“Sure. Nice place you have here.”
“Thanks.” We sat down on the sofa and a moment later, Mags made her appearance, taking time off from cooking in the kitchen. Jason stood like a gentleman and I think I also noticed Mags’ eyes widen just a bit. Calm yourself old woman, he’s mine!
“Miss Kilpatrick,” he smiled and stretched out his hand.
“The boy looking for buttons. And please, call me Mags.” Oh, God, is she already going to make this awkward?
“That’s me, I guess. How are you this evening?”
“Very good. Thank you for coming on short notice.”
“Oh, it’s my pleasure.”
“I’m sure it is.” MAGS! “Well, dinner will be done in a few minutes. Y’all just sit down and I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
“Thank you.”
Mags walked out of the room and I snuggled in close under Jason’s arm. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“For what?”
“That you have to go through this.”
He looked down at me. “For you, Hope, I’d walk through fire.”
He kissed me on top of the head just as Mags called us to the little dining table. The spaghetti was good and was that much better with the garlic toast that Mags made. Little was said as we all had first and second helpings. After that, we all leaned back in our chairs, overstuffed. Sometimes being a fat lazy American rocked!
“So Jason, how long have you been at the hardware store?”
Jason wiped his mouth. “Around six months. Since I got home, anyway.”
“Yes, Hope told me you were a veteran. You served in...”
“Iraq,” he answered quickly, acknowledging a nod from Mags.
“Well, as always, thank you for serving. But I just don’t understand war. Why waste so many lives and so much money on killing other people?” Crap! Was she really going to start a political debate right here at the dining table?
Jason nodded. “I just followed orders and waited to go home.”
She nodded this time. “So do you have big plans with your life or are you just going to work at the hardware store?”
“Mags, come on,” I interrupted. “Jason, don’t answer that.”
“No it’s fine,” he smiled at me. “As a matter of fact, I would like to go to trade school or maybe college, maybe do something working with my hands. Or maybe becoming a history teacher. Doing Civil War reenacting over the years has given me a new respect for our past.” His eyes focused on me, “That sometimes it may not be pretty, but we always have to keep in mind that there are better days ahead of us, ones that will make us happy we were here to witness the beauty in front of us.”
I had to be drooling at this point. How did he have such an effect on me? With a humbled expression, I slowly ran my hand across the table and clasped his.
“Jason, just one more question.” Oh, God. “I think it’s fine y’all are going out to have fun this weekend, but what are your true intentions with Hope here?”
My mouth dropped. I was turning red from acute embarrassment from Jason and now I was turning red with anger. Hypocrite! Darn, you Mags!
“Well, to be honest, Mags, if you weren’t here right this very moment, I would’ve probably already hoisted this beautiful girl up on this little table and had one heck of a making out session.” My eyes went wide. Did he really just say that? His face didn’t miss a beat during the entire sentence and at the end, oh, the little smile in the corner of his mouth, his eyes fixed on Mags just waiting for her reply. The score was Jason, 3, Mags, 0. I turned to Mags waiting for the crap to hit the fan, or at least the cheap little light above us. But her face turned from a state of shock to one of amusement. Before I knew what was going on, both she and Jason were laughing hysterically. Mags finally looked over at me, wondering why I hadn’t joined in on the fun.
“Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong? That wasn’t funny?”
“Um, no.”
“So are you ready for our make-out session?” asked Jason, making both of them start laughing again.
“Yes, right here, right now!” insisted Mags, who began cackling so loud that she finally snorted through her nose. I pulled my hand from his, but the amusement was contagious and soon I was giggling along with them.
With the ice well broken by that point, the rest of the evening was enjoyable. Mags saw in Jason what I was seeing, a good, hardworking young man who may have had a crappy background, but was doing everything he could to right it. The three of us laughed well into the evening.
“Well, look at the time. I probably should get going. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow,” Jason said.
I smiled as all three of us began to get up from the sofa. “Too bad you didn’t bring any PJs or you could’ve taken Hope’s room and just stayed over,” Mags said. Jason gave her a grin as I began to flush for about the fiftieth time that evening.
“I’m not going to comment on that one,” he said with a wink as he walked out the door. Mags gave me a nudge to follow him on outside. When I did, she shut the door to give us some privacy.
“Your aunt is one in a million.”
I smiled, but the words aunt and a million only made me think of the money she wasted over the years. “She is that,” I responded.
He smiled again and took me into his arms as I buried my head into his chest. I still didn’t know why, but this just felt so right to me. Jane Eyre was never this lucky. My guy may have had a bum leg, but he did have both hands to hold me by. I could only hope he felt the same. Thank you for finding me in the dark, desolate cave, my Tom Sawyer, and please don’t ever let me go. And as if he’d read my thoughts, he held me until with we both decided to pull away.
“Thank you,” I gleamed.
“For what?”
“Just being...my Tom.” His head cocked to one side, but he didn’t question my weirdness. Instead, he leaned down and gave me a kiss.
“And thank you for helping me see again that there is some good in this world.” He gave me another kiss. His lips were so smooth against mine. “See you tomorrow morning.”
“Not if I see you first.”
I waited until he safely got into his old truck and drove away, watching the taillights until they turned at the end of the street. This had to be more than just infatuation with my Civil War soldier, right? Whatever it was, it made me feel alive again for the first time in quite a while. Thank you, Jason, for that alone.
Mags was sitting on the sofa when I came in out of the cold.
“Well, what do you think?” I wanted to get her rant out of the way so I could go to bed.
“He’s...nice.”
“But?”
“But nothing. He’s a nice young man, Hope.”
“Nothing else? No ‘he’s from the wrong side of the tracks’ or other motherly advice I need to look forward to? Is his age a problem?”
“How old is he?”
“Nineteen, about to be twenty.”
“And you are about to be seventeen, so y’all are roughly going to stay three years apart for a long time,” she quipped. “Hope, he’s nice, attractive, funny—if he had a Corvette you would be set.”
“He has a motorcycle.”
“Even better, but don’t ride it!”
I smiled as I sat next to her on the sofa.
“Hope, I can’t tell you what you need to do. I know your mother would’ve had the advice you need or wanted, but I don’t. You know the pond scum that I attract and you have a better head on your shoulders than I do. Heck, you act like fifty years old most days. Just trust in yourself and I’m sure whatever you two have going on will be great.” She leaned over and gave me a hug, a sincere one, like she actually cared. “But if he gets you pregnant before you finish college, I will kill him, bring him back to life, and kill him again.”
We giggled.
The next day we were both up early. Mags gave me a list of things to look for that she thought sold well in the store.
“Now, yo
u know you can haggle the heck out of these people. Never pay full price on anything,” she told me with all seriousness. “The less you pay, the higher the return.” Well, well, Mags was starting to sound like a businesswoman.
Jason pulled up just after eight and sat down to eat some Eggo waffles with us. We decided to take my car because it got better gas mileage. That was one good thing about the economic collapse; at least gas wasn’t four dollars a gallon anymore. But as I slid behind the steering wheel, my hands began to tremble as flashes of Mom driving the car came to mind. It was cold that morning and yet it felt like I was surrounded by fire. My breathing escalated as I dropped the keys to the floorboard. Maybe this was a bad idea getting Mom’s car. Before I even bent down to look, Jason’s hand fell upon mine, squeezing it softly.
“I’ll bet your family were really great people,” he said sympathetically. “And it amazes me that you get through each day as well as you do.”
“Does it look like I’m doing well over here? Why do the simple things remind me of them?”
“Because you loved them. Because they were your life. Because they will always be a part of you.” I looked at him as if I didn’t understand. “Hope, you are everything they wanted you to be: smart, funny, beautiful, and so much more. You being here, in a way, it gives them life, like theirs wasn’t wasted. So you have to live it the best you can.”
“And what about you? Why can’t you get past what the war did to you?” It was a tough question and as soon as it slipped out of my mouth, I regretted it. His hand left mine. Oh, Tom Sawyer, don’t let me go in the darkness.
“Because those men,” he said and sighed, “they died because I gave them an order. It was my fault.”
“No.”
“Yes. I should’ve stayed the course, but I made the wrong decision!” He hit his fist hard against the dashboard, startling me for the first time. God, was he more broken than I was? Would he forever feel that he’d caused someone’s death? I reached across to him and put my hand on top of his; it was all I could do. It seemed to calm him some, enough at least for me to continue and try to change the conversation.
“Do you think we will ever get over any of this?”
He gave an unbelieving huff, but smiled. “I don’t know, sweetie, but when I look at you, I at least feel better about this messed up world we’re living in.”
I smiled, my Tom was coming back to me. “You are the first guy I ever kissed.” What? Where did that come from?
He gazed at me with a questioning look in his eyes and I turned red from embarrassment. Why did I say that?
“Well, then I feel very honored that you let me. And I hope to keep that feeling for a very long time.” He leaned over the console and gave me a kiss on the lips, sliding his fingertips against my jaw line, his other hand resting upon my knee. How much time passed, I had no idea. I was lost in his touch. Together, we drew in a deep breath that brought us back to reality. “Come on, we’d better get going if we’re going to meet up with Lizzy and Hunter.” He kissed my hand and released it so that I could start the engine.
Driving through the rural part of Texas was peaceful in a way. Even though it was the first time I had been behind the wheel since the accident, I wasn’t scared as we made the hour-long trip down there. I knew it was because of Jason and wouldn’t have dared made the drive with anyone else. His calming effect took hold of me the moment he saw me begin to lose it. I needed him, not just for the kissing or the affection or knowing that somehow he understood more than anyone else; I needed him to find trust again, to find some sort of balance in my life. And I think he needed me for the same reason. We were two screwed up people, finding restitution in one another and feeling just a tad normal again. But when were we going to see the light at the end of our cave?
Lizzy sent a text as soon as we parked and told us where they were, giving each of us a big hug as we approached. Hunter gave a hardy handshake to his sergeant and then me. After we had joined our welcoming party, we strolled into the large building that was arranged with all sorts of antiques. We made our way up and down the aisles and I pulled out the list that Mags gave me to search for items for her store.
“Don’t let us wear you out,” I told Jason, concerned for his leg. He squinted at me and leaned closer.
“For you, I’d walk to the end of the world and back.”
First fire and now to the end and the world and back, all for me. My heart jumped a little as I smiled up at him. How does he always know the right things to say?
Soon, we left the warmth of the building and made our way through the lines of antique/junk dealers that had set up shop. Lizzy explained that in the summer, the place was usually much more packed with dealers, but that the cold kept them away in the winter. Still, there was plenty of useless old stuff to look at, like these people had raided their grandparents’ storage shed and were selling the artifacts. I also found out that we were going to have a tough time keeping up with Lizzy, who bounced from one table to another as we slowly meandered behind.
“Oh, look at that.” I noticed some old Confederate money in a glass box. The old man behind the table lifted up the top and handed it to me.
“They are fifty-five a piece, but will do an even hundred on both of them,” he explained as I looked at the rebel one and five dollar bills. One hundred bucks, it sounded reasonable. I brought up my purse.
“She’ll give you eighty for both,” Jason piped up.
“Eighty? That’s real Confederate money.”
“Yeah, and on their face they are worth six bucks.” The man thought about it for a moment. You could tell he didn’t want to give it away, but he wanted to make a sale, too.
“Eighty five.” Jason looked at me and I nodded.
“Sold.”
I gave him the money and took the remnants of the dead southern nation in my hand. We continued to walk a bit before Jason began to speak.
“Not a bad deal. You can probably get around what he wanted in your aunt’s store for them. There’s a lot of confederate script out there, but these are in pretty good condition.”
Well, I didn’t know he was an all-things confederate connoisseur. But these weren’t for the store.
“Actually, I bought them for you.” He stopped and looked at me, but his eyes were more glaring than happy. “If that’s okay?” Is he one of those guys that don’t like gifts? Dad was the same way, not that he didn’t smile at Christmas or his birthday when we piled the presents into his lap, but I think he only did it because we wanted him to. Gifts to him were just stuff, something that would eventually find its way on to a table down here in Canton. He just wanted to be around the family, his greatest gifts in his life, to make memories with them on those special days. That was far more important than a tie or wallet.
“You didn’t have to spend your money on me. Besides, you already bought me a pocket watch. Give these to Mags,” he stated.
“I want you to have them. And every time you look at them, I want you to think of me.” Yes, it was a corny line, but maybe he would accept them with a little encouragement. His face didn’t soften, though. There was no handsome smile breaking though.
“I’m not dating you because of your money, Hope. Besides, I think of you all the time, anyway.” He gently pushed the plastic covered money back towards me, but then his hands quickly wrapped around my waist and pulled me close, giving me a kiss right there so that the whole wide world could see. Just days ago, I would have been entirely embarrassed, but not anymore. He could have kissed me like this anywhere he wanted. “You can’t buy what you already have, sweetie,” he breathed softly.
“Already have?”
“As long as you can stand me.” He planted another kiss on the top of my head. “No more gifts. You are all I want.”
Aww! I immediately went into stage four head-over-heels melt down mode.
“Hey! Are y’all going to make out the entire time or are we going to see the rest of the trade’s day?” Lizzy shouted
from a few booths up the aisle, probably gaining more attention than we did with our kiss. Okay, now that’s a little embarrassing.
We made our way around to more booths, seeing everything that this month’s trade’s day had to offer. Canton was the place for everything, it seemed like. Some booths had antiques, of course, but others had tools, or toys, or fabrics, or furniture, or whatever. We could have walked around the place all day and not have seen everything.
“This is just one part of the place,” said Hunter. “They have a whole other section down the road with animals for sale.”
“They sell live animals down here, too?”
“Anything you want, from dogs to cats to chickens to horses.” Jeez.
“Oh, yes, we have to go see ‘Dog Town,’” noted Lizzy. I looked back at Jason, still concerned that we might be walking him too much. He read my mind, though.
“Would you feel better if I rented a scooter to roll around on like some old man?” It was a sardonic question, but I nearly wanted to say “yes.”
Please don’t hurt yourself on account of me.
We stopped around midday and ate at a little corndog stand that looked much like the ones that came to the reenactment, with me teasing Jason that he could have one instead of a turkey leg. Afterwards, we strolled through the covered stands of more stuff. Lizzy and I stopped and looked at some purses while the guys checked out some homemade marshmallow guns made from PVC pipe material.
Eventually, we made our way down to Dog Town and saw all the animals. Lizzy was right, they had everything from farm animals to pets. It wasn’t long before we girls found some of the cutest little puppies and kittens that we cradled in our arms. If I still had a soft spot in my heart, it was for little yellow labs. They were just so cute! But I knew I’d better not get one as it was hard enough to take care of myself, Mags, and starting our new junk store. When I returned the pup back to the seller, he tossed him into a cage and walked off to the next customer. I watched for a moment as the dog pawed at the links in the cage door, turned around multiple times as if trying to find a way out, and whimpered some with eyes growing into large black saucers. Finally, he laid down in defeat. Of course this made me feel miserable and guilty. Through no fault of his own, the little guy was trapped in an uncompromising position that he couldn’t work his way out of alone. My only hope was that someone would come by and rescue him. Hopefully, he’d go to a good family where he would be loved for the rest of his life.
Finding Hope in Texas Page 21