by Unknown
“I’m sorry to be a killjoy but after what happened to me, it made me reevaluate a lot of things that I’d dismissed and one of those is the importance of someone’s core values.”
“Oh, Jesus…” he groaned, moving away. “You’re right, this is a killjoy. You know, maybe life isn’t about slaving away for others, who may or may not appreciate your efforts. Maybe it’s about living life for yourself and soaking up every last minute of happiness you can because life is fucking short.”
“Life isn’t supposed to revolve around one person. That guy that hurt me and my sister…he was pissed off because you wouldn’t let him into your stupid club and he thought it was his right to do what he did to me and Emma but he never thought of that because his world revolved around his needs and no one else’s, least of all his victims.”
“That’s different and you know it,” he said, his expression darkening.
“Is it?
“Lana…”
“No, Laird, to me, it’s not so different and it bothers me that you feel otherwise.”
Laird chewed slowly as if needing a moment to regroup and she felt the same. The evening was all but ruined and she felt miserable about it but at the same time, she was incredibly disappointed in Laird for being so shallow.
“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to ruin the evening. Just trying to get to know you better.”
“Babe, I thought you and I were doing a good job of getting to know each other,” he said with a faint touch of his charm returning. “Maybe round two would foster a deeper understanding…” he waggled his eyebrows but Lana was too bothered by the realization that Laird truly didn’t want to work — at anything. And that included a relationship of any kind. It was her own fault, she should’ve known better.
Suddenly, Laird surprised her when he said, “Look, maybe I thought of going into the family business because I actually liked working with my hands but my dad is a royal dick and I just didn’t feel the need to suck up to the old prick for his scraps when I didn’t have to.”
Hope blossomed in her chest as she said, “I understand that but why didn’t you go in a different direction? Maybe start up your own company? You had the money to do whatever you wanted. Wasn’t there something you were passionate about?”
“Yeah,” he quipped darkly. “Getting laid.”
“I’m being serious.”
“So was I.” He climbed from the bed and strode naked to pour himself the rest of the wine. But as quickly as her hope bloomed, it faded quickly when he followed with a bored, “Babe, as fun as this conversation is about my failure to launch, I’d rather just put a pin in it and go back to fucking. Doesn’t that sound much more fun?”
“What are you going to do when you’re forty? Keep chasing tail?”
“Sounds like a doable plan,” he said, shrugging. “But to be fair, I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
She fell silent, hating that she couldn’t just leave it be. It wasn’t her business what he did with his life, right? But if she was falling in love with him…what did that mean for her down the road? If he couldn’t grow up at some point that meant there wasn’t much of a future for them. As fun as it was to lie around naked with Laird, she needed more. Maybe it wasn’t right of her to even ask but if Laird was being truthful about wanting a new beginning, she had to put it all out there. “Can I be honest with you?”
Laird downed the last of the wine and returned his glass to the dresser. “Sure,” he said with a wry twist of his lips. “Lay it on me.”
“I loved my dad. He was a good man and he raised his daughters to believe that men should work, that they needed to work in order to feel useful. A man who doesn’t feel worthy, will treat everything else in his life as worthless. I can’t go through that. I just can’t. I won’t be with a man who can’t look at anything seriously.”
Maybe she’d struck a nerve, maybe she’d just pissed him off but something happened inside Laird’s head because his demeanor changed on a dime and it wasn’t pretty.
“Darlin’ I’m not sure what you think was happening right here…but…I certainly don’t recall asking you to marry me, so this conversation is really nothing but a buzzkill,” he said, almost cruelly. “What I do with my life is my business and I really don’t need you raining down judgment, okay?”
She nodded, hurt. “Of course not. Maybe I’m jumping the gun,” she agreed in a choking voice. “But on the off chance that something real is happening between us, I can’t go down a road that I know is a dead end. Not because I don’t care for you…but because I…” she fought tears “I do.”
A tense moment passed between them and just when she thought he might soften, he rolled his eyes and complained bitterly, saying, “I knew this was a mistake. I knew I shouldn’t have been the one to break the seal. Now you’ve got those puppy dog eyes like you’ve gone and fallen in love with me and, babe, I’m not that guy. You know? You want to know who I am at my core? Selfish, egotistical, perverted, and narcissistic — and those are the qualities I like about myself. I have no interest in changing. None. I like waking up at noon with absolutely nothing on my schedule. I like buying whores two or three at a time so I can fuck them without once thinking twice about them when my time is up. I like walking into Malvagio knowing that chances are high that some hot, anonymous chick is going to suck my dick before the night is out. I like sharing my women with my friends. I like—“
“Stop! I get the message loud and clear,” Lana interrupted as she jumped from the bed, gathering her clothes. Tears burning behind her eyes. “If you could call me a cab that would be great.”
“No, you need to hear this,” he said with a bite to his tone as he slid into his jeans and buttoned them quickly. But she wasn’t interested in hearing more about how her sister had been right all along. How could she have been so stupid? “You started this and you’re going to hear it,” he practically spit at her.
“Fuck you, Laird. I get the message, loud and clear.” She pushed past him and returned to the kitchen to grab her purse. “Forget it, I’ll call a cab myself.”
“Fine.” Angry lines furrowed his brow and tensed his jaw but there was something else lurking behind his eyes that she couldn’t quite define. Oh, who cared? He was a jerk and had made it plainly clear that she’d been idiot to think that he was capable of anything more than a superficial hook up.
She whirled to face him, stopping short of the door. “You know, I want to thank you for showing me your true colors. You had me believing that you were more than what people thought of you. That you were a decent guy deep down but you saved me a lot of heartache by putting that false belief to rest. Please feel free to continue with your worthless, shallow, and ultimately meaningless life.” She jerked open the door then remembered something else, “And another thing, don’t you dare condescend to talk down about the Buchanan cousins because from this angle, you’re nothing but a big ol’ hypocrite.”
“I’m nothing like Sutton Buchanan,” Laird growled but she laughed.
“Really? Because right about now…he seems like the better person. At least he treated me like someone who mattered. Unlike you, who used me to get what he wanted.”
“I didn’t use you,” he disagreed, his nostrils flaring. “I was trying to be honest. If you can’t handle the truth, that’s on you, not me.”
“Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night. If you’re such a fan of honesty, you ought to try some on yourself.” And with that, she slammed the front door and started walking, the cold biting into her skin. Laird called after her but she ignored him. She’d rather walk and flag a taxi on the street than wait another minute in his company.
It wasn’t until she’d climbed into the warmth of a taxi that she realized her cheeks were wet with tears.
-10-
Six days later Laird was in a foul temper with no end in sight. He’d tried to tell himself that it wasn’t because of what’d happened with Lana but each time his phone buzzed with a text or ra
ng, his expression soured when it was anyone but Lana.
“We have that meeting at one for that prospective buyer for Malvagio,” Vince reminded him and Sutton, who happened to be grabbing a beer from the fridge caught wind and did a double back.
“Ahh, the infamous sex club. Do tell how you’ve managed to keep that club after getting shackled? I would think that the wives would have something to say about that…unless you have an open marriage?”
“No open marriage and Emma is understanding to a point,” Vince answered curtly, looking to Vince. “Are you good for that 1 o’clock?”
Of course he was good. As Lana pointed out, he had no life. And as he’d adamantly pointed out, he liked it that way. But was that the truth? Hell, the truth was a bit more complicated than a simple yes or no. He liked certain aspects of his lifestyle because it was convenient but there were times when he wished his life consisted of more than just sex and the pursuit thereof. “Yeah, fine,” he said, cutting his gaze, flicking his toe inside his shoe with agitation. “What are you still doing here?” he asked of Sutton.
“I had some business to finish with Dillon, some family holdings that I wanted to liquefy and they were held, in part, by the cousins. What’s crawled up your ass, Laird? You’re a right prick today. Just now realizing that that pretty little morsel you were running around is way above your pay grade?”
“Knock it off, Sutton,” Vince warned but Laird was gunning for a fight and welcomed the chance to plant his fist in Sutton’s smug face. Vince saw the violence in Laird’s eyes and told Sutton to beat it. “Don’t start trouble in my house. You’re a guest, try to remember that.”
“No worries,” Sutton said with a frosty grin. “Maybe I’ll just pay a visit to that sweet Lana…maybe show her what an upgrade to a real man looks like.”
With a snarl Laird lunged at Sutton and knocked him to the ground. Sutton landed a solid punch to his gut but Laird got him on the chin until Vince jumped in and pulled them apart, yelling expletives. “What the fuck is wrong with you two? Are you in fucking high school? Jesus!”
Sutton winced as he stood and glared at Laird. “Just let me know when you’re ready to finish this, poor boy,” Sutton challenged as he walked away and all that held Laird back was the knowledge that Vince could knock him out flat if he tried.
Once Sutton had left the room, Vince turned to Laird with a hard expression and demanded answers. “You better talk because I’m not in the mood for this bullshit.”
“Sutton’s always been a dick,” he said with a jerk of his shoulders. “Nothing new there.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve never been one to go fuck-all-crazy either so something is biting you in the nuts so fess up. Stop being such a whiny bitch about it and just spit it out already.”
Laird cast Vince a sour look but he was a pressure cooker and needed an outlet. “Fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he admitted with a frustrated snarl. “Everything’s just falling to shit right now.”
Vince withheld his comment for a long moment then shook his head and threw his hands up, with a frustrated, “Are you that stupid?” and Laird didn’t know if he ought to punch his best friend or beg him to explain. “Please God, tell me I wasn’t this thick when I started to have feelings for Emma,” he muttered.
Laird scowled. “Everything in life doesn’t have to come down to falling in love with a woman.”
“In my experience, it really does. Look, you’ve got feelings for her. I’ve known it for a long time but you’re so wrapped up in your own denials that you can’t see what’s right in front of your fucking nose.”
“Such as?”
“You’ve fallen in love with the woman.”
“Bullshit.”
“Let me see if I’ve got this straight: you can’t think of anything but her, you did something stupid and hurtful to push her away because you can’t handle the realization that it’s actually happening, and you fly into a jealous rage when you think of another man touching her. Yeah, sounds like love to me.”
“Sounds to me like someone with anger issues,” he quipped like the true smart ass he was because he didn’t like that Vince was making a whole lot of sense. Just because he missed Lana and wanted to kick his own ass for hurting her feelings the other night didn’t mean he wanted to walk down the aisle with her. “Look, am I dealing with something that feels like a guilty conscience for being a dick? Sure. Am I wishing I’d handled things differently? Of course. And do I sometimes think that maybe if things were different in my life that maybe, I might like something to happen with Lana…perhaps, but that doesn’t mean that I’m the kind of guy who’s ready to throw away a good thing just because there are a few lingering questions bouncing around in my head.”
“Sounds to me like you’ve already thrown away a good thing,” Vince said flatly and Laird suffered an unwelcome drop in his gut because he knew, no matter how he tried to reshape it in his mind, Vince was right. He’d fucked up royally. Vince sighed. “The question is, how do you fix this before my wife finds out that you broke her sister’s heart?”
Laird looked to Vince. “She got a temper?”
“You don’t even know the half of it.”
Laird’s heartrate banged like a drum against his breastbone and he oddly felt ready to pass out. Something big was happening, something scary but he knew it was the right thing. He’d, in fact, known for quite a while that what he felt for Lana, wasn’t just a passing phase. Lana had gotten under his skin from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. And it wasn’t because he’d wanted to fuck her. Something deeper, a connection that defied explanation and frankly, scared the ever-loving hell out of him. What if he’d screwed up so bad that there was no fixing it? What if he’d held in his hands a golden opportunity to actually start living life with the woman of his dreams and he’d just tossed it like day-old garbage? Fear struck him cold and he looked to Vince, almost in a panic. “Can you help me pull my head out of my ass?” Laird asked, his lip trembling as he felt ready to take a step off a cliff for a woman who was too good for him. “Fuck, I think I really screwed everything up.”
“Do you love her?” Vince asked, cutting no corners. “If you do, it’s fixable. If you don’t just keep walking because she deserves better and you know it. And if that’s the case, maybe Sutton would be a good fit after all.”
Laird snarled and Vince burst out laughing, which told Laird he’d said that just to get a rise out of him. “Point taken. Yes, I love her,” he bit out, still scowling. “Now are you going to help me or just keep making jokes?”
“Stop being such a pussy and just do what you know needs to be done. What is she looking for from you?”
“A commitment, I suppose.” He paused, adding sheepishly, “and a job, I think.”
“Yeah, it’s probably about time. You’ve been dicking around for quite a while now. I was wondering if you were ever going to figure that out.”
Laird did a double take. “Are you kidding me? How long have you felt that way?”
He shrugged. “My perspective has changed on a lot of things since getting married and now that Emma is pregnant…shit, I don’t even recognize the man I used to be. And you know what? I like my life ten times more now than I ever did when I was out whoring around every night. You call it whipped, but it’s a good gig with the right woman.”
Laird nodded, feeling a little wobbly in the knees but it was a good feeling. It felt…like a step in the right direction. “So…is Buchanan Enterprises hiring?” he asked, half-joking.
Vince clapped him on the shoulder with a wide grin, “We’ll figure something out. Now, go get your woman.”
Laird grinned, his heart light for the first time in six days and left to do exactly that.
***
The good news was that Lana was out of tears. The bad news was, she was not quite sure she wanted to ever leave her house again.
Depression, it was a wicked bitch.
Emma had stopped by but Lana hadn’t been in
the mood to hear how Laird had been the bad guy after all so she’d cut the visit short and the information scarce, sending Emma back on her way, a little confused but otherwise in the dark over what’d happened between her and Laird.
The thing was, she wasn’t so much mad at Laird as she was mad at herself. What had she expected from him? He’d been plainly just being the person he’d ever been. It wasn’t right of her to expect him to change. She was thankful that it was Laird who’d gently shown her that sex didn’t have to be bad. For that, she couldn’t hold too harsh of a grudge but her heart ached for something that’d never truly been hers to begin with.
Lana passed by the hallway mirror, catching a glimpse of herself and grimaced. Yikes. She was devolving as a human being. Try showering and running a brush through your hair, Lana. She made a half-hearted attempt to finger comb the snarls from her head and then gave up because who cared? It wasn’t as if she were planning on entertaining anytime soon. She took a detour to the fridge and pulled out the remaining Chinese food from last night’s delivery and settled on the sofa to watch reruns of Friends because that show always managed to put a smile on her face no matter her mood.
She’d just managed to find the channel when a knock at her front door interrupted her Friends marathon. Lana paused, wondering if she remained still as a door mouse, they would go away. But no such luck. The knock became insistent and she groaned in irritation as she put her Chinese on the coffee table and walked grumpily to answer the door. Heaven help whoever was on the other side of the door…
And of all people — Laird.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, immediately aware of how wretched she looked (and smelled.) Why hadn’t she showered? Or at least brushed her teeth? She probably rivaled an orangutan out in the wild. Oh, who cares? She wasn’t looking to impress anyone, least of all Laird Tiechert. To prove the point, she crossed her arms and glared. “I said, what do you want?”