipped her tea. It was all very well not being able to stop yourself falling in love with someone – but that didn’t mean you had to act on it if it involved hurting someone you love. She thought of Matt’s predicament and knew he needed her more than ever now. Wearily she took out her phone then called Claudia and arranged to meet with her at the weekend.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Claudia’s third attempt at lighting her cigarette was successful. She sucked on the white stick between her fingers and inhaled deeply.
‘Do you think that’s wise?’ Erin said nodding towards the cigarette. ‘I mean with the baby and all.’
Claudia looked at her distastefully. ‘If anything’s going to damage the baby it’s going to be stress.’ She took another drag. ‘And the person we’ll have to thank for that is your precious twin brother,’ she said, stabbing the air with her cigarette.
Erin lowered her gaze to her coffee cup. ‘Just give him time. I think it’s all come as a bit of a shock to him.’
Claudia gave her a puzzled smile. ‘A shock for him! It’s not exactly been a walk in the park for me, Erin.’
Erin glanced away, distracted by a group of tourists squeezing themselves round the table next to them. One of the men in the group did a double take at her open necked shirt. Erin noticed him nudging his friend to look as well. In a parallel universe Erin would have loved to have flashed her breasts at him and seen the shock on his face. She hated gawkers, especially when they were so blatant. His eyes eventually moved to her face and she stared him down until he turned away in embarrassment. She shook her head, picked up her coffee cup and returned her attention to Claudia.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come across as being insensitive.’
Claudia stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray and ran both hands through her hair. ‘It’s only natural that you would side with Matt. He is your brother after all. A twin at that.’
‘Blood has nothing to do with it. I’m just trying to think why he would have reacted the way he did.’
‘Oh you mean not returning my calls and pretending not to be home when I go round there. I think it’s quite self-explanatory, Erin, don’t you?’
Erin raised her eye brows. ‘I’m all ears.’
Claud
ia failed to hide her contempt. ‘He’s avoiding me because he thinks if he doesn’t acknowledge it, my pregnancy will somehow magically all go away. Then he won’t have to tell “her” he’s knocked someone up. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s hoping I’ll miscarry – or have an abortion.’
Claudia must have seen the look of confirmation in Erin’s eyes. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes narrowed into slits. ‘Oh my God! Is that why you called me? To try and talk me into getting rid of it?’
‘Claudia, don’t be so silly.’ Erin was taken aback that Claudia could think such a thing. Erin was all for women’s rights. What a woman did with her body was one hundred percent their choice and she would never try to sway someone either way, regardless of what Matt asked.
‘But that’s what he wants though isn’t it, the little shit. You’re just as bad as each other.’
Erin winced. She totally agreed with Claudia that her brother’s behaviour was despicable and thought Claudia realised that.
Before Erin could set her straight, Claudia abruptly stood up and flung her bag over her shoulder. She looked down at Erin with anger blazing in her eyes. ‘Tell Matt from me, I’m going to have this baby whether he likes the idea of being a dad or not. And when it’s born he is going to step up to the plate.’ She paused for several seconds. ‘And tell him to deliver his own messages instead of being a wanker and sending his sister with them instead.’
‘Claudia! I.’
Before Erin could utter another word, Claudia turned and strode off down the road.
Erin watched her go. Well that didn’t go as expected. She called the waitress over to pay the bill. Erin had every intention of following Claudia to tell her she was on her side but her mobile phone vibrating in her pocket stopped her in her tracks. Fishing it out Erin saw there was one new message. Number unknown.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Tell the truth.
Time is running out.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Cara’s mind was in a daze as she tried to figure out a colour scheme. Signing the lease for the business had been the easy part, as was finding her suppliers. But sat there now, with the colour charts, she was at a loss. She was just about to throw the whole lot in the bin when there was a knock at her now-new office door.
‘Come in,’ she called, not looking up from the stack of swatches she was currently flipping through.
‘Afternoon!’ Maddie breezed in, the overpowering scent of her expensive perfume wafting in with her. ‘Care to join me for lunch?’ She looked at Cara expectantly. ‘You’ve avoided me for a week now – I only found out the address for this place because of the nosy shopkeeper gossiping about your dad and the vicar’s wife.’
‘People haven’t got anything better to do with their time I’m afraid.’ Cara glanced at her wristwatch with mild dismay. The last time she had looked, it was barely after nine. She was hungry, but did she really want to spend any time with Maddie? So far Cara had done a great job of keeping out of her way. Maybe it was time to give her a little slack. She knew without a doubt there was no going back for them but maybe they could salvage some sort of friendship.
‘Come on, Cara. I know what you’re like when you’re working on a project. You forget to eat.’ Maddie shook her head, smiling. ‘Come gorge yourself on Chinese food with me.’
Cara’s stomach rumbled. ‘I haven’t had Chinese in forever,’ Cara conceded. ‘Okay I’ll come but don’t start getting any ideas! I meant what I said.’ She set the stack of swatches on her desk and stood, stretching her arms over her head.
‘And that’s another thing…’ Maddie looked at her pointedly. ‘You’ve lost weight. As if you weren’t skinny enough as it is.’
‘Yeah, well, stress will do that to you,’ Cara snapped, unintentionally.
Maddie ignored her outburst, turned around and walked to the shop door. The two remained silent as they strolled the short distance to Mr Tso’s Chinese Kitchen.
‘So, what have you been doing all week by yourself?’ Cara asked, taking a sip of green tea. Guilt was starting to creep over her for being rude minutes earlier.
Maddie chewed and swallowed her mouthful of chicken chow mein before replying. ‘Taking very long walks. This place is amazing. I’ve been to Grasmere, Ambleside…I can see the attraction for wanting to stay here. Don’t you think it would be good for me? All this peace and quiet…’
‘Don’t start getting any romantic notions about this place, Maddie. You would hate it here. After a month you’d be gagging for polluted air and road rage.’
Maddie flicked back her hair. ‘I’ve changed, Cara. It’s been a massive wakeup call losing you.’
Despite herself, Cara wanted to know what happened to her two-faced, so-called friend. ‘And where’s the infamous Jenny? Does she know you’re here?’
‘Well.’ Maddie paused, taking another bite of food while considering her answer. ‘Not exactly. I haven’t been returning her calls.’
‘So you’re keeping your options open are you?’
‘I didn’t want to upset her unnecessarily,’ she admitted. ‘I mean, she feels dreadful about what we did to you and everything?’
‘Are you trying to make me feel sorry for her? For you?’ Cara asked incredulously. She was one step away from picking up a glass of water and throwing it in Maddie’s face.
‘No, no of course not…but at the end of the day, I’m the one you should be angry at. I’m the one that cheated on you after all.’
‘She was my closest friend. She’s equally to blame in my opinion.’ It was the truth and Cara didn’t feel bad about saying it.
Maddie nodded sympathetically. ‘Okay, you’re entitled to how you feel. Now on to a lighter subject, I’ve been thinking about your business. I can’t believe there isn’t a gay scene here – it’s crazy. That’s why I have every faith it’s going to be a roaring success. Once it’s up and running we can hire a manager…’
Cara dropped her chopsticks into her bowl. ‘Whoa, hold it right there! A manager? We? Am I missing something here?’
Maddie rolled her eyes. ‘Please just hear me out. For now, let’s put any talk of our relationship on a backburner and concentrate on your business. Interior designing is what I do for a living, you only did the admin, remember? I’m here so you may as well make use of me.’
Cara relaxed back in her chair. The offer was tempting. At the rate she was going trying to put the décor together, she’d never open the place. ‘Well, I am having a few problems matching the right colours.’
Maddie laughed. ‘Yes, I noticed.’
‘Okay. I accept your offer – but no strings attached.’
Maddie smiled and held up her hands. ‘None – if it means I get to hang out with you that’s enough for me. Besides, I want to make it up to you by showing you how sorry I really am.’
‘I thought we weren’t going to talk about it any more?’
‘Okay sorry. Right, next!’ she said, all businesslike. ‘Let’s talk about the grand opening party.’
‘Um, I wasn’t going to have one.’
Maddie pushed aside her empty plate and leant forward. ‘Nonsense. You have to make a splash if you want to get noticed in this world, sweetie. So, seeing as it’s going to be a bookshop as well, I thought making the party fancy dress. Everyone comes dressed as their favourite fictional character,’ she proclaimed, with an I’m-not-taking-no-for-an-answer grin.
‘What will you come as, Pinocchio?’
Maddie narrowed her eyes. ‘Either we’re not going to talk about it or we are. Make your mind up one way or another. I won’t work with you if you’re going to keep bitching at me.’
‘Okay, sorry I take it back. I think I’d rather keep things simple. Fancy dress may put some people off,’ Cara said.
‘If that’s what you want.’
For the first time in days Cara could feel a sense of excitement buzzing in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t need women to make her life complete. More importantl
y she didn’t need Erin. Cara was beginning to think she might have given Erin more credit than she deserved for making her happy. She had her business now and that’s all she needed. It took all of ten seconds for Cara’s new model of thinking to sink into a dark abyss. Who the hell am I trying to kid?
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Officially, Erin was over Cara. She had tried to banish all thoughts of her to the sidelines. She reasoned there was no point in pining over a relationship that could never be. In reality, Erin couldn’t help but wonder what might have been had she not given a damn about stepping on Matt’s toes. She knew in her heart Cara was a perfect match for her and that no one would ever replace her. Erin had managed to convince herself she was doing the right thing moving on, but it was hard. Harder than it had been the first time round. Cara’s absence in her life was like a thirst that was never quenched.
On a more positive note, she had one thing to be grateful for – she hadn’t received any more threatening letters or texts. For the briefest of moments, Erin had begun to suspect that someone knew about her relationship with Cara, but had soon dismissed this as paranoia. In the end she put the whole experience down to an uncanny coincidence. That she had somehow been caught right in the middle of someone’s prank.
The sound of the doorbell was a welcome relief from the spreadsheets she was working on. Erin had been taking more and more work home to keep her mind occupied in the evenings. It was during the long nights that thoughts of Cara tormented her the most.
Erin closed down her computer and hurried to the door. She was expecting Matt. He’d been distant these past few days – not that she could blame him. He had more than enough on his plate to deal with.
‘Coming,’ Erin called out. ‘I hope you’ve got some…’ she began, swinging the door open. Her mouth snapped shut when she saw who it was. Confused, she asked, ‘Have you got the wrong address?’
‘I don’t think so,’ Maddie said, taking a step forward. ‘Do you mind if I come in?’