by Jade Winters
Chapter Thirty-Four
Erin wandered through the next few days in despair. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, or get the pained look on Cara’s face out of her mind. Cara had refused to return her texts – she could only imagine what she must think of her now. Erin threw the pen she was holding down on her desk, then stood up and walked to the window – finally having made a decision. I’m going to tell Matt the truth after the party. Erin had come to the realisation that she could no longer keep her relationship with Cara a secret if they were going to have any kind of future together. That’s if we’ve still got one after what I accused her of. Erin couldn’t live under a dark cloud for the rest of her life, always afraid of Matt finding out about her betrayal. She would end up going insane. The blackmail letters had finally forced her hand – she had to do something before the blackmailer did. She had racked her brain all week trying to think who could be behind the note but drew a blank every time. As spiteful as Erin thought Maddie was, she had believed her when she said she wasn’t responsible for them.
Erin was left in no doubt whatsoever that Maddie would have taken great pleasure in telling Matt about the betrayal of his sister and ex-girlfriend. But who else was there? There wasn’t anyone she could think of. Was she being paranoid about the mystery person on the boat writing the latest letter? Could they really have seen them? If they had, why would Erin’s private life be of any importance to them; which led her back to thinking it had to be someone she knew – someone who knew both Cara and Matt.
A rap sounded softly on the door and then it opened.
‘Erin!’ Mandy’s voice penetrated the thoughts in which she was currently immersed. ‘Matt’s here to see you. Shall I send him in?’
‘What? Oh yes of course, thank you.’
Seconds later, Matt walked in and shed his cotton jacket, hanging it over the back of the chair. He dropped into the seat, watching Erin closely. ‘Are you feeling alright?’ A worried frown drew his eyebrows together.
‘Yes, of course. Why? I’ve never felt better.’ Erin tried for nonchalance, failing miserably. She was more than a little dismayed that deception seemed to be her knee-jerk reaction these days.
Matt gave her a long look. ‘Well, let’s see…’ He began ticking reasons off on his fingers. ‘You’re losing weight, the bags under your eyes are bigger than your handbag, which means you’re not sleeping, you haven’t smiled in days, and you keep staring off into space as though you’re contemplating something unpleasant.’
Erin rested her chin in her hands and stared at the floor. ‘You’re right, Matt,’ she admitted, too tired to pretend at the moment. ‘I have got something on my mind but it’ll be over soon enough.’
‘You’re not worried about me and this baby business are you?’
In all honesty, that was the last thing on her mind. Being blackmailed was a soul-draining experience. Just the fact that someone could be so mean and uncaring was alien to Erin. It was the thought of hurting Matt that had got them in this bind in the first place. Had she been as thoughtless as her blackmailer, she could be having a wonderful life with Cara somewhere, instead of still being in limbo twelve years later.
Matt was still staring at her, waiting for an answer.
‘The baby? Oh…God, no! I know you’ll work it all out with Claudia,’ she exclaimed.
‘I’ll have to. After giving things a lot of thought, I’ve finally come to terms with it. I’m going to be the best dad ever.’ Matt smiled faintly.
‘I think you will too.’
Matt still had concern written all over his face. ‘At least that’s my problem solved. I just wish you’d let me help you with whatever is bothering you.’
‘Matt, you’ve got enough on your plate without worrying about me.’
‘I’ll always worry about you. You’re my sister. Your happiness means everything to me.’ He stared at her with such sincerity that she knew she couldn’t do it to him. That despite her earlier convictions, she couldn’t bear to lose him – which is what she knew would happen if he ever found out the truth. But what was her alternative? Go to the police? She didn’t even know if they would take it seriously. A love triangle gone wrong was hardly the police’s top priority. She was going to have to figure out another way to deal with her problem, and the sooner she came up with a plan, the better for all concerned.
Erin bent her head and began to sort through the paperwork on her desk. She didn’t want Matt to see the tears welling in her eyes. He needed to leave so she could wallow in self-pity alone.
Matt jumped to his feet. ‘Okay, I can see you’re busy so I’ll shoot off.’ He grabbed his jacket and slipped into it. ‘Erin, whatever your problem, if you need to talk, I’m there day or night. You don’t have to suffer through anything alone.’
A sob caught in her throat. ‘Thanks, Matt.’ Erin straightened up but kept her eyes focused on the space between Matt’s eyebrows.
‘No problem. You’re still going to Cara’s opening on Saturday I hope? Maybe getting out and enjoying yourself is just what you need.’
‘Maybe. I’ll think about it.’
‘You do that,’ he said, smiling before turning around and letting himself out.
Erin let out a deep breath as she tilted her head up towards the ceiling. Although she hadn’t been planning on going to Cara’s opening, the realisation dawned on her that hiding wasn’t going to solve anything. She was going to have to be proactive about her situation and make amends with Cara, then she would tell her about Maddie’s threats. At least getting that off her chest would be a start, then they could figure the rest out together; after all, two heads were better than one.
Chapter Thirty-Five
‘Admit it. You feel guilty, don’t you?’ Maddie said.
‘Sorry?’ Cara replied.
‘About not having spoken a single word since we sat down.’
Cara smiled apologetically. She had only agreed to go to lunch with Maddie at Dominic’s to reassure her that ‘nothing was wrong’. Cara could hardly tell her about the problems she was having with Erin or the notes she had received – a promise was a promise, after all.
‘I’m sorry, my mind’s all over the place.’ Cara smiled as she pored over the menu and tried her best to put on a happy face. If the truth be known, she just wanted to be alone. Everything was closing in on her. She was tired of it all. Work, Erin, Dee, Maddie, the fresh air, the mountains… Everything! Cara still hadn’t got over the shock of Erin accusing her of being the one behind the threatening letters Erin had received. Although she had seen the text messages on her phone, Cara had deleted them. She didn’t want to hear any of her excuses.
Maddie sipped on a glass of wine. ‘It’s not just work getting you down, is it?’
For a woman who had seemed entirely unable to figure her out during their four-year relationship, Maddie had apparently developed an uncanny ability to see right through excuses and platitudes, now instinctively knowing that all was not well with Cara.
‘Of course it is. I’ll be fine once the business is up and running.’
Maddie ran her fingers through her hair then rested her chin on her hand. Her eyes bored into Cara’s. ‘If you don’t mind me saying – I don’t think it was a wise move returning here.’
Cara frowned momentarily. ‘Oh really and why’s that?’
‘For starters, I don’t think I’ve seen you look genuinely happy once in all the time I’ve been here.’
‘Ha! And you’d know what my unhappiness looked like, would you? It’s a pity you didn’t recognise it when we were together.’
Maddie looked at her sharply. ‘This isn’t a joke, Cara, I’m genuinely worried about you,’ she said, running her hand along the back of the red leather-covered seat.
Cara sighed, shaking her head. ‘Don’t be. I’ve never been happier.’ She fixed a wide, false grin on her face. ‘See,’ she lied. Happy! What the hell was happy anyway? As far as Cara was concerned, it was something that seemed to be
unattainable – in her life anyway.
The waiter approached their table, took their order and quietly withdrew.
‘So, when are you going back to London?’ Cara asked, trying to steer the conversation away from herself.
‘Who said I was? That’s the beauty of being a designer. You can work from anywhere in the world.’
‘I hope you aren’t thinking about staying here, Maddie.’
‘Why not?’ Maddie exclaimed. ‘It was a free country the last time I checked.’
‘You can’t. No way!’ Cara glanced around at the other diners before leaning across the table. She spoke in a hushed tone. ‘Maddie, I’ve told you, there’s no way on earth I’m getting back with you after what you did. Not even if you were the last woman on earth.’
Maddie feigned offence. ‘That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?’
Harsh? Cara couldn’t believe the audacity of the woman sat across from her. Maddie had pulled the rug from under her feet and now expected Cara to pretend it never happened. ‘It’s the truth, Maddie. There’s no future for us. Not now, not ever. I thought you understood that.’
‘Yeah, you say that now. Let’s see what you think in a few weeks when you haven’t got so much to keep your mind occupied.’
The arrival of the food was a relief. Cara realised she had made a massive mistake taking up Maddie’s offer of help in getting the coffee shop on its feet. Nothing Maddie did came without a price attached to it. Not even for her. Cara barely ate, tearing off little pieces of bread and chewing them, while Maddie devoured her pasta with great gusto.
‘I picked up a great outfit, by the way,’ Maddie continued in a happier tone. It was as if they had just been speaking about the weather, not Cara rejecting her. ‘Have you decided what you’re going to wear?’
‘Umm…no…I hadn’t really thought about it yet.’
‘Well, you’re running out of time, girl, it’s in a couple of days!’ she teased. ‘Wanna go shopping tomorrow?’
‘Hmm…maybe.’ Cara stared into space. ‘I have to get this whole budget thing wrapped up, so it’ll depend on how much I get done.’ Her stomach churned at the thought of the party; having to play nice and act like nothing was wrong.
Cara pushed her food aside and reached for her drink, suddenly feeling faint.
‘Are you okay?’ Maddie looked closely at Cara, her eyes narrowing in concern.
Cara sighed. ‘Yeah.’ She stared glumly into her drink. ‘Maybe I do need to get out and shop tomorrow.’
‘No, what you need…’ Maddie shot her a look that Cara had grown to know well over the years. She decided to ignore it.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Cara glanced over at the kitchen sink where Dee was slicing potatoes to make a potato salad. She was mesmerised by the precision of each slice. It was the first time in days they had been in the house together. If Dee wasn’t at work, she would spend the night at Randal’s.
‘Anybody home?’ Matt’s deep voice preceded his presence at the back door.
Cara gasped and her hand flew to her chest. He was the last person she had expected to turn up on their doorstep. Having refused to take his calls, Cara thought he’d got the hint. ‘Matt, you nearly gave me a heart attack.’
‘Sorry.’ He smiled sheepishly. ‘I knocked round the front but you obviously didn’t hear me.’
‘It’s okay. It’s good to know the old ticker is still going strong.’ Dee laughed and gestured for Matt to sit on one of the bar stools in front of the kitchen island before going back to her bowl of potatoes.
‘Hungry?’ Dee smiled at Matt. ‘You can stay for supper if you like. It’s nothing fancy – just a vegan quiche and potato salad.
‘Actually, I am quite hungry. Yes, I will, thanks.’ Matt grinned, eyeing the bowl of potatoes.
‘Good, because I think we’ve made enough potato salad to feed the whole village,’ Dee said, handing over a fork with a piece of potato.
‘Mmmmm,’ Matt enthused, munching down on it.
‘Well, it looks like we’re done. Why don’t you two go and enjoy some sunshine while I finish making the quiche?’ Dee suggested, shooing them out of the kitchen with a wave of her hand.
‘You certainly don’t have to tell me twice,’ Cara joked, whipping off her apron and tossing it on the counter. ‘Give me a shout if you need my help,’ she called out over her shoulder, grabbing a piece of potato on her way out.
‘Looks like relations between you and your mum have improved,’ Matt said, once they were ensconced upon the patio swing seat, sitting at opposite ends.
‘Yeah, they really have. I wish she’d been like this when I was growing up.’
‘Well, better late than never, right?’
‘Definitely.’
Matt suddenly became animated. ‘I’ve got something to tell you, Cara, before the gossip mongers do their rounds.’
‘Oh?’ Cara replied cautiously. She hoped he wasn’t going to start declaring his love for her. If he did, she was going to have to set him straight right away.
He cast his eyes to the ground. ‘It’s about me and Claudia.’
‘Oh right.’ Cara giggled, unconcerned now. The muscles in her neck relaxed and she smiled. ‘If you’re looking for relationship advice, I’m the last person to be asking.’
Matt looked up slowly. Dread filled his eyes. ‘Claudia’s pregnant. I’m going to be a dad.’
Cara felt like someone had punched her in the gut. A lump formed in her throat. She literally had to force the words out with every ounce of strength she had. ‘Wow.’ She tried to keep her voice even. ‘That’s, um, great. Really great. Congratulations. I’m so happy for you. I really am.’
She tried to stop the tears from falling but they had a will of their own. Cara didn’t know if she moved first or if Matt did. Whichever way it happened, before Cara knew it she was in Matt’s arms, crying for the child that never was. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and didn’t move when he began stroking her hair gently. He was going to have another child. Another chance. Cara knew she should feel happy for him and she did, but she couldn’t deny the pain in her heart. Her baby, Erin, could have had a sibling had she lived.
The loss of their baby came back to haunt her with such force she could barely breathe. She reached for her pendant hanging against her chest – the pendant that held her baby’s ashes – and in that moment she felt close to her again. The void between life and death no longer an ocean apart. They were at one. It was as if her baby were speaking to her. Reminding her that she was always with her and would never leave her again. When Cara’s breathing gradually regulated itself, she gently drew herself away from Matt’s arms. Immediately, she felt embarrassed. By the way he was looking at her it was obvious he was at a loss what to do with her sudden expression of emotion.
Matt caught her hand. ‘I didn’t think it would affect you like this.’
Cara wiped away her tears. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me.’ She could barely look him in the eye. ‘I think the stress of the shop and everything – it’s just getting on top of me.’
Matt looked doubtful. ‘Oh, okay.’
Oh shit, now look what you’ve done. He thinks you’re upset about him. ‘Does Erin know she’s going to be an aunt?’
Matt nodded. ‘Yes, she’s the first person I told. I don’t know how she feels about it, really.’
‘How… how many months along is Claudia?’ The words stuck in her throat.
‘A few weeks, I think.’
‘You think?’
Matt’s eyes darkened. ‘If I’m being honest, I’m not that happy about it really.’
‘What’s there not to be happy about? You’re going to be a dad. I thought you’d be over the moon.’
Matt quickly stood up from his seat. ‘I would have been if you were the mother.’
Cara crossed her arms over her chest. ‘Me?’ She spoke slowly. ‘Matt, you’ve got to forget about me and move on with your life, especially no
w. Your world is going to change dramatically in the next few months. You’re going to have a whole new life to nurture and shape.’
‘But it’s not what I want. I want you.’
‘Matt, listen to me.’ Cara stood and rested her hand on his forearm. ‘I still have deep feelings for you. But only as a friend. I don’t want you to fuck up this opportunity to have a loving family based on a pipe-dream about me.’
‘Is that because there’s someone else?’
Cara blinked rapidly. ‘Someone else?’ she repeated to buy time. ‘I’ve only been back a few weeks, Matt, not even I’m that quick.’
Matt blushed. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply…’
Cara silenced him with a raise of her hand. ‘I know you didn’t. Look, why don’t we have drinks here after dinner and talk more about your situation?’
Matt shook his head. ‘No – best not. Look, apologise to your mum for me please, I just remembered I have to be somewhere else.’
He brushed past her and jogged towards the side gate.
‘You are coming to my opening tomorrow aren’t you?’ she called after him.
‘Yeah,’ he said sadly and disappeared from view.
Sobs ripped through Cara’s throat despite trying her hardest to suppress them. Resting her hands on her stomach, she ached for the baby she’d lost.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Erin was beginning to regret her impulse to attend Cara’s launch party. After spending several sleepless nights tossing and turning with indecision, she had finally let herself be talked round by Claudia, of all people. The icy tension between them had thawed somewhat, once Matt had taken it upon himself to do the right thing and get in touch with her. Still Erin sensed Claudia remained convinced Erin had betrayed her in some way. Erin thought that once they’d spoken and cleared the air, Claudia would lower her defences and their friendship would pick up where it left off. But it wasn’t to be. Claudia still seemed to regard Erin as a threat to her and her unborn child – which couldn’t have been further from the truth. Erin was slightly annoyed with Matt. He had really landed her in it this time and didn’t seem to think it was his duty to straighten things out. It was as if he was quite happy for Erin to take the blame for his immature actions.